Connie Blaze - Latest comments on Why is my brother so mad? Or, there's nothing so certain as a closed mind.

In response to: Why is my brother so mad? Or, there's nothing so certain as a closed mind.

Paul C. [Visitor] — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 20:58:04 +0000

Connie, your brother is starting to have doubts about his approach to medical science.

Since he has invested a lot of his ego and his self-image of competency (no small thing for any man) into his understanding of science this threatens his self-worth. It sounds like he is channeling his emotional reaction to your mother's death into this issue to avoid dealing with those emotions. He will not find this successful, but that is not going to help you - unless he is big enough to admit it by his own initiative.

This inflexibility of his is a scab in his emotional life. The scab comes off best after the wound has healed. If someone encourages him to get some help dealing with the loss you are both feeling, he will be in a better position to support you.

I hope that you will both find the healing you need for this situation.

Very interesting idea. I hadn't thought about it like that. Thanks, Connie

In response to: Why is my brother so mad? Or, there's nothing so certain as a closed mind.

JJREA [Visitor] — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 21:34:36 +0000

Yeah, that's a tough one. In my experience with people is that some feel they need to control a situation. For a myriad of reasons. One reason, that I see in my Father and my Father in law, is if you listen to them, they think it will be the right decision for you and they will worry less about you. Which it's basic intention is very good. They care. So much that it pains them deeply. And their faith in any other answer besides the one they came up with is non present. I see that with many people also. They think if they overcame a situation with a certain method, they feel it's the ONLY method that will work. I always thought that there's more than one way to skin a cat to be a true statement. But some people are inflexible that way. Either way, I think at the root of the problem is fear. I will not claim I'm some perfect person. I do try really hard not to force my opinions on other people. I tell them my opinion, and it's up to them. But then again, there are times people do things that have me scratching my head. And having kids, I feel a responsibility to lead them in the right direction, and it's painful to watch them make mistakes. Yet we all do. And when they don't do what my wife or I have asked of them, it gets pretty irritating after many times. This is obviously a different situation, as you're not his child, but sometimes we may forget our place.

I hope he comes to some kind of understanding that would allow him to not be so mad at you also. I'm sorry this has happened. And I can relate. I've struggle with family members many times on certain similar issues. It's no fun. Especially when it's the in laws. hehehe

It's funny you said "you're not his child" because at one point I said to him "You're not my dad, please treat me as an adult and give me some respect".
Thanks for your comment. Connie

In response to: Why is my brother so mad? Or, there's nothing so certain as a closed mind.

Patti [Visitor] — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 13:32:11 +0000

So sorry for your pain re: your brother's rejection; it can hurt a lot when people we love do such things, but,I am sure you know: it's all about him... so the only thing to do is to bless him and go about your business having a happy life for yourself. He's doing his thing...for whatever reason. The trick is not to let someone else's unhappiness affect our own. Blessings to you on your journey.

Thank you so much Patti. Even though I know it's his stuff, it's been hard. I've only recently been able to talk about it without crying. Connie

In response to: Why is my brother so mad? Or, there's nothing so certain as a closed mind.

Ruth [Visitor] — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 23:19:40 +0000

I'm so sorry your brother is being so hurtful. I just lost my Dad and it's only brought my brother and I closer together. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose both of them at the same time.

I wish you much peace.

It's funny, I got closer to one of my sisters at the same time my brother and I split apart. Thanks so much for your kind words. Connie