It seems that my lack of sleep last week and constant switching from normal to vampire hours is catching up with me. I'm now fighting some kind of crud. I basically feel okay, but I can tell I've got a low-grade fever, and my eyes are burning and my throat is a little sore. Not good.
So the tentative plans I had made for this weekend won't be happening - I was planning to go skiing with Brad, but it doesn't make sense for me to go now if I'm not feeling great. Plus once I get my tax refund I'll be better able to handle the cost of the trip. He goes up there all the time, so I'm sure I'll be able to join him next time.
As for Mike, I don't even know if I'll see him this weekend - he'll be doing his taxes. This is just as well since I plan to get copious amounts of sleep and get myself healthy again as soon as possible.
I slept today, but woke up about 4:30 after 6 hours of sleep. Would have liked to have slept more, but just couldn't. Anne called me about 6:30 and asked if I wanted to hang out and have dinner, and when I told her I didn't feel too good she actually made me dinner and brought it to me. Such a good friend! We had rice pasta with tomato sauce and she put in the vegetables that were left over from last night. Good stuff!
After she left, I tried to nap again, but couldn't sleep - Mike called to bring back a videotape, so he came over for about 60 seconds, and then left when he saw I was trying to rest.
Got this email from my dad tonight - I guess it's been longer than I thought since I talked with him!
Like parents all over, I get antsy when I don't hear from
you for a while.
Give me a call or a brief e-mail or fill in the blanks.
I am ....
The job is ....
I (AM/AM NOT) seeing (Someone/anybody)
My mental health is ....
My physical health is ....
The new thing in my life is ....
The best time and day to call me is ....
Pretty funny! I filled in the blanks and sent it back to him, and will call him this weekend (since I don't seem to be doing anything else!) to catch him up on what's going on.
There's nothing like dating a couple of B's to highlight the BTD and what it can do, not to mention the inherent personality differences that are bound to come up with seeing two different men regardless of the BTD. More on that later.
I did make it home in one piece on Friday morning, and within ten minutes of opening my door, I was face down and out cold on my warm little bed. I did manage to set my alarm before I crashed so that I would be able to sleep Friday night, and that worked beautifully. I slept until 3pm, got up and watched Oprah and Dr. Phil (we all have out guilty pleasures!), ate something, and just tried to relax. About 7:30 I went over to Mike's to watch the Oscars - I'd fallen asleep during it last week, but had already figured that would be the case and had the presence of mind to tape it, which worked out well since Mike hadn't seen it either because he had company in town and was busy entertaining. So he ordered Chinese for us and we watched the Oscars. About midnight I went home and crashed so that I could get up and get ready for my date with Brad Saturday morning.
7:15 am Saturday, my phone rang, and it was my best friend Anne calling to wish me a happy birthday. Only one problem with that.... my birthday isn't for another two months. Apparently she'd entered it into her Palm Pilot incorrectly and didn't think about the time of year. So here she is singing me happy birthday and I told her she must be calling the wrong person bc it wasn't my birthday. She actually contradicted me and told me that it WAS my birthday, and I said no, it's MAY, not MARCH! We laughed hysterically, and I'm still laughing about it. Tonight we had dinner and watched TV and she gave me my 'un-birthday' present, a lovely lavender candle from France that smells divine. Too funny!
After my 'birthday' phone call I snoozed for a little bit longer, and finally got up about 8:20 to get ready for my date. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck from having eaten the Chinese food Friday night (why do I do this to myself?) and was very bloated and tired. I had to feed Anne's cats because she was housesitting all weekend, so I needed a little extra time to take care of that in addition to the usual dressing and getting out the door.
I hit the road to meet Brad and realized that with the traffic I would be a little late, so I called him to let him know that, and made my way there. We then took his vehicle to a hiking trail nearby and hiked in a beautiful, beautiful area for THREE hours. (I am SO sore today!) We had a wonderful time, and I was pleasantly exhausted by the end of the hike. He'd told me he'd make me lunch after our hike (he is a chef, after all!), so we went back to his condo and he started chopping and searing and sautéeing and all kinds of wonderful stuff. As interested as I was in watching the entire process and learning as much as I could, as well as enjoying the lovely conversation and great company, I was just plum tuckered out. Brad encouraged me to sit in his massage chair, and at first I resisted a bit because I knew that if I sat down in it I would fall asleep, and I didn't want to offend him by falling asleep on our date! He ended up walking me to the chair and guiding me to sit, and turned it on for me. Bliss. Sheer bliss. By the time the chair timed out its cycle, I was plenty relaxed, and I moved to the couch to wait for lunch. Next thing I knew, Brad was gently pulling on my toe to wake me up. I guess I was tired! And my falling asleep around him on only the second date does tell me that I'm quite comfortable around him, which is really cool - and he seemed to completely understand my fatigue, for which I was grateful. Combine working nights with a three hour hike and Chinese food the night before and I can fall asleep in a heartbeat.
I dragged my sleepy self to the table for what smelled and looked like an incredible lunch. Curried lamb with carrots, celery, eggplant, mushrooms, onions, garlic, etc. It was an *explosion* of flavor - not spicy hot, but packed with flavor. Incredible stuff AND it was BTD compliant, and very different from anything I've ever made. I had two big servings, and enjoyed every bite of it. As he was putting the leftovers away he told me I would have to come over again if I wanted more of it! No problem! I'd be happy to! I told him he could cook for me any time!
We had an eight hour date, which included probably 30 minutes of me sleeping on the couch, and by 6pm I had to leave. Hated to go since we were having such a great time, but I had plans to go to a really cool restaurant/club with Mike for the evening, and I didn't want to cancel. Besides, Brad and I will be spending more time together next weekend.
I practically flew home, and was running late, so I was glad to hear that Mike had left me a message telling me that he was running late. We met up about 7:20 and headed to Burbank to a restaurant that I know of called Mo's. I had eaten only 3 hours before, so I got a gorgonzola/pecan salad (cheese, I know, but it was about the best option available!) and Mike got a burger of some sort. Then we headed to the club and joined his friends for dessert and to hear this singer friend of theirs (who was excellent, BTW). Spent about 3 hours with them, and the group of people was awesome! I made some new contacts and hope that a couple of them will turn into friends. It was a cool group of people!
Mike and I were both exhausted, though, and we left about midnight. I was in my bed by 12:30, and watched "What Not to Wear", which I had taped from Friday night. I knew that I needed to stay up as long as possible so I can be awake tonight. I only lasted until about 1:30am, but then I did sleep until 11:30 this morning, which was good.
Today was a lazy day - I didn't have anything scheduled until dinner with Anne, so I puttered around, went grocery shopping, and tried to get a handle on the disaster zone also known as my apartment. I did make some progress on the apartment, but I have a ways to go, too. I made dinner for Anne and me - a vegetable mix that she bought at the local farmer's market, artichokes, and a couple of lamb chops with garlic salt on them. Yummy stuff, and she loved it. We had a good time watching TV and catching up.
Now. The study in contrasts. Wow, these men are different!
Mike is very intense and definitely has a type A personality, is extremely detail-oriented. He is very focused on whatever he is doing at that moment, which can be wonderful IF he's focused on me, and difficult in terms of communication if he's focused on something else. And if he is focused on something, he can be easily distracted. I think he's an 'out of balance' B. He needs a TON of information before he is willing to make a simple decision. He also is VERY safety conscious (which can be good, but can be annoying when he's telling me to be careful for the 100th time - have a little faith, man, that I've made it to nearly 36 without getting myself killed yet, even if there have been some close calls). He's very skeptical and doesn't trust much of anything - people, information, himself. I'm learning that he is a perfectionist in all things - he parked his car no less than three times Saturday night trying to get it 'right'. As if it really matters! He also seems to have a lot of drama in his life, which is weird to me. Everything he does has some kind of problems associated with it - he ordered a desk and it had some damage on the top, so he ordered a replacement piece, which arrived damaged, and required even more follow-up. Someone Saturday night asked me what book would most describe Mike, and I thought it telling that the book that came to mind was "War and Peace" - both because he seems to have a great deal of inner conflict, and because he is complicated and can be long-winded. Interesting reasons, eh? He is also a gentleman, utterly charming, smart as a whip, has a great sense of humor, and we have a lot in common in terms of pre-acting lives and current career goals.
I will admit up front that I don't know Brad nearly as well yet, but so far his life seems to have much more 'flow' to it. Our time together passes very easily, and the only drama has been me falling on the hiking trail (fortunately no biggie). He's had the odd comment about an issue at work, but has always commented on it with a sense of amusement, too. He seems much more balanced, and much more relaxed about things. When I thought about what book might describe him, I thought of "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance", which I haven't ever read, but have heard a lot about over the years. Brad seems to be more in the moment and more able to enjoy the moment for whatever it may be.
I get much more of a sense of calm from Brad. He's fully present, and not easily distracted. He is also charming and bright and funny and we seem to have a lot in common....
As for me, I am like both of these guys in ways. I don't have much drama in my life, though it does rear its ugly head from time to time. I am very focused and driven regarding my acting career, and intend to continue to spend lots of time making that happen. But outside of the career goals, I tend to be pretty laid-back and flexible. I do yoga, I try to meditate regularly, I read books about spirituality, and try to learn and grow constantly. All in all, I think I'm pretty balanced and have a good perspective on what should be the priorities in my life.
Assuming that we each create our own reality, Mike has created some interesting things lately, and has yet to accept responsibilty for one thing that happened - he's playing the shame, guilt, and blame game, and I find it very interesting. He has made his current reality a bit difficult for himself in numerous ways, and I'm even taking into account that he did just move to LA to become a full-time actor, which was a huge adjustment for me, too, so I know what he's going through with THAT. Brad's life is certainly more settled, but even taking Mike's recent move out of the picture, Brad's reality is much more .... alive, for lack of a better word....
So. I don't know what the future may hold, but I am enjoying getting to know both of these men, and I am looking forward to spending more time with each of them.
I slept all of THREE hours Thursday, and I am ready to crash, even though I must function long enough to get myself home after work. So another eight hours from now, I'll be out cold. I was supposed to have a singing lesson in the middle of the afternoon, and I cancelled it today because I need to take care of myself and stay well. I'll reschedule for one day next week, but sleep is more important right now!
Had a meeting today about Financial Planning for Actors, which was good. I used to be a financial advisor, so I was interested in hearing how this guy felt financial planning differed for actors vs. 'regular' people. Essentially it doesn't, but he did have a number of good things to say about various financial options. He and I differed in our opinions regarding several investment options and life insurance, etc., but I didn't voice my opinions since he was the person leading the discussion - would not have been appropriate! But from one professional to another, afterwards he did ask me what I thought of everything he said, and I told him that it was all solid professional advice, and that we had different styles as far as being advisors - he is more conservative in some areas than I am, and I'm more conservative in other areas than he is. It's all good! And I think the group got a lot out of it. Mike went with me to the meeting, and I think he learned a lot, too, and he got to see me in something other than 'exhausted-actor-working-in-call-center-mode', which has been my usual modus operandi lately.
I tried to sleep more after my meeting, but it eluded me, and finally I got up and started doing a couple of things around the apartment while I waited for my dear friend SF to call me with her ETA at Starbucks. We finally did connect, and enjoyed the brief time we were able to spend together.
We grabbed a quick dinner at a diner-type restaurant, and I had chicken and rice soup and was bad and got french fries. Now, I KNOW I'm tired when I order french fries after having been so good and working so hard lately. And ya know what? THEY WERE GOOOOOOOD!!!! I didn't finish the fries OR the soup, though, because 1) the restaurant was closing, and 2) I'm so flippin' tired that I was starting to get a little nauseous. So we bailed out of there and said our goodnights. I headed home and curled up on my La-Z Boy with a blanket over me and had just fallen asleep when the phone rang. It was Brad, calling to nail down our plans for Saturday. We talked for an hour and a half, and then it was time for me to head to work!
So here I am, with 7 hours and 53 minutes remaining until I can curl up in my bed and sleep.
Thanks for the comments, folks! Keep 'em coming! It's nice to know I'm helping people keep on track, and keep in mind that you all help ME keep on track, too! Just knowing that I have a blog to do keeps me honest, and often stops me from eating something I shouldn't. So thanks!
I got home from work at 9am yesterday and was wiped out. I was getting ready for bed when I realized I should check my calendar and make SURE that I didn't have anything to do during the day. Oops. Meeting at noon. @$#$%@#!!!!!! So I made some lamb chop and scrambled eggs for breakfast (my version of steak and eggs - and it was GOOOOOOOD!) and set my alarm for 11:30am. Set THREE alarms to make sure I would wake up.
The alarms went off, I dragged myself out of bed, and went to my meeting. This was another actor-related function about how to get into commercials, and I learned a LOT! And now I have tons of work to do over the next couple of weeks as far as getting auditions for commercials, meeting people in the commercial industry, etc. I'm hoping I can put together a mailing while I'm here at work one night to minimize the sleep impact, but all the other stuff will have to happen during the day as I can fit it in.
I was back home, ate a half a lamb chop, and was back in bed by 2:30 or so, and set my alarm for 11:15 pm figuring that I'd wake up earlier and be able to get to the gym. Didn't happen. I slept until 11:15 and I think I could have slept another several hours, but I had to get up for work. I've been good about unplugging my phone and turning down the volume on my answering machine the last couple of days, and today I had several messages, but my sleep had been blissfully uninterrupted because I'd remembered to turn stuff off/down. I'll be doing that regularly!
Mike had called and left me a message about watching the videotaped Oscars tomorrow night, but I can't because I'm going to see Baz Luhrmann's "La Bohème". I'm SOOOO excited about it! We had talked about Friday evening anyway, so hopefully that will still work out for him. Anne had left me a message, too, and I still owe a phone call to another friend who left me a message Sunday. This working nights thing is messing up my social life!
I was in a rush to get to work, so I threw together a smoothie (protein powder, pineapple juice, fiber blend, Vitamin C and grapefruit seed extract - I'm trying to fight off this sore throat/sniffles I've got) and drank it once I got here. I've got my leftover lamb stew for lunch and a lamb chop and a half for snacks. Forgot to bring a salad, and I'm craving one....
Today will be a LONG day - I'll get home around 9am, sleep for a couple hours, and go babysit again. I really hope this child sleeps today, because *I'll* need to sleep! With going to the show tonight, I won't get more than a few hours of sleep today. Thursday is another acting information meeting (Financial Planning for Actors!) at 2pm, so I'll have to split my sleep again, AND I'm supposed to meet up with a dear, dear friend for coffee Thursday evening, and I don't want to miss that! She's a gem, and visits with her are far too rare.
I'm reading a GREAT book, by the way, called "Excuse Me, Your LIFE Is Waiting: The Astonishing Power of Feelings". I'd had it for some time and it was languishing on my voluminous reading pile until I saw a colleague at work who had it on her desk. I asked her about it and she recommended it highly and was only in the first chapter. So I went home and dug it out of the stacks. It is incredible! I've been working so hard at changing so much in my life, and already this book is having an impact. I was surprised at my PHYSICAL reaction to it - when I pick up the book and read for a few minutes, I often start giggling! Some of the information in it just makes so much sense AND brings me joy to read, and I end up giggling. I highly recommend it! The author is Lynn Grabhorn, and she's also got an "Excuse Me..." workbook that I'm doing next. It seems to be a lot more detailed than the book, so I'm doing it in succession instead of concurrently so I can build upon what the book is teaching me.
Okay, folks, I know you're out there! I was just wondering what y'all would like me to write more about - or LESS! I'm trying to keep it relatively balanced between the life of an actor working on her career in LA, the men in my life, and certainly the BTD and all health and fitness issues there, but I'd love some feedback on what you want to hear more about, so please let me know!
And now we resume our regularly scheduled programming....
Monday I ran into one of my colleagues who was just coming into work as I was leaving, not the one who expressed his feelings for me, but another one, and he asked me if I wanted to get a drink this evening. Uh, okay. Why not? So I met up with him at a Starbucks near my apartment, and he was standing outside, in the rain, waiting for me. Not even on the covered patio. Odd. And then he wanted to go to a bar and get a drink there. Normally this would have been fine, but I've had not quite 3 hours sleep today, and one drink would put me under, PLUS I have to work tonight, and don't want to drink before going to work. He pushed for that a little harder than I would have liked, but I prevailed on staying at Starbucks.
We chatted for about an hour and a half, and it just wasn't flowing. And he's nice enough, but I found out tonight that his car got stolen and he couldn't replace it because he didn't have insurance on it, he has three kids, 2 in SoCal and one in Rome, and I'm just not impressed. We had a nice conversation, but I have zero desire to see him again. I'm glad we don't work the same shift! He also told me that he 'inspects' my desk every morning just to see what I've got out, what I'm reading, etc. That kind of creeped me out a little bit. Not that I have anything there that I care about anyone seeing, but I am glad that I carry most of my stuff to and from work with me every day. And I NEVER leave anything personal out in the open. He also smokes. Ick.
I made my excuses to go home just before 9pm, and tried to sleep a little more. Didn't happen. At 10 I went downstairs to Anne's with a bowl of the lamb stew I made the other day. We watched the finale of "Average Joe: Hawaii" and got caught up a little bit. We were both bummed that she picked Gil, and we were right in assessing that he is a jerk! And we felt for Brian! I hope he keeps his heart open for the right woman. I'm not really into reality shows - Anne likes them more than I do. They are fun, though, and I will admit that "The Apprentice" holds some appeal for the MBA in me.
I desperately need sleep. I've got 8.5 hours to go until I will be in my bed again, and it won't come soon enough. For some reason, today I just could not get to sleep. My mind was racing, the cats wouldn't settle down, and the blasted phone kept ringing. Grrrrr! So I'm minimally functional right now, and I'm looking forward to a long day's rest.
Every time I got up today I ate something - I'm trying to eat whenever I'm hungry (gee, makes sense, eh?) OR when I feel blood sugar issues coming on, but it's tough since I don't have any idea when that will be, schedule-wise. So I ate some stew around 11:30, half a sausage about 2pm, SBUX at 7 pm, stew at 10 pm, and the other half of the sausage about 11:30. I've lost a couple of pounds the last couple of weeks, and whether that is from my crazy schedule, or me eating less AND eating better food, I'm not sure. I've given up all refined sugar, though it is still in my diet in the form of fruits and honey in my tea (still have a scratchy throat!). I haven't even had chocolate in DAYS, and good dark chocolate is my downfall!