Pretty well everyone who has been doing BTD/GTD has been through something like this "What would you do?" thread at one time or another.   I LOVE how this BTD/GTD family has the LOVE.  

I think everyone will agree this is a thread worth sticking.  Done.

Debra   

  

If you never do this you will always feel a tension within yourself.  Your needs are important.  Maybe in the beginning they will not know what to think and say stuff, but if you keep doing it, it will be nothing new.

Quoted from Easy E

If you never do this you will always feel a tension within yourself.  Your needs are important.  Maybe in the beginning they will not know what to think and say stuff, but if you keep doing it, it will be nothing new.

I've come to realize that there is only 1 thing I have done in my life that I regret; I much more often regret the things I haven't done than the things I have done, no matter the outcome.  I always remind myself of that when making decisions.

I spent a long weekend this spring, with friends. I took our food, plus snacks, drinks. I also premade a sweet potato shepherd's pie. enough for everyone. I got no complaints. Of Course I didn't know everyone's blood type, but my point was our food it good and really isn't weird. Next time I'm going to make cookies. Eat your heart out folks.

Ok after the visit, let us know how it went..  

If you want to be a part of their lives, they might as well have the chance to get used to you the way you are.  

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.  My first mental response to a situation like this one is the knee jerk, solve the problem quick and easy and be done with it- type thing.

I guess what made me upset is that they have known me for a very long time and known that I eat a certain way.

I'll be going at this point.


Thanks again,

Tom

Be Happy Be Happy  

        

I love Vegan Joe's signature, and I think it fits the current situation (or any situation, really)

Quoted Text

Happiness is a personal choice.
I am the sole source of all my sadness and joy.

Quoted from Tom Martens

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.  My first mental response to a situation like this one is the knee jerk, solve the problem quick and easy and be done with it- type thing.

I guess what made me upset is that they have known me for a very long time and known that I eat a certain way.

I'll be going at this point.



Thanks again,

Tom

Debra

and after let us know how it went????  

Hope you had a wonderful time with your family Tom.  


Debra

As it turned out, my wife became ill and we had to scap the whole trip.  We didn't want to get any of the in-laws sick, especially the kids.

Oddly enough, the same in-laws came up this past weekend for the Labor Day weekend and one of their kids was running a fever.  I didn't like the idea that my daughter was going to be playing with her cousin but my wife didn't want to cause any trouble by not showing up.  My daughter has became ill just about every time these in-laws visit with a sick kid.  Sure enough, my daughter became ill and has a fever of her own now.

Hoping she gets better soon

In-laws...

The only good thing about that visit, is that, temperature in my way of seeing things often heals other stuff..

All I can think is, why are they being so rude about your diet?  And also, not to be criticial, but why do they know about it and why weren't they willing to make a compromise?  Family.  

Quoted from Tom Martens

As it turned out, my wife became ill and we had to scap the whole trip.  We didn't want to get any of the in-laws sick, especially the kids.

Oddly enough, the same in-laws came up this past weekend for the Labor Day weekend and one of their kids was running a fever.  I didn't like the idea that my daughter was going to be playing with her cousin but my wife didn't want to cause any trouble by not showing up.  My daughter has became ill just about every time these in-laws visit with a sick kid.  Sure enough, my daughter became ill and has a fever of her own now.

There is no quick solution for this one...   The issue won't go away by itself, it is worth while for all to bring it to the open...

All this is actually an invitation for you and an opportunity to relfect (further?) on including the larger family (vs. the immediate family) in your lives, letting the relationships open, letting your in-laws in and making them your own flesh and blood.

Edited to add:  the post below was typed before I read the entire thread--my bad!     See my p.s. post for updated musings, based on a reading of the entire saga versus just the original post.

I'm in the minority here:  I say that your bro-in-law sounds like a jerk and therefore don't go.

But this is a case of "those who can't, teach" (a saying which I despise, btw--the best teachers are those who CAN, have, and DO   ), since I let my sister walk all over me every summer when she and her fam are down here visiting.  She doesn't respect me at all and I don't do anything about it, to keep the peace.  I should take my own advice.  That said, with full disclosure of my hypocrisy, I say:  don't go, as bro-in-law sounds like he is hostile towards you.

P.S.  Well, now that I read the whole thread and not just the OP, I see that you decided to go, one, and then, two, the whole trip was scrapped due to forces beyond your control.  Well, you had some great input here from everyone, both pro and con.  Every situation is different, every family is different (mine is REALLY different   ), so, just like with diet, what is best for one individual won't be best for another.  Like I said, I go through a version of this every time I'm around my sister, although as far as diet, I've got it pretty well down to a science now.  Actually, as far as everything else, I'm doing way better with it than I used to.  But STILL, it takes it outta me, every time.

As far as diet, I put nothing in my mouth that I don't want to.  If we are at a restaurant where I can eat nothing, I simply eat nothing.  I might get an iced tea w/lemon (even that is iffy at some establishments!).  If it bugs anyone or anyone has something to say about it, tough.  I am always graceful and pleasant about it and, therefore, I don't feel that anyone should have a prob with however I eat or don't eat, and if they do, it is their problem.

The only social sitches in which I still struggle are those rare times (luckily, I don’t have much of a life, so this doesn’t come up much *lol*) when someone makes something especially for ME and it is full of avoids and something I really don’t want to eat, and yet to not eat it would hurt their feelings.  IF they don’t know about my diet and/or are ignorant about certain things and really well-meaning, I will sometimes eat it.  But if they, like for example my co-workers, have known about my diet since, oh, I don’t know, 1999, and they still insist on giving me carrot cake and/or mint chip ice cream on my b-day because those do happen to be my fave cake (actually, spice cake is my fave cake, but carrot is a close second) and ice cream, then NO, sorry:  I CAN’T EAT ANY OF THAT.  “Oh, but wasn’t it considerate that they brought all your faves?”  Um, only unless you consider it considerate when a recovering alcoholic’s friends bring all her fave DRINKS to her b-day party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Basically:  I’ve gotten a LOT more assertive, albeit in a very gentle, graceful, classy way, if I do say so myself, about eating and not eating what I want, when I want, PERIOD.  Anyone who doesn’t like it can go stuff a wheat lectin somewhere…anywhere other than in my mouth!

Quoted from Peppermint Twist

As far as diet, I put nothing in my mouth that I don't want to.  If we are at a restaurant where I can eat nothing, I simply eat nothing.  I might get an iced tea w/lemon (even that is iffy at some establishments!).  If it bugs anyone or anyone has something to say about it, tough.  I am always graceful and pleasant about it and, therefore, I don't feel that anyone should have a prob with however I eat or don't eat, and if they do, it is their problem.

Basically:  I’ve gotten a LOT more assertive, albeit in a very gentle, graceful, classy way, if I do say so myself, about eating and not eating what I want, when I want, PERIOD.

Yes to this!  

Quoted from Jane

Just bring your own food and don't let it get to you.  Perhaps they are just concerned that they'll be criticized if they cook something you can't eat.  Don't let it build into something that becomes a problem.

I would agree with this. Now that you have been "confronted" you may as well play along and keep a low profile.