Cassandra Dwight

I am finally recovered enough to be mostly functional today and post about our wedding. No pics yet, though! Gordon hasn't put the pictures on the web page yet - there are a few from various cameras on this website: http://bigred.firemark.net/gallery/ This is also where wedding pictures will be once Gordon gets them posted, so keep checking back!

The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner went off without a hitch, except that my dad didn't make it in - he says Travelocity screwed up his reservations. He made arrangements to fly in on Sunday instead. Two of my uncles and Gordon's aunt made it in, and our wedding party was there, and a couple other friends of the family.

After the rehearsal dinner, Gordon went to Howl at the Moon at Universal Citywalk and kept partying, but I was really tired, so Pam and I went back to our place and got ready for the wedding day. I didn't sleep very well - there was lots racing through my mind and I wondered if we'd handled all the details that needed to be handled.

Sunday morning I woke up and Pam dropped me off at Burke Williams for a massage. I relaxed and used the spa, jacuzzi, etc. and she picked me up about 11:30am to go to the Ebell. www.ebellla.com I had two messages on my cell phone, one from the makeup artist - how do I get there? and one from my dad, whose travel arrangements got screwed up again. He wasn't able to make it to LA after all, and apparently was very angry about it. I was actually very zen about the whole thing, figuring that whoever was supposed to be at the wedding would be at the wedding. My mother decided not to attend at all, and Dad had travel issues. Hhmmmmm. Not sure why neither of my parents were meant to be there, but I was more than okay with it, which surprised Pam. What will be will be, right? I wasn't going to let ANYTHING ruin my wedding day.

We got to the Ebell shortly after noon, and Rachel and Alison were already there and the makeup artist had already started working on one of them, and the hair stylist was working on the other one. The scene in the bridal suite was fun, calm, and quietly busy. Pam and I got the car unloaded and I was at loose ends for a few minutes until my hairstylist could start working on my hair. We got my hair up in rollers and then I was hungry again, so there's a great picture of me with my hair in rollers, no makeup on, chowing down on a chicken leg. Then there's another one of me hair still in rollers, still no makeup, brushing my tongue. I don't have copies of either of them yet, though!

My friend Julie and her mom and husband stopped in at one point to say hello, and it was good to visit with them before the wedding started. My sister EDenise came a little early, too, and she came up to visit, too. My hair and makeup was done by 3:30, and Pam helped me into my dress. I was then sent downstairs to see Gordon for the first time and we took lots of pictures. I got pictures with my uncles, my aunt, my sister, and of course, my groom.

Then we went inside and signed the ketubah, which is the Jewish marriage contract. This is what ours looks like: http://ketubah.com/engine.cfm?i=33&dID=085-003

Gordon and I then had to part ways until the ceremony started. I went upstairs and had a few minutes with EDenise, and then she went to sit in the audience. The assistant wedding coordinator told me to wait until the music (Trumpet Voluntary, on trumpet!) started to descend the staircase. The only moment I was nervous was when I heard that beautiful music start and I realized I had to get down that staircase and ALL eyes would be on me. My only thoughts were about getting down that staircase without tripping. I did have a TINY slip, but no one noticed, and I made it to the altar unscathed.

Gordon looked amazing, and it was wonderful to walk up the aisle and see so many friends and family who were there for us. The ceremony itself was brief and entertaining, which was what we wanted, and Gordon broke the glass, everyone shouted "Mazel Tov!" and we walked up the aisle as husband and wife.

We had some appetizers sent up to the bridal suite, and we cleaned the plate and caught up on the events thus far. Gordon helped me change shoes (ceremony shoes were strappy heels, reception shoes were silver ballet flats!) and then we had to go get more pictures taken. Fortunately, that didn't take long, and we then joined our guests for the cocktail hour.

We went back into the main room, danced our first dances, and then danced the hora. Now, I'd never danced the hora - I'm not Jewish, and had only been to one Jewish wedding, and I don't remember dancing it at that wedding. Let's just say it was a TON of fun, and I got to dance part of it with Booa (which was perfect since she'd said I had to marry Gordon so she could dance the hora at my wedding ). Then I had to sit in my chair and get lifted up above the crowd as they danced around us. Very fun, a little scary!

Dinner was a beet and arugula salad followed by either lamb porterhouse on mashed potatoes or chicken on polenta - either one was delicious! As we ate, they were setting up the chocolate fountain, which was a HUGE hit - Pam's 92 year old grandmother left with chocolate ALL over her mouth! Everyone loved it! I had ONE marshmallow with chocolate on it, and then never got back to that end of the room all night! We had bananas, strawberries, two different kinds of cookies, and marhsmallows with the chocolate fountain. YUM!

Everyone had a GREAT time at the wedding - at one point I looked around and hardly anyone was sitting down - everyone was either on the dance floor or at the chocolate fountain! Even our parents generation - in their 60s and 70s were up and dancing all night!

My favorite moment of the reception was after the speeches, when Bob announced that we had a special guest and asked us to come up to the stage. I asked Gordon if Neil Clark Warren was there - we met through eharmony.com, and our minister is a friend of Neil's and had asked him to come to the wedding for a few minutes, so I thought it was him. Gordon said that he knew what this was, and that wasn't it! A chair was placed in front of the stage, and I was told to sit. Then GORDON got on stage and sang "It Had to Be You" to me! I had tears streaming down my face the entire time - not only was it an incredibly sweet and moving gesture, but my husband can SING! He'd never sung in public before, either!

We wrapped up the evening and arranged for our bags to be put into the cab, and we headed off to the hotel. We get 2 minutes away, and asked the cabbie if our bags were in the back. They weren't, so we went BACK to the Ebell to find our bags, which had been put in the limo that Gordon's mom and sisters were taking back to the house. Oops. Wrong car, guys! Then we went to the hotel and ordered room service because we were both starving!

Literally. Not figuratively.

Gordon and I spent 13 days at Club Med Cancun, and had a marvelous time. I’ll post lots more in a few days, but we both came home with some kind of crud and both have a fever. I’m only posting now because I can’t sleep. I seem to be a couple of days behind Gordon in my symptoms, but my temperature started climbing in the last couple of hours. He’s got a temp of 101. Ugh.

I’ll also post a link to a wedding web page with tons of photos of the wedding day. It should be up in the next week or so – once one or both of us feels well enough to put it together and get some photos up there.

I will say right now that we both ate everything we wanted regardless of whether or not it was BTD appropriate, and we enjoyed (almost) every minute of it. Did fun touristy stuff, too. I will elaborate more when we recover.

PS – My grandmother is still hanging in there, and they are talking of releasing her to the assisted living place (at a higher level of care than she needed before). Remarkable!

Is expected to live anywhere from ~2-10 more days. She's having trouble swallowing, and is getting weaker by the day. She apparently has told my father that she wants the wedding festivities to continue as planned, but we aren't sure what to do about the honeymoon. I think our plans will depend on just when she passes.

This is not unexpected considering she is 92, but not welcome news....

And my emotions are all over the place. I'm so happy to be marrying Gordon, and so sad to be losing my grandmother.

We are incredibly busy wrapping up wedding plans and attending to last minute details. It's all I can do to eat relatively decently and not become a total stressball right now. I haven't worked out in a couple weeks, and it's getting to me, but there's no TIME! I had to make a rather spontaneous trip to Texas on the 11th and got back to LA last week. My grandmother is in the hospital and isn't doing very well. I don't think she'll come out. So I went to see her and also went to see my mom and my grandfather. Neither of them are going to be at the wedding, and it was really good to see them. I visited Gramma three times while I was there, and she was hallucinating the first time, unconscious the second, and the third time she was awake and coherent. That last visit was a real blessing - she remembered that I'm getting married, remembered Gordon, and kept asking me what she could get me as a wedding present and about the details of the wedding and reception. It was a great visit.

I won't have time to post again until mid-June, but I promise I will have stories to tell and maybe a link to some wedding photos!

The story in the news this week about Jennifer Wilbanks has been on my mind quite a bit. Jennifer went out for a run and caught a bus to Albuquerque by way of Vegas and was gone for four days, then called 911 claiming she'd been abducted. Then she recanted and said that she had cold feet about getting married. Sheesh.

Part of me completely understands her desire to run. Our society conditions women to think that getting engaged and getting married is nothing but joyous and exciting, and that becoming someone's wife is a painless transition. I tell ya, the process IS joyous and exciting, but it is also filled with anxiety not just for the wedding, but for the marriage - lots of questions come up about how to be a good wife, and the roles of a wife are not so easily defined these days, especially when one considers today's divorce rate. It used to be easy - keep the home and take care of the kids. Now? All too often we maintain our careers AND keep the home and take care of the kids. And it used to be that planning the wedding was simpler, too - the bride's family paid for it, and that was that. Since the bride was still living at home, she and her mother could devote their time to planning it. Nowadays, the wedding can be paid for by the bride's family, the groom's family, or the couple themselves. The bride probably doesn't live at home anymore, has a career, and may not live in the same time zone as her mother. Complicates things a little bit.

The last weeks before the wedding are crazy. There's so much to do, so many details to handle, and so many things that can go wrong. I'm currently stressing because last night one member of the bridal party called to ask if we can find a replacement. We have less than a month until the wedding and you wait until NOW to tell us you might not be able to come? And one of my bridesmaids flaked on me for today to go get her dress altered, then called me back to say that we're on again. And it wouldn't surprise me if she calls back to flake again. Grr.

We have three bridesmaids and three groomsmen - imagine the stress if the above involved not six people, but TWENTY-EIGHT? Yes, Miss Wilbanks has 14 bridesmaids and 14 groomsmen. And SIX HUNDRED guests. We'll have about 150. More than enough stress with that!

As much as I understand Miss Wilbanks desire to flee, logic and reason keeps me rooted safely at home, excitedly awaiting our wedding. Her fight or flight reaction provoked the opposite response, and she apparently bought her bus ticket on April 19th, and waited FIVE DAYS to use it. She left for her run with a fair amount of cash on hand, had a taxi scheduled to pick her up and take her to the bus station, and either had, found, or bought scissors to cut her hair before catching the bus.

I felt compassion for her until I heard that she had planned her escape, and until I heard that she is 32 years old. A younger woman I could more easily understand the desire to flee before her wedding - she may not have the maturity to deal with such stress, or the life skills to know how else to handle it. But by one's late twenties or early thirties, most people have better coping strategies than this, and would think "gee, maybe I should talk with someone about the stress I'm feeling" - her mother or one of her 14 best friends/bridesmaids might have been a good start.

I hope that the city of Duluth, GA does make her pay for the cost of the search to find her, and that she learns from this mistake. Her disappearance terrified her friends and family, and I can't even imagine what her fiancé went through before she was found. And then there were all the people across the country who were hoping she would turn up alive. I'm glad she did, but now lots of people are more than a little upset with her. She seems to have a great deal to learn, and I hope she WAITS to get married.