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Grieving and struggling with BTD  This thread currently has 6,850 views. Print Print Thread
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Alia Vo
Thursday, March 15, 2007, 6:14pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

Kyosha Nim
Posts: 3,640
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Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
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Quoted from Cathy


How do I get to this encyclopedia?


Cathy,

The ER4YT Encyclopedia can purchased from the NAP Store online or you may be able to loan it from a local library:
http://www.4yourtype.com/prodinfo.asp?number=ED001

Alia



Alia A. Vo
A Positive Secretor
Minneapolis, Minnesota
BTD Lifestyle Since 1999
John 17

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Alia_Vo  -  Thursday, March 15, 2007, 6:14pm
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Cathy
Thursday, March 15, 2007, 8:06pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Thanks, Alia.
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Lyrica
Friday, March 16, 2007, 7:08am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Dear Cathy,
I am so sorry for your loss.  Please try to be good to yourself and breathe, just take it one day at a time.  My very best friend just lost her little brother last year and after he died it really helped her to talk to him, to picture him with her, maybe that will help you.  Don't feel like you have to get back into the swing of things right away, just take as long as you need.  I don't know what your beliefs are about the after-life, but I am a strong believer in reincarnation.  I believe he'll be right there with you until you have made peace, however long that takes, and then he'll go into a new, full life.  Of course, that's just what I believe.  Hopefully it's helpful.

Hugs
Lyrica
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Cathy
Friday, March 16, 2007, 11:39am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Thanks Lyrica for your words of encouragement. I take it to heart.

 When I think of Joel with me I ache even the more and it sends me into a deeper depression.  I believe Joel's soul is happy and full of freedom in heaven with God right now and he is waiting for me to come to him.  I long for the day to be reunited with him and be his mommy, then.  That comforts me spiritually.  Thank you for sharing with me your heart.

 Yesterday the midwife I had to help me at the latter part of the pregnancy came over and we talked about the sudden death of Joel.  He had shown no sign of distress during the labor so it truly was a unexpected death.  She believes the placenta detached during the last contraction which makes sence to me.   I finally had peace to know what physical thing happened.  Of course, how are we going to fully know, but we are only going on this speculation.

 I am healing from this flu.  still have some coughing and sneezing.   I still am in the mind set to set and stare out the window a bit....a good day to being it is storming now.  I am doing better keeping to the BTD, I made a carrot salad yesterday that I mixed pineapple and raisin with.  I've cut down my consumption of grain and breads,   my husband took the last of my home baked bread for his lunch so I will need to bake tomorrow.

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ABJoe
Friday, March 16, 2007, 7:47pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Cathy


How do I get to this encyclopedia?

I got mine from one of the sellers at Amazon.com...  I think it only comes in paperback, so if you buy used, you want to make sure it is in good condition before purchasing...

One additional idea I had...  You now have a helper in heaven.  This can be great solace when you are asking for graces or even the basics for survival.  I always find prayer the best way to deal with grief to help me focus on where I get everything for life.



RH-, ISTJ
Wonderful Wife = A+ Teacher; Darling Daughter = A- SWAMI Explorer
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shells
Saturday, March 17, 2007, 7:50am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Cathy,

I am very sorry for your loss.  I'm also in admiration of your positive attitude.  Like Peppermint Twist says just go with the ebb & flow of your feelings.

Some years ago I lost a little daughter at the young age of 3 months.  I was devastated and truly believed I could never experience joy ever again.  Part of me died with her......  but over time day by day week by week  strength will sneak back in   -  with an attitude like yours towards being positive and with of course the BTD - strength will be  both emotional and physical.  You may only see this looking back on reflection.

During my grieving I never had the BTD and did not pay any attention to diet and later suffered many years of ill health.  I later found out the importance of the emotions linked with physical wellbeing.  

I wish you the best with your new purpose of healing yourself, and as was said  before we are in this journey together. . .

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Cathy
Saturday, March 17, 2007, 7:47pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Shells, my heart goes out to you for the loss of you your daughter,  I know how you must of felt feeling a part of you died, .... it did.  The ache is so real.  Thank you, Shells for sharing, I see....we are in this journey together...

ABJoe, thanks for the thought, prayer is a powerful tool to live by...thank you for sharing and reminding me. The other day I was feeling so miserable I asked God for mercy.  I started to feel some relief immediately!  God is so real.  I need to ask for His mercy also, along with His grace to get through the days that the bottom drops out.   It is a comfort to me that my child Joel, along with my other two children are not experiencing the life I am...no tears, no pain, no sorrow and most of all, no sin!
 I have found that going through this grieving is like going through having this flu.  With the flu I am weak and want to sleep, so, I'll go to sleep.  I don't have to do anything if I don't have the energy to do it.  Grieving has been the same...there are times I feel the energy to do, other times I am just to weak.  But yet I know life must go on.  So many times I think I have to be something great, do something big, so, when Joel came along I thought this is it, I can be a mom, that's something big!  Well, I may be a mom but I'm not caring for my children....the dream of doing something big and being somebody died.   I realize that that's not what is in store for my life.  I will find out later.  

Yesterday I made a tossed salad for my supper, I had to force it down me...(again)  I ended up having my husband finish it for me.  (It must be the salad dressing.)  I am actually getting back to craving the breads and grains like I did before I came down with the flu.  Should I give in to the cravings, or should I keep forcing the vegies down?  




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Cathy
Monday, March 19, 2007, 8:26pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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The depresion is to strong for me today...I have felt distructive...wanting to break the dishes....I may seek professional help.  
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Debra+
Monday, March 19, 2007, 10:22pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

Eat BTD...Healthy Body... Happier Soul 'Gatherer'
Kyosha Nim
Posts: 5,812
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Cathy...so sorry you are feeling the way you are.  If you feel too overwhelmed by all of it...please do seek professional help.  And...do try and stick with as much as BTD as you can...it will help you with everything in the long run.  I realize the cold and flu are not helping which makes it more of a challenge.  Can you get out for a walk or maybe do some yoga or meditation.   You mentioned earlier getting just outside with a blanket wrapped around you or walks (with your dogs?)  They can be great companions and love to listen to you.  Are you getting enough of B12, B5 and Folic Acid?  Are you on anti-depressants?  Do you have a health store where you live?  Pick up some elderberry tea or caps to help with your cold and flu.  Looking through the encyclopeidia-some things to help with stress...chamomile tea, linden tea, holy basil, saint john's wort...are you getting enough vitamin C (preferably rose hip)?  What supplements are you taking?

And yes...as Edna says crying is such a good form of releasing and healing.  Try not to push yourself to be healed before you are ready to be healed.  I know this is not the same, but when my mom passed away it took me three years to finally come to terms with it.  We are all different and there is no time limit on when you should be over Joel.  You will be ready on your time.  

As I said earlier though...if you think you need professional help...please seek it.  

Keep us all posted.  We are here for you.

(((((((((((((Big hugs))))))))))))))))

Debra    

P.S.  You say you are eating salads...are you getting enough protein with it?  Fish...beans...legumes...nuts...soy  What about other veggies, etc.?


"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." C.G. Jung"

O+nonT

CBP (Certified BodyTalk Practitioner)
Mindscape (remote/distant healing)
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Accunect Practitioner...in training to teach Self-Care

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jayney-O
Monday, March 19, 2007, 10:53pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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my friend found great help through a grieving group led by a minister of her faith (a rabbi), maybe you could find  such a group. blessings.....
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Cathy
Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 12:10am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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It has been so cold and snowy here of late.  Hopefully it is to warm up slowly by the end of the week.  At this moment I feel very panicky and I am trying to supress it.  I am not on anti-depressants.  A friend of mine is suggesting I use them...I really would love to stay away from drugs and fight it out but I feel so weak emotionally.  I do not know if I am getting enough B12, B5, and folic acid.  I made some quinia flour tortillias and had 2 for lunch and 2 for supper.  Lunch I filled it with sardines, cheese and sprouts....supper I had tofu and and stirfry veggies with the tortillia.  As of late I have been eating Tempeh...I was doing brewers yeast...should I get back to the brewers yeast?  I usually do not eat protein with my salads...maybe if I did the salad wouldn't my upseting my stomach so much.  I do not take any suppliments, my hubby always told me that I should be able to get every thing I need with the foods I eat.  Well evidently I am missing something at this point.  I am hoping to get the Encyclopedia this week....I need some really good advice to handle this stress.  Here's a dumb question....why can't I be happy even when the tears flow?  (Yea, Right!)

Jayney-O, I was thinking of calling my pastor's wife this morning....maybe I should of done that. There are a few couples that I know of that have lost their children.  They are quite understanding when I say I want to die or that I just want to get on with life.   I was told by a couple of the ones I know that I will never get over it.  

Thanks for the hugs and the encouragement....
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Debra+
Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 3:38am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

Eat BTD...Healthy Body... Happier Soul 'Gatherer'
Kyosha Nim
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Hi Cathy...snowy and cold here today also.  Everything was starting to melt, but it looks like we are in for something.

Yes, I would say to adding protein to your salads.  Sardines, salmon, eggs, nuts, beans, legumes.  Brewer's/nutritional yeast sprinkled on the foods you eat also.  Ideally yes, we should be getting enough with the foods we eat, but the way things are grown nowadays (mass production) you never know if the plants themselves are getting the right nourishment to give it back to us.  Sometimes supplements are needed.   Glad that you don't want to take drugs.  Do you have a naturopath near you somewhere that could help out naturally?

I would give your pastor's wife a call also.   You need to get some support from someone, somewhere, somehow.

Keep in touch.  

((((((HUG))))))

Debra


"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." C.G. Jung"

O+nonT

CBP (Certified BodyTalk Practitioner)
Mindscape (remote/distant healing)
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TypeOSecretor
Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 4:26am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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I am sorry for your loss.  I will say a prayer for you.

Little by little you are making the effort to improve what you eat - so I'm sure you'll make it through this difficult time.  

It seems to me that you are trying to express your anger over your loss, a normal part of the grieving process.  

Maybe you could find some constructive ways to express your anger.  Get some drawing paper, crayons, or markers and draw pictures of broken dishes or whatever comes to mind.  Maybe grab some old magazines, and cut out pictures and paste them on paper that express how you feel.



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Peppermint Twist
Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 12:55pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Kyosha Nim
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Quoted from Cathy
I guess I am being impatient with myself because I want it to be done with...I want the pain overwith. I think I am pushing myself to put a stop to this grieving...but I see VERY clearly I have no power over that.  I understand what you are saying about it coming in like the ocean, the tides....it can be rythmic and beautiful....somehow I have to see that the rythme of this grieving, weeks of doing great, and then weeks where I don't know which way to turn  is somehow beautiful.

Sweetie, you have to remember that you just lost your baby in February.*  This is only March.  It was literally a few weeks ago.  Not only is it an awful thing to have to grieve through, you are going through post-partum hormonal changes at the same time.  Of course you feel like breaking a few dishes!

I am a big believer in my "Ocean School of Feeling Your Feelings".  Namely, we do have to--not just with grief, but with any feelings in life--let the feelings flow in and out of us as they will.  Don't try to control them either way:  let them come when they come, let them flow out when they flow out.  In other words, accept your feelings.  Allow them to come.  Allow them to go.  Don't try to force them either way.  Just let.

Easier said than done for this adult child of acoholics, btw.  I went to years of ACOA meetings and the above paragraph is basically what I took away from them, which has been one of the most important lessons of my life.  One that I am still continually learning.

About seeking professional help, I did so when Ollie died.  Without going into too much detail, he had gotten out and laid down in the grass behind the garage.  I didn't know he was there and I backed the car over him, crushing his pelvis.  He was very old (20) and deaf, and I'm sure he never heard the car and was facing away from the garage, lying on his side as he loved to do the few times he got out there.  Needless to say, I was devastated that I had been the one to cause him excruciating pain and everything that followed for that night and the following morning.  I went ahead and used our EAP program (employee assistance program) at work and saw a psychologist for a few sessions.  Not sure if it helped a lot but it sure didn't hurt.  I think the main thing that helped was time and friends and that Ocean School of Feeling again.  For once I really had no choice because I could not control when the "griefbursts" came, and it seems they were so often at work or driving down the street.  But anyway, I took all the help I could get to try to even begin to get through what had happened.  Ollie was my baby for 20 years.  For 20 years, I loved him with all my heart and protected him.  He was really, really special to me.  He was really special, period, and I'm not just saying that because I'm biased:  everyone who met Ollie was taken with him and charmed by this loving, loving being.  He was an indoor cat for many, many years and only went out a tiny bit in the last few years.  I would have done anything to protect him and I did for 20 years.  But, in the end, I couldn't protect him.  And, in fact, I was the one who caused him pain, fear, confusion, anxiety and God knows what else.  I could not cope with that on my own.  That I caused Ollie pain and suffering was the worst thing imaginable and totally unbearable to me.  I had to get help.

You did not do anything to cause what happened to Joel.  In fact, you did everything humanly possible to ensure a healthy pregnancy and birth.  Sadly, it just didn't happen that way.  And if you need help to cope with the death of a child, that is totally understandable, there is really nothing more challenging that can happen in life.  Reach out for the help you need, and just let those feelings wash over and through you, try not to fear them.  They are there for you, not to hurt you, but to help you heal.

* 3/21/07 - edited to add:  I just realized it was February 2006, not just last month, that you lost your baby.  But it is still totally normal that you are in the thick of it as far as grieving.  The most intense phase of grief typically lasts for about two years.


"If you are on one of Dr. D's diets and it isn't joyful, you aren't doing it right." - moi

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Cathy
Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 2:39pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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A friend of mine, the one that helped me get on the BTD is now helping me with getting to professional help.  There is a place that practices medicinal herbs that she is now going to, so she is helping me get an appointment.  I'm all for medicinal herbs.  Today, I am doing better....I don't feel distructive, that's a relief, I am feeling just tired, not wanting to do things.  The other day I was thinking of drawing what I am feeling....isolated....I was thinking of drawing a pasture with mare's and their foals and then there is an adjacent pasture with a mare with no foal, or any other horse in with her.  I like your idea, TypeOsecretor, of drawing out the feelings....I do drawings, so that will fit in perfectly....hmmm, broken dishes......

When the wave of destructive depression rolls in, it is so overwhelming...it billows me under....I look forward for it to leave and I am then trying to get out of the way so I do not get overwhelmed by another wave.....maybe this is the wrong way of looking at it.  I would like to prepare myself for it coming in, by way of eating right mostly, and whatever else, to strengthen the body to handle the  emotionally blows. I am such a fighter that it is hard to just allow the bad to come in and overtake me.

I have done some counceling with the pastor of my church and his wife ....I am deffinately in need of more now.  It helps to council with them to help me stick to the  stuff.  Getting council from the folks here on the BTD forum is helping me stick to the stuff in my diet, that is what I've been needing...Thank you!
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purlgirl
Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 6:31am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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     {{{Cathy}}}
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geminisue
Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 9:53am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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It also helps to have people around on a daily basis, as often as possible, until your able to face on alone.  I had a friend whose 22 year old son(father of one and one on the way) was walking at night and was run down by a driver who didn't see him.  He was dress in a pair of blue genes and a brown buck skin jacket and black boots.  He was found laying in a yard when someone went out to get newspaper.  It took over a year of daily visits to start to see the light come on in her face again.  She just had to keep doing what she had to do in everyday life, many visits at the cemetary ( probably most seen grave that year) the sad part about that was right next to that tombstone was one of her best friends son who was killed in a car accident and also had two children.  The boys were friends.  Both had a daughter, that spend alot of time with their grandma's, even to this day, they both had sons, who spend a  lot of time with their own mothers.
    My prayers are with you during this time that is so difficult for you to endure, remember one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time.  Please try and keep family, friends close.  Open your heart to new challenges, hobbies, exercise program, just try and keep going on to something new.  Time heals, but doesn't forget.  Love is with you.

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Debra+
Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 1:09pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Kyosha Nim
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Cathy~so glad you are feeling better today and things are moving positively for you for professional help...especially with natural ways.  Keep us posted.

((((HUG))))

Debra


"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." C.G. Jung"

O+nonT

CBP (Certified BodyTalk Practitioner)
Mindscape (remote/distant healing)
Traditional Chinese Medicine
Accunect Practitioner...in training to teach Self-Care
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jayney-O
Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 8:43pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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so glad you talked to your pastor's wife, and a group would be a great avenue to healing....blessings to you and your husband.
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Cathy
Thursday, March 22, 2007, 1:40am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Thank you Jayney for your kind words....they are a blessing....Thank you geminisue, for your encouragement and words of wisdom....I agree, I need to be with other people and get out of the house a lot more than I have been doing to help me handle this depression.  I do have an appointment in April to see this one professional who does the healing herbs....there's my hope.
Today I was feeling quite worn out and sleepy.  I am so thankful that I have my appetite back and I was able to eat well today.  I see hope!  Friends are calling me and checking in on me and that is a big encouragement to me that I'm not alone in this even though many , many times I feel as though I am.  
I think I had a come back with the flu this week....or else I just didn't get over having it.

Thank you all for your prayers.  This depression is bigger than what I can handle with excercise and diet.
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zola
Thursday, March 22, 2007, 1:54am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Oh DEAR Cathy...I wish the great spirit would sweep you up take you into it's loving arms and bring you to the place of peace. I feel for you and your wrenching grief and how you longed to nurture Joel Thomas. Try to bring that same kind, loving presence to your soul as you make your way through this depression.

Be gentle with yourself...you have been through so much. Be around people who care for you & try to stay connected. We really are connected here on this earth -easy as that is to forget. Lean on the community here on this board. There is a lot of love here. Blessings.....Zola


It is so pleasant to explore nature & oneself at the same time, doing violence neither to her nor to one's own spirit, but bringing both into balance in gentle, mutual interaction.

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
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sluggerbean
Thursday, March 22, 2007, 1:55am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Cathy,  I know that God led me to your story now for a reason.  Last week a young couple at our church lost their baby girl.  The mom had been in the hospital for the past two months on bed rest and on Sunday the 11th delivered the little girl.  Just a few hours later, the girl died of complications.  This hit me really hard as the 11th was the one-year anniversary of my daddy's death.

I really want to help this beautiful young lady.  I plan on taking her out to the high school track next week to walk.  Any advice on what to say when I talk to her or how to approach her?

Maybe helping me with this will somehow help you with your grief.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Peggy  


Peggy

Never run faster than your guardian angel can fly.
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Cathy
Thursday, March 22, 2007, 12:56pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Zola, thank you so much for your blessing and love you have shared....I have deffinitely felt the support here on the forum.

Peggy, Oh how my heart goes out to you and your friend...losing a loved one no matter how old they are and how long you've known them is so hard to handle.  Yes, I am struggling with depression but that has not altered my faith in God.  I of course, humanly questioned the reasoning of the trauma but I know God is in charge of everything that happens here on earth.  Through the questioning, God has answered...don't be afraid to ask him why, what am I to do now?  That is showing that you are depending on him for answers and comfort.

Advice for comforting a mom who lost a precious lil' one?  Let her carry the conversation at her speed.  Listen to her heart, allow her to ask "unanswerable" questions.  Talk about yourself, what's up with your life, most of all love her because God loves her.  I highly commend you, Peggy, for including her in your life, she needs that right now...if she doesn't get love from friends she will feel shunned and isolated.  If you want, share with her my story and let her know I am praying for her during this traumatic time of her life.  It will be hard to get through it but God will give grace to get her through it.

Thank you Peggy!  Yes, you have helped me today!  I can go on.
I will be thinking of you and praying for God to strengthen you also.
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Rachel
Thursday, March 22, 2007, 11:11pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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sweetie, my heart goes out to you. I had 3 miscarriages for that very much longed for baby. grief  kind of gets you.

but one the things I found out was that somehow in it all  & after I had clung & hung  on to the pain because that was all I had left of my precious babies. I found the strength in God to find out who I really really was. I finally got to the stage where I could find & consider what had happened as a gift.. it teaches humility in a new way-  Im a new woman now strong & confident in the person I have become becuse of the experiences I have had. I could never have learned that without losing my babies - & still wish that this pain doesnt occur, I wouldnt want anyone to go through it as Im sure you wouldnt either. but I know it does happen,  not to punish us  but to make us grow.

I  kinda know how you feel, kinda lost.

Im praying for you too, that there will be an empowerment of your spirit  so that you can fulfill the destiny that God has planned for you - which if you think about it is way more more important than the plans  we make for ourselves- hard as that it is, I think true spiritual maturity is allowing God to do what it is he wants with our lives & finding a way to be comfortable with it  because he  sees the bigger picture.-  if we can get to that place, we can know with full assurance that we have reached a higher plane of understanding - we will be whole.
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Cathy
Friday, March 23, 2007, 12:24pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Rachel, thank you for sharing your story with me....this depression that comes in waves makes me think I'm loosing it.  But talking to you folks and others I'm seeing it is a normal process.  Many times I think I am being punished...what have I done??  But like you said, Rachel, it is time for me to grow...it has been a time of soul searching for me,...who am I, what am I to be doing with my life, and such questions.

I was just reading the other threads, mainly the moral support and adrenal fatigue, of how wheat and dairy can affect the adrenal glands.  Yesterday I had a great day, I did a lot of activety, my friend came over and we cleaned my basement up beings I had my new washer and dryer delivered yesterday....so much was going on.  I even made the spelt sandwhich bread yesterday and the no tomato spagetti sauce and made my own spagetti using a blend of rice, tapioca and spelt flours.  This morning I had a hard time waking up and I feel very lathargic.  I was grieving in the night in my dreams....the bottom dropped out and I bauled my eyes out in the dream just because I saw a doll baby the size of an infant laying in my bed.  I'm thinking it is because I did to much activity and I ate to much breads (with the home made bread and pasta.)  I did cook up turkey burger for my spagetti dinner.  I am seeing that what I am eating is adding to my depressed state.

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Alia_Vo  -  Friday, March 23, 2007, 12:34pm
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