Archives for: October 2011
I had a huge relapse in my Lyme symptoms starting mid July and I’m just now starting to feel better. It was quite a shock and disappointment to have so much pain and fatigue again after starting to feel so much better. I had a lot of sleepless nights again full of pain. I missed a bunch of work and found myself getting angry and depressed. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I had it all planned out. I was progressing through the disease quickly. My doctor said I was “on the fast track”. So why did I get so sick again?
I’ve heard many people talk about getting a huge relapse after feeling well, but I thought that couldn’t happen to me. I’ve worked so hard to get well. I’ve researched and studied. I’ve taken all the meds and supplements I was supposed to take. I’m 100% compliant on the Geno type diet. Why can’t I get well? One of the answers is simply that it’s going to take more time for my body to heal. I’ve been sick for at least nine years and possibly for around fifteen, even though I was only diagnosed 1 1/2 years ago. The real question is why would I think I would get well in only a year? After I calmed down a bit, I did a survey on one of the Lyme forums I belong to. The results were these: If you’ve been sick 1-2 years, it tends to takes about a year to recover. If you’ve been sick longer than 2 years, it takes anywhere from 2 – 10 years or more. This made me feel a little better but I still found myself restless and depressed.
I finally realized that I had been “waiting” until I got well to get on with my life. I’ve been fighting relentlessly against the disease, but I forgot about me! It’s really easy to kind of sleep walk through your life when you are in as much pain as I’ve been in for the last year and a half. It has often felt like I was just trying to survive the day or night. I just kept thinking I could hang on and soon my body would be mine again. But since my timeline didn’t match up to reality, it was time to rethink this crazy way of living I’d gotten so used to.
I’m starting to accept this disease. Not give up or give in. But surrender to the fact that I have no control over how fast (or if) I heal and let my body do what it has to do, without any added pressure from me. When I think about it, that’s what I’ve been doing. I’d given my body a deadline and when it didn’t accomplish the task by my arbitrary date I was not only disappointed, I was angry with it. Is that anyway to treat this body of mine that has been working so hard? I wouldn’t treat anyone I know like this. I don’t stand for it when others treat me in this way. This must stop if I’m ever going to find peace. It’s time to wake up.