Cassandra Dwight

I've been busy since I posted last month - really busy! But we're all doing relatively well, so no complaints.

My MIL was in the hospital because she had a nerve block in her neck and it paralyzed her (temporarily, but still!) and now she has to have surgery to make more space in her very degenerated disks for her spinal cord. As neck surgery goes, we're told that this surgery is about as routine as it gets. Even so, it is neck surgery, we are dealing with the spinal cord, and she may never be the active, energetic woman we all know and love. She got out of the hospital on Christmas Day. It is my fervent hope that she does really well and is just as active and vibrant as ever.

We all got colds just before Christmas, so I still haven't seen my MIL. Nate was snorting, snuffling, and coughing his way through Christmas, and as cute sounding as he was, I felt so bad for the kid! He is still stuffy, but is much less congested now.

The day after Christmas, I found out that my great-aunt died Christmas night. Grace was 94, embodied the definition of her name, and although the whole family was sad to see her go, we have no complaints about how long she was with us or how she died. She spent the week of Christmas playing bridge, going to parties, enjoying a few adult beverages, and had a lovely Christmas day. She said goodnight to her daughter, and the last words they spoke to each other were "I love you". She passed away in her sleep on the 26th. I found out about her passing on the 26th and did not plan to go to the funeral, and then on the 27th I suddenly wanted to go very badly. After some discussion and negotiation with Gordon, I booked a very reasonably priced last-minute flight for Sunday noon, and Nate and I flew to Texas. I'm so incredibly glad we went! It was a beautiful service, it was wonderful to see the family, and my mom even drove 7 hours round-trip just to have dinner with me and Nate because that was all I had time for. Even though the reason for the trip was not the greatest, it was a wonderful visit with everyone.

The bad part about the trip was that I came down with my second cold while I was there. Sunday night I had a fever and a sore throat. By Tuesday night I was losing my voice, and by Wednesday morning it was gone completely and has not returned. Nate and I flew home with him talking more than me. We had a layover in Denver, and he was such an ANGEL flying that I even volunteered to get bumped. We did get bumped, got a free roundtrip ticket to anywhere in the lower 48, and were home a mere 3 hours later than originally booked. And Nate never fussed on the planes. It was a GREAT trip all the way around, and now we are planning to go back to NYC in March or so to see a friend's baby (due on the 7th, possibly here already since I didn't get a text back from her today!) I felt so crappy when I got home on New Year's Eve that I was asleep by 9:30 pm.

We've also been dealing with thrush for the third time in Nate's 6.5 months of life, so now I'm researching candidiasis to see how to eradicate this crud from my body. I've figured out how to keep a bit of a handle on it for as long as I continue nursing, but a restricted diet and who knows what else seems to be in order.

In all of this, a few goals for 2009 came forth....

My intentions for 2009 are to:

1. Optimize my health with the following:
Be gluten-free for the rest of the year (decided this on the 2nd, AFTER having eaten a regular wheat-flour cookie on the first!)
Begin and maintain an exercise program
follow a nutritional/supplement program to clear out the candida

2. Find something fulfilling to do for extra income:

This is not fleshed out yet, but may include photography, starting (yet another!) cooking show (on the web for starters, and there isn't one like this out there!), doing some artwork, etc. I have several ideas, some of which require more time than others, and some of which could generate considerable income if I want them to.

3. Become more financially stable

For the first time in quite a while, we have CC debt. My goal this year is to pay with cash, eliminate the CC debt, and increase savings, preferably to at least 2 months worth of living expenses, with an ultimate goal of 8-12 months of expenses in savings.

I hope everyone has a fantastic 2009!

Okay, it's been since FEBRUARY since I posted. So sorry!

The last time I blogged I was pregnant, and we were preparing to put our condo on the market to sell it. After that it is a blur....

Our condo sold the first day it was on the market, we househunted for a month or so before we found our new home, and we closed on it in 25 days and moved in. The moving days were crazy - I was 8 months pregnant and having Braxton-Hicks contractions like crazy. The movers left a chair in the living room for me to sit in, and set up the La-Z Boy for me in the living room in the new house. I directed traffic from the chairs.

I unpacked like a madwoman knowing that once the baby was born I'd get nothing done, and that is pretty much what happened. Seven weeks after we moved in (and one week early), Nathaniel Hudson Firemark was born. He was 6 lbs. 5 ounces and 19.5 inches long.

Giving birth was an amazing experience. I had hoped to give birth without any medications at all, but after 16 hours I had only dialated 5 cms and my blood pressure was high and Nate's heart rate kept dropping, so my OB recommended an epidural and pitocin. Given the circumstances, I was willing to do that - though I have to say I did not feel like I needed the epidural for pain management. We did a hypnobirthing class, and I found that it really worked for me! Anyway, four hours after I got the epidural I was fully dialated, and 20 minutes of pushing later, Nate was born. Incredible experience overall, and the medical staff was amazing both during and after delivery. Nate was put right on my tummy and we looked into each other's eyes for the first time. For me, it was like looking into the face of God. I was filled with awe and joy.

Since his birth, we've hardly gotten anything unpacked. Still working on a few areas of the house! Motherhood so far has been wonderful, challenging, exhausting, fulfilling, and joyful. Nate is a calm, happy baby, and I love watching him explore the world day by day. So fun!

I have lots more to share about health, the BTD, and motherhood, but I'm wiped out. I do promise to write more frequently and keep up with the blog a bit more.

In the meantime, here is a link to photos of Nate and the rest of us:

gallery.me.com/casswoman/100136

That oughta keep you busy for a while.

Cassandra

I LOVE being pregnant. I love feeling the baby move and knowing that I'm doing everything I can to get this kid out into the world as healthily and happily as I can. I love that total strangers are excited to hear about the baby, are helpful and give me space, open doors for me, etc. I love my big pregnant belly and knowing that I am bringing our child into this loving and welcoming family.

And yet I hate my pregnant body right now. I feel fat, ungainly, ponderous, and like I'm a slave to my body's needs. When I need to eat, I need to eat NOW. When I need to use the restroom, I need it NOW, and usually every 45 minutes. I can't stand to be around strong smells, and the thought, let alone sight of lots of foods makes me nauseous one minute and ravenous the next. I hate it. I have sciatica, heartburn, nosebleeds, dry, itchy skin, my moods are all over the place, and my hair is so slippery now that it won't do a darn thing. And all of this is supposed to be normal.

Not to mention that while I definitely look pregnant now, in lots of clothes I don't look pregnant, I just look fat. I don't mind looking pregnant. I mind looking fat. I mind that when I got on the scale at the OB's office yesterday that the usually supportive and loving Gordon, who is losing weight, looked at the number and said, "We'll see who gets to 200 pounds first!" Thanks, babe, I already feel like a cow, and that isn't helping! I don't mind gaining the weight (it's for a good cause, after all). I do mind snide comments from my husband about it.

So I'm having this love/hate relationship these days. I want to look cute and pregnant, and yet most days I'm lucky if I have the energy to do more than brush my teeth and hair and throw on sweats. Looking cute and pregnant takes effort. Looking fat does not. Putting on makeup is a major achievement for the day.

I'm also not experiencing the typical energy surge and 'feeling great' second trimester. I still have morning sickness. Not nearly as bad as it was, but I still have it. I don't have a lot more energy than I did first trimester. I have some energy now, which is an improvement, but I don't feel GREAT like so many of my friends did when they were pregnant. Pfft.

The good news is that I'm healthy, the ultrasound and quad screen results indicate that the baby is healthy, and that is all that I ask.

Okay. I'm done being crabby. For now.

It's been a busy January. My aunt passed away on December 29th after a 2 month illness, so I flew to Ottawa to spend time with my uncle and attend the funeral. It was a really nice week in spite of the circumstances, and I enjoyed spending the time with two of my three uncles and my dad. It wasn't even that cold! The day I arrived it was bitter cold, and then it was about 50 degrees (F) the rest of the week. That did cause some unexpected issues, though. The fog was so bad that the airport was closed for 2 or 3 days. My one uncle ended up taking a bus to Montreal and flying home from there a day late, and then I ended up flying home a day late as well. It all worked out in the end, but we were wondering if we would even get out when we did!

Then we went to the big island of Hawaii for a week to celebrate a friend's 60th birthday with him. It was a great trip, especially since he flew us over there and put us up at this fabulous all-inclusive resort for 3 nights. Incredible place, and we had a ball celebrating with him. Then we went into Kona for the remaining 4 nights we were there and had an ocean view room in a big hotel. Not nearly as nice as the resort, but we didn't care because we were hardly in the room. We drove to Kilauea to see the volcano and Moana Loa, and drove to Hilo and up and around the entire island one day - it was great fun, and I was so exhausted by the end of the day that I could barely taste my dinner. Well worth it, though.

Another day we went on a snorkel trip, and took the boat from one bay to another (about an hour) and then snorkeled in this gorgeous turquoise water for a while, had lunch, snorkeled some more, and headed back to the dock. The snorkeling was fantastic, and even better than that was the whale watching! There was a mama and a baby about 100 feet away from the boat, and we got to see fin slaps, spouts, dorsal fins, and whale tails. I got some GREAT pictures. It was just breathtaking!

I hadn't gained but about 4 pounds thus far in this pregnancy, until I went on this vacation - and I gained 4-5 pounds in a week! I was more active than usual, but I was also eating bigger meals than usual. One morning at breakfast I had scrambled eggs, oatmeal, a glass of guava juice, and an entire papaya. Gordon could not believe how much I ate!

Now that we are back in town and settling back into our routines, I am going to try to eat more regular meals now that I am feeling better. Not as much as I ate during vacation, but I often graze and I don't think it has been helping me much lately.

I've been feeling the baby flutter around the last couple of weeks, and the flutters have been getting a bit stronger - almost a thump, but not quite. Exciting! I also had a quad screen test, and I know that the results are 'nice', but not much else right now. I'll get more specifics from my OB when I talk with her on Wednesday. Oh, and we have the big structural ultrasound next week to see how the baby is developing.

Happy belated Hannukah! Merry Christmas!

Wow. I just realized it's been SIX months since I posted here. I knew it had been a while, but I hadn't realized it had been THAT long! It WAS a crazy summer and fall, though. Lots of travel for school and weddings and fun stuff filled up the summer. I also graduated from the University of Santa Monica with my Master of Arts in Spiritual Psychology in late August, and spent quite a bit of the summer writing my Master's Comprehensive Exam for that. In September we went to Pennsylvania to be in my friend Suzanne's wedding, and then I went to my hometown in Virginia for a few days. I had a cold when I got home and was flat out for a few days.

Then the big news. I got pregnant in late September and have been so miserable with morning sickness pretty much from the very beginning that I was largely non-functional until I got so desperate that I got some anti-nausea medication, which has saved me- I don't think I could have gotten through the last couple of months without it. None of the usual morning sickness remedies were the least bit helpful for me!

So now I am 14 weeks pregnant, and we had an ultrasound and have seen the baby's heartbeat and have seen it move! After three miscarriages, we are overjoyed!

I've been doing a LOT of reading about pregnancy and childbirth and I have learned so much! I will share some of the interesting tidbits that I have learned from my reading through this blog. And now that I am done with school and travel for a while, I WILL post more often!