I am so exhausted after my first day of work today that I just want to crawl into bed until 8am tomorrow. It's HARD to go back to work after six lovely months off! Instead of being able to relax, though, I have to go to an acting seminar tonight. This will be my life from now on - still making things happen for me in Hollywood, and paying the bills doing this customer service job. Well, doing this customer service job for the moment, anyway!

I did pretty well diet-wise today considering I 'hit the wall' after lunch and was about ready to fall over from fatigue. I gave in to a Vanilla Coke and sipped on it throughout the afternoon to stay awake. Only drank about half of it, and poured the rest down the drain when I finished my day. I had lamb and green beans for lunch, and a banana/pineapple juice/egg protein powder smoothie for breakfast, along with my B vitamins and other assorted supplements. I even took more B vitamins later in the day, but was still just zonked. Hopefully tonight I'll be able to get to bed at a reasonably hour even with going to the seminar.

Watched the Golden Globes with my neighbor Mike last night - we never mentioned the whole 'kiss' incident (or should I say 'non-kiss' incident!), and just enjoyed hanging out as friends. We'll see how this goes. He's an actor, too, and he's also going to this seminar tonight. Mike ordered pizza last night, and I succumbed to the temptation and had two slices. How is an O supposed to turn down a steaming pie? I never order it, but if it's there in front of me, no will-power in the world helps. Fortunately, they aren't often in front of me! I'm sure it was a factor in my fatigue today!

More lamb and green beans for dinner tonight. And I've got to prepare lunch and snacks for tomorrow.

Aack. So my neighbor, who I'll call Mike, and I went to see Master and Commander last night. I enjoyed it - great sailing scenes, military strategy, and battles. Not my favorite kind of movie, but I lived on a sailboat for a few months, and used to hear ALL about the old sailing ships from my ex-BF. Anyway, Mike and I enjoyed the movie, and then we decided to get a bite to eat at the deli across the street. By this time it's nearly 10pm, and I'm tired, but having fun, and I wasn't ready to call it a night yet. This was my downfall. I should have just said that I was tired, and come home to go to sleep, but NOOOOOO, this oh-so-social O just had to go have some more fun for the evening.

We had a good time at the deli, and I gave in to the avoids - french fries and IBC rootbeer. Mike ordered banana cheese blintzes, and our orders were HUGE, so we shared fries and blintzes. I had half a blintz, and stopped, even though that cream cheese and sour cream was SOOOOO good! We had a nice discussion, and Mike wanted to stop in the bakery before we left the deli, so he got a bunch of yummies, and I behaved and didn't get ANYTHING, not even a flourless rocky road cookie. Then we headed back to the apartment building. Mike got one dessert that I wanted to have a bite of, so he came in and we kept talking. Then as I was telling the story about my last first date and how I didn't want to kiss my date that night, Mike said he wanted to kiss me.

Now, I know I can be oblivious to this sort of thing, but this really floored me. I thought we were well on our way to being friends and neighbors, and ONLY friends and neighbors. Evidently, I was mistaken! Mike said that he did not want to mess up our friendship and the candor that we have in talking with each other, and I said that I didn't want to mess it up either, and that I'd rather not get involved romantically at this time. I do very much enjoy his company, but jeez, it's kind of like "When Harry Met Sally", only I'm Harry. Mike has to know every detail about everything he's doing, and even ordering banana cheese blintzes is a major ordeal, yet I'm the one who has food allergies and is on a specialized diet (most of the time) and it takes me two seconds to order. I don't mind dealing with that with a friend, but in a romantic relationship that would drive this fast-thinking, fast-moving, fast-talking, less-than-totally-patient-O absolutely bonkers.

I think it is perfectly natural when single men and women are friends to think that a romantic relationship is the next step to move to, but I also don't think it is the ONLY step. Mike is a great guy, and would make a great husband - for another woman! So I want him in my life, and would love to meet his friends (and maybe go out with them!) and I would love to fix him up with some of my friends. In effect, I want to keep this on the 'friendship' level, and not hurt him by keeping it at that level. What we ended with last night was that we can always take it to the 'romantic' level in the future, but let's keep it friends for now.

Aack. I don't need this right now!

On other levels, I'm regretting the half a blintz and the fries from last night - when I'm tired I just shouldn't even TRY to eat because I invariably make poor choices. Woke up with a scratchy throat and tons of mucous and just couldn't drag myself out of bed, even after hitting the alarm several times. My friend Pele (she's from Nigeria) called, and we went for about a 1.2 mile walk around the park near my apartment building, and Mike called me to ask me to come over and have cheesecake for breakfast. I declined the cheesecake, and will see him tomorrow night because we have plans to go to an acting seminar together.

By the time we got back from our walk, I was starving and my ears and throat were cold, so I made Pele and me some tea and heated up the last of my yummy turkey soup. I've got to cook something else today for lunch for the next couple of days - I have plans every night this week, so today I have to be as ready for work as I can get for the rest of the week. I think I'll get some chicken pesto sausage from Trader Joe's and a big bag of salad. That will feed me for lunch, even if it does get a little boring during the week. I'll pick up a bunch of blueberries and pumpkin seeds for snacks and some lamb or shrimp for dinners, and maybe I'll throw some shrimp into my salads, too.

I try to throw a little bit of everything beneficial into salads, so I'll pick up some black-eyed peas or adzuki beans, some walnuts, onions, and whatever else sounds good to throw in there. I've got eggs for breakfast, but need fruit for smoothies. Time to make a list and get going!

I've been running around most of the day - woke up at 9am, as planned, and slowly got moving and headed out to the post office and to the mall to run some errands. Since I've been working out, the way my clothes fit is changing, and I had to replace a couple items that just do NOT work on my body anymore. I'm sure it will continue to change, so I'm not buying a lot of stuff, but I still need something to wear that fits while my body changes shape.

I'm really tired today, so I am not working out today - just getting done what I need to do, and relaxing. I got back from the mall and cooked some ground lamb and some green beans, and while that cooked I had a glass of pineapple juice. Yummy dinner!

My neighbor and I are heading to the movies shortly to see "Master and Commander" or possibly another movie, depending on what our moods are. Whatever we decide on, I need to make sure that I take a snack and something to drink because when I'm as tired as I am now, I am MUCH more likely to make poor food choices, and a Coke is sounding really good right now!

Tomorrow the goal is to get up at 8am, so we'll see how early I can get to bed tonight! I've got to make sure that I get a workout in tomorrow, and get some groceries so I can prepare lunch for work Monday, and get my clothes and bag ready. I also have to babysit for a couple hours (4-6) so I have to get things done earlier in the day so I can cook tomorrow evening and get to bed by 10 or so.

I heard that this year is the year of the golden monkey, and since I was born in a year of the monkey, I wondered if that had any extra significance for me, but the only thing I've come up with so far is the following:

"The Entertaining Monkey - The "Merry Mercurial"

While a lively year of good times, good friends, and lack of boredom, only rarely are your own Monkey years constructive and capable of permanent development. Monkeys have difficulty staying on a straight and narrow course, tempted to take detours and short-cuts for the pure pleasure of discovery and novelty. However, you do find the year's prevalent upheaval amusing, and will have a strong desire for travel."

This was from this website: http://www.chineseastrology.com/wu/monkeyyear.html

Anyway, today has been busy - I dragged myself out of bed about 10 this morning, and made some phone calls and headed out the door to meet my friend for coffee at noon. We had a lovely conversation and she had to head home to pack to go to Long Island to see her family for the coming week, so we cut our normally 3 hour coffee date to two hours today. I then headed to the mall to try to find some pants to wear to work for my new job. My old pants just don't fit like they used to because I'd gained weight from breaking the leg, and now I've lost some of it, but have been working out, so I had the joy of discovering that I am now the same SIZE I was before I broke my leg even though I WEIGH 10 pounds more than I did basically this exact date last year. So yippee, muscle DOES weigh more than fat, AND it takes up less room! I found one lovely pair of grey slacks that were majorly on sale (good thing until I get my first paycheck!) and they were even a little on the 'loose' side even at this size. Way cool.

By the time I was done shopping, I was starving - realized I'd flown out the door for my coffee date having eaten only half a container of soy yogurt and then a chai at Starbucks, so I hit my door, dropped my stuff, and made some eggs with chicken/turkey sausage and spinach in them and some yeast-free wheat-free rye toast, and practically inhaled the plate.

I've been sorting papers and trying to get my office area cleaned up this afternoon so that when I get all my tax info sent to me that I'll have the rest of it together and can then present it to my accountant in order and as prepared as I can get it. I've also been trying to clean out in general, and the office area is a great place to start. I've realized that when something in my apartment has a home, it goes back to it regularly, but if it doesn't have a home it ends up all over the table, or desk, or bed, or chair. In a 400 square foot studio apartment, that amounts to a sizable mess rather rapidly! So right now all my papers are on the floor behind the desk, and there are two black cats sprawled across the papers. They are so funny about sleeping on paper, aren't they? Cracks me up.

I've been cleaning out stuff from the time I moved into this place, and I've learned how little we really need to live well. Last year I took multiple car loads of stuff to the Goodwill and Salvation Army, and every time I do, I think I'm done. Then I get tired of stuff being all over the place, and I start loading up the car again. I took another load in the other day, and now I'm considering emptying everything off my office shelves, and only putting back what I need or want to keep. Most of it is papers, so it will just get tossed or shredded depending on what it is.

I may also empty out my closet again and clean out everything that doesn't fit anymore, is stretched out, doesn't look good, that I don't FEEL good in, or that I wouldn't buy today. But that won't be happening in the next week or two. I'm booked all this weekend, have plans so far for every night next week, am working during the day, and next weekend I already have two sets of tentative plans. Then I start working nights!

I also bought a book today about self-sabotage. I know I'm guilty of doing it, in lots of areas of my life. I've been aware of this for some time, and have made progress in not sabotaging myself in some areas, but I needed more help., I found a book at Barnes and Noble today in the bargain books section about self-sabotage and steps one can take to allow oneself to succeed. The great part is that it was only TWO dollars! So I'll be posting about my progress through the book, and my successes in life as I put it all into action.

Off to make some phone calls and do some yoga. I'll head to the gym late morning tomorrow, and then I'm getting a massage - looking forward to both!

At 10 pm last night, I was wide awake and full of energy, so I headed to the gym to try to wear myself out so I could get to sleep at a reasonable hour. I did my weight circuit, and then spent 45 minutes on the elliptical machine, and worked out as hard as I could for as long as I could. Higher and higher levels of incline and higher levels of resistance, all while maintaining more revolutions per minute. By the time I was done, I could barely push open the door to leave! It felt really good, though, and every time I push myself I learn more and more what my limits are. What barely makes me breathe hard now is far beyond what my maximum ability was a couple months ago, and I keep surprising myself with what I can do. Fabulous stuff, as long as I continue to pay attention to my body and back off if I am doing too much.

In spite of this challenging workout, I was still up until 3 am last night, and didn't even hear my alarm go off at 9am. And it went off for an hour without me ever waking up. I finally got up about noon today, when a friend of mine called to meet me for coffee. Since I don't drink coffee, I had chai tea latte with soy milk, and an incredibly decadent cake called "Molten Lava". Yes, it had wheat in it, and sugar, and whipped cream on top, and it was incredibly delicious, and I won't do it again for a LOOOONG time. Sometimes it is well worth the 'pain' of the allergic reaction. And my friend and I did share it, so I didn't eat the whole thing, and I've been eating so well otherwise that I don't think I'll have any cravings, and if I do, I won't be giving in to them.

I am really tired tonight, so I may actually get to sleep at a reasonable hour. And I will take melatonin tonight to help me get to sleep. I now start work on Monday, so I have a few days to shift my clock and get up early. I'm going to set a couple of alarms tonight and get up by 9am tomorrow, even if I don't get a lot of sleep tonight.

I worked out two days in a row, and I've still got sinus drainage and a scratchy throat (which my little cake today didn't help!) so I think I'll do yoga today and get to the gym in the morning before I go meet another friend for coffee (chai or green tea!) tomorrow in the early afternoon. Then I've got acting class tomorrow night and a self-written monologue to finish preparing for class. Lots to do!