Greetings, dear Mage,
Yes, I did a lot of studying of lots of "stuff" earlier on too. Yes, I do, indeed hold the gift of Life, whether in earthly form or not a privilege so overwhelming I can't begin to speak of it. In this moment, just thinking, on this day exploding with spring, of the Design of it all is making my body quiver! A joyful spring to you, dear man!
I would have to say that quite a bit of what I read earlier on flies in the face of what I know now in the core of my guts and bone from experience and from having been blessed beyond measure to have most incredible examples in my life, through various ones, of the living truth, as well as the printed truth.
Although I know it's popular metaphysically, I don't think I incarnated simply to learn soul lessons - and lessons happen! Too small a picture for what I/we are about. But, perhaps we could continue the conversation privately, if you wish. It could take up a lot of corpuscle space on the blood flow board.
Nice to have your honest skepticism present again. I so feel the strength of your intent to know and live the Truth and nothing is ultimately going to stop you!