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Grieving and struggling with BTD  This thread currently has 7,208 views. Print Print Thread
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Cathy
Friday, June 15, 2007, 11:23pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Today was a fair day for me at work.  I had a time for grieving when I saw a baby boy about the same age that my little Joel would be today.  I cried and had to endure seeing him back in department that I was working in.  

I wish there was a way to remove the hurt of sorrow as there is a way to eat and make your body be well.

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Lola
Friday, June 15, 2007, 11:38pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Sa Bon Nim
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Quoted Text
My Hope Is Still Alive!


that s the only way!!!  


''Just follow the book, don't look for magic fixes to get you off the hook. Do the work.'' Dr.D.'98
DNA mt/Haplo H; Y-chrom/J2(M172);ISTJ
The harder you are on yourself, the easier life will be on you!
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Cathy
Saturday, June 16, 2007, 12:48am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Thanks, Lola.  You are so right!  
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Lola
Saturday, June 16, 2007, 3:43am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Sa Bon Nim
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and remember, venting is a part of healing........


''Just follow the book, don't look for magic fixes to get you off the hook. Do the work.'' Dr.D.'98
DNA mt/Haplo H; Y-chrom/J2(M172);ISTJ
The harder you are on yourself, the easier life will be on you!
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Cathy
Monday, July 16, 2007, 9:37pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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 Well, it's been a month now since I last posted anything here and a lot has happened.  I've noticed since I saw the baby that was the age that Joel would of been today I have now the strength to see the babies coming in the store.  This past weekend, I was able to work  with a lady who I had contacted to be my doola if I went the medical way with the pregnancy.  I also contacted her for a midwife.  It is a blessing working along with her. She's expecting her 4th child in September.  I was excited to talk about her pregnancy and not have the sorrow chords tugging at my heart.  A very good friend of mine let me know she was expecting again and I was so excited as if I was the one expecting!!   I am very thankful to God for the freedom he has given me from the bonds of sorrow and depression!
 Last Monday I got the greatest uplifting news that I have received since the time I found out I was expecting Joel.  I did my shopping and came home to find a message on my answering machine.  I played the message over and over, not believing the message I was hearing.  I was invited to play my harp in an harp orchestra at the York Strand Capital Theatre for Christmas!  I'm just an ol' country girl who loves to run outside barefooted!  God truly blessed and lifted my spirits that day!!  
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Lola
Monday, July 16, 2007, 9:41pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Sa Bon Nim
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that is great news!


''Just follow the book, don't look for magic fixes to get you off the hook. Do the work.'' Dr.D.'98
DNA mt/Haplo H; Y-chrom/J2(M172);ISTJ
The harder you are on yourself, the easier life will be on you!
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italybound
Tuesday, July 17, 2007, 1:58am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

~Concealed~Carry~Hunter~
Kyosha Nim
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Cathy, so glad to hear you are doing and feeling so much better. Time 'heals' all wounds as they say. The hurt never leaves, it just gets less intense as time passes on. Good for you for all your effort in moving forward. And make no mistake,,,,,,,,,,,had you not set your mind to do so, you would not have. So  big  {{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}} and congrats on the invitation to play your harp in an harp orchestra at the York Strand Capital Theatre for Christmas!!



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geminisue
Tuesday, July 17, 2007, 2:08am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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How exciting Cathy,  what an achievement this is.  Are you able to tape it? Would be so nice to have a memory of this special event, and of course if you know how  would love to hear it here too.

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geminisue  -  Tuesday, July 17, 2007, 4:16am
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Cathy
Tuesday, July 17, 2007, 1:51pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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 This may not be how some perceive  life, but I take what comes.  I just try to live my life the best I can one day at a time and whatever happens, happens.  I just have to roll with the good and the bad.  I have learned that I have no say so in life, I have no control over the circumstances in life but to have the right heart attitude toward what does come my way in life.  I can take the good as well as the evil.
 I am very excited about playing in this orchestra beings I have not played at that level ever.  I play my harp for nursing homes and assisted living facilities.  It has helped me to make myself go out and play for others even though it is a painful chore at times.  Once I get to the nursing home and see the residents smiles and appreciation for the music I then am touched and feel a bit more healing.
 Yesterday on my way to the grocery store, I saw a church sign that read, "Find a hurt and heal it."  That made me think,  I must first "heal" myself so I may heal others.  I found in healing myself I must go and help heal some one else's hurt.
 I have been doing recordings of my harp playing.  There are a bit more I need to record to make a full recording on a CD.  Some of the songs I have written due to the loss of Joel.  That has helped in the healing process, also.
 Since I found I am a non-secretor, I have been eating a lot more fish and neutral meats and have been doing a lot better health wise.  I even lost another 4 pounds (which I don't need), I'm skinny enough all ready.    I feel a lot more energetic.  I feel my corncupia has expanded twice the size!  And I love it!!
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Sunny
Tuesday, July 17, 2007, 7:18pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Dear Cathy,
My heart goes out to you in your struggles. You are showing so much courage and I greatly admire you.
Pennsylvania is a lovely state-I'm originally from central New York now living in the dry hot desert of Arizona.
May I ask what kind of harp you play? I love the big free standing ones and always wanted to learn, but my shoulder/back problems would not allow it. I played violin for years and love, love, love all stringed instruments!
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Cathy
Tuesday, July 17, 2007, 9:10pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Hi Sunny,

Thanks so much for the heart felt thoughts....

The harp I play is a folk harp, Paraguain style, which my husband built.  It is a 5 octave harp and stands 5 feet high. It does have levers on it.  It does free stand only because when my husband built it he made a stand for it.  It is only 22 pounds, so it is quite portable.  If I can find a good comfortable hard back chair I can play for a long time, sometimes, though, I will feel it in the back.  

 A couple of years ago, at the Christmas season,  I was in a string ensemble of 4 violins, 1 viola, one cello, along with my harp.  That was a lot of fun doing that, challenging but fun.  We all were playing at our church's Christmas Cantata.
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Mari
Tuesday, July 17, 2007, 11:50pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Dear Cathy,
So glad to hear you are doing better these days.  Italybound is so right when she says the hurt never leaves, but does get less intense.  More like twinges on your heartstrings rather than the raw, stabbing pain of those first months.  It is a blessing to both you and others that you can give of yourself to them with your music, and experience healing at the same time.  May God bless you with grace and peace!  
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Cathy
Wednesday, July 18, 2007, 11:47am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Thanks Mari,  you and italybound are ever so right.  At times when I look at the picture of Joel, I get that twinge of anger and hurt but as soon as it comes it leaves.  I figure I have more important things to do than to stand here stewing over the fact I don't have him any more.  
The other day I had another time of feeling the pain and cried out that I have nothing to give like the other ladies I know that have the kids.  Immediately and answer came to mind, "Oh yes you do!  You have many talents to share with others, music, floral arranging, and other talents."  I then stopped crying because I saw I had no need to.  I have been called to give to others in a differant way than other mothers.
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Vicki
Wednesday, July 18, 2007, 12:24pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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How exciting!  I had no idea you played harp.  Nothing is more beautiful sounding than a harp!



Blessing to you!

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lstreat
Wednesday, July 18, 2007, 1:05pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Cathy
The other day I had another time of feeling the pain and cried out that I have nothing to give like the other ladies I know that have the kids. †Immediately and answer came to mind, "Oh yes you do! †You have many talents to share with others, music, floral arranging, and other talents." †I then stopped crying because I saw I had no need to. †I have been called to give to others in a differant way than other mothers.


Good for you Cathy! You have alot to share with others and don't forget that. You have come a long way and I'm so glad to know that you are coming along quit nicely. You have a great outlook on life so keep it up, one day at a time.  


Warrior: Once you're faced with a challenge, you'll keep ramming a wall until you break through ó especially if that challenge is mental. Use your nimble mind and tenacity to conquer life and stick with your GenoType Diet. You're bound to succeed.
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Lola
Wednesday, July 18, 2007, 5:59pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Sa Bon Nim
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Cathy,
thank you for sharing your gift!


''Just follow the book, don't look for magic fixes to get you off the hook. Do the work.'' Dr.D.'98
DNA mt/Haplo H; Y-chrom/J2(M172);ISTJ
The harder you are on yourself, the easier life will be on you!
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Cathy
Wednesday, July 18, 2007, 8:41pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Thanks, Istreat, I have to remember that I can only take one day at a time,...even still.

Quoted Text
Posted by: Lola     Date Posted: Today, 1:59pm
Cathy,
thank you for sharing your gift!


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Cathy
Wednesday, July 18, 2007, 8:46pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Vicki
How exciting!  I had no idea you played harp.  Nothing is more beautiful sounding than a harp!



Blessing to you!



Thanks, Vicki.  I didn't know I had the know how to do it, until my hubby placed the first harp he built in front of me.  It seemed to just flow.  It is very comforting to play.
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Cathy
Sunday, January 27, 2008, 1:12am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Quoted from geminisue
How exciting Cathy,  what an achievement this is.  Are you able to tape it? Would be so nice to have a memory of this special event, and of course if you know how  would love to hear it here too.


Well, Here it is a month after Christmas.  The harping at the Strand surely was an experience.  We did get a recording of the show and boy, it wasn't something to be desired!     We are going to have a professionally done in February. My husband and I did our own recording of harp and cello to sell at the strand.  

I am trying to stay busy with doing projects to keep busy during this time since the second anniversary is fastly approaching.  

I am so thankful for the new book, Genotype.  At first it was a bit overwhelming for me to adjust (again) but taking time to focus on one thing at a time I have found it to be fitting me and who I am...to a "T"!  ("T" for Teacher!!)

I am not looking forward to February.... .   I'm already feeling the pain of the loss.  BUT, I will get through it, once more.
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Ribbit
Sunday, January 27, 2008, 3:43am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Could you put the video on Youtube so we could see it too?  I'd love to hear you!


ISTJ, BTD since 5/05.  Battling chronic Lyme disease since ~1985.

"Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial..."  I Corinthians 6:12

Family: 3 As, 1 B, 1 AB, 1 O
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Lola
Sunday, January 27, 2008, 6:59am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Sa Bon Nim
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excellent!


''Just follow the book, don't look for magic fixes to get you off the hook. Do the work.'' Dr.D.'98
DNA mt/Haplo H; Y-chrom/J2(M172);ISTJ
The harder you are on yourself, the easier life will be on you!
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Cathy
Sunday, January 27, 2008, 11:37am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Ribbit
Could you put the video on Youtube so we could see it too?  I'd love to hear you!


A video was not done up, just a musical CD.  One song that we did, "Auld Lang Syne/Greensleeves Medley" sounded like it was recorded back in the 1920's!!  Really BAD!!!  I laughed when I heard that one.  That's why we are going to have the recording done professionally at a studio.  Then the CD's will be up for sale.  The CD's my husband and I did up we are selling them, to.

I took up yoga this winter and my, what a differance that has made on helping to cope with the pain and deal with stress.  
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Cathy
Monday, March 10, 2008, 2:20pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Quoted Text
I took up yoga this winter and my, what a differance that has made on helping to cope with the pain and deal with stress


Here it is March and I am still feeling rather under the weather.  I have been battling broncitus (I now think it has progressed to pnuemonia...I don't know, I won't go to an M.D.  I stay away from them!!!)  I've been fighting this since Christmas to early January.  Christmas was quite stressful with doing my harping gigs, working at a nearby farm market that is a tourest trap.  I remember last February I was having severe health problem (just like this year),  could it be that I am still having problems with my health because of the emotional trauma I had back in 2006!!  I'm seeing a pattern.  I took up yoga to help with the grieving...it helped at first but my coughing sickness kept getting worse and I was not getting the "benefits" of the excercising. I stopped the yoga. I was not at peace emotionally, it added more emotional stress to me even though it benefited the body.   As I first posted that I was grieving and struggling with BTD.  I have tried to ingore the pain of the loss and "get on with life".  I see it is a plague that is difficult to handle, expecially when his birthday comes around...my immune system drops no matter what I eat.  I'm going to be sick.  Saturday I felt great!  I thought I was about over.  It was warm 57ļF and very spring like, rain in the morning and about 1 hour of lovely sunshine.  THEN the biggest storm I've ever witnessed hit.  I took pictures of it.  While doing so the storm was interfering with the digital camera...I saw the barametric presure droped to 29.6!  YIKES!!  We're in trouble!  The storms that the mid west was having made it's grand debue!  A tornado touched down in the neighboring county.  After that the cold front came in and out went the humidity.  Yesterday since it was cold, dry and blusterly windy my coughing started all over again...BAD!!  I took the time to evaluate my eating habits...what's changed?  I switched over from BTD to GTD...more cheese!   Is this causing my sickness...I talked to a couple of friends about it and thought that it was the emotional stress that has run down the imminity.  I believe it is many factors, including what I'm eating stress.  I have to admit, I have not been eating the organically grown foods, I haven't been eating vegatables that I should be....and I haven't been in the sunshine.  Love the sunshine!!   I love springtime.  It gives me hope for better health, being in the sunshine while "playing" in the dirt (gardening!)  

I have come to the conclusion I will most DEFFINITELY prepare my immune system this October to handle the stresses of the holidays and the winter season months afterwards! The body needs a little more umph to hit those stressful peaks!  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
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italybound
Monday, March 10, 2008, 2:47pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Cathy, sorry to hear you are feeling poorly, in more than one way. Yes, I'd agree that stress can run down your immune system. The cheese could also be causing a problem re: the bronchitis IMHO. I mentioned to my brother a while back that if he did his Genotype, he might wind up being a Gatherer and could have his cottage cheese back. He said even if he were a G, he wouldn't add the c/c back into his diet because he felt more mucous-y (if that's a word ) Dairy def does that to me. While we are O's and you're an A, on the A BTD diet, there are a lot of cheeses that are avoids. Wouldn't hurt to cut it from your diet for a bit and see what happens.
Hope you'll be feeling better SOON.  {{{HUGS}}}  



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Mayflowers
Monday, March 10, 2008, 3:39pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Cathy,

Drink Elderberry tea regularly, or eat the jelly and you won't get a cold, flu or pneumonia (viral) again.  I read about it from Dr. D. and then again on PubMed. Clincal studies were done. It does kill the viruses. However, it doesn't do anything for the stomach virus.

When you first practice yoga and even in meditation the practice purges the problems. At first, they seem to get worse..but then don't stop, work through it and they will disappear and you'll feel so much lighter and better.

The thing is that we suppress these emotions that hurt so much and when you practice yoga or meditation, it releases the emotion from being "locked" and it brings it to the surface (at which time you think it's getting worse or not working) If you keep at it, the practice purges the emotion and it's gone for good.

I found this out when my mother passed away in 2005 and I learned TM. I used meditation for the grief, my sister used antidepressants. She's still on them.
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