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BTD Forums  /  Live Right 4 Your Type  /  Coping with Unbelievers
Posted by: 374 (Guest), Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 11:27pm
Hi guys.

I'm having real trouble following the BTD. I live at home with my parents and my younger sister and none of them belive in the diet.

I'm trying my hardest to follow the diet as closely as I can but every time I say I can't have a certain food my mum is cooking for tea, she gets the s**ts (excuse my French, but there's nothing else strong enough to describe it). Even if I say I'll cook my own dinner she'll complain and then I get the silent treatment or a massive schpiel about all the diets I've been on etc. I think she associates love with food. She cooks for me = she loves me.

I try to be compliant for breakfast, snacks and lunch but the non-BTD food that we keep in the house and the dinners mum makes are making it difficult. I have been slowly building up my stocks of BTD compliant snacks so that's not so bad anymore. But then the argument is over "Where are you going to put that? There's no room!" Often it's easier just to eat what mum makes/buys to spare myself the pain of another argument.

Saying that, mum cooked silverside for dinner last night and being type A, red meat isn't any good for me. Today I feel really sluggish and pretty much 'Queen B**ch from Hell'. I noticed this morning she's defrosting spaghetti bolognese with minced beef in it for tea tonight...

I don't know what to do. The main problem is my mum. I don't think my dad really notices what I'm eating and my sister only teases me because she doesn't believe in this diet. I can deal with her but how do I deal with my mum?

Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Jules.
Posted by: Lola, Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 11:33pm; Reply: 1
talk to her about respecting your food choices, as well as yourself.

how old are you?

I left home when I was 17 and became independent........ran away from a controlling disrespectful mom.

I know what you re going through, and I know it isn t fun.
Posted by: Alia Vo, Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 11:36pm; Reply: 2
You may want to pre-plan and prepare type A meals and sidedishes that can be stored in the refrigerator or freezer.  You can take the separate dishes out at meal times to eat with your family.

Choose one day in the week when you can prepare food, cook protein sources, cook grains, chop vegetables, wash salads; cook soups, beans, et al.

If you are equipped with good quality, compliant foods in the refrigerator and pantry, you will not need to succumb to eating food and meals that are not appropriate for your blood.

Alia

Posted by: KimonoKat, Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 11:47pm; Reply: 3
If you've tried many other food plans before, and then went off of them, it might be understandable why they don't think you will stay on this one, and/or, are just ridiculing another program.  A program that they probably believe is another fad diet.

I would ask them to respect your choices, and then stop discussing food with them.

If your mother is continually cooking for the family and will not honor your choices, then, you will need to take responsibility to cook for yourself.

If you are struggling with a weight or health issue, I highly recommend getting your secretor status tested.

Like Lola, I marched to a different drummer, and left home at 17.  I found a place that would rent me an apartment.  (I had a good solid job, and showed I could pay the rent.)  There comes a time where, you have to break away from your tribe so to speak.  I think that, the sooner you make the decision to stand up for your beliefs, and make your own choices (live and learn from your choices and mistakes) the better off you will be.

If you need some arguments to support the BTD, I highly recommend spending some time reading in Dr. D's wiki, The Individualist.  

Boyd's report on lectin specificity is one argument I like to use, along with the pages on IAP (intestinal alkaline phosphotase), to name a few to get you started.

And, keep checking in here for support, and most important: laughter!  Many of us have struggled with trying to explain to friends and loved ones about our new relationship with food.  Not everyone "gets" it.
Posted by: purlgirl, Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 11:52pm; Reply: 4
Will your mum allow you to help. Most would appreciate the help and even expect their children to learn to plan and prepare healthy meals. I always encouraged mine to learn.

I know its hard but try to stay positive and pleasant it goes a long way toward winning people over.
Posted by: veggiegirl, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 12:48am; Reply: 5
You need to talk with your family about respecting your decisions.  You're 24 years old and an adult.  They don't have to agree with every choice you make, but they should respect your choices.  Good Luck!  ;)
Posted by: mikeo, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 12:49am; Reply: 6
it takes time...your mom is taking  this personally

start slowly with her...ask her to stop making certain foods for you one at a  time...start with red meat..then move on to tomatoes etc


80%compliant for most people on the diet is good enough so this is where you can start until you have more control over what you eat
Posted by: OSuzanna, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 1:05am; Reply: 7
My mother was skeptical until she saw dramatic improvement in me, now she tries to steer her friends in a BTD direction!
One way of improving on the diet is substituting similar-seeming foods for the avoids. It has been working for me and my family.
KK and Lola, I'm also a member of the "17 O-Club"!!!!!  ;)
Posted by: OSuzanna, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 1:06am; Reply: 8
Quoted from mikeo
it takes time...your mom is taking  this personally



I agree with mikeo
Posted by: Lola, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 1:26am; Reply: 9
17 O club!! cute!
Posted by: Debra+, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 1:43am; Reply: 10
Quoted from osuzanna
KK and Lola, I'm also a member of the "17 O-Club"!!!!!  ;)


Ha...another member of the 17 O-club here. ;)

anneofjulie-yes, I would talk to you mom also to try to get her to see how you feel not only about the diet, but how you feel when you are on the diet and how you feel when you eat the avoids that make you feel awful.  Congrats on getting snacks that are compliant for yourself.  I hope she will see your side and help you make your way to better health.   Do you have a job where you can buy your own food?  Hopefully, once she sees you cooking your own and how well you are doing she will start to help you...and maybe herself and the rest. :D

Good luck...keep us posted.

Debra :)
Posted by: Chris, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 2:18am; Reply: 11
Wow, Lola, KK, OSuzana and Debra, 17-O club here too.  I left when I was seventeen and have supported myself (and cooked for myself) ever since.  I'm surprised to find that so common here.  But I suppose living right for our type demands some independence.

Jules, I don't have much advice to give you, but I commend you on making an effort to eat right and on sharing here.  I know relationships with family members are very difficult.  
Posted by: KimonoKat, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 2:44am; Reply: 12
I love it.  The 17-O club!  O-Suzanna!  ;D ;D ;D  we love your O-wild sense of wit and O-humor!
Posted by: italybound, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 3:01am; Reply: 13
I have to be different I guess.............I'm in the 16-O club.  :-/ Left home THE DAY I turned 16, couldn't wait to get away from controlling parents, especially my dad.  I have worked ever since and taken care of myself. I did live w/ my brother and sister for a while, but I supported myself basically.
I do agree w/ the others to speak w/ your parents about respecting your food choices. Mikeo made a good suggestion about asking for one food at a time to be eliminated from your diet. Tho if they are like lots of people, they will  ::) and do as they please, espcially since you say you've been on lots of dif diets. Since it sounds like you're determined to stick to BTD, ;D don't let them deter you. I know that may be hard, but once they see you're serious and that you're becoming healthier, maybe they'll come around. In the meantime, I feel for ya. Live w/ a husband who knows BTD works, but sees no need to make himself healthier. He wants to eat what he likes and then complain about how he feels like he's dying.  ::)
Posted by: 374 (Guest), Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 3:07am; Reply: 14
Thanks everyone for your advice.

Unfortunately, my finacial situation isn't such that I can move out without living on virtually nothing. I'm trying to save for a home deposit but even then my dad reckons to rent it out for 4(!) years!!! I'm never going to get out!!!! Argggh! I also have a car loan that I'm plugging my money into. I'm halfway there after less than a year so I'm doing okay!

I've tried the cooking a bunch of meals and I copped it for that too! "Your disturbing my routine" "How much power are you using?" etc... I can't win - but I will persevere.

My mum and I have discussed the diet and my benefits that I've experienced so far and she was very skeptical. I'll try talking to her again and hopefully we can sort out something.

Thanks again, it's nice to know that there are people who care enough to try and help me out.

Jules :)
Posted by: italybound, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 3:36am; Reply: 15
Quoted from anneofjulie
Thanks again, it's nice to know that there are people who care enough to try and help me out.Jules :)


Seriously...........you couldn't have 'dropped into' a better bunch than here. The people here are always there for each other. Always. :-)  I feel blessed in more than one way to have found BTD.  :K) :K)
Jules, it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and that you are making good headway in getting your debts paid. Good for you!! At your tender age, lots are just spending the $$ as fast as they make it. They think they have 'lots of years' to save for the future.  ::)       Persevere with BTD and we'll be here to help ya!!  ;D
Posted by: Lola, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 5:06am; Reply: 16
don t worry Jules,
just be firm, on the things you are supposed to eat as opposed to those you should stay away from.

my mom, still doesn t get it!! and it s been 10 years I m on btd lifestyle.

last Saturday, I went over to her house for lunch, and was asked, if I could eat meat!!!!!!! wow!
I think she s finally got it! but not quite!!  LOL

I caught her cooking the Chateaubriand in the microwave!!!  ignorance is bliss, I guess!!!

what a waste of perfect meat!!
Posted by: OSuzanna, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 11:38am; Reply: 17
Quoted from lola
don t worry Jules,
just be firm, on the things you are supposed to eat as opposed to those you should stay away from.

my mom, still doesn t get it!! and it s been 10 years I m on btd lifestyle.

last Saturday, I went over to her house for lunch, and was asked, if I could eat meat!!!!!!! wow!
I think she s finally got it! but not quite!!  LOL

I caught her cooking the Chateaubriand in the microwave!!!  ignorance is bliss, I guess!!!

what a waste of perfect meat!!


ROFLMAO

And italy, one of my sisters left home at 16, so of course you are welcome!!!!
Posted by: The Pen, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 11:56am; Reply: 18
Perhaps you explain to her that You feel sick if you don't live BTD. Sometimes it helps.
And try to explain again and again .Iknow how difficult things can be exspecialy if People don't know about bloodtype living.All the best  
Posted by: italybound, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 12:35pm; Reply: 19
Quoted from frank_heyde
Perhaps you explain to her that You feel sick if you don't live BTD. Sometimes it helps.  


Ahhhhh, maybe you should mope and moan around the house saying how AWFUL you feel,  if she makes you food you shouldn't have.  ;D
Posted by: Lynn, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 2:25pm; Reply: 20
Hi Julie!
   I am curious, why did you try so many diets before the BTD? What diets did you try?
Posted by: koahiatamadl, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 3:09pm; Reply: 21
Quoted from anneofjulie

I've tried the cooking a bunch of meals and I copped it for that too! "Your disturbing my routine" "How much power are you using?" etc... I can't win - but I will persevere.


Jules,  

I am 29 and currently living with my aunt and uncle - I can see where you are coming from.  Adult children sharing with parents (or other close family in similar position) can cause its own issues...  

Apologies if I am on completely the wrong tracks here but this is what it sounds like to me anyway ;)

This is all about perception - you are living at home and your parents treat you like a child because you are not acting like an adult.  The only way to stop this is by acting like an adult.  

I get the impression that  by living at home you basically get all the 'benefits' you got as a child - meals cooked for you, financial support by letting you stay (rent free?), possibly your laundry done and the house cleaned?  

The thing to do then is to take responsibility for yourself whilst you are there.  

So if you are not already doing so pay your parents some kind of rent.  You cause them to incur extra cost by still living at home - you contribute towards the cost.  You are an adult and can pay your way (within reason).

It is your mum's kitchen - she can use it when she wants - just ask her when it would be ok for you to cook a batch of food, stick to that time and cook your food, make sure the kitchen is spotless whe you are done...

Again you may be doing this already but if not start to do your own laundry, clean your room, clean the 'common areas' every once in a while - obviously your mum is going to find problems with that...

That kind of change will cause problems in itself.  Start by sitting them both down and having a chat.  Ask them how they feel about still having you there, explain that you are grateful for their support, that you will need it for a little while longer but that you would like to take more responsibility for yourself nevertheless...your mum may get very upset by this, your dad might welcome such a move.  You know them and should know which way it will go.

Be friendly, be patient but be firm about this.  Allow your mum to find other ways of showing her love!  

In the medium to long-run it would be best to move out...and yes you will be skint...still very well worth it though! Share with a friend/colleague maybe? Adult child living with parents is never for the long-run...you'll all be much happier once you have got your own place.  

In case you're wondering how it works in my case - basically - they respect that I am an adult and live my own life and happen to live with them for a certain time.  I am grateful that they support me by letting me stay in their house and yes, I pay rent, do the laundry, clean and cook my own meals.  My schedule is very different from theirs and there is no scope for us to share meals other than at weekends maybe!  

And yes, I also count the seconds until I get the keys to my place tomorrow and yes, the mortgage will be painful and I won't have a life for a while :D  
Posted by: Lola, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 5:29pm; Reply: 22
km,
got time to come over and talk to my kids on sharing a house as young adults and taking responsibility for each other s needs???
you know, do own laundry, clean room, clean the 'common areas' every once in a while, pick up behind....etc!!
I would certainly have no problem with that!!! LOL

great post!
thanks for sharing, I ll definitely make a copy for each kid of mine!

Posted by: koahiatamadl, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 6:29pm; Reply: 23
Thanks Lola!   ;)  

My little post is supposed to inspire your kids - good luck with that :P

Not that I wish to cast aspersions about your children but I have a feeling this works a lot better if you have 'moved out' and end up moving back in for whatever reason - not sure you appreciate 'Hotel Mama' until you've had to look after yourself for a while ::)
Posted by: Ronagon (Guest), Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 7:32pm; Reply: 24
anne,

I agree with Lola.  Be firm.  

I also think that if the food your mother is forcing you to eat is causing you serious health difficulties, you have a duty to yourself to perhaps move out and find some other place like, perhaps, a relative's, to live in.  

This may sound extreme to some but there is nothing but the best science and results behind this diet.  Take it from someone who has spent most of his life exhausted, chronically inflamed, and tormented by helplessness and confusion over why... whatever it takes to get and keep yourself healthy, is absolutely worth it.  Looking back and realizing that most of your life was purely wasted years of utterly needless unhealth and misery is not something I would wish on anyone but, perhaps, the very worst people.
Posted by: jayney-O (Guest), Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 7:39pm; Reply: 25
Maybe try to start small, buy some rice pasta spaghetti style for that bolognese night and show her that it is just as good. Then start making rice to go with the pot roast, etc.  Let her feel that the menu is hers but you are just adding in extras. And it is hard, good luck!
Posted by: italybound, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 10:26pm; Reply: 26
koahiatamadl, great post (#27).  I agree with much of what you wrote. Some situations are just hopeless, while others work w/ some changes. Hopefully for anneofjulie things will work themselves out smoothly.  :)
Posted by: 374 (Guest), Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 10:48pm; Reply: 27
Lynn: I've been overweight for years so I've tried heaps of weight loss diets: Weight Watchers; Diet No More; Low Carb High Protein; Low fat etc, etc. Lots!!! :)

koahiatamadl: I totally agree with your points: I pay board, I've always been in charge of cleaning my room, I clean the bathroom, I help with dishes and ALWAYS clean up after I've been cooking. I've offered to do my own washing and ironing but my mum doesn't like people using the washing machine for their own clothes. Too much water or something... even though there's a water level choice on the washing machine! I'm beginning to see my mums a bit of a control freak, hey?!!

Last night I had a break through, though. I decided that instead of the bolognese sauce I would cook some Outrageous Sauteed Tofu from the recipe database (which is divine!) and she didn't complain once. Her only comment was, "Could you let me know if you're going to be cooking your own dinner so I don't cook so much?" Which is a fair request. More than that, she was actually interested and tried the tofu. I think she's beginning to see that I'm really serious about the BTD. All positive baby steps.

Thanks all!
Posted by: italybound, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 11:29pm; Reply: 28
anneofjulie, very glad to hear things went well last night. Positive thoughts for tomorrow.  ;D
Posted by: Alia Vo, Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 11:46pm; Reply: 29
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences and helpful tips with us, koahiatamadl.

Alia
Posted by: Lola, Thursday, May 10, 2007, 12:00am; Reply: 30
km,
thanks!
Posted by: koahiatamadl, Thursday, May 10, 2007, 1:24am; Reply: 31
Quoted from anneofjulie

Last night I had a break through, though. I decided that instead of the bolognese sauce I would cook some Outrageous Sauteed Tofu from the recipe database (which is divine!) and she didn't complain once. Her only comment was, "Could you let me know if you're going to be cooking your own dinner so I don't cook so much?" Which is a fair request. More than that, she was actually interested and tried the tofu. I think she's beginning to see that I'm really serious about the BTD. All positive baby steps.


Good to hear you're making progress.   :)
Posted by: Debra+, Thursday, May 10, 2007, 10:25am; Reply: 32
km...wonderful post.  After you are done at Lola's would you come to my house. ;)  Yeah, yeah Isa...I know...Field Marshall.  

anneofjulie...great job girlie...and you even got your mom to try your meal.  Keep up the good work.  Yes...all positive baby steps. :D

Debra :)
Posted by: OSuzanna, Thursday, May 10, 2007, 11:38am; Reply: 33
Rice pasta is just the kind of substitution I am talking about! So far, so good....
Posted by: comper, Saturday, June 16, 2007, 11:52pm; Reply: 34
i'm kind of sick trying to convince people to do stuff, and in total vainness. but i still try to do it. i think it's worth trying if you believe that it's the right thing to do, and even when you know that they're nothing but stubborn fools.
Posted by: Drea, Sunday, June 17, 2007, 2:38am; Reply: 35
Quoted from comper
i'm kind of sick trying to convince people to do stuff, and in total vainness. but i still try to do it. i think it's worth trying if you believe that it's the right thing to do, and even when you know that they're nothing but stubborn fools.


It's been my experience that it's better to lead by example than to try to "convince".
Posted by: italybound, Sunday, June 17, 2007, 1:23pm; Reply: 36
Quoted from comper
i'm kind of sick trying to convince people to do stuff, and in total vainness. but i still try to do it. i think it's worth trying if you believe that it's the right thing to do, and even when you know that they're nothing but stubborn fools.


Drea is right, I also have the philosophy to plant, water, repeat............all of it as gently as a slow spring rain :-)     no amount of 'preaching' will work if they are not immediately receptive.  :-/
Posted by: comper, Sunday, June 17, 2007, 2:46pm; Reply: 37
is there a good way to tell if i am a secretor or a non-secretor without actually getting tested?
Posted by: Lola, Sunday, June 17, 2007, 2:55pm; Reply: 38
you can start following the non secretor food lists carefully, and see about results.

I ate like a nonnie for as long as I can remember, did so well everyone thought I was a secretor, even myself, but with a nonnie twist......
turns out I m a lewis double negative, which is a nonnie after all!!
Posted by: KimonoKat, Sunday, June 17, 2007, 2:57pm; Reply: 39
Quoted from comper
is there a good way to tell if i am a secretor or a non-secretor without actually getting tested?


Sorry. There is no way to really know, except to take the test.  There might be some clues, however in your health, and how your digestive system deals with foods you have been eating for a long time.

How old are you?  How many cavities do you have?  What has your health been like so far?  What health issues are you currently dealing with?  

Posted by: comper, Monday, June 18, 2007, 3:39am; Reply: 40
i am 21; no cavities; always been pretty thin; no weight change with starting the diet, except healthier and more energetic.
what lola said before, you mean if a secretor followed the non-secretor diet, then the secretor would be better off? i didn't get what you said.
been following BTD for a year now.
Posted by: Lola, Monday, June 18, 2007, 3:54am; Reply: 41
Quoted Text
is there a good way to tell if i am a secretor or a non-secretor without actually getting tested?

this is what I was referring to, cause you asked......
but is you have been following the secretor guidelines and are ok, then you probably are a secretor.

and you have no health challenges, either, right?

keep doing what you are doing, and you ll be fine.

Posted by: 711 (Guest), Monday, June 18, 2007, 10:35am; Reply: 42
I would approach mum about your diet from the health angle and how certain foods make you feel after you eat them. Tell her you love her cooking, however, in an effort to improve your health you've discovered that certain foods don't agree with you.
Posted by: 13 (Guest), Monday, June 18, 2007, 10:35am; Reply: 43
If you don't want to take the test go to your Dential hygenst and they can give you a good idea if you are a secetor or not.
Posted by: comper, Monday, June 18, 2007, 1:08pm; Reply: 44
are non-secretors more likely to get cavities?
Posted by: Lola, Tuesday, June 19, 2007, 4:14am; Reply: 45
yes, and the reason why avocados are beneficial for Ononnies.
Posted by: ISA-MANUELA (Guest), Tuesday, June 19, 2007, 9:56am; Reply: 46
nope..nope..nope.. dearle rosstersis..... *fieldmarshall* is your life & mental safer ;) ;D :K) (clap)(dance)(clap)(dance)(smarty)(whistle) this is a very good side for survival training ;D ;) :K) .......na..naa.na..naaa..naaaa.naaaaa........:D


p.s. about *unbelievers*:

hm...if I got a hammer...I'd hammer in the morning...I'd hammer in the  afternoon...all over the land.......;) ;D (dance)(whistle)

the key to their understandings and soul is to see how psychepattern were run....if not..... *mission impossible*  :( >:( :( :'(.....that's it what was meant when I wrote about my arrogance.....I've lo learn to speak in their languages....nothing else....a question of resonances ;)  :D :D :D...and here I got sooooo lazy ::) :B :X.........;D
Posted by: Debra+, Tuesday, June 19, 2007, 12:33pm; Reply: 47
:P :X :-/  ::)                ;) :K)

Debra :)
Posted by: ISA-MANUELA (Guest), Tuesday, June 19, 2007, 12:58pm; Reply: 48
:D chickie...chickie...chickie ;) ;D ;D :K) :K) :K)




hhmmmmm...did ya looked once into Riso's and the background of ESFP'J-s??).........
easier to understand what's happening ;) ;D .....and what n o t :-/......... ;) ;D :K)
Posted by: comper, Tuesday, June 19, 2007, 2:18pm; Reply: 49
so beneficials and avoids without a description are of lesser importance? so a typical avoid with no lectin or agglutination or protein negative description is much lesser of avoid than if it had a description? say like for an O nonsecretor, oatmeal, strawberries, and apples are typically ok if the nonsecretor is in good shape? As well as feta cheese and goat cheese?
Posted by: Lola, Tuesday, June 19, 2007, 3:16pm; Reply: 50
it is best to avoid whatever has been marked as an avoid for your type and secretor status.

choosing to eat avoids is entirely an individual matter..........
Posted by: comper, Tuesday, June 19, 2007, 4:17pm; Reply: 51
so you personally do not eat oatmeal, strawberries, and goat cheese?
Posted by: comper, Tuesday, June 19, 2007, 4:19pm; Reply: 52
maybe i shouldn't either just to be safe.
Posted by: Lola, Tuesday, June 19, 2007, 6:37pm; Reply: 53
comper, even before knowing my present status, I did not consume those, either.
Posted by: 1011 (Guest), Thursday, July 26, 2007, 7:03pm; Reply: 54
Perhaps instead of focusing on the btd for an explanation of your food choices you should try something that can be proven to your mother. (Something your mother knows to be fact) Perhaps tell her that you're trying to cut out red meat because it's bad for you or you dont like all the hormones in the meat and chicken. You could also tell her that you dislike factory farming. She may be understanding. You'll get to follow the btd with fewer complaints.
Posted by: Lola, Thursday, July 26, 2007, 8:25pm; Reply: 55
good point!
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