Archives for: August 2008, 08
It's Friday, and I have 30 minutes to kill before the next client arrives. Days are packed with trying to get my house set up (the kids finally have beds- but no dresser, no desk, etc.), trying to figure out the new banking system (changed banks, still use Quicken software), and trying to tie up loose ends. I recently interviewed for a new job.
Goodness, let me back up.
The soon to be ex husband and I could not come to terms on the parenting agreement. Originally, he was fighting me for full custody. Now, in reality, he didn't want full custody, but his lawyer made an attempt to ask for everything. It certainly increased my stress level and made it difficult for my husband and I to talk.
I still say - people- if you have children, try to use collaborative law versus traditional. The traditional lawyers really increase the heat in the kitchen, so to speak.
Anyway, we met with a 'mediator'- a counselor - three times to try and iron a parenting plan out on paper. It was horrible. The mediator was incompetent and cared more about forcing us to put something on paper than truly getting us to communicate. Only three sessions are allowed, so I finally said "Write down what you want to write down, but I need one more meeting with my husband before I agree to this. " I met with my lawyer, I talked to my parents, and basically I was almost ready to agree to the plan.
But when I met with the husband, he wouldn't budge on anything and became very demanding. He thought that because we had this 'paper', everything was set in stone. I explained to him that I had done my research and that this plan was just a possibility. Until I signed off on it or agreed verbally, it was not set in stone. He didn't believe me.
I cried and cried that night. Talked to my folks for a long time, and finally decided to dispute the agreement. I shocked my lawyer but basically said "No way." Here's what is wrong with the plan (I will skip the details, and I will fight for full custody. I will not agree to joint.)
Best thing I ever did. Finally, he realized he couldn't bully me into agreement. I need to feel comfortable with the next step (the parenting schedule) or I will not budge. Compromise is absolutely appropriate, but I need to hear him compromise a bit. So far I have not.
Anyway, I talked to him much later. I explained to him ,"I am not trying to steal the kids from you. I am trying to iniate a plan that is in their best interest and is practical. Here's is why I have asked for these things: etc, etc, etc."
He finally started to see. I learned something too. The judge gave us 60 days to figure something out. We have been cooperating and have shuffled the kids back and forth as appropriate. I live only 10 miles away now, so it is not that hard. The children seem to transition smoothly, which was my biggest fear. The school schedule may kabash using Dad for evenings. If I have some event I want to attend, I really need a sitter from 4 - 7 pm, so the kids can get to bed on time.
Ok, enough about that. Nothing is in writing. He admits that it is really hard to talk to me, since I am the source of his pain. I let that comment go. At least, he no longer sees red.
Lots of bumps along the way. My 9 year old suffered a fainting spell at a resteraunt. 5 hours later in the emergency roon, the doctor thinks it's nothing serious, but we were to follow up with an EEG just in case. We needed to rule out seizures. 27 electrodes were stuck to my childs head and chest. Then, he was asked to fall alseep. Can you imagine? I am still waiting for test results, but I believe they will come back negative.
Meanwhile, I arranged for my 9 year old to see the family therapist. He needs to talk about his feelings. Group therapy is not in his best interest (Sensory Intergration Disorder diagnosis, Asperger's diagnosis,etc.) One on one should work for him. It's a tough time for everyone.
So many little bumps along the way! My little house was invaded by ants, the dryer ate my clothes, the hot water heater blew, etc. On a good note, I am surrounded by good friends and a multitude of social events. Church is great, running is great, racing is fun, and I am finally sleeping again (almost.) Now , if I can just get back to eating!
Basically, meals are really really simple. I tried to make pumpkin waffles but used way too much pumpkin. I threw it in the oven and called it pumpkin custard. I literally left it in the oven (turned the oven off of course) and got back to it at dinner time. Leftover rice noodles, chicken sausage, tomato sauce, and shredded cheese rounded out the meal. I am sauteeing greens in the morning, just to make sure I get them in for the day. The kids think I am nuts, but that's ok. I worry about 7 colors for them, but otherwise they decide how many carbs, how many grams of protein, fruits, etc. I let them lead, but I make sure the fridge is full of diamonds and their plates are full of colors.
I am still drinking too much coffee, but at least I have bought green tea. One step at a time!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for reading everyone.