It seems that this is the season for me to fall into a depression after staving it off for so many months. I walked around the edges of it for much of this summer, happily diverting my attention with sunshine, green grass, warm breezes and free days. But with school (Read:Stress) being back in session, the weather changing, darkness coming on, and my recent life decisions filtering through my block head, it appears that the Unavoidable has found me. It’s found me, and hopped into bed right next to me. Talk about an unwelcome guest!

Forgetting the food compliance piece of the BTD, I’ve done everything right. I’ve gotten back into therapy (where else can you go and talk about yourself for an hour and not be judged!!), have been exercising intensely several times a week, and forcing myself to go to bed on time so that I can get 8 hours of sleep nightly. I think that because I have forgotten the food compliance piece of the BTD, things have yet to level out or get better. They are getting worse as I head deeper into the murky woods of this episode.

With tomorrow’s shopping trip to the grocery store, I will be purchasing only bennies and neutrals, thus ending my weeks long spree of sugar, sugar, and more sugar. I also have deflect, and a few other AB friendly products from Dr. D’s store that will make their way into my daily diet. I am hoping with all my soul that this balancing out of my body’s systems will light the way for the rest of my journey through this depression. It’s no fun for me, or those around me, and I’m tired of feeling so detached from the world. On one hand, it is interesting to watch this one from the inside looking out (being detached rather than sad this time), but on the other millions of hands, it is a crummy feeling being trapped inside of oneself.

I couldn’t figure out why on earth I was having headaches every day—EVERYDAY—for about a week and a half. On Wednesday of last week it got so bad that I couldn’t focus on what the kids were saying, I had the classroom lights off (plenty of sunlight coming in through the windows, but no fluorescent glare), and thought that I was going to vomit. REALIZE THAT I’M NOT A PERSON WHO GETS HEADACHES, MIGRANES, NOTHING! So this was not a familiar event for me.

Who could say what divine intervention brought it into my brain, but on Thursday I had a thought that the previously no new detergents, no new foods, no new schedule changes, no new anything lately mantra was completely wrong!! As I finished up my coffee for the day, I realized that I have had something new in my diet within the past two weeks. I’ve been putting Splenda in my coffee for two weeks straight.

It is now Sunday, and I’ve been Splenda-free for three full days. The headaches are not completely gone, but they are hugely diminished…there also have been no spikes at midmorning and midafternoon of pain. Go figure…it looks like I’ll be sticking to my standby of coffee, honey and soymilk.

Stay compliant, and be well…I don’t know what I was thinking!!

BTW--I'm going to be replying to the recent mails asap...promise...

So many thoughts run through my brain with a prevailing feeling of happiness and contentment. Could it be the food compliance piece of the BTD, or the physical compliance piece, or perhaps the soul compliance piece? My bet is on a combination of the three being in harmony; whatever the cause, I’m feeling so good right now. So calm. So relaxed. It’s August 18th, and summer vacation is finally here. Never mind that I’ve been in school every day this week, and will be REQUIRED to be there soon enough. The fact is that I CHOSE to take the morning off today. I CHOSE to eat breakfast and drink my coffee on the porch. I CHOSE to finish my book, enjoy the cool air, feel the sunshine, and eavesdrop on my neighborhood…all with my feet up and a sweet smile of utter contentment on my placid face. Deep intake of breath into the lungs, eyes closed lightly, lungs full to capacity, slight smile upon the lips, hold it for a few beats, slow exhale with lips parted, eyes open…and…life is good.

Thank goodness that life is good.

There are so many things to worry about, race after, finish, fix, clean up, and DO for others, the house, the car, society, that a few stolen moments offer a bliss unequalled by anything store bought or fabricated. Among the many lazy thoughts shifting through my brain this morning, is an overwhelming sense of peace at my decision to move back East. It will be a year over Labor Day weekend that I’ve been in New Hampshire. A lot has happened in that year. A lot of CHANGE has happened, and change isn’t always easy. But change is typically a good thing.

I have to laugh at my misgivings of a year ago. I was worried to leave Los Angeles. I grew up in the Northeast, and knew about winter, which while cold, isn’t that big a deal. I knew about living in the country; rural settings are such a comfort to me. But I had been a CITY girl for seven years. Seven FUNDAMENTAL years. Would I go crazy in the country? Would I be able to survive without the noise and bustle of a metro area? How could I not have live music, theatre, friends, and constant HAPPENING all around me, at all times? Again, I have to laugh. I have to laugh at myself for worrying that I’d be too far from a city. I have to laugh because I live in downtown Manchester, and it is a city. It’s a city with all the city noises—sirens blare, trains rumble the walls of my row, neighbors scream at each other, stray kitties cry in the night, airplanes roar overhead, birds chirp, bees buzz about my patio garden, sun shines, and breezes cool warm skin. I can walk to my Y for a workout, walk to the museum of art, walk to classes at the Institute of Art, walk to my little coffee shop, restaurant, and just about anywhere else that I might want to go downtown. I live in a city, but I don’t live in a metropolis. And, much to my surprise, that’s okay with me.

The pace here is slower. The people kinder. The parking spots cheaper. I can go to the coast, or the mountains, or the countryside in a moment. I feel at HOME, and am so thankful for that. I’m also thankful for the lifestyle that the BTD reinforces. Though I often forget, and get caught up on the running wheel of thoughtless BUSY-NESS, the BTD helps me to reconnect. It helps me to reconnect with myself, my body, and my LIFE. I have let the actual calendar days of my summer vacation slip away in a haze of work, and social commitments. However, I’ve been able to enjoy the essence, the renewal of summer vacation in these past few days by being fully present. Present in my eating, my exercise, and in my rest and reflection. Life is good. The BTD is good. And I am good. As always, thank you Dr. D’Adamo for being a light in the dark, and a guide on the path to wellness.

I made Lamb and Eggplant Pastistio last week. It is right out of the BTD Typebase4, just look under lamb and it’s there. The only change I made to it was that I did not make it a pasta bake. I mixed the feta cheese sauce (made with light soy milk—guess I made two changes!) with the tomato lamb eggplant sauce. We ate it with lettuce; kind of like the lettuce wraps at Cheesecake Factory or Wolfgang Puck…I can’t remember where they are served. Basically we spooned the cheesy tomato mixture onto the lettuce and ate it up. It’s a rich meal, but oh, so yummy. It was not difficult to make, just time consuming. The two parts involve being right there in the kitchen to tend to them—this is not a throw it on the stove and wander away to do something else recipe. Anyhow, there was lots left over, so it made a nice dinner a couple of days later. It kept well in the fridge for that time. I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys yummy things. The eggplant kind of disintegrated into this thick sauce, which is rich without being too heavy. This recipe is a keeper, and will make it right into my drawer o’ unorganized recipes! I’ll find it when I need it…

Hope that this finds you well and compliant...

I stopped at a farm stand in Vermont after an amazing time climbing in New Paltz, NY this weekend. The prices were comparable to what I’d pay at the grocery store, so I was thrilled to pick up lettuce, cucumbers, parsley, mushrooms, and tomatoes. The lettuce is plain old green leaf lettuce, but it is such a rich, dark green…think collard greens color. The flavor is dark, a little spicy, and full (no watered down nothing taste here). I left the skin on the cucumber, and have enjoyed every bit of summertime taste captured within.

The salad that came from this haul tastes. That’s it. It tastes. There is no other way to describe it. I forgot what a good flavor comes from fresh produce. It’s nice to think of the vitamins, minerals and other bennies infusing my bloodstream thanks to the goodness of rain, sun, and rich earth. Finding, having the money to buy, and savoring fresh vegetables is such a special treat that I choose to celebrate by having second helpings of my yummy, yummy salad!!

Hope that this finds you all well…