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jeanb
Saturday, March 6, 2010, 5:52pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Kyosha Nim
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So NewtypeA, what is your type and what are your goals?  Do they actually mesh or are you trying to be something you are not capable of being?
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newtypeA
Saturday, March 6, 2010, 6:04pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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I'm an INFJ. The only goal I can think of at the moment is to stop spinning my wheels.

A couple of years ago I started the Artist's Way exercises and my stepdad said, "Well, maybe someday you'll find yourself." I was 30 at the time. He figures I've had plenty of kind to decide on a career and get on with it.

I currently work as a caregiver. Years ago I took this job because I needed a job and wanted to make a difference. Kind of forgot I'm not very good at working with people, unless it's one-on-one (even then I have a hard time with patience, listening, reading social cues at times). Also struggle with multitasking and getting things done in a timely manner.
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Ribbit
Saturday, March 6, 2010, 10:13pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from jeanb


I don't think it is manipulation, more not answering for who they are.


I was just teasing TJ.  

When I take those tests I have to keep asking myself, "Is this how I want to be, or how I really am?" to make sure my answers are really honest.  The way I wish I was may be different from how I really am.


ISTJ, BTD since 5/05.  Battling chronic Lyme disease since ~1985.

"Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial..."  I Corinthians 6:12

Family: 3 As, 1 B, 1 AB, 1 O
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jeanb
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 2:40pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Newtype A, I read and reread your last post multiple times; I have the following comments, (I can be to the point, so please do not feel I am being harsh with you)

Everyone needs to fulfill Maslow's hierarchy of needs, if you do not have the basics of life like food, shelter, clothing, covered it is impossible to get to the fulfillment stages.

Are you trained in any profession? Have you taken Strong testing?  Are you on Asperger's spectrum (the reason I ask is hard time with patience, listening, reading social cues).  It is said Bill Gates is on the Asperger's spectrum.  

When I speak of goals, I don't mean the "I need to get organized" goals (although if you have Aspergers, the tendency to be distracted by life can stop you from anything other than working to pay the bills and tending to personal needs).

I mean the Big Hairy Audacious Future Goals.  When I was 20, I wrote I wanted to work at a certain design firm,  work on the Olympics, own my own company, I even visualized my typical working day from start to finish. FYI, I never really did have the overwhelming urge to have a family, but that has been the true delight of my life.

I live to work and I know this is not everyone's cup of tea.  Many of the 18-25 year olds with whom I work, don't want to live to work which I think is truly fascinating.  Work is a means to an end of great recreational pursuits like sports, art, music.  They choose careers that don't require long, hard hours and they also don't make huge amounts of money, but they love their life beyond work.  

I have had a lot of failures along the way, but I seem to bounce back from the failures.  I guess you also need to look at your own personal resilience and risk taking.  I lived on the edge for many years in terms of personal wealth, but now those risks have proven to be very rewarding.  

FYI, I didn't find my way until I was 26 years old, my brother was 27 my father was 28.  

  

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Andrea AWsec
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 3:07pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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NewtypeA, as we age it gets easier, be reassured. It is hard to be on the inside looking in and that is indeed what you are trying to do.

Thing is that the people who know us best are usually on the outside, looking at us, but we often don't want to hear from them.

I found that Dr. D's ideas of who I am as a Warrior blood type A helped me to sort of "get it" about myself.  I was then able to let go of some things that I was trying to be and let me be me, I guess that is self acceptance.




MIFHI

"Do not try to satisfy your vanity by teaching a great many things. Awaken people's curiosity. It is enough to open minds; do not overload them." Anatole France

"Healthy people have the least overt symptoms from eating avoid foods." Dr. D'Adamo
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newtypeA
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 4:07pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

Rh+
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Wow, lots to think about. Don't worry, you didn't sound harsh to me.  

jeanb, my sister thinks I probably have Asperger's. Her son has it and she says she sees a lot of the same behaviors in him that she saw in me when we were growing up (obsessions, freaking out if routines are messed up, doesn't like change, etc.)

The caregiving job was supposed to be temporary (a few weeks/months, not TEN YEARS). My sister said something awhile back about how I might be holding on to that job because it's familiar. The job does have lots of built-in structure and sameness. I have a love/hate relationship with this.

The one major issue I'm having with this job is the fact that we are expected to connect with people socially and be warm with them. It is hard for me to engage people unless I'm in the mood for it. It's a struggle for me to even remember to say "hi" to my coworkers in the morning. I have to make a conscious effort to do so. Some of them probably think I'm just rude. I certainly don't mean to be. Just seems strange to greet people I see every day. Face-to-face interactions are HARD for me. Eye contact and facing the person instead of pointing my feet away from them is HARD.

Anyway, never heard of Strong testing. Will have to look into that. I'm not trained for a profession. Went to college for a few years, dropped out twice (which surprised me--never dreamed I'd do that). I was going to be a nurse and Mom raised strong objections to that til I relented. She was afraid I'd kill someone. Since then I think I've developed a fear of making decisions (?).

I have an aversion to risk-taking to some extent. Change disorients me--a LOT. I'm not an easy person to be around when this happens, which is why I stay put even in bad situations year after year. For years friends, family members and coworkers have told me I need to move on to a better job, get a career--not sure what's stopping me.

Will have to think more on your post. Lots to absorb. Sorry this post was huge.  
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newtypeA
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 4:11pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

Rh+
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Quoted from Andrea AWsec
NewtypeA, as we age it gets easier, be reassured. It is hard to be on the inside looking in and that is indeed what you are trying to do.

Thing is that the people who know us best are usually on the outside, looking at us, but we often don't want to hear from them.

I found that Dr. D's ideas of who I am as a Warrior blood type A helped me to sort of "get it" about myself.  I was then able to let go of some things that I was trying to be and let me be me, I guess that is self acceptance.





That, I think is my problem. Trying to be objective about myself while looking from the inside. I wouldn't know I had social problems except for the fact that others are consistently pointing this out to me. Self-acceptance seems to be a lifelong struggle.
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Andrea AWsec
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 4:23pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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NTA.. you might just need to "find your tribe."

It may take some searching but it is worth it in the end.


MIFHI

"Do not try to satisfy your vanity by teaching a great many things. Awaken people's curiosity. It is enough to open minds; do not overload them." Anatole France

"Healthy people have the least overt symptoms from eating avoid foods." Dr. D'Adamo
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Andrea AWsec
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 4:25pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from newtypeA


The one major issue I'm having with this job is the fact that we are expected to connect with people socially and be warm with them. It is hard for me to engage people unless I'm in the mood for it. It's a struggle for me to even remember to say "hi" to my coworkers in the morning. I have to make a conscious effort to do so. Some of them probably think I'm just rude. I certainly don't mean to be. Just seems strange to greet people I see every day. Face-to-face interactions are HARD for me. Eye contact and facing the person instead of pointing my feet away from them is HARD.


I can relate to this. I remember reading about a family that made a game of looking people and each other directly in the eyes when speaking to them.
I try and do this every now and then to see if I can do it. It does not come naturally to me, but I don't think for most people it does ( maybe you B's)
I am a Nurse( even though my mom hated the idea, I didn't care) and it suits me. I do love care taking... it is my co workers that I see daily that are harder to deal with.

I have spent the last 15 years doing what is called floating from floor to floor (sort of like a sub.. teacher). It has kept me away from long term relationships with my co-workers .. not so bad for me, as that is how I am comfortable. But this year I have taken a job working in Endoscopy so I see the same people everyday, it is a challenge but I am ready. Older wiser and with a better set of coping skills, I will be OK.  I have learned some things from the people here on this board that I never would have imagined could happen, like MF and her Good, Better and Best thing(it is like the best thing for me, to be more moderate in my approach).  I also have a great husband who can see through the junk and helps me deal with people better.



MIFHI

"Do not try to satisfy your vanity by teaching a great many things. Awaken people's curiosity. It is enough to open minds; do not overload them." Anatole France

"Healthy people have the least overt symptoms from eating avoid foods." Dr. D'Adamo

Revision History (1 edits)
Andrea AWsec  -  Sunday, March 7, 2010, 4:37pm
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Sharon
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 4:53pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Andrea AWsec

I can relate to this. I remember reading about a family that made a game of looking people and each other directly in the eyes when speaking to them.
I try and do this every now and then to see if I can do it. It does not come naturally to me, but I don't think for most people it does ( maybe you B's)
I am a Nurse( even though my mom hated the idea, I didn't care) and it suits me. I do love care taking... it is my co workers that I see daily that are harder to deal with.

I have spent the last 15 years doing what is called floating from floor to floor (sort of like a sub.. teacher). It has kept me away from long term relationships with my co-workers .. not so bad for me, as that is how I am comfortable. But this year I have taken a job working in Endoscopy so I see the same people everyday, it is a challenge but I am ready. Older wiser and with a better set of coping skills, I will be OK.  I have learned some things from the people here on this board that I never would have imagined could happen, like MF and her Good, Better and Best thing(it is like the best thing for me, to be more moderate in my approach).  I also have a great husband who can see through the junk and helps me deal with people better.



Andrea, I can relate to this. I was a substitute teacher for three years and enjoyed going from school to school without having to deal with the politics of having a permanent position with the same administration or teachers. I eventually got a full time teaching job for two years as a 5th grade and then a 2nd grade teacher. I preferred being a substitute because I was always in a new environment with new experiences. It's probably my AB chameleon that prefers substituting to a permanent teaching gig. I now have my own dog training business so I travel all over and deal with new environments on a daily basis. If I could do school over again, I would go to nursing school. Maybe I'll do nursing someday.
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Ribbit
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 5:01pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Andrea AWsec

I also have a great husband who can see through the junk and helps me deal with people better.



Wow, Andrea!  Me too!  In fact, we've learned to read each other well enough to "feel" when the other person needs a break--I mean when we're in crowds.  I still can't tell when he's done listening to me talk.    But when we're in a crowd, and he starts zoning out or saying things to people that borderline on being rude, I sweetly suggest that we (or he) take a little walk around outside.  He does the same for me.  We both have a hard time recognizing in ourselves, but we can each see it in the other.

If it helps at all, Andrea, when I met you at the October conference in TN, I wouldn't have ever guessed it about you.

I have the opposite problem with eye contact.  Because it requires me to concentrate so hard to follow a conversation without zoning out, I tend to stare hard so I can listen.  I consciously remind myself to occasionally glance away so they don't feel uncomfortable.


ISTJ, BTD since 5/05.  Battling chronic Lyme disease since ~1985.

"Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial..."  I Corinthians 6:12

Family: 3 As, 1 B, 1 AB, 1 O
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Ribbit
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 5:13pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Okay, I've got a question for y'all, Sharon and Andrea (and you too, NewTypeA and anyone else lurking):

On the one hand, we've got those of us who stay in the same position even though it's not the best for us (we might actually hate it) just because it messes us up to change.

On the other hand, we've got those of us who jump from thing to thing for variety and so we don't have to deal with closeness.

I am both ways, and I'm not sure why.

In my routines, I like sameness.  (I go to the same grocery store.  I go the same route.  It won't occur to me to take a different route even though I know it might be faster, until somebody points it out.)  In my furniture I like variety (meaning, things don't stay in one place very long.  I'm constantly moving things around and switching the kids' rooms and putting this table here or there).  If things stay in one place very long, I get antsy and start moving things again.  Drives DH nuts.  I shy away from long-term commitments because I always end up on the BAD end of the deal.  I've got people trying to make me "commit" to a home school group, when I'd rather hop from group to group.  Same with church.  No, I'm not going to stay in the same church for long--it drives me nuts.  The familiarity sets in and people start feeling like they can tell me what to do (how to organize myself, how to teach my kids, how to "be a better wife" -- excuse me, I know my husband and you do not -- ) and I always get myself into trouble.  I might stick around longer if people understood me and let me do it the way I need to do it to stay sane.  I almost wish I could get a real diagnosis (beyond ADD and dyslexia) so I could explain to people what the deal is.  They either love me (I attract type B males) or they can't stand me and try to "fix" my problems.  Once people think everything's familiar and we're good enough buddies to let down our hair around each other, I start getting preached at about issues that are really my business.  Like, "You never, never leave the kitchen a mess at night."  You know how many times I've heard that?  I used to believe it until DH eventually said, "Let me explain to you the Law of Diminishing Returns.  There comes a point at which you just need to go to bed and tackle it the next day."  And he is right.  People's Sacred Schedules might work for them, but when they feel comfortable enough to start imposing them on me?  I'm out of there.  Does that make any sense?  I hope that doesn't sound arrogant.  It's just that they can't understand that there are differences in the way people tick.  


ISTJ, BTD since 5/05.  Battling chronic Lyme disease since ~1985.

"Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial..."  I Corinthians 6:12

Family: 3 As, 1 B, 1 AB, 1 O

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Ribbit  -  Sunday, March 7, 2010, 5:45pm
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Kristin
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 5:16pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Wow... fascinating posts everyone!

I always test out to be INFP, but I think I have evolved into an iNFp, with the I-E  and P-J values being much closer to each other than when I was younger.

I have noticed how difficult it is to have a natural inclination toward introversion and yet be successful "out there" in the world. So I have developed more of an extroverted side to relate to people successfully at large gatherings. Perhaps I am considered a gregarious introvert now.   But I have no problem approaching unfamiliar people and introducing myself, especially at functions and events. But if I am in social mode too long, I do notice how fatigued I become and then it is time to retreat. So... still a true introvert even though it probably doesn't look like I am on the outside.

Boy... and I never thought that there are so many people out there who just do not feel the need to 'meet and greet'. I always feel the need to connect with everyone I come in contact with in some way, shape or form. I had a co-worker who used to give an obligatory grunt to me whenever I would give him a hello in the morning. After awhile, I figured I was just bothering him so I would not greet him in the mornings which made me feel quite uncomfortable. Then in talking with him, I found out how really shy he is and the difficulty he experiences in interacting with people on an interpersonal level and it was something he really wanted to work on in himself. So I went back to giving him a sunny hello every morning, ignoring his grunting ( ) and engaging him in conversation. He's one of my good friends now as I have learned to just let him be who he is and to not take his gruffness personally in any way.


The true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade you do not expect to sit.

- Nelson Henderson
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Kristin
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 5:35pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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You know Ribbit, I have the exact opposite problem. No one ever gives me advice. Ever. And there are times I really need some input from others or a different perspective. But I think I give off an "I'm, fine, I can do it myself, thank you very much" vibe. Even when I don't really mean to. So maybe there are parts of your personality that you can bring forward more that would give the message that you are in control of your life, you've got it handled and thank you, but I don't need advice in this situation.


The true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade you do not expect to sit.

- Nelson Henderson
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Ribbit
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 5:49pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Yes, that's what DH tells me.  He says I tend (toward some people) to give off a "I'm needy, please tell me what to do" vibe.  (But then, that's how I was brought up too--to take everybody's advice so everybody will be happy with  me--that's my mother.)  Around other people, he says, I borderline on being too abrupt.  Might be that ole body language thing.  


ISTJ, BTD since 5/05.  Battling chronic Lyme disease since ~1985.

"Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial..."  I Corinthians 6:12

Family: 3 As, 1 B, 1 AB, 1 O
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Ribbit
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 5:50pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Oh, and Jean, I meant to thank you so much for your input.  MBTI fascinates me to no end and I love hearing what you (and others) have to say about it.


ISTJ, BTD since 5/05.  Battling chronic Lyme disease since ~1985.

"Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial..."  I Corinthians 6:12

Family: 3 As, 1 B, 1 AB, 1 O
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Ribbit
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 5:58pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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You know, I just wrote all that.....

And yet....

And yet....

I am a pretty open person (often too open).  I don't know what gives.   Maybe it's the subject.  If somebody advises me about something I need advice on, I'm okay with it, but if somebody tries to give advice in an area in which I don't want to hear it, it falls on deaf ears.  I think I'm bi-polar. Maybe.


ISTJ, BTD since 5/05.  Battling chronic Lyme disease since ~1985.

"Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial..."  I Corinthians 6:12

Family: 3 As, 1 B, 1 AB, 1 O
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newtypeA
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 6:21pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Ribbit, I'll have to think more about what you posted. But yeah, I hate it when people feel the need to criticize my lifestyle or personality or feelings. It's been awhile since I went to church. I've learned that having a mind of my own doesn't work in church. It invites criticism.
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TJ
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 7:07pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Ribbit, maybe you are just projecting.  As you spend more time around the same people, but don't feel at ease with them, maybe you think they are seeing more and more of your "faults" and that makes you want to run away!
Quoted from Kristin
[I]f I am in social mode too long, I do notice how fatigued I become and then it is time to retreat. So... still a true introvert even though it probably doesn't look like I am on the outside.
I'm there.  I like to "extrovert" but it is tiring!  I felt rather outgoing today after church, talking to several people before I left.  Even so, I prefer talking to only one or two at a time.

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Sharon
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 7:07pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Ribbit
Okay, I've got a question for y'all, Sharon and Andrea (and you too, NewTypeA and anyone else lurking):

On the one hand, we've got those of us who stay in the same position even though it's not the best for us (we might actually hate it) just because it messes us up to change.

On the other hand, we've got those of us who jump from thing to thing for variety and so we don't have to deal with closeness.

I am both ways, and I'm not sure why.

In my routines, I like sameness.  (I go to the same grocery store.  I go the same route.  It won't occur to me to take a different route even though I know it might be faster, until somebody points it out.)  In my furniture I like variety (meaning, things don't stay in one place very long.  I'm constantly moving things around and switching the kids' rooms and putting this table here or there).  If things stay in one place very long, I get antsy and start moving things again.  Drives DH nuts.  I shy away from long-term commitments because I always end up on the BAD end of the deal.  I've got people trying to make me "commit" to a home school group, when I'd rather hop from group to group.  Same with church.  No, I'm not going to stay in the same church for long--it drives me nuts.  The familiarity sets in and people start feeling like they can tell me what to do (how to organize myself, how to teach my kids, how to "be a better wife" -- excuse me, I know my husband and you do not -- ) and I always get myself into trouble.  I might stick around longer if people understood me and let me do it the way I need to do it to stay sane.  I almost wish I could get a real diagnosis (beyond ADD and dyslexia) so I could explain to people what the deal is.  They either love me (I attract type B males) or they can't stand me and try to "fix" my problems.  Once people think everything's familiar and we're good enough buddies to let down our hair around each other, I start getting preached at about issues that are really my business.  Like, "You never, never leave the kitchen a mess at night."  You know how many times I've heard that?  I used to believe it until DH eventually said, "Let me explain to you the Law of Diminishing Returns.  There comes a point at which you just need to go to bed and tackle it the next day."  And he is right.  People's Sacred Schedules might work for them, but when they feel comfortable enough to start imposing them on me?  I'm out of there.  Does that make any sense?  I hope that doesn't sound arrogant.  It's just that they can't understand that there are differences in the way people tick.  



Ribbit, I'm both ways, too! Sometimes I want to stay in the same position even though I know I have to change and sometimes I change so much that I don't know what to expect from myself. I can change very easily when it comes to trying new experiences like friendships or jobs.

Some change is hard for me even if it's a good change. Buying a dishwasher took me 3 years because I was so used to washing dishes by hand. I've had my dishwasher for 4 months now and I can't believe I didn't get one sooner.  


p.s. Ribbit what are your fingerprint patterns? Do you have mostly arches, loops, or whorls?
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newtypeA
Sunday, March 7, 2010, 8:42pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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I don't know about y'all...but change takes a LONG time for me. Sharon's experience with the dishwasher got me thinking back. I lived in a beautiful apartment with a broken dishwasher. I washed dishes by hand for a year and a half because I didn't have money to fix it. It was easier just to live with it. (Luckily, I became friends with another woman who is mechanically inclined--we got the parts and fixed it ourselves.)

Also had a car with a broken lock in the driver's side door (someone opened the lock for me with a coat hanger and it broke the lock). I spent a year and a half entering the car through the passenger side before I finally got it to my parents' house to get the lock fixed. (My stepdad and his neighbor probably wondered what took me so long.)
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Ribbit
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~W~A~R~R~I~O~R~ Defender, Survivor
Kyosha Nim
Posts: 8,156
Gender: Female
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Age: 36
Quoted from newtypeA
Ribbit, I'll have to think more about what you posted. But yeah, I hate it when people feel the need to criticize my lifestyle or personality or feelings. It's been awhile since I went to church. I've learned that having a mind of my own doesn't work in church. It invites criticism.


We can agree theologically about stuff, but when it comes to lifestyle, everybody's got their own set of extra-Biblical (meaning outside the Bible) rules they expect every body else to live by.  (Sorry, sore point with me right now.)


ISTJ, BTD since 5/05.  Battling chronic Lyme disease since ~1985.

"Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial..."  I Corinthians 6:12

Family: 3 As, 1 B, 1 AB, 1 O
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