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Eating at Friends' Houses  This thread currently has 664 views. Print Print Thread
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Patty H
Friday, April 8, 2011, 4:35pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Ee Dan
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My hubby and I are going to spend the night with friends who live about an hour away tomorrow night.

In my communications with the wife, I said that I was on a pretty strict diet - no wheat, corn or dairy, so if there was anything I could bring for food, just let me know.

She writes back that she is serving slow roasted pork, asparagus and Fettucini Alfredo.  
Obviously, the only thing I can eat is the asparagus.  I think I am just going to eat what she serves and shut my mouth . . . is that what most of you would do?  

We have known her (she is remarried) for over 28 years.  She is a fantastic cook and really takes pride in her cooking.  I would hate to insult her by showing up with a steak to throw on the grill and a salad or something.

How do you handle these situations?


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Victoria
Friday, April 8, 2011, 4:43pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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hmmmmm . . .  that's a very personal choice.  I think it depends on how strong your health is and what your current health goals are.

It's not an emotional issue for me, but a purely life preserving one.  My health really crashed a few years ago and following Dr. D'Adamo's programs became a matter of having another chance at life.  I have worked very hard to rebuild my health and it's completely obvious to me how I react quickly to foods that are not good for my body.  I can't afford the luxury of losing ground and want to keep seeing my light returning, brighter each day.  

SO . . I would explain all that to my friend and I would bring the food I felt I needed in order to sit down at the meal with everyone.

But a great many people seem to have a lot of leeway in their diets and for the short term they don't seem to have problems with eating avoid/toxins.  That's why it's a personal issue and not a 'rule'.  Whatever you choose, have a wonderful, happy time with your friend!  



Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.
Let me not pass you by in quest
of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
~Mary Jean Irion
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Jane
Friday, April 8, 2011, 5:17pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Personally in that situation, I might eat a little of the pork but not the pasta (although it would be SO tempting).  I don't eat pork regularly but if I'm out and there's a little bit of bacon or ham or whatever in something I've been served, I don't panic.  The wheat is another thing as far as I'm concerned.  If you are comfortable and you don't think it will bother you, enjoy the meal and take some Deflect.
Jane
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Mother
Friday, April 8, 2011, 5:30pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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pork is not good for me at all, probably react to pork more than anything. Won't even eat the casing. IF it were me, I'd explain your diet and how hard your trying to 'feel good'. I would also ask if she would mind if I brought a cold chicken breast to put her sauce on and if you could bring a salad to share. she's set up for wheat pork and dairy. ALL biggies. I couldn't 'enjoy' that meal no matter how good it tasted. I always explain my diet is a pain and don't enjoy passing up all the food I love but I feel so much better. Just a thought..


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Poppy
Friday, April 8, 2011, 5:45pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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I find that if you tell people that if the food makes you feel really unwell, then they understand better. I'm sure your friend does not want you to feel unwell. And, bring some easy to heat up food. What is happening for breakfast the following morning?


I love dogs and turtles, bird watching, canoeing, cooking for friends and family, knitting, reading, and DR. D's diets!
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Lola
Friday, April 8, 2011, 5:57pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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tell her you are not there for the food but for the wonderful company.
make her aware of the fact that you are allergic, and have a hard time watching what you eat.
to pls understand and that you ll be bringing your stuff along.


''Just follow the book, don't look for magic fixes to get you off the hook. Do the work.'' Dr.D.'98
DNA mt/Haplo H; Y-chrom/J2(M172);ISTJ
The harder you are on yourself, the easier life will be on you!
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Chloe
Friday, April 8, 2011, 6:08pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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I find eating at friend's houses ten times more difficult than going to a restaurant....but over
time, my friends have started to acknowledge that they have to ask me what I can eat, rather than
just make something they want to cook and watch me eat practically nothing.

I too feel I can't afford the luxury of eating a completely non compliant meal....and in all honestly
I love myself a bit more than I love my friends......so I'd probably eat a big enough meal at home
before I went to friend's house (if they didn't have any particular plans for what to feed me) or
bring something compliant for me to eat...and I'd probably explain to my hostess that I'm allergic
to many foods and trying to heal my body.

Either people understand or they don't.  I don't worry about insulting anyone because I figure
out a way to say something tactful to my hostess about my food choices...and believe it or not, I've managed to train almost everyone I know to accommodate my eating requirements. I
prefer to set a good example, hopefully teach people how to eat right...but mostly I want to
always be true to myself.  That's a very empowering feeling



"The happiest people don't have the best of everything.....they know how to make the best of everything!"
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upnorth6
Friday, April 8, 2011, 6:41pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Chloe

...but mostly I want to
always be true to myself.  That's a very empowering feeling



That's it right there! Be true to yourself and you can't go wrong  

I've reached that point in life where I know it's a fact I am going to upset and disappoint people....it's unavoidable.....

Do what brings you the most peace.

No matter what you do in this situation you are going to experience discomfort.

The discomfort of eating foods that don't agree with you or the discomfort of bringing your own. Pick the lesser of 2 evils...For me, personally, bringing my own food would be the discomfort of my choice...

Good luck!!!!





Hubby O-, 16yr son A-, 14yr son A-, 12yr daughter A-, 7yr son O-

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Patty H
Friday, April 8, 2011, 6:41pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Poppy
I find that if you tell people that if the food makes you feel really unwell, then they understand better. I'm sure your friend does not want you to feel unwell. And, bring some easy to heat up food. What is happening for breakfast the following morning?


With my luck, it will be pancakes and sausages, orange juice and hot, steaming coffee!


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ruthiegirl
Friday, April 8, 2011, 7:06pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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For me, personally, if the host family couldnt' be accomodating to my dietary needs, I wouldn't go. My health is quite fragile right now and I can't afford to take those kinds of risks with my health.

For my kids, though, it's different. Since we keep kosher, we don't have to worry about pork specifically or dairy in a meat meal, but they could still encounter wheat, dairy (just not in the same meal as meat) and non-compliant meats (such as chicken for DS.) I let them eat whatever they want when they go away overnight. It wouldn't be practical for them to go away and NOT eat what's served- and I wouldn't want to impinge on their social lives. The whole point of putting them on BTD so young is to keep them healthy and avoid future problems, so if they eat badly once every two months, I'm OK with that.

You need to make some decisions here. Just how close is this friend? How sensitive are you to avoids? Do you think she'll be more accomodating if you explain your dietary needs in a calm fashion, or perhaps if she'd had more warning (did you tell her your restrictions before or after she made the menu plan and did the food shopping?)

Eating what she serves this one time is reasonable- but see how she responds when you tell her you're on a new diet plan. Also see how you feel physically after eating her cooking. She may well enjoy the challenge of cooking healthy-for-you foods, giving them her sense of style and flair. But it may be too short notice for her to change the menu now. Perhaps she can accomodate your dietary needs the next time you visit, even if it's too late for this upcoming visit.

If she's totally un-accomodating to your dietary requests, even when she has ample time to plan the menu around your needs, then you may want to reconsider the friendship. Does a good friend want her friends to feel sick every time they visit? But again, the meal is tomorrow night and she's probably already started preparing for it. I'm talking about what should happen next time.


Ruth, Single Mother to 19yo   O- Leah , 18yo O- Hannah, and  12yo B+ Jack


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BCgal
Friday, April 8, 2011, 7:46pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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  I'd go with bringing my own food along.  For breakfast too, just in case.  Bring a cooler along so you have the things you need.  I always travel with a cooler of food I can eat.  And as already mentioned, let your friend know that you've been away from those foods for so long now that to eat them now would really make you feel ill.  You're there for the association.  My husband is compliant while I'm feeding him at home, but goes for the gusto when we're at someone elses home, so he makes up for what I don't eat.  He still hasn't clued into why he feels so lousy the next day though.



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nowishow
Friday, April 8, 2011, 8:13pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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I agree with the person who said it depends on how well you are. I've got Lyme Disease and it's really a bad idea to eat off diet. I really notice the difference. I'll get a migraine during or shortly after I eat which makes me really bad company. This actually happened the last time I ate at my brother's house.


"Anxiety is the gap between now and then"

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Patty H
Friday, April 8, 2011, 9:15pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from ruthiegirl
You need to make some decisions here. Just how close is this friend? How sensitive are you to avoids? Do you think she'll be more accomodating if you explain your dietary needs in a calm fashion, or perhaps if she'd had more warning (did you tell her your restrictions before or after she made the menu plan and did the food shopping?)

Eating what she serves this one time is reasonable- but see how she responds when you tell her you're on a new diet plan. Also see how you feel physically after eating her cooking. She may well enjoy the challenge of cooking healthy-for-you foods, giving them her sense of style and flair. But it may be too short notice for her to change the menu now. Perhaps she can accomodate your dietary needs the next time you visit, even if it's too late for this upcoming visit.

If she's totally un-accomodating to your dietary requests, even when she has ample time to plan the menu around your needs, then you may want to reconsider the friendship. Does a good friend want her friends to feel sick every time they visit? But again, the meal is tomorrow night and she's probably already started preparing for it. I'm talking about what should happen next time.


Ruthie, this is very good advice.  You see, the thing is, I am not on the diet because food, ANY food for that matter, bothers me.  I can eat anything and tend to have a cast iron stomach.  Her food will not make me ill.  Also, she has known me for so many years and to suddenly have developed food allergies to so many things, will also not ring true with her.  The reason I am on the diet is to try and AVOID the family history of heart disease and work on my blood pressure and cholesterol.

I think she may have already done the shopping for the meal.  I just told her yesterday that I was on a diet.  To be honest, I thought we would be going OUT for dinner, which is so much easier because then I can chose whatever I want, so I didn't tell her long enough in advance.

I am a good cook and can make just about anything, so even if someone told me at the last minute that they had certain food issues, I would not be flustered by working that into my meal plan.  I do it quite often, in fact.  I'll just make a quick trip to the store and get something extra or additional and no big deal.  I suppose for some people their meal plan is what it is and no additions allowed.  I usually just add the extra food with what I am already serving.  For instance, how difficult would it be to serve the fettuccini alfredo but add a side dish of spinach, which cooks in about three seconds!

I told her that I would bring a salad, an appetizer, as I see that as being another big issue for me and some red wine.  I'll tell them about my diet and WHY I am on it.  Hopefully the fact that all three of my siblings have had bypass surgery will be convincing enough to help her understand why I have cut out certain foods and work with me to provide a meal that all can enjoy and I can eat guilt free next time.  


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Victoria
Friday, April 8, 2011, 9:42pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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It can take time to educate all our friends, but I think that is the key to success in being able to maintain a social life.  People generally just don't understand that this isn't just a "diet" like a million others out there, where people can't wait to "cheat".

You might still want to bring along something you would want to eat for breakfast if you think it could be more of the kind of foods that are not good for you.



Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.
Let me not pass you by in quest
of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
~Mary Jean Irion
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Lola
Friday, April 8, 2011, 10:10pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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than eating her food and enjoying the moment won t be an issue to your health

once back home, you jump right back on your wagon, and voila!

individualized choices is what all this is about


''Just follow the book, don't look for magic fixes to get you off the hook. Do the work.'' Dr.D.'98
DNA mt/Haplo H; Y-chrom/J2(M172);ISTJ
The harder you are on yourself, the easier life will be on you!
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geminisue
Friday, April 8, 2011, 11:30pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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She won't expect you to eat the wheat & dairy product, since you mentioned, it in the e-mail to her, the veggie is good, so I feel since you mentioned it, that bringing a meat you could eat, already prepared, the way you eat it, and like you said, a salad to share, that would be fine.

How about a quiche to bring along to share for breakfast, that way you are sure, your covered, for breakfast.
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Chloe
Friday, April 8, 2011, 11:41pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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I've had 23 years to educate everyone I know about what I will and won't eat.  They sort of expect
me to be "different"...although one friend likes to refer to it as an oppositional disorder..


"The happiest people don't have the best of everything.....they know how to make the best of everything!"
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Patty H
Saturday, April 9, 2011, 1:36am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Lola
than eating her food and enjoying the moment won t be an issue to your health

once back home, you jump right back on your wagon, and voila!

individualized choices is what all this is about


Yes, Lola, I think you are absolutely correct!  I will not get physically ill from what she feeds me and I have an opportunity to educate her about not just what I can eat but WHY I choose to eat what I eat and AVOID what I choose to avoid.  One or two meals of avoids will not harm me, since I will not feel sick from the food.  I think she will understand my choice once we sit down with a glass of RED wine and I can tell her about my family history and my desire to live to see my children marry and my desire to live to see my grandchildren.  Who can argue with that!!!

The funny thing is, too, that jumping off the wagon does not side track me.  I know that is an issue for some people, but not with me.  I tend to me more vigilant on the diet once I have jumped off the wagon!!!  So that is a strength that I can call upon and know that I have not sabotaged my progress.


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Lola
Saturday, April 9, 2011, 3:22am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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''Just follow the book, don't look for magic fixes to get you off the hook. Do the work.'' Dr.D.'98
DNA mt/Haplo H; Y-chrom/J2(M172);ISTJ
The harder you are on yourself, the easier life will be on you!
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