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Why is my brother so mad? Or, there's nothing so certain as a closed mind.

When I was first hospitalized last year (before I knew I had Lyme disease) my brother was very concerned, helpful, and generous. The trouble started after the diagnosis. He started out by being confrontational and argumentative. What kind of test did I have done? Did it show actual bacteria in my blood? What kind of treatment am I getting? Am I seeing an MD? I just presented the facts as I knew them and described my treatment. He was really alarmed that I was going with an herbal approach as opposed to a traditional antibiotic treatment. His voice was raised, his face turned red, and his arguments seemed muddled and contradictory to me. He kept saying that I had to understand he’s a man of science… But, I thought, oh well he’s just over reacting because he’s really worried about me. But the tension just got worse between us.

In case you don’t know, recovering from Lyme disease (and its co-infections) is very complicated and most people feel a lot worse before they feel better. Once your body starts to fight off the bugs you really start having a lot of symptoms. I’ve had the worst pain of my life as well as extreme fatigue, fuzzy thinking, and trouble with most of my organs. So whenever he saw me I’m sure I didn’t look like I was getting better. In fact, it might have looked to him like I was getting worse.

The last time I saw him was at my mother’s death bed in January. We never talked about my illness, but every time I said anything he snapped at me. One day he just started yelling at me about something and it ended badly. He made it clear that he wanted no further communication with me. So, I haven’t talked to him since the funeral.

How could anyone be so angry about another’s choice of treatment or lifestyle? He’s always thought my diet was strange, I can’t imagine what he thinks now. There’s nothing I can do or say, so in a way it’s easy. But I miss him so much! He used to be my good friend as well as my brother. We’ve always disagreed about things but just let each other be. I just hope someday he comes calmly back into my life again.

This entry was posted on June 29th, 2011 at 06:32:36 pm and is filed under Uncategorized.

4 comments

Comment from: Ruth [Visitor]
I'm so sorry your brother is being so hurtful. I just lost my Dad and it's only brought my brother and I closer together. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose both of them at the same time.

I wish you much peace.


It's funny, I got closer to one of my sisters at the same time my brother and I split apart. Thanks so much for your kind words. Connie
06/29/11 @ 19:19
Comment from: Patti [Visitor]
So sorry for your pain re: your brother's rejection; it can hurt a lot when people we love do such things, but,I am sure you know: it's all about him... so the only thing to do is to bless him and go about your business having a happy life for yourself. He's doing his thing...for whatever reason. The trick is not to let someone else's unhappiness affect our own. Blessings to you on your journey.



Thank you so much Patti. Even though I know it's his stuff, it's been hard. I've only recently been able to talk about it without crying. Connie
06/30/11 @ 09:32
Comment from: JJREA [Visitor]
Yeah, that's a tough one. In my experience with people is that some feel they need to control a situation. For a myriad of reasons. One reason, that I see in my Father and my Father in law, is if you listen to them, they think it will be the right decision for you and they will worry less about you. Which it's basic intention is very good. They care. So much that it pains them deeply. And their faith in any other answer besides the one they came up with is non present. I see that with many people also. They think if they overcame a situation with a certain method, they feel it's the ONLY method that will work. I always thought that there's more than one way to skin a cat to be a true statement. But some people are inflexible that way. Either way, I think at the root of the problem is fear. I will not claim I'm some perfect person. I do try really hard not to force my opinions on other people. I tell them my opinion, and it's up to them. But then again, there are times people do things that have me scratching my head. And having kids, I feel a responsibility to lead them in the right direction, and it's painful to watch them make mistakes. Yet we all do. And when they don't do what my wife or I have asked of them, it gets pretty irritating after many times. This is obviously a different situation, as you're not his child, but sometimes we may forget our place.

I hope he comes to some kind of understanding that would allow him to not be so mad at you also. I'm sorry this has happened. And I can relate. I've struggle with family members many times on certain similar issues. It's no fun. Especially when it's the in laws. hehehe



It's funny you said "you're not his child" because at one point I said to him "You're not my dad, please treat me as an adult and give me some respect".
Thanks for your comment. Connie
06/30/11 @ 17:34
Comment from: Paul C. [Visitor]
Connie, your brother is starting to have doubts about his approach to medical science.

Since he has invested a lot of his ego and his self-image of competency (no small thing for any man) into his understanding of science this threatens his self-worth. It sounds like he is channeling his emotional reaction to your mother's death into this issue to avoid dealing with those emotions. He will not find this successful, but that is not going to help you - unless he is big enough to admit it by his own initiative.

This inflexibility of his is a scab in his emotional life. The scab comes off best after the wound has healed. If someone encourages him to get some help dealing with the loss you are both feeling, he will be in a better position to support you.

I hope that you will both find the healing you need for this situation.


Very interesting idea. I hadn't thought about it like that. Thanks, Connie
07/01/11 @ 16:58

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