Category: Cassandra's Earlier Blogs
I am still bloated from the wheat, but not as badly as I was yesterday. My new goal is to go 60 days without touching wheat. I can do this! That will bring me close to my birthday, so I will have a planned avoid and eat birthday cake for my birthday.
Didn't get much sleep yesterday. I had to deal with a touchy situation at work, and wanted to talk with Mike about it, and then he wanted to talk to me about something that happened during his trip. It was difficult for him to talk about it, and it was our first 'serious' conversation. I think he was nervous about what my reaction would be to having this conversation - he couldn't look at me most of the time he was telling me about it, and I know he's embarrassed about what happened. There are some things that need to be done to resolve the issue, and that will take place over the next couple of months. Ultimately it will not be a major event in his life, but it feels like a big deal to him now. I'm a bit more removed, so my perspective is that it isn't as big of a deal as he's making it now. I won't share what he's going through here since it's MY life that I'm willing to put on stage, not his.
I will, though, share what happened to me at work. My colleague, who I've known barely a month, told me that he likes me. Sent me a couple of emails telling me that I have marvelous eyes, beautiful smile, whatever. Now, I don't want to make waves with management, and I NEED this job, so I've pretty much ignored it until yesterday. He sent me an email telling me that he's got feelings for me. I've done nothing to encourage ANYONE around here that way - I've got my hands full with Mike and now Brad (the guy from the chiro's office!), and it wouldn't be professional, either. This man is married, too, and I would certainly never encourage something there. I've been professional, friendly, and have largely kept to myself (easy to do when you're tethered to a phone all night). So I got this email, and responded with the following:
"You crazy man! That's very sweet that you have a crush on me, but just remember that I am only a woman - AND your colleague! And aren't you married?" and followed up by telling him that I think it is inappropriate for him to have feelings for me, that he is my colleague, is married, and should be giving compliments to his wife, not to me. I also told him that he barely knows me, and has feelings for this illusion of what he thinks I am like, not the reality of the person that I am. I wanted to be honest and also be blunt that nothing will EVER happen (even if he were single I'm SOOOOO not attracted to him!). He got the point, and I hope that is the end of it. But by the time I got home this morning I was emotionally exhausted. This was unexpected and completely caught me by surprise. So when I got home I wanted to see a friendly face whose attentions I DO welcome, so I called Mike and told him I needed a hug. If my colleague doesn't get the message, I will discuss it with management. I don't need this kind of crap at work. I want to do my job, and land acting jobs so I can quit and get out of here!
Otherwise, things are fine - back on track with my food, and desperately need to get to the grocery store. I ate shrimp and black-eyed peas for lunch yesterday because it was about all I had in the apartment. Tonight's lunch is a smoothie and wheat-free toast and almond butter. I'll get to the store today and prepare something decent for lunch tomorrow.
Brad called me tonight and asked me out for coffee for Saturday morning, so we're meeting up at a Starbucks between us. I won't have a lot of time Saturday - vocal class starts at 2pm, and a concert that night with Mike and a friend of his from out of town, but it will be good to spend a little time with Brad and see if he is someone (else!) I'd like to spend time with.
... does not make for a happy O! I left work this morning and headed to my audition. Only had a couple of lines to learn, so they took me early and I was in and out of there by 10 am. I really liked them, and they seemed to really like me, so we'll see how it goes! I had lots of time to kill before picking Mike up at the airport, but not enough time to head home and nap a little while and head back over the hill to LAX. So I stayed in Beverly Hills, and decided to go for tea at the Regent Beverly Wilshire. Beautiful location, lovely restaurant, and I spent two hours sitting there sipping tea and ice water, watching people, reading the paper, and enjoying the environment. The waiters were very attentive, and yet unobtrusive. It was a great way to spend a couple hours without spending a lot of money.
Then I headed to the airport to pick Mike up. His flight was on time, and we headed home without a hitch. It was good to see him! I was getting pretty hungry by this time, and was ready to eat my steering wheel and he suggested Quizno's. I wasn't going to argue, because I knew I needed food ASAP. Big mistake. I had a delicious Tuscan Chicken Sandwich, and then we headed home and I went to bed to catch some ZZZZs before coming into work. I tossed and turned with bloating and gas and just an uncomfortable feeling. Never did sleep well, and woke up at 10 feeling completely dragged out. It had been a while since I'd had any wheat, let alone any avoids, and I thought I could get away with it. Nope! So tonight I am wiped out, bloated, and have heartburn. Had a smoothie meal before coming to work and put pineapple juice in it. Brought cherry juice and Gerolsteiner (sparkling mineral water) to work tonight and will be drinking PLENTY of water to flush this crud out of my system. I was a full TWO pounds heavier tonight than I was this morning. TWO pounds! Assuming that is all the bloating that I feel, two pounds of water is 32 ounces! A whole QUART of water. That's a lot of water!
Anyway, the pain of the indulgence just isn't worth it, and I'm going to do my best not to give in to the siren call again anytime soon! Blah!
The last time I had wheat was when Mike ordered a pizza for the Golden Globes. That was 30 days ago. THIRTY DAYS! If I did that once, I can do that again, and then some. I think I'll see if I can make it to my birthday without any wheat whatsoever. That is a little over two months from now. I can do this!
Did make myself do a 20 minute Pilates video tonight before work, so at least I did SOMETHING today, exercise-wise. Tomorrow I should be able to get to the gym and do a 'full' workout.
Yesterday ended up being a very lazy day, and today looks to be similar. I got lots done yesterday morning, and then crashed around noon for a couple of hours. The phone rang around 2pm, and it was the guy from the chiropractor's office! We chatted for nearly an hour, and finally he asked me out for sometime this week. He seems to be a VERY nice man. He's a chef, and since he'll be working in my chiropractor's office, it was easy to ask him what his blood type is - he's a B+! Just like Mike! Aack! Too funny.
After we got off the phone, I tried to sleep some more - it rained most of the day, and was a great day for napping. But I couldn't really sleep anymore, so I got up, dressed, and headed for Starbucks and the bookstore. Got myself a steamed soymilk and went to browse the books. Spent about 3 hours reading and looking at some wonderful books, and enjoying my drink.
I did do a manicure and pedicure yesterday, so I did pamper my hands and feet - didn't watch a single movie or anything, though. The bookstore was a better option for me last night anyway. I needed to get out of the apartment and do something.
Never did work out yesterday, even though I got a few errands done. I got home shortly after 8, and watched 'Trading Spaces' and 'Clean Sweep' on TV, and made myself stay up until nearly midnight so that I wouldn't wake up too early this morning. About 11 pm I was hungry, so had some oatmeal with a dash of vanilla and some cinnamon and honey. I don't often eat oatmeal, but it was perfect for the weather and my mood last night. Finally went to bed, and slept solidly until 6:30 this morning. Woke up roasting, so took a blanket off the bed and went back to sleep until 10:30. It poured outside until about 11, and was great sleeping weather. It's starting to break up out there now, and I can even see a patch of blue sky.
I've been fighting the tiniest bit of a sore throat for the last couple of days, so I am avoiding doing much that doesn't have to be done. I basically feel fine, just a little sore throat and I'm almost always tired. I'm sure that some of this is due to working nights.
In terms of my diet, I've been doing really well. I'm eating no avoids, and have found it easy to turn down tempting foods lately. I even made it through PMS without eating any wheat, and that is always THE most difficult time for me to avoid wheat and other avoids. I'm still about 9 pounds above my pre-broken leg weight, but I'll get there. I'm working on cutting out all sugars now, so we'll see what effect that has on my weight.
Had scrambled eggs and wheat-free cinnamon raisin toast for breakfast this morning - yum! For dinner I've got shrimp fried rice that I made the other night, and I've got some salmon in the freezer. Have to get to the grocery store in the next couple of days.
Mike comes home tomorrow, and I'll be glad to see him. Anne asked me the other day if I miss him, and I had to admit that yeah, I do miss him! I also told her I was trying NOT to miss him. She said he was probably trying not to miss me, too. Tomorrow will be busy - I'll get off work at 8:30 am, head to an audition location by 9:30, learn my lines and audition at 10:50, then head to the airport to pick Mike up at 1:30 pm. There isn't time to run home and nap between any of this, so I'll have to go to sleep once I get home, probably around 3pm or later.
I don't think I'll work out today, either - my energy level isn't very high, and a nap is in order for this evening. I do have to vacuum and clean the bathroom, but that won't take long. Then it's naptime!
... is way too early to be up by my standards. The only problem, really, is that I can't sleep anymore. I slept six hours yesterday in the afternoon - longer than I wanted to sleep to switch back to sleeping at night for the weekend, but not as long as my body would have liked to have slept. Then I spent last night cleaning my apartment a little bit and watching TV with Anne and then by myself. I did an hour of Pilates, too, and I can already tell that my abs are stronger from doing it. Movements that would have been painful a month ago and would have hurt my back are easier or effortless now. This working out thing is powerful stuff!
The last time I looked at the clock was at 3:16 this morning, and was awake again just after six. It was clear that I wouldn't be able to sleep any more, either, so I got up and got dressed. As soon as it is late enough, I'll head to the Post Office and run a couple other errands. Then I've GOT to get back here and finish cleaning my apartment. Mike will be back on Monday, and this place is still a disaster! I've also got to make some phone calls today and take care of a few administrative details that I need to wrap up.
Anne is working all day today - has a shift at both of her jobs, so I won't get to see her at all. And my other plans for today fell through because my friend's aunt came to town suddenly, and Mike is out of town, so I am going to have a little 'retreat' day once I'm done with my to-do list. I'll go workout, then come home and do some spa treatments. Seems like a good day to relax and pamper myself a little! I've also got several movies I want to watch, VCR tapes to catch up on, and I'd love to clean OFF my entire desk. So spa stuff and puttering sound like a great plan.
I may also have coffee (chai tea for me!) with a friend of mine. We'll see if that happens or not - he had a cold the other day and may not be up for it.
Slept 8 hours today, which was great. I'm glad I seem to be adjusting to the night shift. Got up around 6:30, and Anne called me a few minutes after I woke up asking me if I had anything sweet in the apartment. A couple of weeks ago I bought some Soy Delicious Chocolate Obsession ice cream, which has sat untouched in the freezer. I told her that I had it, and she said, "I'll be right up." So we had a little ice cream (I had a very little bit of it) and talked about our days. She didn't stay long, and I got changed to go to the gym and work out. Watched a little TV, did a few things on my home computer, ate a buffalo burger and some boiled sweet potato, gathered all the clothes, makeup, shower stuff, etc. that I would need, and headed out. Haven't been there in about 10 days, so I felt a bit out of sync.
Got to the gym about 10pm, and spent over 40 minutes on the elliptical machine at a fairly easy pace. I just wasn't up for a really hard workout, but I still felt pretty wiped out by the time I was done. I knew I didn't have time to do a full weight routine, too, so I got on the rowing machine for about 6 minutes and rowed like crazy to work my arms and abs some. My arms were pleasantly sore afterwards. Then I did a few minutes of yoga poses, tried to do the splits (getting closer!), and spent a few minutes in downward facing dog and cobra pose. Felt really good when I was done. Took a quick shower, dressed, did my makeup, and headed in to work.
I've got an audition to prepare for over the next couple of days, so I have my work cut out for me over the weekend. It will be busy! I've got plans with various friends, I need to vacuum and otherwise clean my apartment, and need a few hours throughout the weekend to feel completely prepared for my audition. I think it will go well.