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O and Anger  This thread currently has 4,092 views. Print Print Thread
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san j
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 4:36am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

Nomadess
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Location: San Francisco, California, USA
An O friend and I were talking today about O anger, and I repeated something I'd told her a good 10 years ago: That many Os do well to work out hard, to a good sweat, in the morning, so as to find their mood more even throughout the ensuing day.

She said "Wow" as if she'd never heard that before. She hadn't remembered I'd told her that (more than once). It seems now is the time in her life when she's ready for it - There are problems that urgently need to be fixed, and her angry reactivity is one of them.

This question is for you Os and for those who are involved with Os (And who isn't?  )
Do you have "fits" of anger, expressions of rage, contempt, criticalness, irritability, that feel good/exhilarating to you to express, but for which you're remorseful because ashamed afterward?
How do you successfully deal with anger?
Has Dr. D'Adamo's work helped you with your mood(s)?
Is there a specific remedy for you? And does it involve intense physical exertion?
Thanks for your input!  


D'Adamo proponent since 1997
dadamo Blogger and Forum participant since 2005
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Lola
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 5:27am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

GT1; L (a-b-); (se); PROP-T; NN
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exercise is our prosac

http://www.4yourtype.com/2012_newsletter_v9n03.asp

lets us get rid of catecholamines


''Just follow the book, don't look for magic fixes to get you off the hook. Do the work.'' Dr.D.'98
DNA mt/Haplo H; Y-chrom/J2(M172);ISTJ
The harder you are on yourself, the easier life will be on you!
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Andrea AWsec
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 12:31pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

SWAMI INFJ Warrior Taster
Kyosha Nim
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Got a few O's at work that have rage issues.


MIFHI

"Do not try to satisfy your vanity by teaching a great many things. Awaken people's curiosity. It is enough to open minds; do not overload them." Anatole France

"Healthy people have the least overt symptoms from eating avoid foods." Dr. D'Adamo
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grey rabbit
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 1:24pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

swamix 47% Teacher-INFP
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My ex is an O that does not successfully deal with anger and had bursts of rage. My (and his) daughter on the other hand is a calm and peaceful O. She is the most loving, gentle mother I have ever seen. She gets plenty of exercise and never drinks coffee, he drank pots of coffee and never got any regular exercise.


“Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.”

John Wayne's last words
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O in Virginia
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 2:04pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

Swami
Kyosha Nim
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Yes, I get angry and used to have a very short temper.  I'm much better at handling my anger as I've matured (outbursts are seldom now), and a good cardio workout definitely helps drain off that frustration and anger.  I feel much calmer afterward.  Not that I don't still feel irriatated, but I do need that vent in order not to blow.

Actually, my Type A husband has more of an anger problem than I do.  
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Goldie
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 3:23pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

All Gatherer -70 Scorp/Sag on BTD/GENO 17 year
Sam Dan
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Quoted Text
How do you successfully deal with anger?



That is the question I have asked for years and years.. and found no answer..

only sleeping over night ususally makes it get easier..

It is usually connected with people that just incist on having it their way..

well I have this on my walls.. for years..

Quoted Text
When will 'I' get that they don't get it?


When will i get it, that 'I' don't get it.


I seem to get angry when I can not make changes.. I live for making things better, I can not tolerate status nothing.. either it's good or needs fixing.. sameness is great when things are in the way they should be..

like towels- stacked nicely.. all is well.. a messy closet - I rather put nothing in the closet rather then have it messy.. I hang all things possible IN THE first place to save time, so that drawers are near empty and things don't need folding twice or trice..  

People making me crazy.. like with politics.. IF you are against it (whatever) then just don't do it.. but don't prevent others from doing what they like.. as I will not FORCE you to do it my way.. to each his own concience.. leave me to my sin and you to your's..

Controlling and demanding things of others is the GTREATEST SIN of all!

As for my anger.. how do I deal with it?  poorly for ME.. forgiving others is easy.. but I also seem to FOGET to easaly and so repeat my EXPECTATIONS of inherent goodness or understanding - which all to often become 'catastrophic' expectations ..

read this and life will be easy:

Quoted Text
No matter how 'good' a person you are.. THE BULL will charge you even IF you are a vegetarian..


as for stressful exercise.. bah humbag.. why stress me more?.. I rather seek out a friend and tallk, share a cup of cocoa, or do something constructive,,,,,,, like coming here and share ....  

Exercise when done while angry is way tooooo intense and much more likely hurting my body..

I exercise when i wan't to not because I am a slave to it.. I find exercise in everyday work ..

Not drinking caffeine helps.. not ever being hungry works.. music helps.. nice words from others help.. understanding or at least trying to, is a big help.. walking away from aggrevation helps..

If nothing else works= it's best to clean house.. I get a lot done when angry..

ANGER as a good thing= put's a doubble line under 'IT", or he or she.. IT ends the sharing.. their loss..  

Quoted Text
WITH EVERY GOODBY I LEARN
    

and then I plant my own garden..read a book, wash my windows, look for new friends..  

----------------

But I have a concern.. what of children that are told not to be expressing anger by hitting or stomping or whatever... how is a child ever to cope???

In some ways I am a child that askes that question.. there was never any means to be EXPRESSING anger when I was young.. (words and threats don't help).. they are like trowing something into the corner and then having to pick up the pieces- just not worth the frustration...   I am non violent.. I have no need for it in my life.. so how should one be able to get anger 'dealt' with?/  I ask..


Depression is anger turned inward.. anger is fear!  and yet..I only EXPirience fear seldom - and when I do - I walk away.. I VOTE WITH MY FEET.  

My Heros are : The Red Cross, Dr Albert Schweizer, Ghandy, and also Indira Ghandy, and kindness..

My work with electro magnetic vibrations helps.. at least they will prevent people from getting hurt and then they can HEAL from the inside out..  


Being here is invaluable, but not enough. We need ALL the Doctors. I needed them for a very small cancer spot-I could never feel!!! Please do your mammograms! Doing so saved me from cancer later on. I am grateful! Thanks for learning from my experience! I was lucky! I wish the same for YOU!
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ABJoe
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 4:16pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Goldie
But I have a concern.. what of children that are told not to be expressing anger by hitting or stomping or whatever... how is a child ever to cope???

I think part of the answer to this question is that when you do regular exercise, the catecholamine levels stay at a more steady level, so it is less likely that an irritation will trigger a violent outburst.  

It will always be important for parents to teach their children to keep emotions under control, however.  


RH-, ISTJ
Wonderful Wife = A+ Teacher; Darling Daughter = A- SWAMI Explorer
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Jared
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 5:06pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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I am very peaceful. However, I do have a wrathful imagination.


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ruthiegirl
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 5:07pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Kyosha Nim
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I'm fit to bursts of rage that pass almost as quickly as they come up. DD2 (O) and DS (B) are similar.

DD1 (O) is the opposite. It takes a LOT to set her off, and then she's upset for a very long time. She also has very low tolerance for brief outbursts.

A typicaly scene in my house is that DD2 and I yell about something small, and 2 minutes later the problem is resolved and we've both forgotten about it. Meanwhile, DD1 is all upset from witnessing our "violent outburst" and is still shaky,unsettled, and irritable an hour later, when we have no clue what it is that upset her.

It's a really bad mix of temperments to have in one house. If I was going to guess blood types based on temperment/personality, I would have guessed DD1 was the "odd one out" rather than DS.

I try to encourage my kids to express their anger in ways that don't hurt others. Going for a walk, throwing their own soft toys around their own space,  punching a pillow, having a good cry, blowing things up on a video game, etc. Tossing around furniture in the living room is NOT acceptable! Thank goodness DS has stopped doing that!


Ruth, Single Mother to 19yo   O- Leah , 18yo O- Hannah, and  12yo B+ Jack


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Spring
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 5:47pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Ee Dan
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Quoted Text
But I have a concern.. what of children that are told not to be expressing anger by hitting or stomping or whatever... how is a child ever to cope???
Goldie
When our sons would get to the point of punching one another, we would run them out of the house whether it was cold or whatever. We would tell them that we couldn't tolerate them punching each other so they would have to do it outside. Of course, both of them were conscious of the neighbors, so they would cool off fast - especially if it was cold outside! They would soon come back in laughing. But one thing they prized very highly was that these two A-Type parents didn't spend their time arguing about this and that and making life miserable for everyone around them! I used to warn them that when/if they married not to do any arguing around us because they didn't have to put up with it out of us, and we certainly didn't want to have to listen to it from them and their spouses. AND to never expect us to take up for them if they did get into an argument with their wives! A good sense of humor goes a loooog way in relationships.


"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid." -- Benjamin Franklin
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gardengirl
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 9:12pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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I was the worst when I was younger. It's funny though, everyone thought I was all sweet and quiet, etc. It was the blond hair and blue eyes I'm guessing because it sure wasn't my personality! I remember kicking holes in the wall, throwing things, etc. As I matured I grew out of it which is good because the way my day is going I could see myself throwing a few things around (like my two year old ha ha and yes I am joking) but I turn on the TV and here I sit on the computer for 1/2 hour by myself. I also went outside to chop ice off the driveway to get some frustration out. I refrained from pulling out the axe to do a better job with the ice. That would be dangerous - ha ha again. See, already a lighter mood.
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Sahara
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 9:16pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Definitely true.
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passionprincess
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 9:32pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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I wonder if the short, hot-tempered quality is more common in hunters. My dad is an O and he can seem impatient and short-tempered. He never holds a grudge and after he explodes, it is all good. It takes a lot to set him off (especially with us, kids... now adult children) but he can be impatient with other things such as trying to do too much in one day and double booking appointments instead of waiting for one appointment to end and moving on.

I am suspecting that being 100% compliant will help him become more balanced.

My mom is a very high strung AB. Being raised by two high strung parents, I was an unbalanced B (when I was not compliant) and had a super short fuse. I became better at controlling my temper and impulses as I got older and became very calm and balanced since the GTD. My sister, who is a B, a teacher (I suspect), does not have a temper, per se. It takes a lot to set her off and once she is set off, she will not go into a fit of rage but become very stubborn and persistent. My other sister, an A - OMG - I cannot even start to describe her rage.

I am wondering if certain genotypes have a tendency to display their anger and rage more prominently...


Simplifying my life. Only the best for my body, mind, and soul!

Food: Diamonds > Superfood > Neutrals > Black Dots > Avoids
People: Diamonds > Superfriends > Neutrals > Questionables > Avoids

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gardengirl
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 9:41pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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I also learn to watch myself by watching my other O friends! The behaviour can be very irrational (as with me).
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koahiatamadl
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 9:44pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Interesting point.  

I find that I get really irritable spending time with some people, even people I really like.  Normally people who absorb or process information or react to situations completely differently to me or the people I spend most of my time with.  What I mean by that is that most of the people in my circle have similar educational and professional backgrounds and thus act and react in certain ways, very similar to the way I act or react.  And I guess it just takes that little bit of extra effort to adjust my style when faced with people who are wired very differently.

When I am faced with people who I find irritating in a work setting I normally manage to control any angry tendencies because professional conduct demands that I find some way of working with them and their ways.  And I very rarely have any kind of angry outbursts at work despite working in a high pressure environment.  

But in my personal life I seem to struggle to be as patient or perhaps I am just less guarded. Stuff irritates me that would barely register as irritating at work and because I am less guarded it seems to creep up on me and all of a sudden I have some kind of grumpy outburst.  Clearly the recipient (it is one person in particular) does not deserve that and it is a tendency I have become much more aware of recently and want to really curb... exercise before the next meeting me thinks!    
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mpolyglottos
Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 10:13pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Lectin in my blood stream induces toxic psychosis. It is brief but intense. When I was a kid, is blow my lid so quickly that my friends would provoke me just to get a response. I used to punch and kick holes in the walls. My parents channeled my anger by buying me a punching bag. I'd beat the c**p out of it frequently, which was better than destroying the house. They put me in all sorts of organized sports: soccer, baseball, basketball, football, karate, bmx, shot put, etc. All of this helped immensely. It wasn't until I injured my back in high school that my adrenaline no longer had an outlet. This thankfully led to a religious conversion experience. This is a whole other topic....
As a nonnie, I've been wondering if my hyper sensitivity, as well as my almost exclusively fast-twitch build, are due to that.
As an Explorer, I'm paying attention to my liver more recently. According to TCM, liver heat creates liver wind, which manifests as a tic disorder. I suffer this when I'm not compliant. Also, according to 8 body type theory, I'm hepatonian, which means my liver is physically my largest organ. Conversely, my lungs are my smallest. The trademark for hepatonians is anger and quick temper. We need red meat to cool the liver. We also need sweat inducing exercise to strenghten our weakest organ, our lungs. I always feel terrific after an intense exercise
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san j
Wednesday, March 7, 2012, 12:13am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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A number of you have referred to the (OMG, Look Out!)   rage of an A, as something very different from the O variety.

I have seen this too.
It seems the O sort is a free-floating irritability seeking a target, and when it finds one it expresses itself royally, having an end. This can be in 15 minutes, 20 minutes, or much less... generally. It can manifest versus total strangers who are annoying or hindering the O, even unknowingly, as well as toward friends, family, and acquaintances who are non-threatening, i.e., upon whom the O doesn't rely for favors or to whom s/he doesn't feel beholden.
The A sort, however, usually represents the venting of a very longstanding resentment. The A person will surprise the unsuspecting, because s/he is normally not irritible or flexing for a fight. It seems to come out of the blue and level everything in its path, like a tornado, which can last for HOURS. What's more, the resentment CONTINUES AFTER THE RAGE IS SPENT.
Whereas the O's delivery might be just as destructive as the A's, it is quick and habitual, and is often followed by shame and intense remorse; people who know the O develop means/methods of traversing those minutes / dealing with the periodic storm, knowing the O will apologize and, sigh, lamely promise not to do it again, if pressed. The victim might see flowers, jewelry, etc. eventuate from these tempests.
The A can seem to have more of a permanent goal when s/he blows: The Annihilation of the Threat (read, in some cases: Other individual). The A's rages can be far fewer-and-further-between than those of the O, but they are more often of the sort that leads to Relationship Rupture. The A is not likely to apologize, but, rather, to await the capitulation of the victim, who must agree that the perp is correct or, perhaps, be shunned/rejected by the A permanently or semi-permanently, i.e., put on his/her s**t list.

This has been a very general comparison. But since some of you refer to the Immense Power of the A rage, in the context of a discussion of my Original Post treating of O's more free-floating anger, I thought I'd make the distinction here, as I understand it.

- - - - -

Since the O anger is apparently catecholamine-driven, why isn't the AB similarly famous for angry tirades? Isn't the latter's stress-level also primed by catecholamines? Anyone look into this?

Hmmm: I sort of answer my own question in this from my 2008 Blog Journal:
http://www.dadamo.com/B2blogs/blogs/index.php/2010/12/08/impressions-of-o?blog=8
What do you think?

- - - -

Here's a blog of mine, from six years ago, sort of apropos, and amusing, re two O cab drivers in San Francisco.
http://www.dadamo.com/B2blogs/blogs/index.php/2006/08/10/two-screechin-o-cabbies?blog=8


D'Adamo proponent since 1997
dadamo Blogger and Forum participant since 2005
Cyber-Newbie, as of 2004

Revision History (3 edits)
san j  -  Wednesday, March 7, 2012, 12:29am
san j  -  Wednesday, March 7, 2012, 12:27am
san j  -  Wednesday, March 7, 2012, 12:24am
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Tom Martens
Wednesday, March 7, 2012, 12:31am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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If I don't exercise for a week or so I tend to get easily frustrated and irritable.  Once I go running for just 1 mile, I feel so much better afterwards.


Be who you are.  Those who mind don't matter, those who matter won't mind.

FIfHI

M,M LeA+ LeB-

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ABJoe
Wednesday, March 7, 2012, 12:44am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from san j
Since the O anger is apparently catecholamine-driven, why isn't the AB similarly famous for angry tirades? Isn't the latter's stress-level also primed by catecholamines? Anyone look into this?

When I was eating the anything diet, I was in so much pain that any perceived threat would cause me to blow up, but usually it was a very quick and done thing.  Eliminate the threat and be happy again.  This usually didn't work so well with my A WW, however, because about the time I was finished, she was now hurt and would be upset for 2 weeks that I could be so "unfeeling"...

Now that we are eating per BTD / SWAMI, I rarely blow up...  Most of the time, we just converse about any difference or if she pops, I'll just shut up and let her spout without a response and she'll settle down in a matter of an hour or so...  


RH-, ISTJ
Wonderful Wife = A+ Teacher; Darling Daughter = A- SWAMI Explorer
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cajun
Wednesday, March 7, 2012, 12:57am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Being an A, coming from an A Mother, an O Father, married to an O with one O son, and having 2 best friends that are O's......I agree with SanJ and especially what she said
regarding the difference between the rage/holding grudges/apologizing, etc of O's and A's! In fact, in my experiences..see above...she hit it right on the money, honey!


 Ao  ISFJ   Taster   Rh+  

"God gave us the gift of life. It is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well." Voltaire
"Whisper words of wisdom. Let it be." Sir Paul McCartney
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Melissa_J
Wednesday, March 7, 2012, 4:05am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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I have seen something quite different between As and Os.  From what I've seen being married to an A (and being an O), is that As are more high-strung, and easily stressed.  They react quickly and calm down just as quickly, returning to normal as soon as the stress or danger has passed.  They can often laugh about things much sooner after the fact than Os.

Os have a much longer fuse, but a bigger destructive force.  Os certainly can harbor resentments, as can anyone.  Once an O gets upset, it can be very hard to calm down and get under control.  I've found a punching bag and a pair of running shoes to be a necessity. Exercise can be calming and therapeutic for As, but healing for Os.  Os have a capacity to remain calm and calculating in the face of danger, yet take hours or even days to calm back down.  If I get stressed before breakfast and a shower, my day is shot (can only be undone with exercise followed by meditation or a nap).  Os can also endure long periods of stress with apparent patience, only to fall apart when it is over.  As endure, but once the stress is over, they are normal and happy, not too shaken and exhausted to celebrate.

Genotype difference probably figure in greatly, at least for Os, and between introverts and extroverts, so I speak as an introvert.  Extrovert Os tend to express themselves more often and tend to be more "sparky".  Introverts internalize things and let stresses build up.  I am also a hunter, so adrenal exhaustion can be an issue, as it can be for As.


Type O+ blogger, secretor afterall. Gluten intolerant. With two gluten intolerant sons:  A+ Secretor 10 yo (also fructose intolerant and slightly egg allergic), and  O- 7yo.
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Melissa_J
Wednesday, March 7, 2012, 4:07am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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I'm sure gender difference can come into play as well.  If you pumped a bunch of testosterone into me I'm sure I would not be pleasant to be around.


Type O+ blogger, secretor afterall. Gluten intolerant. With two gluten intolerant sons:  A+ Secretor 10 yo (also fructose intolerant and slightly egg allergic), and  O- 7yo.
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cajun
Wednesday, March 7, 2012, 4:33am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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The O's in my life, whether male or female, are all Hunters or Explorers.
They will all tell you that I hold grudges, they do not.
They will all tell you that I am rarely the first to apologize....it takes me awhile after I am mad/hurt/disgusted.
They will all tell you I am the first to "fly off the handle"...I can anger quickly and do not cool down for awhile.
All this being said, they will all tell you that I am the most loyal, friendly and generous(when I want to be) out of us all!


 Ao  ISFJ   Taster   Rh+  

"God gave us the gift of life. It is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well." Voltaire
"Whisper words of wisdom. Let it be." Sir Paul McCartney
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Spring
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I have never been around people at work or at home who exploded the way it is being described here. I have never seen a hole punched in a wall or any of that sort of thing. Both my husband and I are A-types and both of us dislike arguing even, let alone blowing up about anything. I guess that is one reason I always disliked - intensely - soap operas! I can do without that high octane stuff any day!! But I don't mean to sound like I don't sympathize with people who have to vent. It certainly beats having a heart attack just so long as it doesn't cause another person to have one!!


"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid." -- Benjamin Franklin
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san j
Wednesday, March 7, 2012, 5:53am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from cajun
I am the most loyal, friendly and generous(when I want to be) out of us all!


Keep wanting to be, darlin'!  


D'Adamo proponent since 1997
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