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BTD Forums  /  Nonnie Clubhouse  /  AB children and stress
Posted by: Ribbit, Friday, September 14, 2007, 12:16am
Calling all ABs!  (Isa?  Isa?)  HELP!

My daughter is absolutely out of control.  I believe she's a nonnie, which is why I'm posting here.  I don't understand her mood swings, I don't understand the apparent anger and aggression, and I don't understand the need to loudly convey every thought that passes through her head.  Now, this might not just be an AB thing--I don't know--maybe she's just being 4.  But I feel like I'm losing her.  She was an amazing toddler (except for the food allergies), sweet, obedient, and extremely happy.  She was never the same after her life was interrupted by a sibling arriving.  

How can she possibly have that much stress in her life?  How can her cortisol levels be so high that she's always upset at somebody?  I do believe that if she were able to go outside and run it all off she'd be okay.  Any suggestions as to how to wear her out physically INSIDE the house so she can be calm enough to be nice?
Posted by: girly, Friday, September 14, 2007, 4:28am; Reply: 1
Hum..... You just described me, but I'm 37. I always feel angry and explosive. It really is hard to control. What is it with us ???  Is it our stress levels?
Posted by: mikeo, Friday, September 14, 2007, 1:24pm; Reply: 2
AB's need both cardio exercise and calming exercises
Posted by: Maria Giovanna, Friday, September 14, 2007, 2:07pm; Reply: 3
Hi Ribbit,
I am not a mother but my sister had deep problems to deal with the first child , when he had to share the spotlight with his brother at two years and 3 months. The older brother is still often too competitive and offensive with his younger brother at 12 years old, but the first two or three years were rather tough for my sister and her family.
Probably the first child felt  not understood or or enough compassion for his fears, his needs and a little bit less special in front of all his world. He was the honey of 5 grown ups and he was lucky to have a brother ; now beside and  also through the young male continuos competition they can play and enjoy themselves together.
Make your child feel protected and respected and teach her to do the same with her brother and new sister. Hang in there time and good parental engagement will help all you !

Maria Giovanna
Posted by: ISA-MANUELA (Guest), Friday, September 14, 2007, 4:19pm; Reply: 4
here I am, sweety ;) :D ;D...
hmmm ok first) it is not the cortisol which is that nasty, but here we are merely prone to have similar reactions as our beloved O's but internally!!; it is merely the catecholamines which are turmenting us ;)... and yess we are that grudgy- when it may come out, dearle weew = fine......;D.....much healthier
then  lettting inside :-/....
now go and take a pillow and show her that she is allowed to external her anger in form of hitting this pillow; only the pillow....no-one else......and now I become nasty...sorry but it helps....when this young lady tries to hurt anybody, so you are going to do the absolutely same to her; with the same force she acts you let her feel how this feels when she acts like this........

I remember well at her age I was nearly obliged to destroy one of my toys to get out of my anger....:o
:B....yess I was also a very,very choleric child.......
hope that's ok for the first approach......if we've to go further...so please let us know ;) :K)

and if she tries to play *toller koller* so just don't remark it...let her be blust at her ease, but don't get into it, you don't even see it.......so she can admitt it and stop it :-)

moodswings are popping in coz of being a bit *ambivalent*  A tries to go over B and vice versa ;) ;D....not that easy...I know....go for a calming tea likewise camomile,
also some light vervaine (verbena) or some fine St. Johns wort might do the trick as well, but very lightly please :D.....and also some kiddies vits with a higher amount of B-vits......would be fine as well :D.....btw...St. Johns wort oil, the red one is also fine for a good massage, but here please take some jojobaoil  to get mixed it; is very fine and relaxant :-).....perhaps some 5 drops of StJohns wort and then  mix it with
20ml of jojobaoil, begin to mass her feet and then gentely the whole body, works fine
too :D.....

p.s.

argh....::) sorry forgot to mention also lavendertea is a fine sedativum especially for kiddies :D  as well  or a mix between : lavender,melisse,vervaine odorante :-)
Posted by: Ribbit, Friday, September 28, 2007, 1:38am; Reply: 5
Thank you all very much for the insight.

Girly, you have stress because you're a wife and mommy to 5 Bs.  My B husband is just as moody as my AB daughter, he just doesn't cry about it like she does.  :)  It doesn't leave any room for me to be moody when I feel like it.

Dr. D suggests non-competitive sports for AB children, but she's very competitive.  Always, always saying, "I can beat you," or "I'm faster than you," or "Let's race!"  When she's doing it sweetly I let her compete, but if it gets really aggressive, I make her stop and let the other person (usually her younger brother) go first, and then she has to think of something sweet to say to him.

We did have some "protect and respect" time (thanks, Maria) last night.  My husband took my son to Home Depot and looked at tools.  So the rest of us had a nice, long, hot bath with chamomile flowers in the water, then we washed each other's hair, dried each other off, and gave each other massages with organic baby lotion in candle light.  It was really nice.  We spent the whole evening together.  Unfortunately it was so relaxing that I fell asleep before the guys got back.  My daughter didn't seem bothered by it; she just kept on talking and talking and talking.

I think I've discovered her "love language" is Quality Time (see "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman--I think that's who wrote it---great book).  So I'm trying to take time every day to spend just with her alone.

Isa, you said, "when this young lady tries to hurt anybody, so you are going to do the absolutely same to her; with the same force she acts you let her feel how this feels when she acts like this........"  Actually, we have done that.  She deliberately pushed her brother under water in the pool.  So I went over and shoved her head under (only for a moment, of course).  She came up sputtering and scratching, wild as a tiger.  Needless to say, she hasn't done that again.  Sometimes I do it harder than she does it---like if she comes by and smacks me with a book, I'll take the book away from her and smack her back, harder.  Violence?  No, I don't think so, it just shows her that 1. it hurts, 2. it's mean, and 3. she can't do it without a consequence.  She used the word "consequence" the other day in a "conversation" with her babydoll, so I know she knows what it means.

She's just a handful.  I guess I'll figure it out.  I do appreciate the tips.
Posted by: girly, Friday, September 28, 2007, 4:18am; Reply: 6
I feel for your daughter because I relate. I remember being young and feeling so misunderstood. I had a lot of sinus problems and never slept properly. Always tired.I deal with different things now but I really do not handle stress well which really makes me a target for disease. I'm really anxious to get my saliva test results back ( 24 days already !!!) so that I can really tweek my diet. If I end up a secretor I WILL BE SHOCKED. I would make sure your daughter has quiet time. No TV on, radio...just quiet, let her color or look at books.I know there is a lot of contraversy with Yoga and Christianity ( at least in my neck of the woods) but how about stretching with her to lengthen those muscles that tense with stress..how about ballet??
Posted by: ISA-MANUELA (Guest), Friday, September 28, 2007, 3:36pm; Reply: 7
Ribbitle, you are right in acting likewise, and also the bathing together is a fine thing to show her up that it might go also in a complete different way..... and yep you are also right it isn't about violence but she has to learn how does it feels when getting hurt, that all....:D ;) ...but also how does it feels to get carressed or hugged in a very gentle way ;).....ya know she thinks that she must struggle lots coz of the two other siblings, here she takes the affaire as a contra- phobic and shows outwards that she isn't afraid of anything, but she is inwards muchmore afraid of loosing something that she won't show up at all....
and girly is mentioning something very ineteressant, yep..yep..yep... I don't think that your sweetheart is that competitive...but she must merely go off her inner tensions, and ther's a lot of inner tensions :o :o....:-/.....and thatswhy the idea of ballet would be a wise one....so she can learn to handle her inner
tension in a very graceful form ;) ;D.....


girly I keep my fingers crossed for you ;) :D......
Posted by: RHTeacher, Saturday, September 29, 2007, 9:49pm; Reply: 8
As a teacher to preschool age children, I see many who need to use some energy.  We have a mini-trampoline in our classroom as well as mats on which to do tumbling.  Also a nice place for quiet time to destress if the classroom becomes over-stimulating. These things could also be available at home. How fortunate your daughter is to have a Mom who understands Blood Type diet as well as Love Languages!
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