Once upon a time there lived a family of four very unique individuals known as the Bloody Family. There was a mystery as to where they actually came from and their parents must have just got the latest book of baby names and decided to be creative. The oldest child was called Fucose, who quite rightly shortened it to just “O”. Next came N-Acetyl-Galactosamine who preferred to be called “A”, followed by her little sister D-Galactosamine, who wanted to be called “D”, but wasn’t very good with the alphabet (despite being a killer at crossword puzzles) and so ended up as “B”. Last but not least came the youngest and after a massive fight between the parents over whether he should be called A junior or B junior, ended up a being called “AB” to keep the peace.

One day, O thought they should have a family meeting.

O: I think it’s time we had a Bloody family meeting. Hey A, go and round up those other idiots.
A: Just because you’re the oldest you think you can boss everybody around. You’re so insensitive.
O: I am not insensitive and if you call me that again I”ll smash your face in. Where the hell is B.
A: I don’t know, must have wandered off somewhere as usual. Hey AB, go and see if you can find B while I organise some pens and paper and a few refreshments.
AB: Oh man, you’re freaking me out!. What if B doesn’t want to be found man, what if finding B alters the karmic path that B is meant to travel man, it could upset the whole universe man.
O: Shutup ya fruitcake. Stay there and contemplate your navel and I’ll go hunt her down myself.

Just then B walks through the door as serene and balanced as she always is (except for that time she ended up with a high toxicity and indican reading after a weekend at the chicken ranch) and dressed like no one else you’ve ever seen before. B always thought she should be a designer, but could never stay still long enough to put her ideas into practice.

O: Right, I’ve called this meeting because we really have to do something about all the food in the fridge. The old Westinghouse is starting to collapse because we all have our own foods and there just isn’t enough room. We have to work out if we can find some common foods that we all eat so we don’t double up. Any ideas?
AB: Hey, who made you the leader man?
O: Shutup.
A: Oooooh, my aching belly!
AB: Oh far out man, what’s up sis?
A: I just finished four grilled cheese sandwiches, a bowl of olives, a couple of slices of ham, a large orange juice, 2 mangoes and a bowl of cashew nuts with a whiskey chaser. I really gotta stop having these big breakfasts.
O: If I’ve told you once I’ve told you a thousand times, olives aren’t good for you. Hey, where did B go?
AB: I think she’s wandered off again man.
O: Hey B, where are you?
B: I’m on the roof.
O: What the hell are you doing up there?. Get down here. Crazy fool, I’m sure she thinks she thinks she’s trekking the Himalayas when she does that. We should call her Sir Edmund bloody B Hilary.
B: For your information I was taking a quiet moment to think of all the foods that we all like to eat that don’t cause us any digestive problems (looking sternly at A, who always seems to stress so badly about these matters).
O: Good, good, at least someone around here has their head screwed on right.
AB: Hey chill out man, don’t get yourself all worked up man, you know what happens when get all full of adrenaline man, it’s like you just don’t come down man you know what I mean man.
O: Shutup.
AB: See man.
O: Right. I’m going to run down to the store (it’s only five miles and I should be able to do that in 25 minutes at a good pace) and see what the cost of a new refrigerator is. So while I’m doing that, I want you all to draw up a list of all the foods you eat and we’ll cross-check them when I get back.
A: Righto, I’ve got everything organised. Here’s your pens and pads people, here’s your running shoes O, and here’s a couple of glasses of beer just to make it all fun. I mean, nothing like a bit of alcohol to calm the nerves eh?

As O puts on his running shoes and shakes his head at A, B roams out into the backyard and AB sits in quiet contemplation waiting for the list of foods to “come” to him, another day in the Bloody household has begun.

(The Bloody family story is to be continued by the next forum participant. Try to make the story continue from where the last entry left off. I suggest you write your entry into a word processor and then copy it across just in case something goes wrong with the computer or whatever. It also gives you time to think of all the blood type related matter for your story line. Have fun)

  we should set up a separate section for "type O humor."  Nobody else gets it.

*laughing helplessly*

I am copying this and forwarding it to my AB roomie back East. She'd better read it or I'll punch her lights out. And I know when she DOES read it, she'll say "Oh wow, far out man!"



Nice one azzap.  

ha-ha-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
hi-hi-hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
he-he-heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

super-great- now I am blaming myselve for my bad english can't come with you!!!

Azzap-you are one of the greatest- really good-love this form of writings very much
congratulations for that, boy I'll look for a lecturing job???! Great stuff!!!!!

yours truly ISA (Clau.Schi. remplacement hi-hi-hiiiiiiiii)

Quoted from Brighid45, posted Saturday, December 25, 2004, 3:07pm at here

... she'll say "Oh wow, far out man!"

Isa-M beat her to it.    


  !!!

azzap,

This is a groovy story.  

You have a great, creative mind to conjecture this Bloody Family tale; it is only fair that you should finish what you started.



Alia

oooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuups-sorry

*lol*!!
Indeed she did, Heidi. At least now we don't have to take Isa out back and work her over.

Just kidding, Isa!!

I'll be calling my AB friend a little later tonight and will report her review.

I just realized something.              



{{{roflshiwm}}}


{wipes away tears}


everybody, read how Alia is 'organizing' Aaron to finish the story and ... and that...

     



the B's are missing....  



         !!!!!!!

Heeeeeeeee!!

Blood will out!

azzap-great story teller you are.   I loved it.   [rolmao]            

Debra

Jeeesh, you guys.....
I'm outta here!!!!!!!!!!

We B's gotta get goin' man!

As O ran to the store (timing himself and checking on his heart rate), A decided to jump on the net and check out the latest news going around. Much to her disgust she found an article about the new rules regarding vitamin supplements that the European Union was looking to introduce in the new year.
A: Oh my god, have you seen the new rules that the European Union are looking to introduce in the new year?, she shrieked to no one in particular. They’re going to remove large-dose vitamins from the shelf and replace them with “safe” level doses. Who ever heard of anyone dying from vitamin C.?
AB: Whoa, chill out man, you know it’s all a planned move by the mega-powers to remove the rights of the common people to chose their own lifestyle while at the same time enforcing a draconian medico-pharmacalogical oligarchy designed to diminish your health and decrease you wealth man.
A: What?
AB: There’s nothing you can do about it man.
A: Animal Manure!. I say we organise a rally and take this issue to our local member and let our politicians know just how we feel.
AB: Right on sister.
B: (looking up from her crossword puzzle) You do realise of course that what you are proposing would require many hours of energy on your part not to mention the fact that we still haven’t even started on our list of foods yet.
A: But we gotta do something. Whew, I’m stressing out here. Where’s my beer? Ah, that’s better. Hey, AB, pour me another one will you?. Thanks.
AB: You know, if you really wanted to relieve that stress then the beer isn’t exactly going to help man.
A: Shutup.
AB: See, you’re starting to sound like O.
A: Well, what do propose I do smarty pants?.
AB: It’s all about cortisol man. You’ve already got high levels in your bloodstream man, so doing some meditation or a good session of yoga will brings those levels right down……man.
A: I don’t have time for meditation or yoga. Who has time to do that sort of stuff? There are more important things to do in life than sitting around going ooohhmmm. What do you think B?. B?, now where the hell has she gone now?
AB: There she is, hiking up that hill over there. She told me once that she hikes to get exercise and to reduce her stress levels. Maybe you should try it.
A: Hiking schmiking. I ain’t gonna traipse all over the countryside like some british backpacker. Show me how you do that meditation thing.

As AB took A through a meditation session (which A resisted all the way until AB told her that lowering cortisol would also help her lose weight), O was on his way back from the store having secured a good deal on a new fridge. As an extra incentive the salesman threw in a week’s worth of meat. O thought that was a great deal and was so excited to tell the others that he cut 2 minutes off his time getting back to the house. After winding down with a few stretches and checking his resting pulse rate he entered the house, only to find it unnervingly quiet. His senses became alert, his heart starting pumping faster and a slight sweat broke out over his brow (more so than what was already there). His muscles tensed and the adrenaline continued coursing through his body. As he entered the lounge-room he prepared for flight or fight….

(Now don’t be shy people. There’s an author in all of us I’m sure. I mean, I’m just making this stuff up off the top of my head using what I’ve learnt from the doctor’s material and my own (and your) experiences. We can all do that, surely. Even if it’s a coupe of lines to add emphasis to the plot or sub-plot (if there is one – hey, send it off in another direction if you want. Add new characters, whatever) in the story. It would be great to see how other blood types add perspective. And it’s a lot of fun too.)

Haha it makes mucho sense, as im laying on my bed but really it is a white sand beach, the most obvious spot but still no one can find me, duh! wait, what was i doing?

Now Azzap,

i'm sure there are much better ways to spend our time than posting silly jokes.  



P.s. In Spain we wink at someone when we are telling a joke; when something is not true. I hope you realise I am following your bloody family joke.

'O: I am not insensitive and if you call me that again I”ll smash your face in. Where the hell is B.'  ...and I mean that in the best possible way.

hahaha

Hey, now...

We're here.

Just not always in the same room... so to speak.  


And as an avid {ahem} hiker, and living with three blood types in one family I must say Aaron, that this really is spot on! Except my O is quite mellow for an O but the A's with their mental intensities and sensitive belly's... Whew!!

!!!

O, with heart racing bursts into the loungeroom.
A: Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggghhhh!!!
AB: Aaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!
O: Aaaarrrrrrarrarrrrrgggghhhhhhh!!!
A: O god, I think I'm having a heart attack.
AB: Heavy trip man!
O: What in the sam hill are you too doing?. It was so quiet in here I thought someone had done you all in or something. Where's B?
B: Here I am (as she walked in the door from her trek). I heard all the screaming and came a runnin'.
A: For your information mister hunt-em-and-kill-em, we were meditating. Connecting with the oneness that is all and finding our personal nirvana.
O: Right. Which reminds me, I've got their album around here somewhere. I haven't listened to it for ages.
A: No you idiot, universal nirvana, peace within oneself.
O: Look, I don't care what the title was, I know it's around here somewhere. You think you are the only one's who can be mellow. I've got a good friend who's just like B, and her husband is just like me and he's real mellow, although her kids are just like you A, always with the upset tummies and all, but anyway, as I said, I can be mellow too when I want.....
A,AB and B: Shutup
O: Ooh, Testy testy.
AB: So did you sort out a fridge man?
O: Yep, sure did, and got a week's worth of meat in the bargain.
A: Terrific, I'm dying for a steak.
O: Actually, the funniest thing happened. I was standing outside the store bragging to this bloke about the deal I got and he started telling me about how meat wasn't real good for certain blood types.
B: Who was this bloke?
O: Oh some protoscientist named Deedeearmo or something or other. Looked harmless enough, but what he said really made sense. It might help us with our food lists.
AB: Oh man, you don't want to go messing with nature man, besides, blood is blood, isn't it?
O: No, that's just it. He said there were four blood types. O,A,B,and AB, and that each blood type can respond to the same food differently so that what is good for one might not be good for another.
AB: Whoa man, that sounds just like us. The blood types I mean, and we're the Bloody family, Oh man I'm freakin out man.
B: Chill out AB, this makes sense. O loves his meat and does real well on it, but A and you both seem to get the bloated blues on it. As for me, well, I can take it or leave it, but I do love a good roast lamb.
A: So does that mean I can't have a steak?
O: Not necessarily, but if you want to stop yourself from getting that "brain fog" you always seem to get after a heavy meal, as well as give your digestive system a bit of a break, then you would be wise to cut down drastically on the heavy red meats. He said it was something to do with Intestinal Alkaline Phospatase whatever that is. In fact, according to the doc, the A blood type is predominately vegetarian.
A: Vega-bloody-tarian!. You're joking. That's enough to drive a person to drink. Speaking of which, have we finished that beer yet?
AB: No, can I pour you a pint guvner?.
A: Damn straight.
B: I'll have one too.
O: Ya pack of alcho's, where's a good red wine when you want one.
A: Ooh, listen to mister la-dee-da over here. Beer not good enough for you hey?.
O: No it's not that, it's just that I feel all light headed and get ill really fast with beer.
A,AB, and B: But that's the whole point.
O: Anyway, it's not alcohol I need right now, it's food. I need some protein. Let's get some lunch.
A: Best thing you've said all day O.

As the sun rose high in the sky and the shadows disappeared, the Bloody family set about getting lunch prepared. But this wouldn't be any ordinary lunch. The mysterious doctor had set their minds to work and today's fare would produce something totally different than what they were used too.

I can't wait for the next installment!!  This is great stuff!

azzap-wunnerful, wunnerful, wunnerful.            And it's still a learning experience too.    

Debra

...any the story continues~

A: Right then, you lot get yourselves washed up while I organise the me-and-u.
B: Always with the organising aren’t you?
AB: Yeh man, why can’t you just live in the moment you know. It’s not all about what’s happening next or what just went man, it’s all about NOW baby. If you’re not living in the moment you’re missing the beauty of all that is man.
A: Are you finished?
AB: I guess so man.
A: Good, because while you were jabbering on I got everything ready, so sit down, shutup, and eat.
AB: Heavy!!
O: I’ve got a hankerin’ for some flankerin’. Was there any rump steak left in the old Westinghouse?
A: Yep, sure was. Not only am I the most organised person in the world but I’m the fastest cook you’ve ever seen too (pokes tongue out at B and AB). Here you go, one rump steak, medium rare, some broccoli, pumpkin and kale with a drizzle of olive oil. As for the rest of us, I must admit to be slightly intrigued by this blood type stuff although the thought of being a vegie is kind of a turn off, BUT, I’m up for a challenge. What about you guys?
AB: I’m easy man.
B: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast pint-sized. I’m partial to some of that steak myself, although the ol’ rump does sit a bit heavy sometimes. Have we got anything lighter, like some venison perhaps?
A: Nope.
B: Buffalo?
AB: All out man.
B: Ah well, vegie me up then. I do love my vegies.
O: I wonder when the new fridge will arrive?

As if on a queue, a knock sounds at the door and O gets up to answer it. As he opens the door a golden light fills the room and the sound of a thousand angels in perfect harmony rings through the air. A man steps through with a shining halo around his head.

Hi, I’m Paul Buckless from the ACME delivery service of Devonport Tasmania. Did somebody order a new fridge?

O: Tasmania, that’s a long way to travel just to deliver a fridge.
Paul: As the motto says, Have Cash, Will Travel. Where do you want this baby?.
A: Right over here will be just fine. No, a little to the left. No, a little to the right. Hang on, I think it would actually look better over here.
Paul: Listen lady, a fridge usually goes in the fridge alcove in the kitchen, will that be good enough for you?
A: Well I suppose that can do for a start.
Paul: I see here you’ve got a week’s worth of meat too. I hope none of you in here are blood type A.
O: Do you know Dr Deedeearmo as well?
Paul: Actually, it’s D’Adamo, as in like the song, Ti Amo, you know I love you so.
O: What did you say.
Paul: I love you so.
O,A,B, and AB take two steps back with hands held out in front of them.
Paul: No, no, Ti Amo….D’Adamo….ah forget it.
B: Oh I see, like in Coup D’etat.
Paul: Yeh, kinda. I see where your coming from with that. I bet your good at crosswords?
B: Well I……
O: What blood type are you Paul?
Paul: I’m an A, and an A to the letter.
A: How’s my lunch looking then Paul?. We’re just trying it for the first time.

Paul looks at A’s plate and his cheeks blow out in anticipation of a hurl. The plate is a mess of navy beans and chickpeas, chinese cabbage, chilli peppers, eggplant and shiitake mushrooms smothered in mayonnaise.

Paul: Well, while I can see you’ve got the right motivation, I do believe there’s room for improvement. Just to give you an idea, here’s what I had for lunch on a lazy Sunday on the 26th of June 2004.

Lunch was a toasted Tofu, miso, sprouts,cress & lettuce sandwich seasoned with savoury yeast, herbamare and my wife Sarah's patented pepper substitute. A mug of freshly brewed hazelnut coffee followed by dried and fresh fruit.

O: (with a mouth full of steak and veggies and a rueful eye on the others). Sounds great.
Paul: Well, I gotta go (sign here please), if you want to know more about what’s good for you go and get the book “Live Right For Your Typeã”, it’s got all the info in it you’ll need. Bye now.
B: What a nice man.
AB: Yeh….I wonder how he gets those angels to follow him. That was groovy man.
O: Well, that steak was pretty “groovy” too. I can feel my digestive juices doing a number on that baby right now. When they’ve finished I’m going to head off down to the gym and catch up with my old mates Vlad and Aeowyn and do some deadlifts. I heard they’re the ducks proverbials for the lower back.
B: As for me, I’m off to the bookstore. The nearest one’s 3 days from here. Just the sort of adventure I like. Better pack some trail mix for this one.
A: I think I’ll take a nap. All this fridge moving has stressed me out.
AB: I think I’ll just sit here and take in the beauty of the day. Don’t you just love the way the light shines through the trees and creates that ethereal glow where you can see all the dust particles and stuff. Guys?…..guys?…..bummer man. Looks like it’s just you and me world till the others get back. They don’t know what they’re missing.

BUCKLESS AND THE BEATIFIC GLOW....  





          mr author azzap is too cool 4 school !!!    




        !!!!  

Cracked me up royal!!


I had just finished reading one of the latest installments when my young A son came by and said, "Mom, I have a new schedule for my clothes." (He has a schedule for his... clothes?!?...come to think of it, he does tend to wear the same clothes on the same days of the week) and he proceeded to explain, in detail, this new schedule. I couldn't help myself and began laughing to which he replied, "What? ...it's efficient".

Busted a gut over that one!  Poor boy, thinking his mother was laughing at him. So I explained the prevalence of this trait in type A's.

I had previously taken the personality profiles of the different blood types with a grain of salt. I had always believed that there are many influences and experiences that shape the development of our personalities throughout our lives but now I am wondering more and more if there is something fundamental within our types that contribute significantly to how we respond to different stimuli on emotional and cognitive levels.


Ohhh... by the way... I have my disappearing act down to a science...  

3 Days Later:

B: I’m back.
AB: Wow man, I can’t believe you hiked all that way just to get us a book.
B: What?. Stuff that, I just jumped on the computer and ordered it via the net. Technology baby, technology. You gotta learn to thrive in changeable conditions.
AB: So where have you been for the last 3 days?. What about “the adventure” and “trail mix” and all that?.
B: Oh, I was just being spontaneous. As soon as I walked past the computer I thought, eh?, what the hell. As for the trail mix, well I took that with me over to the local community hall where I’ve been networking with some business hotshots over a couple of ideas I’ve got for an adventure park.
AB: And that took 3 days??.
B: Well, It required a lot of visualisation, and you know me, gotta get my full 8 hours of sleep every night, so not much got done during the night. Plus I also broke in a couple of the wild horses from the ranch next door during the breaks. You understand don’t you.
AB: Oh yeah man, I totally dig the need for visualisation, especially in a group, although for me, it’s much better alone.
O: (walks into room halfway through conversation). I can understand that, I always feel much better when you’re not around.
AB: Heavy dude. If I wasn’t so compassionate I’d hit you over the head with a crochet mallet.
O: Interesting!. So B, where’s the book?
B: It’s on it’s way, but I’ve got some better news.
A: (enters room) Oh yeh, what’s that?
B: While I was at the community hall I bumped into the doc and we got to talking. He said because we seemed so keen, he would send one of his trusted colleagues over to “hold our hands” as it where, so that we got off on the right foot. He said her name is Heidi and he told me she is the sweetest, kindest, most gentle and loving person he has ever met. In his own words, “she is a true angel from heaven”.
(A knock is heard at the door)
AB: That might be her now, I can’t wait to meet her, she sounds like my type of person.
AB: (opens door), Hi I’m AB, and you must be…
Heidi: DID I SAY YOU COULD SPEAK MAGGOT. DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY. YOU, YEH YOU, THE ECTOMORPHIC LOOKING STREAK OF PELICAN DROPPINGS. DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE YOUR MOMMA JUST TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE ADOPTED. DROP AND GIVE ME THIRTY. B, WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?. IF IT WASN’T FOR THE FACT THAT WE NEED UGLY PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD TO MAKE THE REST OF US LOOK BEAUTIFUL YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN KILLED AT BIRTH. DROP AND GIVE ME FORTY. AND YOU, YOU MUSCLE BOUND, MEAT HEADED, CRO-MAGNON THROWBACK….     How do you do, my names Heidi and I’ve always wanted to do that but never thought I’d actually get away with it. Pleased to meet you.
A: I’m gonna kill you good…….
AB: (holding A back) Don’t do it sis, it’s not worth the Karmic debt man.
B: Funny, very funny. Actually, extremely funny. You had me going that’s for sure.
Heidi: Sorry about that but we O’s just work on a different level sometimes. I hope I didn’t offend anyone.
O: No, not at all.
A: Speak for yourself cro-magnon boy. Phew, all that exercise has built me up an appetite. Who’s for something to eat?
B: Great idea, maybe Heidi can get us started.
Heidi: Sure, what say we start off by first explaining what happens when you actually eat something. That way you’ll get a better idea of why some foods are better for your blood type than they are for someone else’s.
O: You’re the boss.
Heidi: To keep it brief, Blood type genetics not only influence the digestive juices and enzymes needed to efficiently metabolise food, they program the cellular characteristics of our entire digestive tract. It starts with chewing and the introduction of saliva (which contains glycoprotein sugars called mucins which help to moisten and lubricate the food). Dietary proteins (large molecules composed of long chains of amino acids) enter the stomach, where gastric juices (seemingly more prevalent in O’s than A’s for example) and the enzyme pepsin, break down the protein into intermediate sized chunks called polypeptides. These are then transported to the small intestine where pancreatic enzymes (trypsin, amylase and lipase) complete the protein breakdown into amino acids. These are then transported to the liver where bile salts break up the fats into tiny droplets (increasing their surface area so the enzymes can work more efficiently). Nutrients processed by the liver are absorbed into the bloodstream, while waste is sent to the large intestine for elimination. All along the way, your blood type is influencing the process. Are you still with me?
A: Yeh I got everything except for that part after “To keep it brief”.
AB: zzzzzzzzz   zzzzzzzzzz  zzzzzzzzzz
Heidi: Where did B go?
O: She left a half hour ago. This could be a lot harder than you first thought. Now you know what I have to put up with.
A: Don’t listen to him Heidi, he thinks he’s mister Type A personality himself. What say we sit down for a nice cuppa while you explain that digestive thing to me again.
Heidi: Sounds like a good idea, do you have green tea?
A: Nope.
Heidi: Organic cocoa perhaps?.
A: Nope.
Heidi: Water will be fine.
A: Can’t interest you in a scotch then?
Heidi: Er, not right now.
A: Damn, I could really have used one.

As the day drew to a close, Heidi laid out the basic food lists for the Bloody family to start them on their way to better health and well-being. They sat long into the night until finally farewelling her with a resounding rendition of “for she’s a jolly good fellow”. Heidi ran home as fast as her weary legs could carry her, but only after doing some pre-exercise stretches and limbering up of course.

Oh this should be made into a sticky.  

Debra

I second the motion! this is great stuff!

The more I read this (which is about 8 times, so far) the more I see my family.  And I don't mean just the one in this household.      

Thank you azzap.  

Debra

Not only a brilliant literary product, but ALL TRUE.  Every word.  

Yeeeaaaayyyyy.  It is now a sticky.  

Debra

AB: (singing) Oh what a beautiful morning, Oh what a beautiful day….
O: Hey, can the racket bonehead.
AB: Hey man, don’t be dissin’ my creativity man.
O: I beg your pardon?. “dissin?”. Who do you think you are, Ali G or someone?
AB: Just because you were up all night drinking coffee and munching out on chocolate, which I assume has given you a headache, as it usually does, doesn’t mean I have to stop my life and put everything on hold until you get better man.
O: Ok, I’m sorry alright. But oh man, my head is killing me.
A: (walking into room). Doesn’t do too much for me either.
O: Har de bloody har. Everyone’s a comedian.
A: Yep, especially when you’re involved. Hey look, the book’s arrived (picks up book from front step and rips open the wrapping). Hmmm, let’s see what it says here about headaches. Oh, here it is. (reads). Most headaches occur because a person is extremely ugly and therefore the offending head should be summarily removed from the body as soon as possible.
AB: Ha ha, give it to the man, sis.
B: Hi gang, what’s with all the jocularity.
A: The what?
B: In words you can understand….”the laughs”.
A: Oh, right, O’s got a headache from over indulging and we’re just paying out on him.
B: Great, my favourite pastime. How about this one… Your head is so ugly, that beer was invented just so you could get a date.
A and AB: woohoo, good one B, give us another one.
O: (grabs book from A) If you imbeciles are finished I think I’ll do something useful, which you all are incapable of, and look up the real reasons why I might have this headache.
A: Hmmm, sounds to me like someone needs to employ a few Anger Management strategies. C’mon AB, teach our mate here how to go ooohhhmmmm.(A, B, and AB roll around on floor with tears streaming out their eyes. O looks on, suitably unimpressed)
O: According to the book, caffeine for an O type has the effect of stimulating gastrin in the stomach, raising adrenaline and noradrenaline levels and dilating blood vessels. The last one in particular has been known to instigate headaches. Interesting. That could also explain why I always get heartburn when I drink the coffee, and hyped up when I eat the chocolate. It also says here that when you crave a pleasure-releasing substance to do something physical. Hey A, come here so I can smash ya face in.
A: I don’t think the word “physical” means “violent” meathead. Although that’s never stopped you has it?. What does it say about coffee for A’s.
O: Well, because you guys seem to be naturally low in stomach acid, a cup a day is beneficial for you, neutral for B, and an avoid for AB because it provokes an abnormal blood reaction. But then again, just “being” AB provokes an abnormal blood reaction as far as I’m concerned anyway. Get it, “abnormal blood reaction”, “being AB”.
B: You idiot.
O: Wow, this book is amazing. Just reading it has made me feel better. My headaches’ gone and now I’m as hungry as a horse.
AB: You look like one too.
O: Is that the best you can do you tree-hugging hippie?
A: I’m hungry too actually. I can feel some grilled cheese sandwiches coming on.
O: Not so fast dairy queen. Cheese for the most part is a no-go zone for you, except for farmer, feta, ghee, goat, mozzarella, kefir, paneer, quark and ricotta, which are all neutrals. And you would be doing yourself a favour by replacing the wheat bread with something like rye, spelt or even oat based breads, as they are more beneficial (or neutral for oats if you happen to be a non-secretor).
A: First of all, I’ve never heard of half that stuff, although now that you mention mozzarella I feel like a pizza instead of grilled cheese sandwiches, and secondly, what the hell’s a non-secretor. It sounds like a title given to a person who’s good at holding back their drool.
B: (reading over O’s shoulder) A non-secretor is a person who is unable to secrete their blood type antigen in their bodily fluids. I’ll assume that the word antigen is somehow significant here.
AB: Man, this is all getting too heavy for me. I need some space to clear my head and take this all in. For some reason I feel like I’ve got a nitric oxide buildup. And I don’t even know what that is man.
A: Right then, it looks like we’ll all have to get tested to find out our secretor status. I’ll make the phone call to the doctors and organise the visit.
B: But it says here you can send away for a test kit and do it yourself.
A: That’s right, spoil my fun. Allright, I’ll do that then. Why don’t you and magilla gorilla go and make yourselves useful by getting us all breakfast.
B: (walking away muttering) stresshead.
O: I think my headache just came back.

And so another day in the Bloody family household begins.

ty azzap for all these fun episodes!!!  

     



Debra

As the sound of feverish kitchen activity subsides, we find the Bloody family seated at the kitchen table.
O: So, what did everyone end up making themselves for breakfast. I’ve got some ground beef cooked up with some onions, garlic, broccoli, bok choy, carrots and pumpkin. Mmmmm mmmm.
A: I’ve opted for a simple glass of water with lemon juice in it for starters, which I’ll follow up with a piece of fruit. Nice and light. Although having pizza was definitely my number one choice.
AB: Whoa man, I’m going all out with some green lentil soup, made from lentils (of course) with some broccoli, carrots, celery and just a touch of sweet potato to give it extra body.
B: I’m having bacon and duck eggs on toasted white bread, just a small piece of sea bass with a dash of soy sauce and some artichoke, radishes and pumpkin on the side.
O: Errr, sis, let me just check that for a second. Let’s see….avoid, avoid, avoid, avoid, avoid, avoid, avoid and avoid…no wait…yep, avoid.
B: Oh no way, I love this stuff, I have it for breakfast all the time you know that.
AB: Yeh and we also know what kind of smell it leaves behind if you know what I mean.
B: Speak for yourself bugle bum. You should see what we have to put up with when you’re on the chilli peppers.
O: You both stink, now shutup. According to the book here, chilli peppers are a gastric irritant for AB, and they inhibit proper digestive function, so that explains that.
B: Bugle bum, bugle bum.
O: As for you B, bacon does the same thing as well as provoking an abnormal blood reaction, duck eggs provoke an abnormal blood reaction, sea bass contains a lectin or agglutinin, ditto with the soy sauce, artichokes and pumpkins are just an avoid, and radishes provoke abnormal blood reactions.
AB: Don’t worry sis, I don’t think you’re abnormal man. A little schizo perhaps, but abnormal..no.
B: Wow, that certainly does explain the stomach grumbles after a feed. But that’s nothing that a can of coke can’t fix. A good burp cures all ills.
O and AB look at each other with deadpan exasperation.
A: Ooooooh oooooh.
AB: Oh wow man, A doesn’t look too good. What’s up sis?.
A: I just couldn’t handle it. I needed the instant gratification that only a pleasure seeker like me could crave. While you were being mr poindexter I whipped up a quick pizza and scoffed it down. Oooohhhh.
AB: Wow, that’s amazing man, you must have done that in record time. We didn’t even see you.
A: Just call me efficient. Ooooh.
B: Just call you stupid you mean.
A: If your not careful I’ll throw up all over you.
B: It would most probably be the best thing you’ve said all morning. Raaaalph, hey raaalph, where are you raaaalph.
O: I’m surrounded by morons.
A: I’m going for a walk before I collapse.
B: Good idea, say hello to Huey for me while you’re out. Haha.
AB: Hey man, you’re too mean to A man, she’s just trying to do the best she can in a tough situation man, just like the rest of us humans in this vast universe man. If you’re not careful you’ll suffer the consequences of instant karma and how funny do you think that would be then man.
AB: Hey, where’d B go man?
O: Does anybody really know.
AB: Whoa heavy man.
O: Well, I’m going to head down to the gym for a quick workout. Want to come?
AB: Ah, I’m not into workouts man.

The saga continues  

Is a sitcom in the works?  Educational and entertaining  

(I almost missed it...bump)

I love you, azzap, and your great O humor!  This is so true!  I grew up in a family of Os, now live with an AB, and have friends of all types.  Gawd, you are so right on the personality thing.  We're all such bloody stereotypes!!!  

Keep it going.  None of us want to touch this, especially those sensitive As, Bs and ABs.  Just imagine what we Os would do to them if we thought they weren't following up correctly!  (Are we really that mean?  We don't seem to think so.)

As silence descends on the Bloody household AB finds himself alone in an empty house.
AB: (speaking to himself) Ah, peace and quiet at last. Now this is what I really enjoy: quiet time alone.
2 and a half minutes later.
AB: Man I’m bored. I’ve really gotta get myself a hobby of some sort that doesn’t involve anyone else because if I have to listen to my own mind fixating on issues I can’t control I’m gonna go crazy. OK, ok, stressing out a little here, maybe a cup of coffee might do the trick. No no (flips through book) that’s an avoid, bummer. Well, what do you know, beer is a neutral. One trip to the fridge coming up. Hang on, green tea is a beneficial, even better.
Fixes a cup of green tea.
AB: Hmmm, interesting, an acquired taste I’d say, but it seems to be doing the trick for the moment. Let’s see now, if I write myself down a few goals for the year maybe I’ll be able to direct my energy into something constructive instead of sitting here with my thumb up my bum and my mind in neutral.
B: (walking back in from who knows where). Hiya AB, whatchadoin?
AB: I’m writing down some goals for the year.
B: Well that sure makes a change from your usual thumb in bum, mind in neutral approach.
AB: (thinks to self) Man, I was closer to the mark than I thought.
AB: Why don’t YOU try doing the same man, you never know, you might surprise yourself. And by the way, what’s that you’re wearing?
B: Oh, it’s a little number I picked up from the op shop. Paisley crocheted hat, in combination with a leather jacket, bright purple shirt, soft lemon short skirt and dusty old cowboy boots with long socks. I think it says “fashion”.
AB: I think it says “retard”.
B: Just because you don’t have a sense for style doesn’t mean I can’t be creative.
O: (walks into room, sweat dripping from his face after running home from the gym) Oh my god, what the hell happened to you?. Did you run into a paint truck or something?. You really take this non-conformist thing too far sometimes.
B: Baloney, if I was in New York right now I’d be a fashion hit.
O: More like a mafia hit I think. Boy, am I hungry. I’m just going to have a shower and then fix some lunch. I can feel a t-bone coming on. Hang on a minute, what’s that smell?. It smells like….
A: (walks into the room covered in excrement)
O, B, and AB: eeeeewwwwww. What happened?
A: Well, I went for a walk, and stopped by my friend Melissa-J’s house. We started talking about BTD and it seems she’s been doing it for quite a while because of a few medical and body dramas and also because she’s gluten intolerant. A ceiling act I think she called it.
B: I think you’ll find that’s “celiac”.
O: And…
A: And so is her little boy. Well, he was outside playing with the next door neighbour, who happened to be feeding him some biscuits and other wheat based munchies and when he came back inside….well the situation became, shall we say…explosive. I never knew a little kid could have so much stored inside him. I need a shower bad.
O: Be my guest. And you can burn those clothes while you’re at it.
B: Well there goes my appetite.
O: Not this little black duck. Nothing’s gonna stop me eating.
AB: Me neither. Any one for some green tea?
O: I always knew you were a sicko.
AB: No seriously man, you should try it. It’s beneficial for all of us.
O: Hmmmm, maybe later. I need meat.
B: Ugg, cave man must eat, must have meat ugg.
O: Hardy har har. Why don’t you make yourself useful and get me a t-bone from the fridge. I believe there are some lean lamb chops in there too. You and A can have those if you like, and AB can have some turkey. As they say, you are what you eat.
AB: Yeh, sounds good…..hey, I just got that man.
O: That’s what I like about that boy, he’s as sharp as a pound of wet leather.

I should never read these when I have to go pee.  

Debra

Sure, Paul gets an entry with herald angels, I'm introduced with poo.  

!!  Oh well.  

I'll save this to embarrass my son with when he's older.

Beautiful.....sniff, sniff,......just beautiful, man.......

As the Bloody family sit back and relax after a thoroughly compliant lunch, there comes a knock on the door. O gets up to answer it.

Hi, my names Melissa_J and this is my son, is A in?.
A: Come on in Melissa.
O,B, and AB stand up from the table and shuffle backwards, hands out in front of them. O whispers over his shoulder (quick guys, hide the biscuits)
Melissa_J: I came over to apologise for sending A home in such a state. Being a celiac can be a real pain in the butt.
O: You’re telling us!. Look, I’d love to chat but I feel like going for a walk. I’ll catch you guys later. Nice to meet you Melissa.
A: So tell me Melissa, what exactly is celiac disease. I’ve never heard of it.
Melissa_J: A person who has celiac disease is someone who has an immune reaction to gliadin, which is a protein found in wheat, rye, oats and barley.
AB: Oh wow, what a bummer man, that’s half the food types and additives in the world man. You must have a hard time finding stuff to eat man.
Melissa_J: Yes, it is a bit difficult, especially if you don’t read the labels on food. But being on the BTD has helped me heaps. It’s made me even more vigilant.
B: So, what type of problems does a celiac face?
Melissa_J: Well, there’s diarrhea….
AB: Yeh, we know about that one man hehe.
Melissa_J: Yes, well, and there’s weight loss, not the good kind, iron deficiency and a general nutrient malabsorption to boot. There is also evidence that the disease predisposes sufferers to the eventual development of lymphoma.
B: Whoa, so what can you do about it?
Melissa_J: All you really can do from a personal point of view is be very careful about what you eat in terms of avoiding the foods that trigger it, and try to tune into your body as much as possible to see how it is affected by what you put in it. There are also a number of herbal and naturopathic remedies you can use to strengthen your immune, intestinal and stomach health as well. It’s an ongoing operation that’s for sure.
B: What say we all sit down and have a nice cup of green tea and Melissa can tell us more about being a celiac. I’m certainly learning something here.
ALL: Good idea B.
Just then O comes racing through the door covered in sweat.
A: I thought you said you were only going for a walk. Sweatiest walk I’ve ever seen.
O: (puffing heavily) Well, it started out like that and I was happily strolling along and after a while I decided to sit on a park bench and just, well you know, smell the roses so to speak.
AB: Somehow I find that hard to believe man.
O: It’s true I tell you. I was minding my own business when this guy walked up and said, “that’s my seat you’re sitting in”.
O: I was sure he was joking and so I said “I don’t see your name on it”, and then he started to get really aggressive. Man, I tell you, my heart started racing, my palms got sweaty, my muscles started tensing up and I realised that this guy was itching for a fight. But he was bigger than me, looked faster than me, more agile, more centred, more focused and more determined to win so I realised that there was only one sensible thing to do.
AB: You realised that peace was a better option man and so you reasoned with him that fighting was a futile waste of energy and human endeavour man?
O: No, I kicked him square in the nuts and ran for my life.
B: Nice one O, always the diplomat.
O: Phew, I’m all pepped up, I can actually feel the adrenalin racing through me.
Melissa_J: Why don’t you try an adaptogen.
O: An adapto-who-now?
Melissa_J: An adaptogen. It’s a term used to categorise plants that improve the non-specific response to stress. Good ones for you are Rhodiola Rosea, plant sterols and sterolins, B vitamins and lipoic acid. They are something you add to your daily intake to enable your body to deal with stress more effectively. Right now though, I’d suggest a few pushups to release the tension hey?
O: Right you are. 1,2,3,4…
As O drops for twenty, Melissa_J gets up and walks towards the bedroom door where her son is playing. As she stands in the doorway, the sun streaming through the window illuminates her in a soft glow. A peaceful feeling descends upon the room. A sound is heard.
A: What’s that noise, is that the heralding trumpets of a thousand heavenly angels?
Melissa_J: Nope, it looks like my son must have found the biscuits.
ALL: eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww.

!!  

     

azzap- super- great ,

The afternoon sun falls slowly from the sky creating a soft palette of blue-purple-yellow colour across the horizon and the world of the Bloody family starts to ease it’s way to a close for another day. As O rolls up the fire-hose from cleaning out the bedroom he spots A and B in intense discussion, with AB looking on.

A: I’m sick of you using my shampoo and conditioner. Why can’t you get your own for once.
AB: Right on sister, don’t be letting B get away with that.
B: I only use it because you’re always stealing my face creams so I consider it payback.
AB: Tell it like it is B.
A: Oh yeh, then why are all my face creams empty.
AB: Yeh B, answer that one.
B: Well if you were better organised (like you always claim you are) you would realise you need more than you actually buy.
AB: She’s got you there A.
A & B: Whose side are you on?
AB: I’m not on anybody’s side man. Actually, I’m on both your sides. I love everybody man.
O: Yeh, I’ve often wondered where your loyalties lie. You’ve always been a bit of an enigma to me.
AB: Is that a good thing, or a bad thing man?
O: Never mind. What’s everybody having for dinner?
AB: Tonight, I’ve made up some lamb stew, chock full of veggies such as asparagus, beet greens, brocolli, sweet potato and yams, with onion as well of course.
O: Wow, sounds great, we could all have that.
A: Sorry, not me, too many avoids in there for my liking. Gee, this BTD thing is really starting to take hold with us isn’t it?. I’m going to have a nice piece of fish, probably some salmon, some fava beans, a little alfalfa, broccoli, carrot and pumpkin, with a squeeze of lemon and a sprig of coriander.

The family all sits down for dinner with discussion ranging from used face creams (again) to the origins of the universe (AB of course). After dinner, they each go their separate way to prepare for bed or whatever takes their fancy. A while later, A comes out of her bedroom, having organised her entire wardrobe for the week, and finds AB on the phone.

A: Who you talking to AB?
AB: It’s a friend I’ve met from the BTD forums. Her name is Isa-Manuela and she lives in Zurich. She runs her own practice and uses herbs and aromatherapy and all that natural alternate stuff that I love. Here, say hello.
A: Hi Isa.
Isa: jjjjjjjiiiiiiaaaaaaaoooooooouuuuuuuuu-hi hi hiii-heeeeeellllllooooooooo-super-super-super-looks to what is inside you-hi hi hi-not avoids-beurx-beurx-beurx-love to you all at home-amicalament yours-Isa.
A: (gives phone back to AB)
AB: So what did she say?
A: I have absolutely no idea. But for some strange reason she has made me feel really good about myself.
AB: She has that effect on people. (goes back to talking to Isa)
O: Hey A, want to come for a short evening walk and look at the stars?
A: Come again?. Do I detect a less aggressive and more “in tune” O than what we are used to?
O: Yes you do, and if you say that again I’ll smash your face in.
A: Just as I thought. Business as usual. You know, if you’re not careful, eating right for your type might just turn more into someone like AB.
O: My fist is moving towards your face.
A: Ha ha, chill out dude. No one could be like AB.
AB: I heard that man.
B: Hey wait you guys, I want to come with you. Seeing O in wonderment of the universe is something nobody should miss.
O: It’s times like this I wish I was out on an open plain somewhere with no-one else around.
B: Ah shutup, you love us!.

As AB sits on the floor in deep conversation with his new friend, O,A, and B stroll along watching the night sky, not saying anything and just enjoying the moment. A perfect day for the Bloody family ends.

Oh wait till Isa sees this.  

Debra

ooooouuuuuuhh- is there anybody for translations

azzap    

thanks


truly yours Isa                   ,D

And what language do you want the translation to?  

Debra

Isa-I hope I got the right one.  I hope it doesn't get lost in the translation.  

Debra

Le soleil d'après-midi tombe lentement du ciel créant une palette molle de couleur bleu-pourpre-jaune à travers l'horizon et le monde de la famille sanglante commence à la soulager est manière à une fin pour un autre jour. Car O enroule le feu-tuyau du nettoyage hors de la chambre à coucher qu'il repère A et B dans la discussion intense, avec le ab regardant dessus.
A : Je suis malade de vous employant mon shampooing et conditionneur. Pourquoi ne pouvez pas vous obtenir vos propres pour une fois.
Ab : Droit sur la soeur, ne laissent pas B partir avec cela.
B : Je l'emploie seulement parce que vous volez toujours mon visage écrème ainsi je le considère remboursement.
Ab : Dites-le l'aiment est B.
A : Le yeh d'Oh, alors pourquoi sont tout mon visage écrème vide.
Ab : Yeh B, répondent à celui-là.
B : Jaillissez si vous mieux vous étaient organisés (comme vous réclamez-toujours vous sont) vous réalise le besoin davantage que vous achetez réellement.
Ab : Elle vous a là A.
A Et B : À qui côté vous êtes en ligne ?
Ab : Je ne suis pas sur quiconque homme de côté. En fait, je suis des deux vos côtés. J'aime tout le monde homme.
O : Yeh, je me suis souvent demandé où vos fidélités se trouvent. Vous avez toujours été un peu une énigme à moi.
Ab : Est-ce que c'est une bonne chose, ou un mauvais homme de chose ?
O : Ça ne fait rien. Queest-ce que tout le monde est pris pour le dîner ?
Ab : Ce soir, j'ai composé quelques ragoût d'agneau, cale complètement des veggies tels que l'asperge, verts de betterave, brocolli, patate douce et ignames de chine, avec l'oignon aussi bien naturellement.
O : Défaut de la reproduction sonore, bruits grands, nous pourrions tout avoir cela. A : Désolé, pas je, un trop grand nombre évite dedans là pour mon aimer. Gee, cette chose de BTD commence vraiment à prendre la prise avec nous n'est pas lui ?. Je vais avoir un morceau gentil de poissons, probablement un certain saumon, quelques haricots de fava, une peu de luzerne, broccoli, carotte et potiron, avec une compression de citron et un brin de coriandre. La famille que tout se repose vers le bas pour le dîner avec la discussion s'étendant du visage utilisé écrème (encore) aux origines de l'univers (ab naturellement). Après dîner, elles chacune vont leur manière séparée de se préparer au lit ou celui qui prend leur fantaisie. Un moment plus tard, A sort de sa chambre à coucher, ayant organisé son garde-robe entière pour la semaine, et trouve le ab au téléphone.
A : Qui vous parlant au ab ?
Ab : C'est un ami que j'ai rencontré des forum de BTD. Son nom est Isa-Manuela et elle habite à Zurich. Elle court sa propre pratique et emploie les herbes et aromatherapy et tout qui la substance alternative normale que j'aime. Ici, parole bonjour.
A : Bonjour Isa.
Isa : jjjjjjjiiiiiiaaaaaaaoooooooouuuuuuuuu-salut salut hiii-heeeeeellllllooooooooo-superbe-superbe-superbe-regarde à ce qui est éviter-beurx-beurx-beurx-amour à vous tout d'intérieur vous-salut salut salut-non à la maison-amicalament vôtre-Isa.
A : (donne le téléphone de nouveau au ab) ab : Ainsi qu'a-t-elle dit ?
A : Je n'ai absolument aucune idée. Mais pour une certaine raison étrange elle a rendu me le sentir vraiment bon au sujet de me.
Ab : Elle a qu'effet sur les personnes (va de nouveau à parler à Isa)
O : Hé A, veulent venir pour une promenade courte de soirée et le regard au tient le premier rôle-il ?
A : Venez encore ?. Est-ce que je détecte moins un agressif et plus "dans l'air" O qu'à ce que nous sommes employés ?
O : Oui vous , et si vous dites qu'encore je casserai votre visage dedans.
A : Juste comme pensée de I. Affaires comme d'habitude. Vous savez, si vous ne faites pas attention, mangeant bien pour votre type pourriez juste transformer plus en quelqu'un comme le ab.
O : Mon poing se déplace vers votre visage.
A : Ha ha, froid hors de type. Personne n'ont pu être comme le ab.
Ab : J'ai entendu cet homme.
B : Hé attente vous des types, je veux venir avec vous. Voir O dans l'émerveillement de l'univers est quelque chose que personne ne devrait manquer.
O : Il est temps comme ceci que je souhaite que j'aie été dehors sur une plaine ouverte quelque part avec personne d'autre autour.
B : Shutup d'ampèreheure, vous nous aimez !. Pendant que le ab se repose sur le plancher dans la conversation profonde avec son nouvel ami, O,A, et B flânent le long d'observer le ciel de nuit, de ne pas dire quelque chose et de ne pas apprécier juste le moment. Un jour parfait pour la famille sanglante finit.

oh geil- geht das bittäschein auch in Deitsch???

nee, nee ou la peauvre fille- elle a du travailler comme une dingue


super- great both   higgi bugies- hi-hi-hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii


jaouuuuuuuuuuu truly yours Isa

Isa-
"nee, nee ou la peauvre fille- elle a du travailler comme une dingue"
                   - the poor girl has to work like a nutcase??????

the first sentence I can't fiugre out.  Sorry.  

It seems like you liked it though, I hope.  

Debra

translation for debra: oh super- does it is possible also in German?
next:,nee,nee = no-no jaou you are right with the case
claro I liked it thanks mais a vrais dire- ma bien-chère, avec l'orthographie
hoppala- cela à du avoir quelque chose en plus!  

Isa- How is this?

Die Nachmittag Sonne fällt langsam vom Himmel, der eine weiche Palette der blau-purpurrot-gelben Farbe über dem Horizont herstellt und die Welt der blutigen Familie beginnt, sie zu erleichtern ist Weise zu einem Ende für einen anderen Tag. Da O oben den Feuer-Schlauch vom Säubern aus dem Schlafzimmer rollt, das er A und B in der intensiven Diskussion beschmutzt, wenn AB an schaut.
A: Ich bin Kranker von Ihnen mein Shampoo verwendend und Conditioner. Warum nicht Sie Ihre Selbst für einmal erhalten können.
AB: Recht auf Schwester, nicht lassen B mit dem weg erhalten.
B: Ich verwende es nur, weil Sie immer mein Gesicht sahnen stehlen, also ich es für Rückzahlung halte.
AB: Erklären Sie sie mögen es ist B.
A: OH- yeh, dann, warum mein ganzes Gesicht sind, sahnt leeres.
AB: Yeh B, beantworten dieses.
B: Quellen Sie wenn Sie wurden besser organisiert (wie Sie behaupten Sie Sie immer sind), Ihnen wurde verwirklicht Sie Notwendigkeit mehr hervor, als Sie wirklich kaufen.
AB: Sie hat Sie dort A. A U.
B: Wem Seite sind Sie an?
AB: Ich bin nicht auf jedem Seite Mann. Wirklich bin ich auf beiden Ihren Seiten. Ich liebe jeder Mann.
O: Yeh, habe ich häufig mich gewundert, wo Ihre Loyalitäten liegen. Sie sind immer ein wenig ein Rätsel zu mir gewesen.
AB: Ist die eine gute Sache oder ein schlechter Sachemann?
O: Nie Verstand. Was wird jeder für Abendessen gehabt?
AB: Heute abend habe ich einiges Lammeintopfgericht, Keil voll von veggies wie Spargel, rote Rübe Grüns, brocolli, süsse Kartoffel und Yamswurzeln, mit Zwiebel außerdem selbstverständlich gebildet.
O: Wimmern, die großen Töne, alle könnten wir das haben.
A: Traurig, nicht ich, zu viele vermeidet innen dort für mein Mögen. Gee, diese BTD Sache beginnt wirklich, Einfluß mit uns zu nehmen ist nicht es?. Ich werde ein nettes Stück Fische, vermutlich irgendeinen Lachs, einige fava Bohnen, eine wenige Luzerne, Brokkoli, Karotte und Kürbis, mit einer Pressung der Zitrone und einen Sprig des Korianders haben. Die Familie, die alle unten für Abendessen mit der Diskussion sitzt, die von benutztem Gesicht reicht, sahnt (wieder) zu den Ursprung des Universums (AB selbstverständlich). Nach Abendessen gehen sie jeder ihre unterschiedliche Weise, sich für Bett vorzubereiten, oder was auch immer ihren Gefallen findet. Eine Weile später, kommt A aus ihr Schlafzimmer heraus, nachdem esorganisiert ihre gesamte Garderobe für die Woche esorganisiert hatte, und findet AB am Telefon.
A: Wer Sie sprechend mit AB?
AB: Es ist ein Freund, den ich von den BTD Foren getroffen habe. Ihr Name ist Isa-Manuela und sie wohnt in Zürich. Sie läßt ihre eigene Praxis laufen und benutzt Kräuter und aromatherapy und alles, die natürliches wechselndes Material, das ich liebe. Hier Sagen hallo.
A: Hallo Isa. Isa: jjjjjjjiiiiiiaaaaaaaoooooooouuuuuuuuu-hallo hallo hiii-heeeeeellllllooooooooo-Super--Super--Super-schaut zu, was Innere Sie-hallo hallo hallo-nicht Vermeiden-beurx-beurx-beurxliebe zu Ihnen alle am Haus-amicalament Ihr-Isa ist.
A: (gibt Telefon zurück zu AB),
AB: So was sagte sie? A: Ich habe absolut keine Idee. Aber aus etwas merkwürdigem Grund hat sie mich fühlen wirklich gut über mich gebildet.
AB: Sie hat, daß Effekt auf Leute (geht zurück zu der Unterhaltung mit Isa),
O: He möchten A, für einen kurzen Abendweg kommen und die Sterne betrachten? A: Wieder gekommen?. An ermittele ich ein weniger konkurrenzfähiges und mehr "in Melodie" O als, was wir gewöhntSIND?
O: Ja Sie und wenn Sie sagen, daß wieder ich Ihr Gesicht innen zertrümmere.
A: Gerade als I Gedanke. Geschäft, wie üblich. Sie wissen, wenn Sie nicht achtgeben und nach rechts essen für Ihre Art, konnten mehr zu jemand wie AB gerade machen.
O: Meine Faust bewegt in Richtung zu Ihrem Gesicht.
A: Ha ha, Schauer aus Gecken. Niemand konnten wie AB sein.
AB: Ich hörte diesen Mann.
B: He Wartezeit Sie Kerle, möchte ich mit Ihnen kommen. O im wonderment des Universums zu sehen ist etwas, das niemand vermissen sollte.
O: Es ist Zeiten so, das ich wünsche, daß ich heraus auf einer geöffneten Ebene irgendwo mit niemand anders herum war.
B: Amperestunde shutup, lieben Sie uns!.
Während AB auf dem Fußboden im tiefen Gespräch mit seinem neuen Freund sitzt, schlendern O,A und B entlang dem Aufpassen des Nachthimmels, dem Sagen nicht alles und den Moment gerade genießen. Ein vollkommener Tag für die blutige Familie beendet.

Debra

Mann- oh Mann- debraaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!!!
whats that a quickfinder for teutonic -ones???? Hi-hi-hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaa
debra you are to sweet- great stuff hi-hi-hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
ich habs ja immer gewusst, die Uebersetzungskünstler in teutonic sind nich das was sie mal waren- hi-hi-hi   great- great
I allowed myselve- to copy this hi-hi-hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii oh debra love you so much thanks


ROFL  -  ROFL -    ROFL    


                               ROFLMAO



                             ROFPIMP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



........................................... must go now  

derba thanks and good night


- regards Isa

Your welcome-sweet dreams.   And don't forget to thank azzap he's the one doing all of the work.  I'm just clicking the buttons.  

Debra

Debra, did you use the 'babel' translation tool, or some other?

if so, which one, pls?

lol, too funny!!

lola-the 'babel' translation tool is what I used.  Is it not neat. Just copy, paste and click, click-there it is.  I wasn't sure if it would work, but Isa is very pleased with it.  I try to translate some of her writings, but it does not always turn out.  She has a language all of her own that I just love.  

Debra

yes indeed!!
Isa needs a whole different translation tool, in fact a new language of her own!!  lol

the tool is very rudimentary......it translates everything 'literarily' (if that s a word!?)
sometimes the sentences loose meaning, because of the translation....
an example would be:
find the translation in spanish for spelt.......

the result.:    ''past tense of ''to spell''  

that s how babel fish translates!!!   too funny

-no wonder Isa is  "ROFPIMP".

Debra

Maybe she is an esperantist? (just kidding)

I'm glad she's here. (not kidding)


azzap: I don't know how you manage to write these stories, but PLEASE keep 'em coming!

re- bonjour    

what an honour for me!
Must say, that this translater is a real pidgin-one- therefor even my blah-blah is better
jaou-jaou

but must be honest- debra it was super to do this, claro thanks for azzap for all that joy and
laughters- eh peoples- I have had a very hard time to pass, but now I feel really great
laughters in the morning- laughters in the eveneing- but this was the point onto the i's

I am really very happy to be "on board" and that I have had the chance to meet you all!
Its' so much fun and  azzapchen gives us back our mirrors, great for that.
Whats ok for me, hope for you all too, it is not soooo important how we do something, or spell or say, but important is communication- equal how it will correspond to any
"legal" orthographia"      


- see you soon and thanks for all truly yours Isa

Lovely sentiment, Isa



   

Gals, this is a Bloody international family!

Azzap: this is stuff for CABARET!!!

I just LOVE  this story in english, french and german!!!

Debra, I think it can also be translated in Dutch.  
Could you push the dutch button??

Azzap what is your work in daily life??? You make me curious!!!

AWESOME!!!

Cockky

Cocky-here you go in Dutch. (Whoa. My head is starting to spin from all of this translating.)  

Debra

De dalingen van de middagzon langzaam van de hemel die tot zachte palette van blauw-purper-gele kleur over de horizon en de wereld van het Bloedige te verlichten familiebegin leidt het is manier aan het sluiten voor een andere dag. Aangezien O de brand-slang van het leeghalen van de slaapkamer oprolt bevlekt hij A en B in intense bespreking, met ab kijkend.
A: Ik ben ziek van u die mijn shampoo en veredelingsmiddel gebruiken. Waarom u niet kunt uw worden voor een keer.
Ab: Het recht op zuster, laat geen B met dat weggaan.
B: Ik gebruik het slechts omdat u altijd mijn gezichtsroom steelt zodat beschouw ik als het terugbetaling.
Ab: Vertel het als het is B.
A: Oh yeh, dan waarom al mijn lege gezichtsroom zijn.
Ab: Yeh B, beantwoordt dat.
B: Goed als u beter werd georganiseerd (als u eis altijd u) bent u zou realiseren u nodig hebt meer dan u eigenlijk koopt.
Ab: Zij heeft u daar A. A & B: Wiens kant bent u?
Ab: Ik ben niet op om het even wie de zijmens. Eigenlijk, ben ik aan beide kanten. Ik houd van iedereen mens.
O: Yeh, ben ik vaak benieuwd geweest waar uw loyaliteit liggen. U bent altijd een weinig enigma aan me geweest.
Ab: Is dat een goede zaak, of een slecht ding mens?
O: Nooit mening. Wat wordt iedereen gehad voor diner?
Ab: Vanavond, heb ik omhoog één of ander lam gemaakt stoven, hoogtepunt van veggies zoals asperge, bietengreens, brocolli, bataat en yams, met ui eveneens natuurlijk geblokkeerd.
O: Wow, grote geluiden, konden wij allen dat hebben.
A: Droevig, niet me, teveel vermijdt binnen daar voor mijn het houden van. Gee, dit ding BTD begint werkelijk om greep met ons te nemen is niet het?. Ik ga een aardig stuk vissen, waarschijnlijk één of andere zalm, sommige favabonen, wat alfalfa hebben, broccoli, wortel en pompoen, met een samendrukking van citroen en een sprig van koriander. De familie allen gaat zitten voor diner met bespreking die zich van gebruikte gezichtsroom (opnieuw) uitstrekt aan de oorsprong van het heelal (ab natuurlijk). Na diner, zij elk hun afzonderlijke manier gaan om voor bed voorbereidingen te treffen of de opbrengsten hun luim. Een later tijdje, komt A uit haar slaapkamer, heeft georganiseerd haar volledige garderobe voor de week, en vindt ab op de telefoon.
A: Wie u die spreken aan ab?
Ab: Het is een vriend die ik van de forums BTD heb ontmoet. Haar naam is isa-Manuela en zij leeft in Zürich. Zij stelt haar eigen praktijk in werking en gebruikt kruiden en aromatherapy en allen die natuurlijk afwisselend materiaal datvan ik houd. Hier, zeg hello.
A: Hallo Isa.
Isa: jjjjjjjiiiiiiaaaaaaaoooooooouuuuuuuuu-hallo hallo hiii-heeeeeellllllooooooooo-super-blikken aan wat binnenkant u-hallo hallo hallo-niet ver*mijden-beurx-liefde aan u allen bij huis-amicalament van u-isa is.
A: (geeft telefoon terug naar ab) ab: Dat wat zei zij? A: Ik heb absoluut geen idee. Maar om wat vreemde reden heeft zij me gevoel werkelijk over mij goed gemaakt. Ab: Zij heeft dat effect op mensen (gaat aan het spreken aan Isa terug)
O: Hey A, wil voor een korte avondgang komen en de sterren bekijken?
A: Kom opnieuw?. Ontdek ik minder agressief en meer "in wijsje" O dan wat wij aan worden gebruikt?
O: Ja u, en als u zegt dat ik opnieuw uw gezicht binnen zal breken.
A: Enkel als gedachte van I. Zaken zoals gebruikelijk. U kent, als u niet zorgvuldig bent, het etn net voor uw type enkel zou kunnen meer in iemand als ab veranderen.
O: Mijn vuist is naar uw gezicht op weg.
A: Ha Ha, koele uit dude. Niemand zou als ab kunnen zijn.
Ab: Ik hoorde die mens.
B: Hey wacht u kerels, wil ik met u komen. Het zien van O in verwondering van het heelal is iets niemand zou moeten missen.
O: Het is tijden als dit ik wens ik uit op een open vlakte ergens met niemand anders rond was.
B: Ah shutup, u houdt van ons!. Aangezien ab op de vloer in diep gesprek met zijn nieuwe vriend, O,A, en stroll van B langs het letten van de op nachthemel zit, zeggend om het even wat niet en enkel genietend van het ogenblik. Een perfecte dag voor de Bloedige familie beëindigt.

Debra!

Sorry I did not react sooner... have been busy preparing things for next week in Berlin.

Debra, really this is awesome!! From the dutch wording I have the feeling that this translating machine is a belgian one..  

This is really funny!!!  
Wonder what Azzap is doing in his daily life as a profession...

Debra could you give the link of this translation site?? Or you already have given it??

I will be back next week.. I am in Berlin the next week. If possible I will report from the Wellness Fair next week... Sort of On the Spot Report..  

Take care
Cocky

Cocky:  The site is  http://babelfish.altavista.com/.  Somewhere on this site I got it through Dr. D (I think).  Enjoy.  

Where are you these days azzap?  

Debra

Debra,

Aaron will be back tomorrow. I guess he is paying a visit to the BF

cheers,
Yaman

Azzap: I’ve been on holidays but now I’m baaaaaaccckkk. (by the way Cocky, I work as a property valuation assistant in a property valuation firm (duh) here on the beautiful Sunshine Coast of Queensland, Australia)). Oh, and all the translation work you guys have been doing is mind boggling. Great stuff. And now, the story continues.

The sound of crickets permeates the air as O, B and AB sit quietly watching the late show on television. Soon a very, very, very off key singing can be heard getting closer to the house.

Home, home on the range, where the dear and the antelope playeeeeee, where seldom is heard, a discouraging bird, and the flies are not crowded all daaaaayyyyyeeeeeeee.

O: Ooh oh, looks like A’s been on the sauce again.
B: She’s really got to find a better way to deal with her daily stresses.
AB: Yeh man, but you know what A’s like man, always after the pleasure sensation…..man.
A: (stumbling through the door) Hi gang, look what I brought ush. I’ve got some potato chipsh, and shome schticky buns and a whole heap of other yummy shtuff, and of course (burp) a few brewsky wewski’s to tide ush over for the eveni(hic), for the eveni(hic), for the night.
O: (walking into the kitchen) Gee, talk about your carbo craving. But I guess the old alkeehol will do that to you every time.
A: Oh, and I’d alsho like to introduce you to a life long friend of mine that I jusht met tonight. Everybody, this is Kristen.
Kristen: Hi everyone.
B and AB: Hi Kristen.
A: Kristen is a B, just like you B. Hey O, come in here and meet Kristen.
A: (as O walks in from the kitchen) O, I’d like you to meet….hey, where did B and Kristen go?
AB: There they are, hiking across that field over there.
A: Man, can’t that woman stay in one plashe for two sheconds.
O: Well, when the urge takes you, I guess you’ve just gotta go.
A: Shpeaking of going, I gotta go to the bathroom.
AB: Make sure you say hello to my friend raaaalph man. Hehe.
O: Now c’mon AB, that’s not very funny. You forgot to mention your friend huey as well. Hehe.
The sounds of vomiting render the air as O and AB roll on the floor laughing and making gagging noises. As the tears dry from their eyes they realise that B and Kristen are back.
O: Wow, that was quick. Usually you’re gone for ages. What gives?
B: We realised that stomping around in the dark was probably not the most sensible thing to do so we’ve come back to plan for a trek tomorrow.
AB: So why did you go in the first place man?
Kristen: There’s nothing like a bit of spontaneity I always say. Where’s A?
O: She’s just out driving the porcelain bus.
Kristen: Porcelain bus! Hehe that’s a good one.
O: AB, how about showing some hospitality and ask Kristen if she’d like a drink.
AB: Why me man?, just because you’re the oldest around here doesn’t mean you can go about bossing people around man, one day the meek are going to rise up against your neo-fascist authoritarianism man and break down the barriers of hate and control and bring love into the world man.
O: Are you finished?
AB: Erm, yeh I guess so!
O: Can you get Kristen a drink?
AB: Erm, yeh I guess so. What would you like Kristen?
Kristen: How about a Membrane Fluidiser Cocktail.
AB: A membrane what now?
Kristen: A Membrane Fluidiser Cocktail. It’s an absolute must if you’re a type B and it’s a great way to replace the lycopene that we miss due to tomatoes being an avoid. It’s easy to make too. You can use either guava, watermelon or grapefruit juice as the base, add a half to one teaspoon of high quality flaxseed oil, and one tablespoon of good quality lecithin. You shake it all up and the lecithin emulsifies the oil, which makes a sort of smoothie. It’s great to have first thing in the morning but I’ve got a hankering for one right now. So did you get all that?
AB: Everything except the part after “absolute must”. Hehe, only joking man. I think we’ve got all that stuff in here somewhere. Why is it called a Membrane Fluidiser Cocktail?
Kristen: Because it keeps your cell membranes fluid.
AB: Naturally!
A: (coming out of bathroom) Ooooooooh, oooooooh, I knew I shouldn’t have had that beef burrito after we did the tequila slammers. Those burritos will get you every time. Lucky I had the six beers to wash it down.
O: Yeh…. Lucky.
A: I think it’s time I went to bed. You can stay the night if you’d like Kristen, we’ve got plenty of room.
Kristen: Thanks, but I think I’ll get going soon. B and I have a big day of hiking ahead of us tomorrow. Don’t we B…..now where the hell has she gone?

Welcome back azzap!!!!!     Hope that your holidays were good and love the story.  The translations are from babel translation.  The others know that and are on their own now.    

Catch you later.

Debra

Aaron!!! And welcome back.

Oh my, well, yes, I knew my time would come, but in the hurl episode? Did you know me in college or something?!?

At least I didn't get poo like Melissa!!    


And I probably would prefer MFC to alcohol in most situations.

     

A: Good morning kiddies. How are we feeling on this beautiful of beautiful mornings?
B: Well, you seem very chipper this morning considering you resembled more of a train wreck last night.
O: Train wreck?, more like a natural disaster.
A: Yes, I must admit, I was less than “normal” last night but due to my extraordinary capability for recovery, today I feel great.
AB: If that was me, I’d be sick for a week.
A: AB, you don’t need to drink to look sick for a week.
AB: Smart "fatherless child"!
A: Indeed, you have hit the nail right on the head, not only do I have extraordinary capabilities for recovery, I also have extraordinary capabilities of the mind (turns around to walk into kitchen, trips over her feet and falls flat on her face. O,B and AB roar with laughter)
AB: Now that’s what I call instant karma.
O: Yeh, pity you don’t have extraordinary capabilities of the feet. How long have you been walking roughly? Oh, about 2 seconds, haha.
A: OK, you’ve had your little laugh. But now I want to talk about something more serious. Even though I was somewhat less than lucid last night, I was still able to see that we haven’t exactly sorted out our food problems yet. The fridge is chockers.
B: Yes, you’ve got a point there, and I’m not talking about the one on top of your head.
AB: Boom boom.
A: Finished?, good, just be thankful that someone around here knows how to organise things because today, we are going to tackle this food problem head-on and make some room in that fridge.
O: So what do you suggest mon capitan?
A: Well, firstly, lets get the book out and find out which foods are beneficial for all of us, that way, we can at least be sure that we’ve got some sort of “core” foods to work with. At the same time, if there are any avoids that cover the four of us we can get rid of those too.
O: Blimey, I’ve never seen you more motivated. Maybe you should go out and get on the turps more often. You might wake up and clean your room once in a while (elbows AB and laughs)
AB: I don’t think she’s impressed man. If looks could kill!
A: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Right you lot, B, grab a pad and pen, you can be the note taker, O, you can be the food finder, and you AB can be the sorter and stacker.
AB: Really, and just what are you going to be?
A: I’m going to be the person who carries the big stick and wacks you over the head with it if you don’t do what you’re told.
AB: Gotcha.
A: OK, lets see, beneficials, beneficials, beneficials. Right. These are the beneficials that cover all four blood types. I won’t go into the secretor types because we don’t know yet exactly what we are, but as long as the word “avoid” doesn’t appear anywhere, either as secretor or non-secretor, and the food is beneficial for at least 3 people, then we’ll include it OK?
A: Well, what do you know, no meats cover all four, interesting. What about fish?
Cod, Mackerel, Pickerel, Pike, Red Snapper, Salmon, Sardine, Sturgeon. Well, that’s it for fish. How are we doing O?. do we have any of those?
O: Nope, but there’s something here that resembles a fish. It’s wrapped in a carton and has the words, crumbed fillet pieces on it.
B: Out it goes. There’ll be no more of that in this household.
O: Yes sir (throws a salute). Now, what about dairy?
A: Nope, nothing there either, and that covers eggs too. This is very interesting. There’s plenty of avoids though but we’ll get to that later. On to the beans and legumes.
A: Wow, nothing there either. OK, nuts and seeds. Black Walnuts, English Walnuts. That’s it. How about grains. Essene (manna) Bread, Ezekiel Bread, hmmm, we could include some of the rice products but they are only beneficial for 2 of us and neutral for 2 so we’ll leave that out for now. On to the veggies.
B: You really shouldn’t talk about O like that hehe. (O pokes tongue out)
A: Good one B. Beet Greens, Broccoli, Collard Greens, Dandelion, Garlic, Ginger, Kale, Okra, Parsnip. OK, there’s a reasonable selection there. What about fruits?
A: Cherries, Cranberry, Figs, Pineapple, Plums. Hmmm, less than I thought. There’s only 2 oils that cover us all and that’s Olive oil and Walnut oil, so what about herbs and spices?. Let’s see, Curry, Parsley and Turmeric. There’s lots of neutrals though. On the condiments side of things there’s Brewer’s Yeast, and Blackstrap Molasses on the sweeteners. As for beverages, there’s only Green Tea.
AB: Well it doesn’t seem like much man, but you could make a lot of recipes with those foods. We’ve already got some of the fruit and veggies and a few of the other things, but as for the fridge, it’s still packed. What about the avoids man?
A: OK, for the food to be an avoid, it must have the word avoid in either the secretor or non-secretor section and there must be 4 avoids across the 4 blood types. Now, back to the meats. OK, Bacon/Ham/Pork.
B: Oh no, not the bacon, not the bacon. What am I going to have on a Sunday morning for breakfast.
O: Something else obviously.
B: Sunnova….stupid blood type diet….goddammit.
O: Problem B?
B: No, not at all, I’m fine thank you very much……sunnova….
O: Good, now keep writing.
A: OK, Quail, Turtle…and…that’s it. Now Fish. Anchovy, Barracuda, Conch, Crab.
B: Why you little……oh man.
A: Frog and Octopus. On to the dairy, American Cheese, Blue Cheese, Camembert Cheese…
B: Noooooooooooooooooooo.
A: My sentiments exactly. Emmenthal Cheese (whatever that is), Ice Cream, Parmesan Cheese, Provolone Cheese, Swiss Cheese. Hey, where’s B?
O: Shes’ out the back crying I think. It was the Ice Cream that did it. I’ve shed a tear or two myself in that list. But, lets’ keep going. I see there’s no avoid eggs, what about beans and legumes.
A: Garbanzo (chickpea) Beans. That’s it. Nuts and seeds…..Cashews,
AB: Aaaaaarrrrrggghhhh.
A: Don’t stress, if it turns out you’re a secretor then they are neutral, but for now, they’re out of there.
AB: Aaaarrrrrrrrgggghhhh.
A: Pistachio, Sunflower Seeds. On to the grains….Corn (all), Cornmeal, Popcorn, Wheat Germ, Wheat, Semolina Flour Products (pasta), and White Flour Products.
A: Veggies, Agar, Juniper, Olives (black), Rhubarb, and now onto fruits..Bitter Melon, Coconut, Coconut Milk..that’s interesting, I wonder how the islanders ever got on?.. Honeydew, and that’s it. Avoid oils are Coconut, surprise, surprise, Corn Oil, Cottonseed Oil and Safflower Oil. Herbs and spices are Acacia (Arabic Gum), Cornstarch and Pepper, and Condiments are Carrageenan, Guar Gum, Ketchup (sniff sniff), MSG, Mustard (with vinegar and wheat), Pickle Relish, and Worcestershire bloody sauce, Oh no way, not on, that’s unfair.
O: Be strong A, be strong.
A: OK, it’s for the best I guess. Sweeteners are Aspartame, no loss there that’s for sure, Corn Syrup, Dextrose, Invert Sugar, Maltodextrin and Sucanat, and as for beverages, we have Distilled Liquor (no need to tell me that), Soda and Black Tea. Well, what do you know?. I didn’t see that one coming.
O: Wow, that’s half the fridge cleaned out.
B: (Coming in from outside) I just can’t take this anymore. It’s a catastrophe.
A: Like I said to AB, some of these are actually neutral for you but until we know our secretor status we might as well assume that an avoid is an avoid and be done with it. That way we can start off with a clean sheet. Also, we haven’t even touched on the foods yet that may be beneficial or neutral for one but an avoid for another. It’s all about getting a bunch of foods that we can all eat, and base some sort of menu off. Sound good?
B: Sunnova…..I guess so.
A: Good, so let’s take ourselves down to the local shops and see if we can get our beneficials to stack the fridge and cupboards with, and we’ll throw out these avoids.
O: Throw them out, that’s a waste of money don’t you think. We could at least eat them so they don’t go to waste and then just not buy any more.
A: Yeh you’re right. So let’s just get that Jack Daniels bottle down from the top shelf over there and make sure there’s none left by tomorrow hey?
AB: After what we’ve just been through man, that’s not such a bad idea.
B: I’ll get the ice.
O: And I’ll get the nibblies. As they say, when in Rome….

The Bloody family realised that making a change in one’s dietary habits (especially for a whole family) does not just happen overnight, so they sat down and planned their new shopping list, had an avoid fest, and basically got fershnickered. It was a long and merry day.

Whoa azzap.  Right on the money.     Yep, yep, yep that's it.  We gotta keep on pluggin' and yes easier said than done, but hey, look at Chanur and her son.  You gotta love it.  

Debra  

I've been following the whole story since the beginning and loved every word! Nice work, azzap!

I also have been sending the new sections to my ex-roomie, the AB. Her comment?

"This is da bomb . . . man."

Brighid 45


                                    man    


I'd read your story about your name; do you use tarot-cards- too?
There are so lovely-ones from Haindl and Rachel Pollack, there your name is mentioned
with a very fine-designed visage.


hugies and thanks


- regards Isa

Isa, I have not seen the crads you speak of. I'll look them up.

After a slow start to the morning and everyone swearing off alcohol forever (again), the Bloody family made there way into town in the family jalopy. As they were approaching the local markets, A noticed a rumbling coming from her digestive tract.

A: Brrrrrrrrrrrrttttttttttttt. Ooh, excuse me!.
O: Oh gee, couldn’t you have waited till we’d stopped?
AB: Brrrrrrrtttttttttttttttt. Heaven forbid, was that me?
B: Man oh man, open a window, please.
A: Brrrrrrrrrttttttttttt. Oops ,me again.
O: Brrrrrrrrrttttttttttttt. Oh now you’ve got me started.
B: For crying out loud I’m dying back here.
AB: Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttttttt.
O: Ten out of ten for that one.
B: Oh that’s it, stop the car, you’re overpowering my perfume.
The family drove in to the market carpark and pulled into a parking space near the entrance. Doors flew open and bodies rolled out on to the asphalt.
B: And not a moment too soon if you ask me. You lot should be ashamed of yourselves. I never realised eating so many avoids could have such a bad effect on your systems. Let’s just stand here for a minute and allow everything to clear out.
A: And to think, we’ve always been like that.
B: Speak for yourself bugle bum.
O: Alright, we’ve had our bit of fun and now it’s time we got serious. Have you got that list of foods B?
B: Yep, right here, let’s go shopping. I say we head straight for the veggie section first and see what they’ve got.
AB: Right on man, but let’s not get everything from the supermarket man, I want to see what some of these farmer gardeners have got. In fact, why don’t we try them first and then compare it with what the supermarkets got?
O: You know AB, once in a while you actually come up with a good idea.
AB: It must be the universal connection man.
O: Yeh….right….whatever…..let’s go.
B: Hey what’s all that commotion going on over there near that pumpkin stand?
The family make their way through the market where they find a tall gentleman standing on a soapbox, waiving his hands in the air and addressing the crowd.
Jim: That’s it, step right up folks and be the first to witness the amazing, the spectacular, the wonderous effects of the combination of mother nature and modern technology with the new Jim Garland organic Pumpkin In A Can folks. That’s right, no longer do you have to wade through a mass of rotting pumpkins trying to find the one you want to take home for that delicious home made pumpkin soup. Just reach up to the shelf and grab yourself a little can of happiness with the Jim Garland Pumpkin In A Can (proudly bought to you by the manufacturers of Pumkinking Enterprises from Walla Walla Washington). Each pumpkin is hand reared in a totally organic environment on a Minneapolis farm by a team of beautiful vestal virgins. And to prove to you that it’s all true please give a hand for my two lovely assistants, Erica and Jennifer. In her spare time Erica moonlights as a pharmacist:
Erica: Remember to always read the labels folks.
,while Jennifer is (among other things) a Yoga teacher and an all-time Timberwolves fan.
Jennifer: Go Wolves Go.
Crowd: Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhh.
Jim: These two lovely ladies will help you out with any questions you may have and will be only too happy to let you sample the amazing taste of Jim Garland’s Pumpkin In A Can, but first I need to make a public announcement. We here at Pumpkinking Enterprises have your health as our top priority and it would be totally remiss of us (holds hat against chest) if we didn’t let you know that not everyone will benefit from Jim Garland’s Pumpkin In A Can.
Crowd: Gaaassspppp.
Jim: That’s right folks because you see, the human being is a wondrous and individual creature and not all of us have the same blood type. And this blood type factor can determine which foods work for us and which don’t. Are there any A blood types in the crowd?
A: Pick me, pick me.
Jim: Well ma’am, I can happily say that Jim Garland’s Pumpkin In A Can is a totally beneficial food for you. Are there any O’s.
O: (puts up hand)
Jim: You sir are also one of the lucky types that will get a beneficial kick from Jim Garland’s Pumpkin In A Can. What about AB’s.
AB: Is he talking to me man?
Jim: Jim Garland’s Pumpkin In A Can is only a neutral for you sir but don’t let stop you from savouring the sweet, sweet taste of virgin harvested, organic grown pumpkin goodness every day. And now what blood type are you there ma’am, yes you, the one there with the leopard skin hat, orange scarf, see through chiffon jacket over a plain green t-shirt, plaid mini skirt and gym shoes with pink socks, and of course, let’s not forget (just let me put my sunglasses on here) the bright red hair.
B: I’m a type B.
Jim: Of course, I should have seen that one coming a mile away. Well for you ma’am, Jim Garland’s Pumpkin In A Can is an avoid, unless of course you happen to be a non-secretor and then it becomes a neutral just like our friend AB over here, but don’t despair all you B’s out there because if you can’t have Jim Garland’s Pumpkin In A Can, then just lean across the aisle and pick up Jim Garland’s Sweet Potato In A Can. Yes folks you’ll be delighted with the sweet wholesome goodness of home grown organic sweet potato picked by the very same vestal virgins you see before you (Erica and Jennifer curtsey)…….
O: C’mon, let’s get out of here or else we’ll never get the shopping done.
A: I’m with you brother.
B: That sweet potato sounded good though.
AB: What was the name of that stuff again man?
A,B, and O look at AB with total disbelief.
O: You never cease to amaze me.
AB: Oh thanks man.
A: Brrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttt…me again!
O: B, hand me that list, A, I want you 15 feet behind us, and AB, you just do whatever it is you do.
AB: Right on man.

After an arduous and sometimes smelly couple of hours the Bloody family finally had all the beneficial foods on their list. The task now, among other things, was to find recipes that would accommodate the beneficials as a base, and to which they could add their own beneficials and neutrals. The real work was just beginning.

Hoooow sweeeet.  

Debra

Pumpkin in a can . . . who woulda thought it could be so good for ya?

As the Bloody family jalopy made it’s way back to the Bloody household, the discussion raged from conventional social behaviour to potential recipe ideas for the future.

B: I am absolutely disgusted to be associated with this family.
A: We didn’t exactly ask to be lumbered with you either.
B: That’s not what I mean smart guy. If it hadn’t been for the fact that the supermarket was air-conditioned, we all would have been run out of town.
O: Yeh, I’m with B on this one. You guys stink. I’ve smelled dead rats that were more aromatic than you two.
AB: You can shout man, I could hear you letting go from the other side of the meat section.
O: Well, yes, there was that one. Had kind of a good note to it too don’t you think?.
B: You see what I mean. Disgusting, the lot of you.
A: Oh, don’t have a kiniption B, I’ll give it 2 hours at the most before that double chocolate cappuccino fudge icecream you had starts to make itself known to your body. And we all know what that means don’t we gang? Remember that time B ate that whole tub of choc-choc-triplechoc-hazelnut-choc icecream and we weren’t anywhere near a toilet.
AB: Yeh man, and they thought Krakatoa sent vibrations all around the world. That volcano had nothing on the B myster that’s for sure.
O,A, and AB, look at B and then fall about laughing.
B: Hey, who’s driving the car?
O: Oh yeh, forgot about that. Hehe. So, what shall we make for dinner tonight now that we’ve got all these beneficial goodies of ours?
A: My thoughts go for a nice piece of grilled salmon, done on the barbecue, with some steamed broccoli, beet greens, a parsnip or two, with some cherries for dessert and a nice cup of green tea.
O: I’m with you on the salmon, but beet greens taste like crab grass and I wouldn’t eat a parsnip if I was on my way to the chamber. Substitute that for some kale and don’t forget the parsley. A few figs for dessert and if I have to, I’ll join you in a green tea.
AB: Nah nah nah man, salmon’s too oily for me man, give me the snapper any day, some broccoli, collard greens and a nice piece of roasted garlic. I’ll skip dessert and just have a glass of water for afters.
B: Hmmmm, it would appear to me that our little plan of beneficial eating is somewhat limited by our inability to agree on a common base of sustenance, thereby leaving us with a dilemma of gastronomical proportions.
AB: What?
B: We can’t agree on what to eat.
AB: Well why didn’t you just say so man. I would have thought that was pretty obvious.
A: OK OK, it’s not a total loss, we all agree that we can use the beneficials we’ve got, it’s just that we don’t all like the same beneficials. No big deal. We’re all individuals. We’ll just cook what each of us likes to eat.
O: Wow A, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you handle anything so calmly. You even came up with a reasonable solution without having to resort to distillation.
A: You know, you’re right for once O, I do feel a lot calmer than usual. Maybe this BTD cortisol lowering caper is for real after all.
B: Well, whatever the case, I think we need to revisit the book and expand our list of beneficials to include the ones that apply to each of our blood types and not limit ourselves to the ones that are only good for all of us.
AB: Right on man. Tree.
B: What?
AB: Tree man
O: What the hell is space cadet talking about?
AB: For your information my somewhat less than conventional appearance and mannerisms do not belie the fact that a modicum of intelligence has been bestowed upon me by the creator and developed further by myself such that I am more aware than everyone else in this vehicle that we ARE ABOUT TO CRASH INTO A TREEEEEEE.
All: Aaaaaaaaaaararararararrrrrrrrrgggggghghhhhhhhhhh.
A: For crying out loud O, watch where you’re driving. You almost got us killed you lunatic.
O: Well, so much for the cool and calm A from a couple of minutes ago. How’s those cortisol levels now toots?
A: I think I’ll lower them by bashing you with a shovel when we get home.
B: If we get home. And if we do, I’ll help you.
AB: Who’s a space cadet now man?
B: Oooh, you better step on the gas O, I need to get home and fast.
AB: Just do as the lady says O, just do as the lady says.

Once again, AzzaP, THANK YOU!  

azzap- a friend of mine is an "O" and would love this.  She eats her wheat just so that she can toot.  I've tried to tell her not to eat it, but she does not listen.  Last summer we were in her car, talking in my driveway, when she let one go.   Automatic doors and windows which she kept locking on me when I tried to escape.  Not funny, although she was laughing hysterically.  I will have to print this story out for her.  I sure hope it works as she does not realize what she is doing to her body.  

Looooovvvveee the stories.  Keep them coming.  

Debra

The morning sun beams into the Bloody household and bathes the home in a sleepy warmth. All is quiet in the house except for one individual who is in deep concentration on a new task.

A: Plink plunk plank plonk, plonk plink plank plunk.
O: (rising from bed) what is that god awful noise coming from the lounge room?
B: (also rising) I’m not sure but what ever it is it sure sounds bad.
A: Plank, plonk, plunk plink.
AB: (rubbing sleep from his eyes) What’s all the commotion dudes?
O: I think A is strangling a cat.
AB Oh wow A, is that a guitar man?
A: No, it’s a bass drum but if you use your imagination it can be anything you want it to be. Plink, plonk plunk plank.
O: Well it might as well be a bass drum the way you’re playing it. That sounds awful.
B: Hey, give the girl a break O, I don’t see you playing any instruments.
O: Who’s got the time, besides, what’s driven you to start learning guitar now A?
A: Well, I was going through the book last night and was looking at the lifestyle strategies for my type, and at the top of the list it says to cultivate creativity and expression in your life. So this is how I’m doing it.
O: Yeh, well it also says to chew your food slowly to improve your digestion and I didn’t see you doing that last night. I was considering renaming you “vacuum cleaner” the way the food disappeared from your plate.
A: I can’t help it, I just love steamed veggies.
O: You are a veggie, now take that infernal racket outside so we can eat breakfast in peace.
A: (walking outside) you just don’t appreciate the finer arts you Neanderthal. Plank, plonk, plink, plunk.
AB: Far out man, everyone is so grouchy and unfriendly around here this morning man, why can’t we all just accept each other’s desires man and embrace the beauty of the individual to express themselves to the world man.
O and B: Shutup
AB: Heavy. I think it’s time I split this aggressive competitive scene man and chill out with some ohms man. In fact man, after breakfast, I’m going to meditate and then head over to the community hall and see what’s happening over there. I’ve got to spread my love to the world baby.
O: Be careful you don’t spread it too far dude, you might catch something.
B: Sooooo, what’s for breakfast monkey man?
O: We’ve still got a couple of eggs left from “the big fridge cleanout” so I’m going to make myself an omelette with some sautéed onions, a bit of chopped kale and maybe a spice or two to give it some zing.
B: Sounds good. I’ve got a hankering for another piece of fish. I need to get my protein intake up and I figure a good chunk of fish should do the trick. Don’t know that I’d like to have it every morning so I’ll work on ways to substitute something else, maybe some lamb. I’m finding that if I start to get tired, a little bit of protein does the job of picking me back up again.
O: Blimey, haven’t you changed. In days of old you’d go straight for the can of coke. Are you sure some aliens didn’t come along and replace the real B with you.
B: The only alien around here is you brother. There are times I’m sure you come from another planet.
A: (walking back into room), plank plunk plonk plink.
O: And having to listen to that, I wish I was on another planet. Man that’s awful.
A : I’ll have you know I did very well in music class at school and it’s only a matter of time before I master this instrument. The teacher even said if it hadn’t been for the extreme stage fright I would have got an A+.
O: The only A+ you’ll ever get is your blood type, I’m outta here.
B: Don’t listen to him A, I now you’ll get the hang of it.
A: (excitedly) do you want to hear the song I’ve been working on?
B: Of course, go ahead.
A: Plink, plonk, plunk plank, plunk, plonk plank plink.
B: (trying to hide a grimace) beautiful, just beautiful.

azzap,
you are amazing!!!  lol

azzap,

Thanks for another episode.

You are quite the storyteller!


Alia

Quoted Text

AB: Heavy. I think it’s time I split this aggressive competitive scene man and chill out with some ohms man. In fact man, after breakfast, I’m going to meditate and then head over to the community hall and see what’s happening over there. I’ve got to spread my love to the world baby.

Hey man, Is this AB type actually Neil from the Young Ones. ?

Paul

eh- guys and gals......

what's about- if this may be the real truth and that we are really able to act as alike
and thats is us, who are making the world's ongoings with our loves!!!!!!      


Take care you all, Azzapchen was right in his fears- we will rule the world (perhaps only with our lovely  being?! )

Dont' you think that all great gurujis may have been AB's?  
and it takes some days... palim-palim than I am a believer................

jaooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuu the Beatles are back!!!!!!!

The next day.

A: Plink plank plunk plonk plonk plank plink plunk
B: (foaming at the mouth) If you don’t shut up playing that thing I’m going to wrap it around your skull.
A: So what happened to “beautiful, just beautiful”
B: That went out the window once I realised you couldn’t play anything else but plink bloody plonk.
A: OK, OK, I get the hint. But all great artists started off like this. You just watch, one day man, one day.
B: Hopefully by then I’ll be deaf, that’s if my rising cortisol levels don’t bring on a heart attack first. O was on the right track when he bailed out yesterday. I gotta get out of here.

As if in answer to B’s despair a driving beat could be faintly heard on the wind, slowly getting louder as it got closer. Soon the words started to make themselves heard.

“Born to be wiiiiiild…..Born to be wiiiiiiiild…..get your motor running…….get out on the highway……”, B’s pulse started racing, and her toes started tapping.

The noise grew to a deafening roar, only just audible however over the crashing crescendo of a thumping motorcycle engine. An unknown figure rode up, dressed all in black and sporting a tattoo across her naked midriff that said “Born To Hike”. The bike came to a skidding stop.

Linda: Hiya troops, I’m Linda Wells, which one of you is B?
B: Pick me, pick me.
Linda: My good friend (and yours) Kristen sent me over to give you a true taste of freedom baby. Grab that helmet and hop on.
B: Where are we going?
Linda: Who cares, life’s about being spontaneous isn’t it?. We’ve got a bag full of peanut butter sandwiches, on essene bread of course, a trail mix of walnuts, pecans, brazil nuts and dried figs, a flask of green tea, and just so everyone doesn’t think we’re a bunch of wimps, a few beers to boot (looks at reader, “remember, if you drink and drive, you’re a bloody idiot)
B: Woohoo, let’s hit the road.
Linda: Just a sec, I see that A over there is holding a guitar. Do you like music A?
A: Yes, very much, I’m just learning to play.
Linda: Well, I do a bit of singing myself on the odd occasion, so if you’d like to get together we can have a “jam”.
B: (whispering) you do not want to do that.
Linda: Huh?, here’s a few music books that I carry around with me just in case. Go your hardest.
A: Thanks Linda, I’ll start practising right away.
Linda: Why don’t you give us a demo.
B: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
A: Sure…plink plonk plunk plank
Linda: Yes…….well……there’s obviously a few adjustments needed but as they say, practice makes perfect. See ya later kid.

As A walks back into the house, Linda and B roar off into the distance with the sounds of Steppenwolf blaring on the wind. Just then O and AB come up the driveway.

AB: Cool music man, who was that?
A: That was Linda Wells, the coolest woman I know. She says she wants to jam with me.
O: Then she must be the nuttiest woman I know. Or tone deaf, or both.
A: I refuse to get stressed about your remarks. I’m going inside to meditate.
AB: Hey, wait up sis, I’ll join you.
O: (muttering to himself) damned tree hugging hippies, How’s a bloke supposed to get anything done around here when he’s constantly stepping over a bunch of cross legged, ohm chanting, insence sniffing mung beans. Gotta admit though, some of that insence smells nice. But I digress, damned tree hugging hippies. Where’s a good punching bag when you need one?. Oh well, this might give me the chance to do some of that planning I’ve been meaning to do for so long now. What was it I read somewhere? Oh yeh, “plan your work, and then work your plan”. Sounds good to me.

With the house aromatically quiet, O sat down in the lounge room and set about developing his goals and tasks for the year ahead. It was a task that proved to be more challenging than he first thought.

Speaking of lists, where is mine?  

Debra

O: Righto you lot, it’s time we had another Bloody family meeting.
A: Ten four that good buddy, I’ll get the essentials.
B: Ten four that?, so you’ve turned into a trucker now have you?
A: Well, if you can be a biker, I can be a trucker.
B: Spare me.
AB: So what’s the meeting about man?
O: Well guys, last night I laboured over my goals for the coming year and do you know what I discovered?
AB: You discovered that the meaning of all life is to love everybody equally and to gravitate towards a state of oneness such that all humanity shares the burdens and responsibilities of all life and matter in the universe?
O: Errrr no, I discovered that I came up with diddly squat when it comes to setting goals. I have no goals!. I’m goal-less, I am a point of reference in the present without anything to aim for in the future.
AB: It’s better to live in the present man.
O: Shutup.
A: Well your first goal could be to stop telling AB to shutup.
O: Possibly, but my being goal-less made me realise that none of us has really ever set any goals in life, and so this meeting is about doing just that.
B: Speak for yourself oh great leader, I happen to enjoy not having a set routine.
O: Ah, but that’s just it see, you could set yourself a goal to actually BE more spontaneous, which I gotta admit is not the greatest example in your case, but you get what I mean don’t you?. You could set a goal to practice more visualisation in your life.
B: Yeh, I get it, and A could set a goal to actually learn how to play the guitar instead of murdering it like she does now.
A (pokes tongue out)
O: No arguments from me there. But a more appropriate goal might be to establish a consistent daily schedule. And I don’t mean consistently getting out of bed late.
A: Who say’s I get out of bed late?. So I lay around a bit before I actually get out but at least I’m awake.
AB: That’s a subjective opinion.
A: Oh, wise guy eh, well if any one us should be setting goals it’s you my dear AB. Let me see, new year’s resolution for 1999, practice more yoga. Remember that? I do believe the plastic wrap is still on those books you bought.
AB: Hey man, I need to make my lifestyle changes gradually man, rather than trying to tackle everything at once man.
A: Yeh, but 5 years. That’s what I call gradual, veeeeeerry gradual.
AB: Can’t rush these things you know!
O: OK, enough squabbling children. I propose we each spend the next week working on our goals for the coming year, and then we’ll gather together again and see what we’ve come up with. Agree?
A: Yep.
B: Nope.
AB: Maybe.
O: Right then, that’s settled. Now I’m off to the gym for a bit of an aerobic workout, who wants to join me?
B: Yep.
A: Nope.
AB: Maybe.
O: Well make up your mind soon, because I’m going in five minutes. Just gotta do a few pre-workout warm up exercises first. I’ll meet you in the car.
A: Man, that guy never stops. One day he’s going to blow a valve I’m sure of it.
AB: Yeh man. He definitely needs to chill out more. Do you think we can convince him to meditate man?
A: Can you convince a tiger to become a vegetarian?
AB: Bummer.

O and B have come home from the gym and while both of them are relaxing in the loungeroom, AB notices that B has a new pair of shoes.

AB: Hey B, groovy looking shoes man. Did you just buy them?.
B: Yeh, check it out, they’re the latest thing. They’re made from the latest synthetic fibres with a new cross radial V-Cut flaggelated sole that will grip to anything like a vice.
AB: Oh, well I’m sorry to hear that.
B: Huh?, what do you mean?
AB: Well you’ve just stepped in some doo doo man.
B: Oh godammit. Sunnova…..
O: I thought something smelled strange.
B hops off outside to clean off shoes.
A: What’s wrong with B?, did she hurt her foot?
AB: Nah, just wasn’t watching where she was walking man and vice-gripped something she didn’t want to.
A: Whatever. I’ve got some news. I was down at the park plunking away on the guitar when this really cute guy came up and started talking with me, and he showed me how to play a few chords, and he’s got these dreamy eyes, and he plays the guitar himself, and he follows the BTD, and I think I’m in lurve, and he’s got Alopecia, and …..
O: Whoa take a breath before you pass out.
AB: Alopecia’s a breed of dog isn’t it?
A: And he’s just outside so do you want to meet him?
O: Do we have a choice?
A: No (hurries outside), everyone, I’d like you to meet Mike Staffieri.
Mike: Hi there.
O, B(back from scraping off doo doo) and AB: Hi Mike, pleased to meet you.
AB: What’s alopecia?
Mike: Well, it may have come to your attention that I don’t appear to have any body hair.
O: I thought you were just going for the wall street trader look, or the gangster rapper look.
Mike: Not exactly. Alopecia is an autoimmune disease (interesting that I should be an O type as we are more prone to autoimmune diseases) where body hair falls off. It’s not painful or anything and there doesn’t seem to be a cure.
AB: So it’s not a breed of dog then?
Mike: Err no, although if it was, it would be a very expensive breed because it’s quite rare in comparison to some other conditions.
O: How do you get it?
Mike: Don’t know, it just happens. I’m sure that one day they’ll find a logical explanation to it, but for now you’ve just got to accept that it happens.
B: Does being on the BTD help at all?
Mike: Not with the condition itself, I don’t think anyway. I have noticed some new hair growth but nothing to write home about. For my overall health it’s a godsend as you are most probably finding out yourselves.
O: Geez, I wish A and B had alopecia with the amount of hair they leave lying around the place. Sometimes I don’t want to even look inside the bathroom sink. Eeewww.
Mike: Yeh, well it does have a few positives to it that’s for sure. I save a bucket load on shampoo and conditioner. On the other hand, women keep asking me if they can use my head for a mirror while they fix their makeup.
A: Really?
Mike: No, I was just kidding.
O: Sense of humour eh?. I like that. You’ll fit in well around here. It seems our A has taken a bit of a shine to you, no pun intended.
Mike: None taken, although I’m afraid that there is only one woman in my life at the moment and that’s my little girl back home. And right now she’ll be missing her daddy so I better get going.
A: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Mike: I’m sorry A, but she really needs me at the moment.
A: (wiping away tears but with a look of admiration in her eyes) What a guy!
AB: Has alopecia ever been a breed of dog man?
Mike: Tell you what, if I ever find out, you’ll be the first person I tell.
AB: Thanks man, I appreciate that.
O: Hey Mike, can you take him with you….please….?
Mike: I think he needs you guys more than me at the moment.
B: C’mon mike, I’ll walk you to your car. I think A needs some time to herself.
All: Seeya Mike.
Mike: Seeya guys.
AB: Don’t worry A, I’ve got just the thing to take your mind of your troubles man. Come with me and I’ll give you a nice aromatherapy massage to soothe away the pain. I think a mixture of chamomile for letting go, geranium for re-balancing and a touch of mandarin for happiness should do the trick.
A: Thanks AB (goes into the back room)
B: (coming back inside) What a nice guy he was. Look at this. He gave me a CD with a song he wrote. It’s called the BTD blues.
O: Put it on, a bit of music right now is just what the doctor ordered.

I wake up in the morning…da…da.da.da…da
Get my blue shorts on…da…da.da.da…da
Plop by butt straight on…da…da.da.da…da
Ride my wheels till the songs all done…da…da.da.da…da

Yeahhhhh…I got the BTD Bluezz (long high pitched guitar riff)

A: Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh, ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh
O: Wow, A sounds like she’s having a bit of hard time, what’s up?
AB: Well man, we sat down last night and centred our focus on the being within until the very escence of our souls aligned with the almighty cosmos and the cares and troubles of our material selves washed away from our spirits allowing us to reach oneness with the universe.
B: And?
AB: And then we proceeded to get as drunk as lords.
O: Why is it that I see a familiar theme replayed over and over again here?
AB: I dunno man, I guess it’s always hard when you lose out in love, and therefore you fall back on what is comforting to you.
O: Lose out in love?, she knew the guy for less than half a day. Imagine if she actually had a long-term relationship. She’d be on a binge for a month.
B: Ooh, bad visual dude.
O: let’s have some fun. Hey A, we’re having lamb’s brains for breakfast, want some?
A: Mmmmmph
O: We’re also having some tripe to go with it.
A: Mmmmmmmmmmph.
B: Oh yeh, and don’t forget the sheep’s eyeballs for desert.
A: Raaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllppppphhhh.
AB: Man, you guys are just so cruel……funny, but cruel. Actually, I’m not exactly feeling so hot myself. Move over A, I’m coming through.
O: Well, I’d say their day is just about ruined. What are you doing today?
B: I’m heading off to the community hall. There is a group there who are practicing visualization techniques and I thought it would be fun to join in. Why don’t you come along too?
O: No, I don’t think so. Whenever I’ve got too much time on my hands to think I always want to eat junk food. And I can just imagine me visualising a Mars bar or something like that instead of whatever the hell it is you would be visualising, which I’m sure would be a mountain or a completed crossword puzzle or something.
B: (punching O in the arm) So what are you going to do today then?
O: Well I’m figuring on starting the day with a healthy breakfast of fillet steak, pumpkin, broccoli and carrots, followed by an hour or so of working on my goals and plans for the year, then it’s off to the gym for an hour’s aerobic session with a nice protein shake chaser, and then on to lunch which will consist of a chicken salad splashed with olive oil, a post lunch afternoon snack of possibly another protein smoothie and then I’ve got to head to the store for some more supplies to make dinner with. What do you think of that for a day’s activities?
O: B?….B?….damn, must have gone to her visualisation class.
A: (coming out of toilet) Ooooooooohhhhhhhh, I am never drinking again.
O: At least not until next time huh?
A: Something like that. No, I mean it this time. Never again. How can something that gives you so much pleasure when you are doing it, cause you so much pain after you do it?
O: So you believe that getting yourself absolutely spastic and slurring your words is actually pleasure?. I knew there was something wrong with you.
A: No, you know what I mean, you get that nice warm fuzzy feeling going on and all of a sudden the world seems wonderful and nothing seems to bother you and then next thing, wham, you’re as crissed as a picket. Mmmmmmph, ooh go easy stomach!.
O: Ah yes, the good ol’ endorphin release followed by the carbohydrate based insulin spike, followed by the liver and kidney overload in combination with severe dehydration. I remember it well. I once got so drunk that I stripped naked and ran down the main street in the middle of the night.
A: I never heard about you doing that one. But big deal, lots of people have done that. Besides, it was dark and no one would have seen you anyway.
O: Not unless it was New Years Eve.
A: Oh. I see.
O: Exactly. Needless to say, we shall never talk of it again. How’s AB doing?
AB: (from toilet) I’m fiiinnnee.
O: You two really tied one on didn’t you?
A: Let’s just say that no one else will have any problems avoiding any alcohol in this house anymore. There isn’t any.
O: Good, now, how about a nice plate of fried octopus tentacles?
A: Mmmmmmmmph.