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Grieving and struggling with BTD  This thread currently has 7,179 views. Print Print Thread
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Jane
Friday, March 23, 2007, 5:49pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

Kyosha Nim
Posts: 3,721
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Age: 70
Cathy,
There's an old book called Why Bad Things Happen to Good People that you might find helpful.  Grief does wash over you I know.  Yesterday would have been my parents' 65th wedding anniversary.  My Dad passed away needlessly this past summer and this has been a tough week for me.  I've been very low and didn't really realize how much their anniv. date would affect me.  My mother has Alzheimer's.  I went to see her yesterday after work and she didn't have a clue.  The date meant nothing to her.  She was happy to see me.  It's so sad.
Just do the best you can and don't be too hard on yourself.
Jane
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KimonoKat
Friday, March 23, 2007, 8:38pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

New Explorer!
Kyosha Nim
Posts: 4,704
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Location: Sherman Oaks, California
Quoted Text
I am seeing that what I am eating is adding to my depressed state.


I think one of the best things you could do for yourself right now, is get your secretor status tested.  You are aware are you not, that the A nonnie diet is dramatically different than the A secretor diet?  This is the only type were, the diets are quite different from each other when transitioning from secretor to nonnie.

Knowledge is power.  Once you know your secretor status, you will be much better armed to make more intelligent choices regarding your meals.  And this translates into better mood.

How compliant are you to the stress reduction and exercise recommendations for Type A in Live Right 4 Your Type?  If there is a second best thing you could do for yourself right now, it would be to be 100% compliant in those areas regarding schedules, sleep, exercise and stress reduction.  You are a smart woman.  You know these issues are important when trying to deal with depression.  So, from my perspective, you have a choice.  Take the steps to find out your secretor status, (so that you can be 100% compliant diet wise) and take the steps to follow all the recommendations in other areas that can affect depression.

Please understand that what I'm about to share with you, I share with the best of intentions, and in no way do I mean to disrespect the loss that you have experienced, because it is a very painful wound.  I acknowledge that.  And you need to process this wound, and somehow, find a way towards forgiveness for this event in your life.  I acknowledge that this is not a simple, easy process.  When I hear of people struggling with emotional pain and loss, I'm often reminded of the words of Caroline Myss, on her audio lecture "Why People Don't Heal, and How They Can." Here is a small snippet of the second half of the lecture, where Caroline (C) is being interviewed by Tammy (T).

Quoted Text

T: One of the concerns I have, about the way you present your teachings, on forgiveness, is that perhaps, taking this 'hatchet' approach, some people might be in a lot of denial...
C: Uh um.
T: ...about real feelings that they're having.
C: Uh um.
T: So they're feeling angry. They're feeling ,a great deal of sadness. And instead of, going directly into those feelings, they take the hatchet out, and they go, "Okay, I'm ready to forgive." And they're not really ready. So how do you avoid this pitfall of denial?

C: I'm glad you asked that question, because it gives me a chance to clarify this even more deeply, because it can sound like I'm saying, "The incident happens at noon, and you forgive at 6:00 PM." Right? I'm not saying, the hatchet's that fast. Not at all, Tammy. I think that every single, wound, is worth a time of processing. That it needs to be witnessed. That, you have to honor it, in some way. I don't care what the size of it is, you Have to Honor it, in some way. Even a soothing dinner with your family members that's it, okay, let's talk about it tonight. It's a way of honoring somebody's wound. But the question I ask my students, is,

"How may years, of your life, do you wanna give, to the power of that wound? Do you want it to control you for five years? Five months or five weeks?"

And if I showed you the consequence; If I could take you out of your life, into an impersonal place, and chart your life, and show you where you're supposed to go, or what you're ultimately supposed to contribute to this world. And I said to you, "Okay. Do you want to get to this place, in five weeks? Five months? Five years? Or twenty-five years?" What would you say? Most people would say, "Oh, I'd love to get to that place, where I can give so much to the world! I'll take it in five weeks." And then I'd say to you, "Okay, well, to get there in five weeks, you have to let go, of, these resentments you have from yesterday. Because, those are exactly the lessons, that prepared you, for what you can give, at this point in your life." Now, what speed, do you want to do that at? Are you willing to engage your gratitude in five weeks, or five years or five months? What speed do you want?

Now from my point of view, the wise speed would be five weeks, if not five days. It would be five weeks. Because, ultimately, isn't that what we're really choosing, is, the speed at which, we, want to release our anger over something. But, where is the wisdom, in letting that incident, control our life, and for five years? I am not saying, "Don't honor your wound." I am saying, that, "In this realm of consciousness that we are, claiming that we want to reside in, take advantage of what the benefits of that realm of, consciousness owe us, which is the no time and space, Notion, that we can heal in an instant." Well, if we can, take it out of theory, and practice it. And, fight the illusion, that healing rapidly, is an insult to your injury.


Knowledge is power.  SWAMI gives you the diet that will unlock the key to better health, and it's all based on your unique individuality.

Revision History (2 edits)
KimonoKat  -  Friday, March 23, 2007, 8:42pm
KimonoKat  -  Friday, March 23, 2007, 8:40pm
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TypeOSecretor
Friday, March 23, 2007, 9:12pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

Autumn: Harvest, success.
Posts: 339
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I can only testify from my own experience that some wounds can be extremely difficulty to heal. I've had one extremely stubborn one that has lasted for over 17 years. It behaves just like it wants to. It put me into shock and out of my body for many years. I mean that literally. I am always hoping my wound will totally heal, but it sometimes surprises me. My latest healing venture was to buy some "gong" music after I heard that gong sounds could be healing. It took me forever to find it.

I also have to remember that sometimes my attempts to heal sometimes cause trauma, so I have to be careful about my attempts to heal because the attempt always brings the memory of the trauma closer to my mind and body.

I have found that healing can sometimes be a tricky business. Just a thought.

I do agree that knowing my secretor status was important because when I deviate and eat avoids, some foods can affect my mental state.  Example:  about a month ago I ate some Belgian French Fries.  I had planned to do so for about a month.  The oil was OK because it was canola.  But the potato must have poisoned my mind.  I sometimes walk about a mile and a half home instead of connecting to a second bus.  It gets me home about 20 minutes earlier.  The day after I ate the fries, I could tell that it affected my mind.  It seemed like a heavy weight was on me.  I thought I never would get home.  Generally, it doesn't bother me to walk, but this day I could tell that having eaten the potato affected my mind--maybe more.  I hope I said that right.

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KimonoKat  -  Friday, March 23, 2007, 9:19pm
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shells
Saturday, March 24, 2007, 12:05am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

Explorer Rh -
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Cathy  -  there is so much help on this forum both emotional and practical!  I do have to agree with KimonoKat that secretor status knowledge is power  - it may make ALL the difference when trying to heal.  

Do you know your Rh status?  If you happen to be Rh- grains could be causing you problems while being a secretor.  I only say this as you mentioned feeling poorly after those tortillas ......

Just a thought    
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Cathy
Saturday, March 24, 2007, 2:13am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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I am very thankful for the input from KimonoKat....It is very practical.  I also think that I have made a change about the grieving....I am so focused about getting out of depression that it seems I have become numb to the pain of grieving.  Yes, I believe knowing my secretor status would help me physically, that I agree whole heartedly.  I have not been adhereing to the LRFYT as of the last 6 months.  Winter gets me down and I don't go out in the cold much....hate the cold air.  Because of what you have said, KimonoKat I did spend some time with the LRFYT book this evening, it gave me some great insight I should of been following since Joel's death.  It is a lot of work to stick to it when I have experienced such a blow.  Now that a year has passed I want to lay down the pain and sorrow, forget it and live on with my life.  I feel I'm ready for the next step.


Quoted from shells
Cathy  -  there is so much help on this forum both emotional and practical!  I do have to agree with KimonoKat that secretor status knowledge is power  - it may make ALL the difference when trying to heal.  

Do you know your Rh status?  If you happen to be Rh- grains could be causing you problems while being a secretor.  I only say this as you mentioned feeling poorly after those tortillas ......

Just a thought    


My Rh is +.  I noticed I have more trouble with rice grain.  I produce a lot of mucus so I must be careful with the wheat.  This is where the confusion sets in...knowing the secretor status would deffinitely shed some light on the matter.  Although I think being highly sensetive to rice would still be a mystery.  

Today I felt balanced, centered!  I am relieved.  As long as I stay focused on my diet, and stay around other people right now I feel better all the way around.  PLUS!  Having the flu no way helped matters....very stressful!

Thank you again, KimonoKat, for such wonderful advice, It got me reading again.  Thank you shells for your moral support!  

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Cathy
Saturday, March 24, 2007, 2:19am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Jane
Cathy,
There's an old book called Why Bad Things Happen to Good People that you might find helpful.  Grief does wash over you I know.  Yesterday would have been my parents' 65th wedding anniversary.  My Dad passed away needlessly this past summer and this has been a tough week for me.  I've been very low and didn't really realize how much their anniv. date would affect me.  My mother has Alzheimer's.  I went to see her yesterday after work and she didn't have a clue.  The date meant nothing to her.  She was happy to see me.  It's so sad.
Just do the best you can and don't be too hard on yourself.
Jane


Yes, Jane, I saw that book at the healthfood store that I shop.  I hope to go there tomorrow.  I'll look for the book.  My heart goes out to you during this hard time.  I used to work with Alzheimer patients for several years so I know where you are....dealing with your mom!  That's tough.
Thanks for your encouragement, I do have a tendency to be harsh on myself.  I want to get up, go, and do, I don't want to sit and salk, so there I am hard on myself.
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Cathy
Monday, March 26, 2007, 2:15pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Well, this is the beginning of a new week.  I've had the whole weekend to think about the hatchet idea that Kimonokat shared with me.   I went to a meeting with my husband on Saturday.  Someone brought an illustration of new life and cutting the tree down.  It reinforced what Kimono had mentioned.  It make perfectly good sence to me now.  I ended up drawing a picture of a tree with it's roots.  The tree is huge as I stand beside it with the hatchet in hand.  It is going to be hard work to cut the tree down with this hatchet called forgiveness.  The tree was labeled, "Death of Joel".  The branches were the feelings I am experiencing,....isolation, depression, shame, pain, embarassment, inconsistant life, and anger.  The roots where labled, family, friends, preachers, associates, teachers, enemies, teachers, God.  I now understand I have the power to say, "that's enough of grieving!"  "I will purpose to have a happy heart!"  

I will get my secretor status checked soon.  Today I am able to go to this professional with my friend to see what is ailing me physically.  Like Kimonokat stated, "Knowlege is power."  

I am ever grateful for sharing this bit of wisdom for me to chew on over the weekend, Kimonokat.  

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KimonoKat  -  Monday, March 26, 2007, 2:16pm
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Ribbit
Tuesday, March 27, 2007, 2:53am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

~W~A~R~R~I~O~R~ Defender, Survivor
Kyosha Nim
Posts: 8,156
Gender: Female
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Age: 37
Cathy, I want to add my heartfelt sympathy too.  

I have a much different type of grief to deal with, but in some ways it's the same---I found that the more I tried to force myself to read healing books and self-help stuff, the worse it got.  I found that if I left well enough alone and tried to go ahead with my daily routines, the grief would work its way out eventually.  And it has.  It's been nearly 6 years since my trauma, but things have surfaced as I was ready to deal with them.

I also want to say that a friend of a friend lost a baby a couple of months ago in the same way you did, except she was at the end of her labor.  She just pushed the baby out when he evidently choked on meconium.  And it seems there was nothing that could be done.

When I was younger and single, I had maternal instincts that I couldn't ignore.  I found that surrounding myself with children took care of some of that yearning for my own.  I worked as a teacher's aide at a special needs school and got my 'kid fix' that way.  But I realize that it might be too soon for you to consider that.  I also know many, many families who have adopted, and I love hearing their stories.  No, they don't carry them for 9 months before hand, but they are THEIRS and they are LOVED and they are NURTURED.  Also, did you know that an adoptive mother can breastfeed?  Just a thought, if that's something you really, really looked forward to.


ISTJ, BTD since 5/05.  Battling chronic Lyme disease since ~1985.

"Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial..."  I Corinthians 6:12

Family: 3 As, 1 B, 1 AB, 1 O
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Vicki
Tuesday, March 27, 2007, 4:42am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

Using Custom SWAMI Food List
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Cathy,

How about planting a new tree?  A real tree in the yard?  Give your inner new tree sunlight and water and a stake it if needs help growing straight?  The old tree is there for you as well.  
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Ronagon
Tuesday, March 27, 2007, 5:38am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Cathy,

Man, what happened to you was really awful. That's really bad. I'm not sure how I'd deal with something that awful.

If it's any consolation to you, it seems as though cloning technology might currently exist somewhere on planet Earth for you to yet have a genetic child. After all, they've done it with other animals, haven't they.

In the meantime, if you can't spread your biological genetics, you can at least spread your spiritual and psychological genetics. Cultivate in the world the sort of spirit and sense of life that is uniquely you and then, in a sense, you live on forever in others, and the whole world is your child.

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KimonoKat  -  Tuesday, March 27, 2007, 5:39am
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Cathy
Tuesday, March 27, 2007, 1:13pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Quoted Text
[/quote]...In the meantime, if you can't spread your biological genetics, you can at least spread your spiritual and psychological genetics.  Cultivate in the world the sort of spirit and sense of life that is uniquely you and then, in a sense, you live on forever in others, and the whole world is your child. ....
Quoted Text


 A friend of mine said basically the same thing with me last week, there are other ways of being fruitful and multiplying.  That is the way that I will have to be.  In a sence, we all are to do the same.  I have a lucky bamboo plant that I have trying to grow for a couple of years.  Well, these three little plants are finally giving off new leaves, one of them is actually giving off a new shoot from it's roots.  That gives me something to meditate on.

 
Quoted Text
 Posted by: Vicki      
Cathy,

How about planting a new tree?  A real tree in the yard?  Give your inner new tree sunlight and water and a stake it if needs help growing straight?  The old tree is there for you as well.[quote]


Another friend of mine has been wanting to give me a dogwood tree ever since Joel  passed away.  I am still waiting.  I have been planting perenial flowers in a memorial garden I have made up for my three children.  It is so comforting to see the flowers for the first time since I planted them last year.  Winter is always hard but seeing the flowers come up so faithfully is so encouraging....life goes on.

Ribbit, thank you for your thoughts....they are a comfort.  I know what you are saying about just letting go and letting life take it's coarse.  If I'm going to have a nice day, I rejoice!  but if grief hits me in the middle of a great day, so be it.  I still want to purpose in my heart to have a great day.

Yesterday I went to see this nutritionist/herbalist and found out I have a bad case of 6 differant parisites, all from the foods I have eaten in the years gone by. I have tapeworm from beef in my small intestines, I have a paracite in my blood from snails, I have paracites in my lungs and liver.  The paracites in the lungs explains why I am so short winded.   My body is in a spiral downward. I have 2 flu viruses and even a pig virus.  I am sick physically which is draining me emotionally which is causing my organs to shut down.  My small intestines have shut down.  My endocrine system is very lowand my lymphatic sysetem is backed up.  I even found out that I am allergic to 4 beneficial foods, carrots, pinto beans, lettuce, and soybeans.  The other foods I'm allergic to are some avoids and some neutrals. the interesting thing is that I have no allergins to any grain, not even rice.  Maybe the paracites are causing me to have a bad reaction to these foods, expecially the rice. The other thing I found out I have cancer cells in my lungs and in my stomach.  In a scale of 1 to 10 the cancer cells in my stomach is 5, in my left lung, 4, and in my right lung, 2.   We talked about the depression and what has caused this downward spiral.  We talked about adopting or getting in a place where I can have my "mommy"  nurturing met, but this nutritionalist/herbalist suggested I get my health back and energy levels up to where they are to be before I do the adopting.   I am looking forward to the time, if it comes, to be able to raise an unwanted child.  I still have my baby things I got for Joel.  I think of getting rid of them but I can't bring myself to doing it.


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KimonoKat  -  Tuesday, March 27, 2007, 1:15pm
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Ribbit
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Kyosha Nim
Posts: 8,156
Gender: Female
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Age: 37
No need to get rid of his things.  They'll be of use one day to someone who needs them.  You may want to consider going ahead with adoption plans, though, because it takes several years sometimes to get all the paperwork done.  A parasite cleanse would do you good, obviously, and if you avoid the "allergic" foods for a little while, you should be able to eat them again.  The more you follow BTD and nurture yourself the better you will get.  Trauma takes care of itself and your body will follow suit.

I learned, while going through the initial part of PTSD, that my legs would start aching and cramping up, and I figured out that I needed to ask myself what was bothering me emotionally because that's the only times my legs would hurt.  My legs were like an emotional barometer telling me that something was stressing me.  Could be your body is doing the same thing.  Just take it a day at a time and let yourself heal as it comes, and continue to feed yourself well even when you don't feel like expending the energy to cook.  A can of black beans with some rice does fine, and it doesn't take long to fix.


ISTJ, BTD since 5/05.  Battling chronic Lyme disease since ~1985.

"Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial..."  I Corinthians 6:12

Family: 3 As, 1 B, 1 AB, 1 O
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Alia Vo
Tuesday, March 27, 2007, 9:36pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

Kyosha Nim
Posts: 3,640
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Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Age: 43
Cathy,

Your decision to get your secretor status will help you immensely.  

All blood groups have subtle changes, but nonetheless, they are important that can affect your overall health, emotional well-being, physical activity level, et al.

The secretor results will grant you more freedom by declaring your own health decisions on a daily basis.

Alia


Alia A. Vo
A Positive Secretor
Minneapolis, Minnesota
BTD Lifestyle Since 1999
John 17
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Cathy
Wednesday, March 28, 2007, 5:57pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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I am guessing I am a secretor.  It will be interesting to see if I'm right.  I am now detoxing, and of course, I felt worse starting up the program.  After being on it now for 2 days I feel my emotions are better, but physically I still feel pretty worn down.  It will take 4 to 5 weeks for me to get cleared up.  I have  been so full of toxins for so long, even on the BTD, I believe because of the hidden viruses and parasites that I may have been carrying since teen years.  I realize being on the BTD can't eliminate parasites.  They are my arch enemy right now and I'm anxious to be rid of them and continue on this BTD.  I have been advised to stop the BTD and loosen up, eat more meat, and other foods.    (sigh)  I've been on the diet for 10 years this past February, I have to admit this past year has been very shakey for me to staying on the BTD, but I understand now why I felt the way I did all along.
 The doctor who took Joel by way of an emergency C-section said Joel died of toxins.  I found that very hard to believe....now that I have been tested and all this showed up I think it quite possible that Joel did die of toxins due to the fact that I was so poluted with these parasites.
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Alia Vo
Thursday, March 29, 2007, 3:10am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

Kyosha Nim
Posts: 3,640
Gender: Female
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Age: 43
I believe each day will get better and you will feel healthier as your body slowly begins to detox and the lectin damage starts to dissipate little by little.  

Your body will have more freed energy from released toxins.

Alia


Alia A. Vo
A Positive Secretor
Minneapolis, Minnesota
BTD Lifestyle Since 1999
John 17
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TypeOSecretor
Thursday, March 29, 2007, 5:03am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Age: 69
Cathy -  This is a real eye-opener for me.  I called my ND to see if she did parasite testing.  It costs about $278 just to test.  I also called my chiropractor to see what they knew about it.  They are thinking about getting colon cleanse products.  I also am checking online tonight to get information for myself.  Here is one link that gives some interesting statistics about parasites:  http://www.gcnm.com/colon_clea.....rasite&ovtac=PPC.

I am humbled by your courage.
Love ya!
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Cathy
Thursday, March 29, 2007, 12:26pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Quoted from TypeOSecretor
Cathy -  This is a real eye-opener for me.  I called my ND to see if she did parasite testing.  It costs about $278 just to test.  I also called my chiropractor to see what they knew about it.  They are thinking about getting colon cleanse products.  I also am checking online tonight to get information for myself.  Here is one link that gives some interesting statistics about parasites:  http://www.gcnm.com/colon_clea.....rasite&ovtac=PPC.

I am humbled by your courage.
Love ya!


I was able to get the testing done for $75 but with all the herbal medicines included it was over $300.  It is very well worth the testing if you are interested in knowing what the hidden problems are in your system.  I wish there were more doctors that would use this methed of testing.
I saw this website just yesterday.  I was amazed by it.  Definitely something to check into.

Quoted from Alia Vo
I believe each day will get better and you will feel healthier as your body slowly begins to detox and the lectin damage starts to dissipate little by little.  

Your body will have more freed energy from released toxins.

Alia


I am looking forward to having strength physically and mentally to handle each new day.  The death of my little Joel just knocked me over the edge.  One very good thing that has come from this tragedy is that I was able to get tested and found these parasites, viruses, cancer cells, and failing systems in my body.  A lot of good has come from it.

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KimonoKat  -  Thursday, March 29, 2007, 12:27pm
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Alia Vo
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Kyosha Nim
Posts: 3,640
Gender: Female
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Age: 43
The BTD lifestyle is a healthy foundation in which embrace this journey...

Alia


Alia A. Vo
A Positive Secretor
Minneapolis, Minnesota
BTD Lifestyle Since 1999
John 17
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Cathy
Thursday, April 5, 2007, 12:37pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Quoted from ABJoe

Cathy, the Stress section in the encyclopedia may be very helpful for you to read.  I feel it is the tip of the iceberg in your case, but it is a start.

In one way, I understand your motivation for not considering yourself a mother, but I think of you as a mother.  You had a child for nine months.  It died in childbirth which robbed you of the joys of life with it, but that doesn't make you less of a mother.  In some regards, you have experienced more haertbreak than most mothers ever feel.  Many mothers never lose a child.  Who knows why the child died?  We often don't really know why!  We only understand that it hurts us so much to have the loss.  In spite of all the pain, I believe that there is some greater reason that it is better that the baby didn't live longer.

You may be able to adopt or volunteer in some capacity that you can help children...  My wife volunteers to work with children.  She has done teaching at a private school and now volunteers with 4-H and public television.  It is really a help to work with children to spread the goodness that you aren't able to give your own child.  "Follow Me Boys" is a great old movie where a couple find out that they can't have children of their own, but by being boy scout troop leaders, they have 11 to 15 boys to help every year.  It isn't the same as having your own, but it is a positive outlet for some of the emotional energy, etc...  .......


I was able to get Dr. D'Adamo's Encyclopedia.  I read up on the things that are plagueing my health and why it caused the depression.  What I read on how stress causes sickness which causes depression was such an eye opener to me.  What I was reading clarified and expounded on what this certified nutritionalist/herbalist had said.  The herbs that she gave me pretty much follows the protocols that was suggested to use.  
I am doing better emotionally.  I am able to think more clearly and possitively.  The thoughts of Joel's death want to come in and I am wondering if I should entertain the thoughts, will doing so create more depression, emotional stress?  I do not want to think about the tragedy any more.   I don't want to think about the past .  I feel that is not manageing stress very well if I allow the negative thoughts (hurts) to come in my mind.  Any suggestions on managing emotional stress?
I have come to understand the importance of eating protiens for breakfast for energy!  I really appreciated the ER4YT newsletter yesterday!  That came in the nick of time when I was struggling with low energy...just wanted to sleep all the time.  The stress of grieving is a mighty one.  Expecially for a mother to loose her baby.  A cousin of mine has a friend that is on her death bed.  Her friend lost her daughter last October...the stress of loosing her daughter has caused her to die.  It's like shackles, You are bound and have no strength to break free.
So far I have seen how every thing fits together, stress, sickness, depression, and the importance of eating foods that are compliable to my blood type.  I feel the sickness and depression is like dead branches in a fruit tree, the root is good.  The dead branches must be cut out first and then the tree fed properly for the good, live branches to thrive, flourish and produce.  I'm anxious to be rid of the toxins and "start" all over again.  A new beginning.   Another question,  Once I'm off the detoxing how often should I detox?  

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KimonoKat  -  Thursday, April 5, 2007, 12:40pm
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Vicki
Thursday, April 5, 2007, 12:54pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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The BTD with food and exercise is a gentle daily detox.  

{{{{{{{Cathy}}}}}}  
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TypeOSecretor
Friday, April 6, 2007, 2:13am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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I wouldn't necessarily think that thoughts from the past have to be negative.  Following through with your thought of the tree, when a thought coming through seems to be too painful, why not get out your pruners and snip off that  branch.  Open your mind for new growth--perhaps healing thoughts--they will come.  Maybe a way to get a better perspective on the situation.  The love you had/have for the child will never die.  
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Cathy
Friday, April 6, 2007, 1:24pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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I just feel like crying.    I think it is because I am so tired and very low on energy.  
TypeOSecretor, I see what you are saying about the pruning.  I can't keep pushing the thoughts out of my mind and not giving it the attention it needs.  How else is a problem going to get resolved?  And in order for new life and new growth to begin, the  "dead branches" have to be cut off.  I do love Joel, but the painful thing is that he is not here for me to love and nurture him.  Now I have to come up with a solution....
I think once I get my systems in check I will be able to come up with a way to cut off the branches that need cut down.  I always thought that when something bad happens and we keep dwelling on it that is having negative thoughts.  But I'm seeing that if I have a "work ethic" about it to overcome the feelings and shock of a tragedy, it not negative anymore.  
Thank you for your advise, TypeOSecretor.


Vicki, your suggestion for detoxing after I get through with the detoxing program sound only to easy...  I think I can handle that.
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sluggerbean
Friday, April 6, 2007, 3:35pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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{{{{{{Cathy}}}}}}


Peggy

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TypeOSecretor
Friday, April 6, 2007, 5:17pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Why not let the solutions come to you - you don't have to do everthing. Be very gentle with yourself.

I would think a few good cries might be very cleansing, even sobbing, right from the gut.

Some good naps never hurt in the healing process - at least I don't think so. Maybe just respect your own way of grieving.

When I was very young, one of my aunts lost her only son in the Korean war. He was in the Air Force, and his body was never found. I can remember how difficult it was for her. She didn't like to talk about it, at least with us kids. Many days she would come to our house and just sit there. I can remember going to her house during that time and just being quiet out of respect. There were many days she would have naps with her afghan blanket and her small heater by her feet, resting because she was so overwhelmed. When I grieve or have hurts, I tend to grieve more like my aunt did - not because I watched her, but because that's the way I am. Other times I take things in stride.

My oldest sister, 9 years older than me, was of a different temperament. She had two daughters, then 2 or 3 miscarriages and then a stillborn. A few years later, ten years after her youngest daughter, they decided to adopt a boy because they had a farm. One year after the adoption, she had a baby boy. My sister is more of a pioneer type. She takes whatever happens in stride, with faith. My sister is now 70 years old.

One of my cousin's wife had several miscarriages. I think she had to be totally bedridden when they finally had a child. Now they have 4 children.

I don't know how your situation will turn out, but I do feel compassion for you.

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Cathy
Saturday, April 7, 2007, 12:29am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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The afghan blanket and heater sounds so comforting right now!!  Sometimes I feel like I have to always be doing something.  If I'm not than I'm not "getting on with life".  I need to rest emotionally as well as physically.....
I've had a huge migraine of a headache today, I realize that I have that because of the detoxing.  I was able to nap this afternoon, I see I needed that.  I asked myself what is causing me to cry today?  I was able to pinpoint the hurt.   Then I was able to picture myself cutting that dead branch off the tree.  I felt freer than and I had peace.  

Thank you for your stories.  It has helped me to see where I need to let go and let the grieving take it's route.

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