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weight loss and positive mental attitude  This thread currently has 2,870 views. Print Print Thread
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Seraffa
Thursday, May 3, 2012, 6:39pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Ee Dan
Posts: 2,318
Gender: Female
Location: Houston, TX
Age: 49
Quoted from greenman
..I don't think that she has accepted my grievement but now she tells me that she has another guy she met at work and is smitten...I worry about this as she is pre-meniposual and has other health issues that she is not confronting.. she is type A

..I need people to say right out as to what they mean

Thanks for your support I am trying to re-build myself..and I want this to be a short journey


......your partner had all the time in the world to tell you what she meant, and she didn't. Now she's wrecking your life with her choices (perimenopausal or not) and if you can take a good hard look at some point of what you glossed over with romance in your relationship, you will see some very negative things that you will want to avoid getting sucked into in ANY dealings with any woman. You're not married, as you say - so - you're free to go! I feel better for YOU than I do for her.

"A short journey" is relative. Think about what you will say to yourself each day about the failed relationship. The trick is not deluding yourself into trying to "work to make it all better." You did enough work already. Start bringing more positive things into your life. You can't force your feelings to heal at a certain rate; but you can be kind to yourself in making little notes every now and then about how you see yourself healing. Then you can look back on it later, and be proud, instead of remembering a tumult of abandoned feelings, loss, and betrayal.

I look back now on anyone who left me high and dry or took advantage of me and I feel sorry that I had to learn the hard way, but am truly happy that I never have to be swept up with them ever again. So don't put her on a pedestal. Learn to put yourself on the pedestal every once in awhile. Give yourself the utmost credit, where credit is due each day. It will do you good. You're not the first man this has happened to, but it is sad that it has to happen at all to anybody,and that's because of the immaturity of the human race.

Let HER approach you about going to counseling together, or whatnot, if she ever has  Don't extend yourself downwards to her level. Don't waste time with thinking of suggestions for her;  find an emotional support group for yourself in your area instead of "the drink". Because "The drink" sure as h*** isn't going to talk to you when you're feeling down. Gradually make new friends. Come back here often. Ireland's got enough genetic alcoholics, so don't be on the volunteer squad to become one of the newest manifestations of 'em. There's no need.


INFJ/ENFJ wings 3+4, Numerology: 1
Sun Pisc. Moon Capr. ASC Virg. N.Node Gem. S. Node Sagg.

Mortal life is a stay in a vast hospital ward.
(Eastern Orthodoxy +)

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential. (Churchill)

SWAMI-saved from bulimia!
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greenman
Thursday, May 3, 2012, 11:37pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

Autumn: Harvest, success.
Posts: 123
Gender: Male
Location: ireland west
seffafa i believe that you know a lot about the irish psyche even though maybe you are not irish. tell us more!?!
anyway we had a chat tonight, what she is doing is not her, she is working for a child, she thinks she will never have one, with another man, and forgetting what i have gone through lately in my life... i would gladly have children with her in fact it would be fantastic.
ok this is the second time that this has happenned to me  another girl years ago, i put my hand up and it is hard and yes i am really hurt, i am extremely sensitive..

lets go back to me...i have applied for the depression course and hope that i get it..
i sat down with my father who is now in aa and spoke honestly with him about my drinking of late, this was huge for both of us, he told me that he did not think i was an alcohlolic but just watch yourself...he has been in aa for 30 years, i told him what was going on, this is our first conversation in years

i have decided even though under severe financial pressure to join a gym.. i will do that within the next 2 weeks.. i am going to regain my life back again..

my ex was laughing at me today, what she is doing is so unlike her, she is never sarcastic and abhors this,  she was arrogant and looking down on me,so unlike her,  i said 'did you think of me lately?' her reply was that i(greenman) may do the final thing!! she didnot say that she would try to stop me, i have decided to fight back, please support me!!
i have to be myself, if she has changed overnight even if it is the change, lets re-build me...

i believed we were soul mates but maybe there is someone else for me somewhere. there may  or maybe not for me today, tomorrow, next year whenever or never lets see what happens.. the journey continues

i am hurt badly and heartbroken but seffara as we say in ireland "here we go, her we go!!"

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greenman  -  Thursday, May 3, 2012, 11:51pm
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Seraffa
Friday, May 4, 2012, 1:58am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Ee Dan
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Well....I know the other O's here will help you out a lot, Greenman. Just as the A's have helped me (yet everyone helps me, really.) Some days will always be better than others. I still forget to factor that in, every once in awhile. Today I felt like I had been thrown over the handlebars of a bicycle - as if I had been going top speed - and then crashed. Some days really will be "take it just one day at a time" or maybe " a couple hours at a time." No one can be perfectly calm, but we work at it, and gain a little more wisdom each day. It's really nice talking to you on this day in particular; THANK YOU.


INFJ/ENFJ wings 3+4, Numerology: 1
Sun Pisc. Moon Capr. ASC Virg. N.Node Gem. S. Node Sagg.

Mortal life is a stay in a vast hospital ward.
(Eastern Orthodoxy +)

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential. (Churchill)

SWAMI-saved from bulimia!
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RhodaMaria
Friday, May 4, 2012, 7:14am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Bravo Greenman!

You started to change your pattern! Awareness is the key to action!!  

Take care!

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Sahara
Friday, May 4, 2012, 5:20pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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I'm sorry, I meant to edit my post & forgot.  Since you have been through a  lot of stress you might want to consider Bach or California Flower Essences (FES) to address your grief issues.  Most Whole Foods sell the Bach line which has many good essences but not as many for grief & loss.  I hope you feel better.  Just eating some meat might make you feel instantly better also.
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greenman
Saturday, May 5, 2012, 10:27am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Location: ireland west
Thanks again everyone   you do not realise how marvellous that you all are and I hope to return the favour..This is one of the craziest time of my life and I hope to grow from it..

Since this happened "the breakup" I have been leading a destructive lifestyle...IT STOPS NOW!!
I have to rebuild myself

Actually went to a seminar yesterday to do with my work, this is something that I have neglected for a long time, I networked, something I am not good at but did it, whether anything comes from it or not I do not know, but I did it.

Now do not give out but as I said I have been destructive for the last week, eating wrong foods, and barely eating, drinking alcohol and can barely sleep more than two to three hours a night, I look terrible! I really need to sleep but cannot, sleeping has always been a problem for me..

However before the conference the photographer from the local paper asked me and a few others to pose for a photo for the local paper..I did not walk away, I would have done this lately..anyway at least I will laugh when I look at myself in the paper next week

I am dissapointed that I have no news from the treating depression course yet, when I get that and hopefully get in, then I will relax a bit

I will drop by here from time to time to talk and get support if that is ok, I need it
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gardengirl
Saturday, May 5, 2012, 2:15pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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I wouldn't "toughen up and be more selfish" just become more aware if people are trying to use you or take from you. Compassion is a great thing to have and I wish more people had it.
As far as the diet and exercise go it's up to you to get going at start up. Ugh, I finally got back into the exercise routine in the past six months or so (and I kind of hate it) and the results are fantastic so I keep motivated with that. Just attempt, keep it up or keep on attempting, it's not like you can't try again if you can't get into it. This is the longest I have ever exercised (at a high intensity level) ever, in my life. Trust me, I am lazy (no, I am not calling you lazy or anyone else) just me, so the fact I am do it, I think anyone could - how's that for self esteem - haha.  Really though, do think of yourself first but also to remember everyone else surrounding us.
Oh, past experience - moving on from someone who doesn't "want you" - BEST EXPERIENCE EVER!
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greenman
Sunday, May 6, 2012, 12:16am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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garden girl thanks very much..
believe or not if garden girl means something she was a horticulturist whose first job was in canada ....wow!!
thanks for this line
'Oh, past experience - moving on from someone who doesn't "want you" - BEST EXPERIENCE EVER'

yes i am finding it very hard and harder some of her comments and actions are so unlike her like crazy.
will definitely walk fo a good few hours tomorrow and trying to get started
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Seraffa
Sunday, May 6, 2012, 4:15am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Ee Dan
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Quoted from greenman
garden girl thanks very much..
believe or not if garden girl means something she was a horticulturist whose first job was in canada ....wow!!
thanks for this line
'Oh, past experience - moving on from someone who doesn't "want you" - BEST EXPERIENCE EVER'

yes i am finding it very hard and harder some of her comments and actions are so unlike her like crazy.
will definitely walk fo a good few hours tomorrow and trying to get started


Hey Greenman - most women are aware of what happens to them during midlife crisis and menopause and how many physical treatments there are out there to help them SO..........keep your feet a-walkin' . The only thing worse would be to still be living with them while they are cheating with you....been there...worn the #$%^" T-shirt my friend.......I was fortunate not to have jumped off a bridge when I found out..........its 9 years later now and I hardly ever remember the incident. Life will be good to you!    Are those "soothing" teas for type O's tasty to drink?




INFJ/ENFJ wings 3+4, Numerology: 1
Sun Pisc. Moon Capr. ASC Virg. N.Node Gem. S. Node Sagg.

Mortal life is a stay in a vast hospital ward.
(Eastern Orthodoxy +)

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential. (Churchill)

SWAMI-saved from bulimia!
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Seraffa
Sunday, May 6, 2012, 4:22am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Ee Dan
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Location: Houston, TX
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km4-eKvv3EM     
I'll dance with you later, when you've got your dancing shoes back on again.


INFJ/ENFJ wings 3+4, Numerology: 1
Sun Pisc. Moon Capr. ASC Virg. N.Node Gem. S. Node Sagg.

Mortal life is a stay in a vast hospital ward.
(Eastern Orthodoxy +)

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential. (Churchill)

SWAMI-saved from bulimia!
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Amazone I.
Sunday, May 6, 2012, 10:53am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Kyosha Nim
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I'll join from Switzerland ... *triple sec*


MIfHI K-174
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greenman
Sunday, May 6, 2012, 3:01pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Seraffa and Amazone I., I am hugely complemented, have to warn you both I am a useless dancer but I suppose lets have fun.

Two ladies in the one day asking me to dance, wow, I am smiling  while typing this now, Thanks
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Dianne
Sunday, May 6, 2012, 4:46pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Ee Dan
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Mind you, the only lasting relationship you will have till you die, is the relationship with yourself.. so cherish it..

Take good care of yourself.

Cocky  
[/quote]

Very good thread with much good advice from everyone and the above quote from Cocky is powerful because it has the ring of truth. I am going to memorize this line. We all have to keep one foot in front of the other and be reminded of how wonderful we all are!   Thanks to everyone.
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Goldie
Tuesday, May 8, 2012, 1:02pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

All Gatherer -70 Scorp/Sag on BTD/GENO 17 year
Sam Dan
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Greenman.. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.. millions of people that have lived with people that where affected by alcohol all suffer one way or the other.  WE do not have to be alcoholics to suffer from those issues.  

I am concerned about therapies that cost you money, there is at this time in your life NO need to spend any.  AA type meetings all speak to issues.  Some meetings start out with a topic as to that day's reading, while others are 'open' .. At all time the listening is as important than is the talking.  

AFTER a time in some meetings you will see that EACH of the meetings is addressing some part within your own life experience.  IT is in that identifying with, that the healing happens. Talking and talk therapy is way less effective than hearing different interpretations of similar issues. Talking is more about power..others being more (knowledgeable) (authoritative) (focused on making money)  

The best part about 'anonymous' meetings is the understanding that what is talked there - stays there.  There is 100 year history there and one or two books well worth reading.  Look for on ACOA book.. They are specific for adults who where children in alcoholic families and who developed unhealthy relationships as a result of not having HEALTHY boundaries.  

The meetings will change your life.  BUT try to commit your self to a number of them, if not in one group than in several different groups .. AA that is.. There are many in every town and city.  In the end you will find comfort and understanding in all of the sayings, the learning and the 'freedom' of attending them in a place where no one 'will be lore or less than who you are..

Try to find one with older men in the meetings.  They have wisdom and understanding.

Eating right is a good thing.. it will give you the strength needed to go to meetings and open the chains on your body/brain and let fresh air in.  All the best..   By the way we all could use such meetings.. there is no one who would not benefit.. if the 'spiritual' readings make you uneasy, as some might preach more than is expected, just look at it as being "their' need not yours.. You soon will see that it is not about 'them' but all about you.  

As for helping.. it is not encouraged there, other than during the meetings - makes for much more respect.  

and keep your own council- as the examples given will NEVER depend on what went on in your own life, BUT the LEARNING will be directly related to YOUR own circumstances.  No need to lay your self bare.. no need to compromise.  Just listen. take notes and post a saying or two on your own private walls and when you read them again and again you will encourage learning about life - your life.  All the best.    ___ in stopping circular thinking..              


Being here is invaluable, but not enough. We need ALL the Doctors. I needed them for a very small cancer spot-I could never feel!!! Please do your mammograms! Doing so saved me from cancer later on. I am grateful! Thanks for learning from my experience! I was lucky! I wish the same for YOU!
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Amazone I.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012, 1:55pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Kyosha Nim
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MIfHI K-174
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greenman
Tuesday, May 8, 2012, 5:24pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Thank you all
Goldie I have been accepted on the depression course, it is free, just have to commit to 6 meetings,

Will be very nervous going into it.
AA-meetings I spoke openly with my father about them, for the first time in years, he thinks that the drinking is a reaction to mothers death and loss of my partner but we will talk more about this

I met her parents today.. they are as devastated as I am..They don't interfere, but they were very kind and understanding to me
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Seraffa
Tuesday, May 8, 2012, 7:07pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Ee Dan
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Quoted from greenman
Thank you all
Goldie I have been accepted on the depression course, it is free, just have to commit to 6 meetings,

Will be very nervous going into it.
AA-meetings I spoke openly with my father about them, for the first time in years, he thinks that the drinking is a reaction to mothers death and loss of my partner but we will talk more about this

I met her parents today.. they are as devastated as I am..They don't interfere, but they were very kind and understanding to me


YAY!
Well, the good part is, the others will too and you can look and see if you build a friendship from it, as well as retaining your other friends.
And yes when people go all hormonal and crazy and don't tend to themselves...it impacts more than just you, and people will notice, so, she's not off scot-free by any means.
I hope you go out and get yourself a nice new set of clothes once you complete the 6 weeks course. You would deserve it.   "HER LOSS!!!" You're further ahead in the game than she is................!!!




INFJ/ENFJ wings 3+4, Numerology: 1
Sun Pisc. Moon Capr. ASC Virg. N.Node Gem. S. Node Sagg.

Mortal life is a stay in a vast hospital ward.
(Eastern Orthodoxy +)

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential. (Churchill)

SWAMI-saved from bulimia!
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Goldie
Tuesday, May 8, 2012, 7:50pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Sam Dan
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Move on every day and leave the past to it's own time.. It was all a lesson and it will serve you well when you let go of old patterns.. The conversation with your father was good if it did not hurt either of you.. His drinking and or your experiences about his drinking will reveal a lot about your mom also.  Some men drink to forget, some to drown their sorrow, and some so they can be with the person they are with - for leaving would be too painful.  Often the ones 'playing' the games, of blame, of excuses, of caring of sharing, often the ones IN the cycle have no clue.. learning about such things is a part of a journey to stop the cycle in the next three generations.  You see life and the experience of it does neither start nor end with you..

Have patience and learn to trust that there is way more to life then just TODAY.. trust that you will get through this so long as you leave bitterness and blame on the side of the road.. a package never to be picked up again.. This takes training but focusing on today and now will help to accomplish space and time between the pain ans sorrow.. when you come through on the far end of this narrow street, the world will open and be bright and sunny again..   picture it in your mind.. it's really quite a beautiful spot.. deep in your own mind and heart.    


Being here is invaluable, but not enough. We need ALL the Doctors. I needed them for a very small cancer spot-I could never feel!!! Please do your mammograms! Doing so saved me from cancer later on. I am grateful! Thanks for learning from my experience! I was lucky! I wish the same for YOU!
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Sahara
Tuesday, May 8, 2012, 9:01pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Use Bach flower essences for a hassle free approach to clearing emotional problems- just take the drops and get on with your life.
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Amazone I.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012, 9:19pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Kyosha Nim
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something new overthere   ......


MIfHI K-174
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ruthiegirl
Tuesday, June 12, 2012, 10:42pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

SWAMI O+ Gatherer, Healing from Fibromyalgia
Kyosha Nim
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We can only go forward from where we are now- the past is over.

All of us struggle sometimes with eating right and taking care of ourselves, so don't beat yourself up over poor choices in the past, even if it was just the past few days and your'e still feeling the physical side effects of those poor choices.

Focus on eating good foods- don't think so much about avoiding the bad ones. That can come later, after you've nourished your body with more good foods and the depression is more under control.


Ruth, Single Mother to 19yo   O- Leah , 18yo O- Hannah, and  12yo B+ Jack


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