Cocky,

I suspect he had another one of those ABOminable weekends

cheers,
Yaman

Yes Yaman,

Azzap is soo desperately in need of his daily bloody 'bites' as a bloody O ,
AZ we ZAPped his juices...too much.....

I will send him the refreshing, energizing, wild, masculine Cool Water Ô D'ADAMO as a token of our gratitude!!

Cocky  

hi-hi-hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii (sau-like- Cocky ) bingggg-biiingg -biiiinnggoooooooooooo

< t h e   b i g  s i l e n c e>

at the end of a bloody day.........  or as yaman mentioned AB-O-minable weak-endts? e
hääääääääää


regards Isa

p.s.

ouuuaaa Cocky, I smell it... just came over me
he'll smash  your face ..... oooouuuu no-no not your face......

After racing around the house chasing the others, O decided that a bit of extra exercise was in order and so headed off to the gym. Some time later.

O: Ooooooooooohhhhhhhh, Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh
B: Oh no, don’t tell me that A is on the turps AGAIN!.
A: Hey, I resent that, besides, I’m standing right beside you so it can’t be me. That sounds like O.
AB: Hey man, what happened?
O: I was down at the gym and some of the gang decided to have a weight lifting competition and…..
A: (butts in) Yeh, that’d be right, I suppose ol’ Mr “A Type” personality himself just couldn’t resist the challenge and lifted way more than he could handle right?
O: No, I was on my way to the bench and tripped over the dumbbells and landed on my back.
A: Dat’s gotta hoit.
AB: Don’t you go stressing there big brother, just make your way to the massage table and let the magic fingers of little AB do their work.
O: I also think I pulled a groin muscle.
AB: I ain’t touchin’ that one with a forty foot pole.
O: Just kidding man, let’s do this thing.

As AB’s expert hands worked the kinks out of O’s back, O was sent off into a blissful sleep, and was soon deep into dream land.

Superchick: (looking suspiciously like Cocky Van Hesteren) Well Decrepit Man, another master criminal has been put behind bars and now we can rest for a while.
Decrepit man: (looking definitely like O) Oh thank god for that. If I have to run another mile I think I’ll have a heart attack.
Super Hero Radio: calling Decrepit Man, calling Decrepit Man, come in Decrepit Man.
Decrepit Man: Can’t they just call me DM for short. It sounds so much better.
Superchick: Superchick here, what’s the scoop base?
Super Hero Radio: The evil mastermind Twinkle Toes Tornado has just escaped from the Pen and is making a quick run for the state line. We want you to cut him off before he gets there.
Superchick: We’re on it base. Over and Out. C’mon Decrepit Man, we’ve got a job to do.
Decrepit Man: I think I just pulled a hammy.
Superchick: You’re such a kidder Decrepit Man. Let’s get moving now.
Decrepit Man: Actually I think it’s a calf.
Superchick: (hands on hips) Decrepit Man!
Decrepit Man: Yeh yeh, I’m coming. Gimme a break, lousy super hero league can’t even afford to buy me a car. A bloke’s gotta have rocks in his head to do this. Ohh my aching back.

All of a sudden O was awake and gathered all around him were the rest of the family.

O: What the?
AB: You were having a heavy dream man.
O: Yes I was. I was a super hero protecting the world and (looks at A) you were there, (looks at B) and you were there (looks at Cocky Van Hesteren) how the hell did you get here? (looks at postman) and…who the hell are you?
Postman: Postman!…got a package for a mister AB.
AB: Oh cool, it’s my new meditation CD
Postman: Sign here please. (walks out with everyone looking kind of strangely at him wondering how he got into the house, then looking at Cocky and wondering how she got here all the way from Europe)
AB: Oh thanks man, I’ve been waiting for this for ages.
B: So what’s it all about?
AB: It’s the latest CD from meditation guru Ravi Chanderpaularanatungashivaramiharikrishna and it’s all about how to encapsulate the universal breath and give love to your body and the entire world.
A: Sounds interesting!
AB: Yeh, and it’s got a bonus track by Def Leppard called Armageddon Is Here.
B: Err, right.
AB: Yeh, that does sound kind of strange doesn’t it?.Must of needed it for the sales.
A: So Cocky, to what do we owe the pleasure of your company?
Cocky: I was just in town and thought I’d invade O’s dream.
A: I’ve only just met you, but I like you already. A cup of tea perhaps?
Cocky: Let’s!

And so the day was filled with the delicate and yet sometimes painful strains of meditation music and heavy metal while Cocky regaled the Bloody family with tales of following the BTD in Europe and running the Stacktheme Europe operations. Soon a sore and tired O was once again in a deep sleep…..Decrepit Man, calling Decrepit Man.

ha-ha-haaaaaaaa:" a bonus track by... called Armageddon is here "

hi-hi-hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii must show this to Rebbele Meir hi-hi-hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

ouaa: hard attac!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

decrepit= alters-schwach -hu-hu-hu-aaaaa


azzap once more thanks super

Hi Azzap, Superchick here!!

Did not know I had that effect on Australian blokes!!  

Just loved your story..... Typical A cop, busybusybusy.....

Never had the dream to become a cop though... Always wanted to be an airhostess, but I found out (when I was young..) that I was afraid of flying....
Got over that, happily..

Well I am now a 'flying' nutritionist... More fun!!!

Thanks Azzap...

Cocky  

AB: Hey guys, guys, check it out.
A: What’s all the excitement for?
AB: The secretor test kits are here. Now we can find out what secretor status we are and further refine our diets if needed man.
B: Excellent. So how do we do this?
O: You just hock a loogie in to that tube there and send it away I guess.
A: Could you BE anymore descriptive?
O: Just cutting to the chase I guess.
A: Alright gang, let’s get this happening and then we’ll send our “loogies” off for analysis. I can’t wait to get mine back.
B: Don’t be so quick to wish for something A, it might come back with a result you don’t want to see.
A: OK, touch wood, I never said what I just said I said. (shakes her head in confusion)
AB: That sounds like something I would say. By the way, just what is this secretor status malarky all about anyway. I still don’t fully understand it.
O: Well, it’s like this, everyone carries a blood type antigen on their blood cells, but most people (between 80 and 85 percent of the population) have blood type antigens that float around freely in their body secretions. These people are called secretors because they secrete their blood type antigens into their bodily fluids, such as saliva, mucus and sperm. If you’re a secretor you can learn your blood type from these other bodily fluids as well as from your blood. People who do not secrete their blood type antigens in other fluids besides blood are called non-secretors. Get it?
AB: Wow man, you sound like a regular educated medical type person. Pity I know you better than that.
B: Give it to the man AB.
AB: And so professor dude, just how is this a benefit or detriment to said member of the population?
O: Do you want me to smash your face in?
AB: Heavy man. Ol’ professor dude here, needs some more anger management sessions everyone.
O: To continue, because secretors have more places to put their blood type antigens, they have more blood type “expression” in their bodies than non-secretors which can have a great influence on the characteristics of the immune system, and is associated with a wide variety of diseases and metabolic conditions.
A: Hey, It says exactly the same thing right here on pages 6 and 7 of the Live Right book.
O: Well duh, where do you think I got the information from.
A: Wow, you’ve got a really good memory haven’t you?
O: I like to think it’s pretty good.
A: Well it can’t be that good because if it was you would have actually remembered to put some pants on.
O looks down in terror and then realises that he has got pants on after all.
A: Ha ha got ya. Made you look you dirty chook.
O: And you are how old?. Expect it when you’re least expecting it.
B: You can make all the veiled threats against A that you like…..no seriously, I mean it…..but tell me, just how is this secretor status going to effect us, food wise I mean.
O: Well, let’s see, if you were to eat barracuda for example, and you were a secretor, this food would provoke an abnormal blood reaction. As a non-secretor, because there is no expression of the antigen in your digestive tract and other organs, the abnormal blood reaction doesn’t occur, and so the food is now considered a neutral. Well, that’s how I’m reading the situation anyway.
B: So does that mean I can have ice cream if I’m one or the other?
AB: Nope, afraid not, looks like ice cream is out no matter what.
B: If you want me, I’ll be in my room.
AB: Wow man, she really takes the “no ice cream” situation pretty hard eh?
A: Yeh, she’s such a wuss.
O: Well A, if you’re a non-secretor there’ll be no more sour cream on your nachos. In fact, there’ll be no nachos at all unless you make them from buckwheat or artichoke flour or something.
A: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
AB: You’re really taking that well I can see.
O: And no popcorn for that matter.
A: (sticks fingers in ears) la la la la la la la la, I’m not listening, la la la la la la.
AB: Yeh that B is such a wuss alright (nudges A in the arm)
O: I wonder if I’m a non-secretor.
AB: Why do you say that?
O: Well, as you know I’ve had a number of urinary tract infections in my time, which is fairly unusual, and being a non-secretor gives you a higher susceptibility to this type of infection, especially if you’re an O.
AB: Hmmmm, maybe you’re right man.
O: But then again, just because someone is susceptible to something, or even genetically predisposed to something, it doesn’t mean that the person has to actually have that problem. I mean, after all, we are all individuals, and as individuals we are responsible for our own bodies and minds and how we look after them, which means we have the choice to alter the course of our lives and in doing so can potentially negate a genetic or susceptible outcome.
AB: That sounds like something I would say.
O: And funnily enough, that doesn’t make me feel worried.

Oooh, secretor tests.  The suspense builds...

The pale sunlight filtered through the curtains, casting ghostly reflections on the inside walls of the house. Dust particles swam through the air and the morning dew looked like sparkling diamonds. Peace was upon the house when suddenly:

Cheryl: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
O: (waking startled) what in the blue blazes was that?
B: (calling from her room) I don’t know but it’s coming this way.
As the family looked out their bedroom windows a woman dressed in cowboy hat and boots (and other clothes of course) was racing around the house, cracking a whip in what looked like a roundup.
Cheryl: C’mon you ol’ lazy heads get yourselves out of bed now.
AB: Man, that lady’s really got some energy. Look, she just hog tied the dog.
Cheryl: (throwing hands in air) Tied.
A: Hmmm, 4 seconds, not bad. I’ll go let her in.
As A walks to the door the others get themselves together and gather in the living room. A walks back in with Cheryl.
A: I’ll put my hand up and ask the obvious question, who are you?
Cheryl: My name’s Cheryl Hendrix and I’m from the Acme courier company of Walla Walla Washington. I’m here to pick up your secretor test tubes.
B: We’ve already sent them away through the post. They are most probably at the post office now.
Cheryl: Hmmm, might have to get me down there and tie up that postman.
O: Somehow I think he’d like that.
Cheryl: Well, as my old grandpappy used to say, two hands on a toaster is better than one on the bread.
All the family look at each other in confusion.
Cheryl: Anyway, that’s not important right now, what is important is that the company gave a form that you have to fill out. Now where is it (shuffles through pockets), nope, that’s my lunch docket, hang on, here it is, nope that’s my ticket to the next TCU game, wait a minute, what’s this…
(reads note) make sure the doctor sees Mr Johnson’s chart or he’s going to die, hmmm, best be throwing that one away, hehe, that was for last week..ah here it is, just fill out the boxes here, here, here and here and that’ll keep the company clerks happy.
AB: But this is an order form for a marching competition man.
Cheryl: Well, as my great grandpappy used to say, If a job’s worth doing then you better leave your hat on.
O: I’m not sure I understand?
Cheryl: That’s not important right now son, what is important is that we get those tubes back to the lab for analysis.
B: Like I said before, we’ve already sent them via the post so there’s nothing to worry about, they’re on their way.
Cheryl: Missy, we can’t just trust these vital pieces of material to people who don’t have the skills required for such a task. We have to do this personally. Can someone direct me to the post office?.
O: Well sure, just head into town and you’ll see it in the main street. You can’t miss it.
Cheryl: Well done son, and as my old great great grandpappy used to say, a piece of good information will keep you regular every day.
A: Do any of your relatives actually know what they’re saying?
Cheryl: Surely do maam, but that ain’t important right now, what is important is for me to catch that postman. I’ll be seeing ya.
As Cheryl left the house all the family walked to the windows to watch her racing around and cracking her whip.
B: Hey look, she just hog tied the cat.
A: Hmm, 3 seconds, that’s gotta be a record.
Cheryl: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa
O: Now why in the world would the company tell us to send the tubes away in the post and then send a courier anyway.
AB: Beats the chitlens out of me man but I know one thing for sure, all that hog tying has made me hungry for some viddles.
A: Since when did you start eating viddles?
AB: Well, as my old granpappy used to say….
All: Shutup.
AB: Heavy.

  I just saw the picture comeing....  she just hog tied the cat  


ooouuuaaaa Azzapchen- great story.................ty dear ty

strangulation purrrr!!!! you see- you got her by her legs hi-hi-hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

B: So, how long do you think it will take until we get our secretor tests back?
O: I guess it depends on a number of factors really. For example, the time it takes to get to the post (with the assistance of Cheryl of course), the time it takes to get to the lab, whether there are other jobs at the lab that need to be done before ours, the testing procedures themselves, and then having the whole lot sent back. Why do you ask…B?….B?. Now where did she go this time?
A: She’s gone to her room to finish off the 1000 word crossword puzzle that she’s been working on for the last 3 weeks. It’s huge I tells ya.
O: So, what are you going to do today?
A: First, I’m going down to the clinic to organise a regular screening program for heart disease and cancer, and then I’m going to spend a bit of time practicing my guitar.
O: Well, I’ll make sure I’m not here when that happens.
AB: (walking into room) Ditto for me big brother.
A: Bite me. Soon you’ll be bowing to the queen of melody.
O: (throwing up hands in mock adoration) All hail your A ness.
AB: (rolls on the floor laughing hysterically)
B: (walking out of bedroom) So what’s so funny?
AB: A ness aaahhhahahahahahahahahaha
B: What’s wrong with him? (circling finger around ear)
O: Location joke sweetheart, you had to be there.
B: Whatever, I’m starving, has anyone thought about lunch?
O: Come to think of it, no, and I’m hungry too. Hey queen A, got anything planned for lunch?
A: It just so happens I have and if you are not careful you’ll be getting none of it.
AB: Ah come on man, can’t you take a joke?
A: I do every time I look at you.
AB: Touche.
A: I got a hankering for a barbecue earlier on so I’ve got out a nice piece of rump steak for O, a piece of monkfish for B, and I’m going to set up the wok on one of the plates and make up a nice stir fry for me and AB with tofu as the base and a heap of veggies to boot.
AB: Cool man, I’ll never question your queen-ship again.
A: Thought you might like that.
O: You know what I might do?, I might roast my veggies on the hot plate. After all, it’s just like putting them in the oven. Except for the greens that is, I might use the wok after you A and do up some brocolli and collard greens, and let’s not forget some barbecued onion and garlic.
B: Hmmmm, all this barbecuing is making me a bit worried about the carcinogens and polyamines.
AB: The poly what now?
B: Polyamines. Polyamines are proteins that are present in low concentrations in all human, animal and plant cells. The body’s organs require them for growth, renewal and metabolism. Too many of them however can cause the immune system to suffer by slowing it down, and not enough of them can cause the digestive system to suffer because it takes them from other vital areas of the body for it’s own repair purposes.
O: So what’s that got to do with barbecuing?
B: Well, most probably not a lot really it’s just that when living tissue is shocked, or dies, the bacteria and enzymes in the food convert many of the protein fragments into polyamines, and looking at the barbecue just made me think about what has happened to the food before we got it.
A: Well don’t you worry about that sis because ol’ A has thought of everything (as usual). To help reduce that polyamine effect I’ve got some nice plums for O, some kiwi fruit for AB, some pawpaw for you and some cranberries for me. We’ll have that for dessert.
O: I thought it wasn’t a good idea to have fruit after you’ve eaten. It can cause fermentation.
A: And right you are old cro magnon brother of mine. That’s why we’re going to wait at least an hour until we have it, maybe even two. By then you’ll most probably looking for a little snack.
B: Well, you’ve got it all worked out haven’t you?. Such an organiser you are.
A: I can only be the A that I am.
AB: All hail you’re A ness, all hail you’re A ness.
B: aaaaahhhahahahahahahahahaha, I think I just landed on location.
A: Bite me.

ooo-oooo fine to be back Azzapchen-I just was afraid in no more readings .....   ?!

Ah yes azzap, sooooo nice to see you on here once again.  Like Isa, I thought you were not coming back.  Great to see you on the bloody track again.    

Debra

P. S.  Another page in the bloody story book.  

As the night began to descend on an otherwise sleepy afternoon in the Bloody household, the family slowly gathered in the lounge room to while away the night time hours.

B: Man, this place is a pig sty!. The carpets need vacuuming, the dishes need doing, there’s clothes spread from here to eternity and we all look like the bags of proverbial.
O: And your point is?
B: My point is that there is only one thing a person can do at a time like this.
A: What’s that?
B: Go out for dinner.
AB: Right on sis. I’m tired of cooking at home all the time. Let’s eat out.
All: Yeeeeeaaaaahhhhhh.
After some quick showers and some even quicker ironing (except for O, who doesn’t believe in such things) the family were on the road in their family jalopy. Although, after the last trip to the supermarket and O’s close encounter with the trees, it was B that was driving.
AB: So B, where are we going?
B: I thought we might try that new restaurant that opened on the other side of town. I hear it’s BTD compliant. It’s called Chez Chanur and it’s very swank.
A: Then with O and AB along we’re going to get kicked out for sure.
O: We’ll be hard pressed even getting in with you around.
B: OK children, that’s enough.
AB: Yeh, chill out dudes, let’s make this a good Bloody family night. Hey, there’s the restaurant now.
All: Oooohhhhh, aaaaahhhhhh.
B: Wow, this place looks too good for us.
O: Never, the Bloody family is welcome anywhere, and don’t you forget it.
AB: Right on man.
The family park the car and go inside what is obviously a well organised establishment.
Waiter: Ello, and welcome to Chez Chanur, I am your waiter Alfonse, and I will show you to zee table.
O: Lead on my good man.
Waiter: Ere at Chez Chanur we ave the finest of blood type dining for zee discerning patron. And as a special treat we ave the famous Chanur herself in the kitchen tonight.
B: Really, that’s great. What’s she like?
Waiter: Chanur is the petal on zee flower of love, zee wings on zee dove of peace, zee…….(a crashing is heard from the kitchen and Chanur appears with her hands around the neck of the assistant cook, shaking her head violently and screaming..”I said no black pepper in the O meals”)
Chanur: (realising the patrons are watching her) Ah, like I said my trusty assistant, a job well done, yes, that’s it, a job well done (pats assistant on head and motions for assistant to go back into the kitchen). Welcome to Chez Chanur everybody. As you can see we all get along here like a regular close family. A regular blood type family that is hehe, and that’s how we’d like you all to feel while dining at Chez Chanur.
AB: But we’re already the Bloody family man.
O: Shutup.
Chanur: Ah, I see we have some dedicated BTDer’s over here. I hope everything has been to your satisfaction so far?
B: Yes, well, we haven’t actually ordered yet but the entertainment has been spot on.
Chanur: Of course (not looking impressed) I’ll see that you get the best of service.
AB: Thanks man, when is the next act on?
Chanur: And we will especially look after you sir. (walks back into kitchen)
AB: Oh wow, thanks again man.
A: I told you we are going to get kicked out of this joint.
AB: No way man, she loves us, didn’t you hear her.
A: I’m surrounded by turkeys.
Waiter: Ave you decided what you will order?
O: I have, but something bothers me. Why would a BTD restaurant have a french waiter, and, just to add a finer point, you don’t exactly strike me as a frenchman some how.
Waiter: But of a did guvaway was it cuz eh?
O: Well, the fact that you’re six foot 4, 230 plus pounds, have arms like tree trunks and long plaited hair did kind of seem out of character so to speak. That and the fact that I just saw you doing the Haka (traditional new Zealand Maori dance) in the kitchen.
Waiter: Don’t tell the boss eh cuz, or I’ll be eating fush and chups before you know it eh.
O: Don’t worry mate, mum’s the word. Look out here she comes.
Waiter: Wee monsieur, zat is an excellent choice, and may I recommend zee 1980 Merlot for zat as well.
Chanur: I see Alfonse is looking after you. He’s one of the best you know, all the way from the heart of Paris itself.
AB: Have you had your glasses checked lately?
O: Shutup.
Chanur: What did he say?
O: He said, he thinks he’ll have the parsley checked pastry.
Chanur: Huh, I didn’t think that was on the menu tonight.
O: Never mind, a nice AB compliant meal will do fine thanks.
Chanur: Alfonse, an AB meal for this gentleman please.
Waiter: No worries, I mean, wee monsieur.
AB: Gee, I hope we come here often man, this place is so cool, and so international don’t you think man?
O: Spare me.

B’s choice of the BTD restaurant was a hit with the whole Bloody family and the night was spent sampling the delectable delights of Chez Chanur’s totally compliant menu. As the family made their way home Chanur and her trusty assistant spent the rest of the night working on plans for franchising what was obviously turning out to be a great idea.

Azzap!!

Great story again...
Zank you..

Your French is gorgeous!!!

Such a treat to have BTD compliant Restaurants!!! Wish it was reality already here in Europe....

already looking forward to the next episode of this neverending story....

Cocky

I think we could all use a meditation cd w/. some 80's music on it
And why do I feel that the AB character needs to be read w/ a voice similar to Keanu Reeves in "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure?" !!!

A: (walking into kitchen) Man oh man, what is that smell?
O: I’m testing a new recipe out that’s a touch heavy on the garlic.
A: Phew, don’t expect me to be hanging around with you today.
O: That was the plan.
B: Ah O, your ability to create mirth is only eclipsed by your lack of tangible intelligence
O: Har de bloody har.
B: I rest my case. So just what is this odorous concoction you’re brewing up anyway.
O: It’s my latest invention. I’m using six cloves of garlic, chopped shallots, a quarter of a chili, some red curry paste, one carrot, 250grams of diced chicken and a half a packet of rice stick noodles. You add a bit of olive oil to a pan, throw in the shallots, paste, chili and garlic and stir it all around, meanwhile you cook up your noodles in a pot. Then you add the chicken to the pan until it’s cooked through, then throw in the carrot, chopped of course, and sprinkle with a touch of brown sugar to caremalise it. Then you serve the whole lot on your drained noodles. Mmmm mmmm.
AB (walking in from bedroom) Oh man, that sounds noodleicious. Get it, noodle icious.
A: You’re such an idiot.
AB: Whoa man, I feel an obstruction of comical freedom coming on. I’m going to split this garlic infested downer man before all your negativity invades by aura man.
B: Where are you going?
AB: I’m going down to meditate for a few hours beside the sea man. I want to breathe in the essence of the ocean into my being man and become one with the brine.
A: I don’t know what that boy’s on but it must be good that’s for sure.
B: Ah give him a break A, he’s most probably the only one of us that really knows what’s going on in the world.
A: Err somehow I doubt it, but stranger things have happened. I gotta admit, I admire his meditative abilities. If I could last half as long as he does I’d have this cortisol under control.
B: Yeah, me too. Tell you what, how about you and I head on down to the local park and join in with that Tai Chi group that they have there every morning and see if we can’t master a few moves?. The good ol’ book says that’s good for lowering cortisol.
A: Capital idea B. We can get away from “garlic breath” here and soak up some fresh air to boot. How did you find out about this anyway?
B: I have a bunch of B type friends who go there all the time. They’re in a band. One wears leather and lace, the other wears furs and feather boas and the singer wears a cowboy outfit and carries a fake machine gun.
A: What do they call themselves?
B: The Look-alikes.
A: I see. How appropriate. Anyway, let’s make like the pigeons and flock off.
B: I’ll get some water, you get the hats. Don’t want to get sunburnt do we now?
A and B head out to the park leaving O alone in the kitchen with his creation. After a short while he is seated at the table savouring the tastes and smells of his latest recipe.
O: Oh yeah, this is good. Oooh, the lips are tingling. Man that chili’s got some bite to it. Pity anyway who comes within 500 yards of me tomorrow hehe.
After O had finished his meal he sat back on the couch and started reading the Live Right book in the section titled “Type O Dietary Strategies”. This section dealt with controlling high stomach acid levels and how to prevent lectin damage. This is what it had to say.
Take de-glycyrrhizinated licorice to increase secretin. A hormone that inhibits stomach acid production.
Supplement with slippery elm bark to promote the health of the stomach, intestine and urinary tract membranes.
Use ginger rhizome as it contains anti inflammatory, anti ulcer and antioxodant compounds and promotes gastric motility.
Supplement with turmeric root. It’s good for what ails ya.
Use cayenne fruit to protect your digestive tract from toxins. It’s also an anti inflammatory, anti ulcer and antioxodant compound.
Drink carbonated mineral water to decrease gastrin and stomach acid production.
Avoid milk, beer, alcohol and white wine, which increase acid production. Red wine is OK in moderation and even better for non-secretors.
Avoid coffee and black tea as it increases gastrin production.
Avoid acid stimulating foods and drink vegetable juice in preference to fruit juice.
Avoid wheat, corn, kidney beans, navy beans, lentils, peanuts and potatoes as these all carry lectins damaging to type O’s.
Take N-acetylglucosamine(NAG), Fucus Vesiculosis(kelp), Laminaria(seaweed) and Larch Arabinogalactin as these help block the actions of dietary lectins due to them being polysaccharide sacrificial molecules.
O was deep in thought and did not notice that AB had returned from his meditation by the ocean until he spoke and subsequently scared the living daylights out of him.
AB: Hey man, look what I found at one of the local health food stores near the beach. They’re wheat free, cholesterol free, yeast free, egg free, lactose free, pesticide free, gluten free, taste free chocolate biscuits.
O: Next time don’t creep up on me like that. I nearly clubbed you with a chair leg. Here, let me try one of those. Munch munch munch, hmmmm, tastes a bit papery.
AB: Ah, that’s the cardboard insert you’re chewing man.
O: Patooie. Gimme a real one then. Munch munch munch, patooie, that’s horrible, gimme the cardboard insert back.
AB: I guess I should have twigged when the sign said “We’ll pay you to take these away”.
O: Yeh, they didn’t just see you coming, they sent you a telegram.
AB: Speaking of telegrams, I think that’s how I’ll communicate with you for the next couple of days man. Phew, talk about your garlic overdose.
O: (with a look of total satisfaction on his face) Ah my evil plan is working.

Oh azzap-that meal sounds yummalicious.  

Debra

Too funny! I really look forward to each installment (chapter? act?) of this saga. Please keep writing for us, Azzap!

AB: What a magnificent day man. I feel like getting out and trying something new today. Any one got any ideas?
A: I know, we can go on a road trip and travel to places we’ve never been before. It’ll be such fun, I’ll get everything organised.
AB: Next.
O: How about I just smash your face in, then, when you look in the mirror you’ll see something new.
AB: (makes apeman caricature face and struts around)
B: As much as I might actually like to see that, I have a better idea. Let’s go horse riding.
AB: Alright sis, way to go man. Now THAT’S what I call an idea. C’mon everyone, let’s do it.
O: (talking to A as they head out the door) I still think I should smash his face in. (A nods in agreement)

As they make there way up to the horse riding school the excitement, and trepidation begins to mount as none of them have ever ridden a horse before. Except for B of course who can break a horse in less than 2 minutes while completing a full page of word puzzles.

B: Well, here we are, “The Runaway Stallion” horse riding school. I hope their horses match their name. I haven’t been for a good ride for ages.
A: I hope my horse is called Creampuff or something like that. I must admit, I’m a bit dubious of this whole horse caper.
O: Ah don’t be such a wuss. It’ll be great fun and besides, if your horse takes off on you, we’ll come and get you. Eventually.
A: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
AB: Cool it dudes, here comes the horse riding type person.
Rachel: Hi guys, my names Rachel, or Equipro as they call me here, and welcome to “The Runaway Stallion”, where we’ve had only 5 deaths in 3 years.
ALL: (except B) gulp.
Rachel: Ha, only kidding, it was 2.
O: Hi Rachel, we’ve never done this before so we’re going to need all the help we can get. What do you suggest first.
Rachel: Well, first, we get out our body brushes.
ALL: (looking rather confused).
Rachel: That’s right, there’s nothing like a good all over body brush to get the ol’ blood circulating and the body fired up for a riding session. Of course, it’s much easier under a shower but we’ve got water restrictions here at the moment so you’ll just have to “dry brush” for now. And by the way, for you ladies, it does for cellulite what fibre does for the bowels. Get’s it moving hehe.
AB: Oh wow man, I can really feel myself at one with this brush man. It’s like my body just said “I love you”.
A: Shutup space cadet. I can’t believe we’re actually doing this.
B: Hey, just be thankful she didn’t take us to the stud paddock.
A: I hear you sister, I hear you.
O: (with an all over glow about him) Right then, we’re ready.
Rachel: Not quite, next, in order to ensure that you don’t pull any muscles or tear any ligaments while out riding, we need to do a quick T-Tabb (name changed to ensure the author doesn’t get sued for copyright infringement) routine. And a one and a two…
O: Bloody hell, next thing you know we’ll be sitting for a written test and a riding examination.
Rachel: I can assure you that won’t happen. At least not until next week when the new “horse riding proficiency licence” is introduced. And a three and a four….
A: You know, I’m kind of liking this little routine. I feel ever so limber.
B: Me too, make sure we ask her where to get more info before we leave.
AB: And a five and a six….
O: You guys are nuts, I’m getting on a horse now.

O runs over and jumps on the first horse he sees. Unbeknownst to him the horse's name is Murdering Pete and as soon as he jumps on it takes off in a cloud of dust and high pitched human screams.

O: Aaaaiiiiiiiyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
A: Oh no, he’s gonna die.
Rachel: Don’t worry, he’ll be back. Eventually.
A: Don’t you just love instant karma.
AB: (lathered in sweat from a short but intense workout) did somebody mention instant karma. That’s the name of that horse over there. See (points at stable nameplate). I want to ride that one.
B: And I want to ride Bucking Beauty.
Rachel: I beg your pardon.
B: I said Bucking Beauty.
Rachel: Oh right, of course, forgive me. Bucking Beauty, yes, a perfect horse for you.
A: You don’t happen to have a Creampuff by any chance do you?.
Rachel: Lunch will come later, in the meantime, you can ride my favourite horse. His name is N-Acetyl-Glucosamine, or NAG for short.
A: Hardy har har.
Rachel: I thought you might appreciate that.

The sound of thundering hoof beats approaches, and then recedes as O goes flashing by.

O: Aaaaaaiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeee

Rachel: Told you he’d come back. Where he’s going now is anyone’s guess however.
B: This is so cool. I just love horse riding and I’m sure that in a past life I was a plainsman riding the ranges.
A: I’m sure that in a past life I was a ranger riding the plainsman. Haha.
AB: Whoa man, too much information.
Rachel: Well I never.
B: Well you should.
AB (fingers in ears) la la la la la la la la la.

Last time I rode a horse, which was almost over 30 years ago, it took off the same way and I lost my top among the trees.  Needless to say, my friends had a good laugh.  
Thanks for the memory azzap.

Debra  

 hi-hi-hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Azza... la la la la la li li li lu lu lu

Debra oooo you poor thing...


when do you write your own story-azzapchen? hä?

I confess I don't understand your take on the AB personality.
Are you modelling this character on someone you know? There've been AB's in my family, and none of them is reflected in this personality or lack thereof.
Do the AB's amongst your readers identify with it?
Just curious.

As a new day dawns the Bloody family rises…slowly….painfully and not without a fair share of moaning and groaning.

A: Oh my aching legs. I feel like I’ve just done 2 hours of squats with the heaviest weight in the world.
O: You can shout. My backside feels like it’s been kicked from here to billy-oh.
AB: I just ache all over.
B: (walking, almost dancing into the kitchen). Isn’t it a lovely morning?. There’s nothing like a good horse ride to make one feel alive.
B suddenly finds herself covered with the refuse of the morning’s breakfast thrown at her by the other family members.
B: (walking to the bathroom to clean up) I can see that some people in this household need to accept the limitations they have in regards to physical activity.
A: I’m so sore I think I pulled a tricep throwing that soy milk carton at B. How does she do it?.
O: I don’t know, but maybe she’s right about the physical limitation thing. I think I need to add a “body movement” type of exercise, like martial arts or something into my regime so that my whole body gets a workout. I can’t believe how such a simple thing as a horse ride has worked me over so much.
AB: I think today that we should all take it very easy. What say we head into town and just bum around for the day.
B: (coming back into the kitchen). Good idea AB. I’ll drive.
AB: Of course you will, you’re the only one who can man.
The family heads into town and finds themselves window shopping at the local mall.
O: Hey B, slow down, I can only walk so fast you know.
A: Somebody carry me.
AB: I think I’ll just roll along the floor. It’s so much easier. Hey, what’s with all those people gathered over near the newsagent?. Isn’t that those guys from the show “The Thousand Dollar Question”?
O: Yeh, it is too. It’s so rigged though. They get suckers to pay $25 each to answer 3 questions in the hope of winning a thousand dollars and no one ever gets the third one right because it’s so hard or so obscure. They must make a packet. I’d stay away from it if I was you AB…AB?
B: He’s heading for the stage O.
Presenter: And who would like to come up next. What about you there son, yes you, the hippy looking one with the kind of halo looking thing around your head.
O: Well, there goes twenty five bucks.
Presenter: And what’s your name son?
AB: AB man.
Presenter: OK AB, you’ve paid your $25 for the chance to win One Thousand Dollars (crowd cheers), so here’s the first question. What is the meaning of the word “Thrum”.
AB: Oh that’s easy, it actually has two meanings, one is to strum and the other relates to a string of threads remaining attached to a loom once the web has been cut off.
A: Blimey, I’ve never heard of the word.
Presenter: Well blow me down, he’s right folks. Well done son, and now for question two.
O: Watch this one blow him out of the water.
Presenter: In astronomical units, what is the average distance of Jupiter from the sun?
The crowd moans as they anticipate an incorrect answer.
AB: Jupiter is 5.20 astronomical units from the sun, where one astronomical unit equals 92,956,000 miles or 149,598,000 kilometres.
Presenter: Holy mother of god. I mean, well done son, that’s 2 out of 3 (whispers to assistant – “who picked these questions?”)
B: Am I really hearing all this?. Is that our AB up there?
Presenter: Well it seems we have a real candidate here folks, now for One Thousand Dollars, what role does the Rh factor have in Hemolytic Disease of a newborn baby?
A blank stare ensues from everyone in the crowd. A few seconds pass and the tension mounts. The presenter moves to speak but is cut off.
AB: Researchers have discovered that Rh-negative women, who were missing the Rh antigen, faced a special problem when their babies were Rh-positive and carried the Rh antigen on their blood cells. Unlike the major blood group system, where the antibodies to other blood types develop from birth, Rh-negative people do not make an antibody to the Rh antigen unless they are first sensitised. This sensitisation usually occurs when blood is exchanged between the mother and infant during birth. The mother’s immune system does not have enough time to react to the first baby, and so that baby suffers no consequences. However, should a subsequent conception result in another Rh-positive baby, the mother, now sensitised, will produce antibodies to the baby’s blood type, potentially causing birth defects and even infant death. Fortunately there is a vaccine that has been developed for this condition, which is given to Rh-negative women after the birth of their first child, and then after every subsequent birth.

Silence.

The presenter swoons and then faints. The crowd goes wild and erupts in a cacophony of cheering and hollering. The assistant, stony faced, hands a thousand dollars to AB who casually walks off the stage waving and smiling at the crowd.

O: That was absolutely amazing. I just discovered a side of you that I had no idea existed.
A: You are the man AB, you are the man.
B: How did you know the answers to those questions?
AB: I thought they were quite easy actually. Basic high school stuff if you ask me. The third one comes straight from the blood type encyclopedia. Surely you all knew that one.
Blank stares.
The family continues to walk around the mall in reverent silence until after a while A begins to speak.
A: AB, I am so impressed I am lost for words. Needless to say I think I speak for all of us when I say that you were incredible up there. The depth of your knowledge and the eloquence with which you translated that knowledge was magical to behold. Never again shall I ridicule you or let anyone talk down to you, and if you ever need anything all you have to do is ask. My door is always open.
O: And as for that thousand bucks, it couldn’t have come at a better time. We’ve got rego to pay, the power bill’s coming up, the roof needs a few new tiles, and….hey, where’d AB go?
B: I’m right here.
O: I said AB.
B: Oh sorry, that question is usually aimed at me. Force of habit I guess.
After a short while AB returns.
O: Where have you been man?. We were just saying how useful that thousand dollars will be.
AB: Oh, yes, well, I just donated it to the Save The Children fund man. I figured they need it more than we do.

Silence

A: (arms flailing while being held back by O and B) I’m gonna kill you good.

P.S. The author has no affiliation with the Save The Children fund or any other funds or establishments mentioned in these stories. If you want to send money, send it to the Save The Aaron fund, or maybe even to Jim Garland as he'd really like to go to the IFHI conference.