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O Neg - ISTJ -SWAMI says GT-1 Hunter Columnists and Bloggers
Location: Rock Island, IL
We are planning to go out of town to my in-laws home next weekend and my bother in-law has stated that I will have to bring my own food to eat if a home cooked meal is prepared.... beacause of ERFYT.
I had not asked for anything special at all. My wife had just called to confirm everything and this came up out of the blue.
My first thought was to not go and not deal with any of the BS, even if I bought or brought my own food.
I could really care less about going with the attitude I'm getting.
The only thing at this point about the whole deal is for my daughter. I don't get to see her as much since I work second shift. She would still have to witness the strife of this situation so I don't know if either choice is constructive.
Be who you are. Those who mind don't matter, those who matter won't mind.
I take my own food everywhere I go, always. Don't let anyone get the best of you. I would just take my own food and act like it is totally natural. If anyone says anything, tell them the truth - whatever ER4YT is personally for you. If you really were planning on eating whatever was served, then just go with that. There's no sense in letting a healthy lifestyle cause unhealthy relationships.
35% Nomad or Teacher - health history dependent Sun Beh Nim Moderator
Location: Orange County, CA, USA
I say take the food you want to eat and go...
I flew out of state, rented a car, borrowed an ice chest from family, went to some stores to purchase what we needed and went to have a good time. We shared kitchen time and it was totally worth the time spent with family. I was having some interesting symptoms at the time, so it was pretty obvious that I needed to maintain as much stability as possible.
I would take my own food. I am so sorry you are being treated like that.
I am bringing kefir grains when I visit my parents in L.A. That way, I can have my daily kefir and leave the grains for my parents. My parents, though, are very supportive of my eating habits after seeing my progress. My dad is planning on doing a candida cleanse, as well...
I hope that your in-laws will be my sympathetic and generous towards you. Try and enjoy time with your family. Your daughter will have a deeper understanding of the dynamics once she gets older and will realize how much you sacrificed just to spend time with family.
Simplifying my life. Only the best for my body, mind, and soul!
Funny, I'm faced with the same decision (to go or not go), but with slightly different circumstances and different frictions.
My own personal conclusion is that for me, the important issue is whether or not I can go with a happy heart and a peaceful mind. I will not/would not go if I was a loaded gun just waiting for someone to push my button. If I can get my own self into a state of harmony and dignity, I will go and everyone else can do/say/think whatever they are going to do/say/think. I will remember that whatever they come up with, it's about them and has nothing to do with me. It's their issues!
Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. ~Mary Jean Irion
All Gatherer -72 Scorp/Sag on BTD/GENO 17 year Sam Dan
Location: East Coast
PC ... I have to face that situation every weekend.. either it's being with family and a big smörgåsbord.. or stay home.. or eat before I go and then use every bit of self control and look past the food.
YOU are being given on offer to show who the healthy person in the family is. THE mind is all we have.. but we all obsess to much about the other person.. LOOK at your own reaction to a life situation and ask your own self, ARE you emotionally healthy? the answer is ----- not likely.. I know what I am saying.. I am often not healthy and it shows in the way I strut, or walk, or feel defeated.. and the others see that long before I even walk into a room.
I think the way to go there - is to be sure that you are doing the right thing for YOU - Be proud of YOU! and allow others their 'opinions'..
It's like politics.. I am on the other side of 'their' believes.. I learned to get over it, because I know that they are good people, so have no need of MY judgment against them... Religion, similar issues..
Yet the better I feel - the better the relationship. --- It starts with me.
I wish for you to go, but only if you can go with your food proudly carried on your shoulders.. placing it in a corner, being proud to cook and share it, setting boundaries, with your first step into the kitchen.. and flowers in the other hand..
I would make my foods all the most common foods others would be pleased to eat at your party, Let them WISH they could eat the way you do.. hahah
But truly.. it might be a sign of RESPECT that they (finally) where open and honest ahead of time, worth the benefit of doubt..
MEDITATE!!! and repeat all day.. no worry no hurry.. no worry no..... or recite the serenity prayer:
Being here is invaluable, but not enough. We need ALL the Doctors. I needed them for a very small cancer spot-I could never feel!!! Please do your mammograms! Doing so saved me from cancer later on. I am grateful! Thanks for learning from my experience! I was lucky! I wish the same for YOU!
I would take my own food and go. I'm sure there is a back story here, but don't let your brother in law's apparent hostility toward BTD (which should come as no particular shock to you, or to any of us who do this, as so many people feel threatened by what they do not understand, you know that) deter you. Perhaps if he watches you eat "your" food he will see that you are not eating very weird things - who knows what he envisions - and you can slowly draw him in to an attitude of acceptance, and who knows...maybe he will give BTD a try himself some day. If BTD is a cover for some other underlying hostility between you, then that is what needs to be addressed. Or avoided. Just my two cents.
Be who you are. Those who mind don't matter, those who matter won't mind.
Really great quote BTW.
Totally agree with this. Those who can't accept you for the fact that you have a need for special foods aren't worth the time and effort. Those who care about you will accept you and love to have you there. (perhaps make an odd joke or two)
I agree, go with a happy heart, act like it is perfectly natural for you to bring your own food, don't allow food to be the focus of the trip. Also, I'd really treat myself well if I were you, since you are an O I'd bring filet mignon!
“Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.”
This BIL, might not have known how to say it differently, to let you know family is worried, about you getting the food that is right for you, so casually said you need to bring your own if home cooking is going to happen. Sounds like there will also, be meals out, where you can pick what you normally eat, anyways.
Maybe, were just too sensitive, and know people don't understand our way of eating.
Relax, enjoy the visit, enjoy the time with your wife and daughter and know they are enjoying time with their side of the family.
I think I would go if it were just the food issue, heaven knows I have been bringing food with me everywhere for ages.....even when not doing BTD just so my kids and I could have something wholesome on hand.
However, if there is more going on than that, if you don't feel you can do this without it draining you or building more hostility in the family, then that needs to be considered. No one needs more stress in their lives. If you can go in there confidently, knowing what you know, at peace with that, willing to share if/when asked, AND able to relax and enjoy yourselves a bit then go for it.
Eat BTD...Healthy Body... Happier Soul 'Gatherer' Kyosha Nim
Location: Kirkland Lake, Northern Ontario, Canada
Wonderful advice above Tom. I, also, take my food everywhere I go. Even out of town for a few hours. Tom...if we don't take care of ourselves...who else is going to do it? We know how we feel on foods that are not compliant. I like to feel the best I can and if it means lugging around my food in a cooler everywhere...so be it. It is also less stress for the others that don't follow BTD/GTD...this way...they don't have to worry about you and if they got your foods right? And...you are still planting seeds.
And remember...someone can only make you feel less than you are only if you let them. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion as each of us has our own individuality and circumstances that we've experienced through life. If you don't like the other persons opinion...walk away. There is LOVE and there is Fear. I choose LOVE.
Be impeccable with your word, Don't assume, Don't take things personally, Always do your best Be skeptical, but learn to listen. Don Miguel Ruiz
Wherever you go...there you are. It's up to you on how you feel.
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." C.G. Jung"
CBP (Certified BodyTalk Practitioner) Mindscape (remote/distant healing) Traditional Chinese Medicine Accunect Practitioner...in training to teach Self-Care
Just bring your own food and don't let it get to you. Perhaps they are just concerned that they'll be criticized if they cook something you can't eat. Don't let it build into something that becomes a problem.
SWAMI O+ Gatherer, Healing from Fibromyalgia Kyosha Nim Columnists and Bloggers
Location: New York
I admire their honesty. Instead of trying to accomodate you, failing, and then getting defensive if you won't eat what they prepared, they're telling you straight out: "Bring your own food. We'll give you space to prepare it, and we won't be insulted. "
I think this is going to lead to a much more harmonious visit in the long run. Trust me, it's VERY awkward when somebody goes out of their way to try and accomodate your dietary needs, and only get it partly right. Then you're faced with a dillemma- eat the food anyway, even though it might make you sick, or not eat it and insult the hosts. Or there's only one item you can eat, but since it's shared food, somebody else finishes it, not realizing there's nothing else safe for you.
I don't know what their actual intentions were when telling you to bring your own food, but this is how I think you should "hear" it. They respect your dietary needs so much that they're afraid to "mess it up." They care too much about your health to take on a responsibility they're not sure they can meet.
Once you're actually cooking in their kitchen, you may end up cooking together, sharing menu ideas, and you may not end up eating completely separate foods from them for every meal. Or you may end up eating leftovers when they heat up frozen pizzas. Whatever. You're in charge of your own food, you have permission to use their kitchen, and everything's cool.
Ruth, Single Mother to 22 yo O- Leah , 20 yo O- Hannah,and 15 yo B+ Jack
Tom, I hope you find you feel comfortable about going and take your food and at the same time you can see what they have that works but not feel pressure to eat the same. Focus on the social aspect and those people you want to see. I love the way Victoria expressed it, you need to feel happy about going. If not find an excuse so that maybe next time when you get the invite you'll feel more up to the situation. good luck, Lin
Yes, I would go....bring my own food....have the attitude that keeping the peace, enjoying myself, being with my family was the most important thing. I would not perceive the poorly stated directive of your BIL as a bullied command or one of threatening intention.
I'm sure there is more to the story.....something more to your relationship with your brother in law. But in the end....don't take this personally. The way people speak to you isn't about you...it's about them. I like what Joy said..."treat the subject like politics and religion"....
And have a good time.
"The happiest people don't have the best of everything.....they know how to make the best of everything!"