My system is off. No doubt about it. I have been careful to avoid corn or corn syrup, and I suspect I would benefit from a probiotic. Bean consumption has been way down. I am right on target for fish, and I consumer more nuts (legumes) than recommended. But nuts are easy, plentiful, and it's easy to buy them el natural.

I've been taking vitamin C, iron, my multivitamin, and my live sprout supplements. Small blood vessels keep breaking close to the skin, and it's easy to become anemic with all of the exercise I have been engaging in as well as the stress I have been dealing with.

I did ,however, make it to Pilates Mat class last night. The focus on the controlled breathing and precise movement really helped me to relax. I slept better last night than I have in quite awhile.

Observing divorce court is very interesting. I saw one deadbeat dad and one deadbeat mom and lot of everyday folks. Basically, the judge doesn't want details. He wants precise facts and he wants the parents to compromise on custody battles. Thanks to the judge, I am no longer completely cut off from funds, but now have a weekly stipend. I also have one more day of visitation rights with my kids, and the husband has a little bit less control over my schedule.

I broke down completely last night. I never imagined that he would restrict me from time with my children. But the law is on his side, even though I had the best of intentions. Even though I have been trapped and abandoned for years, the second I started sleeping elsewhere, the law favors the residential parent.

Basically, I had a situation that doesn't fit the mold. Had I been a little more educated, I would have told him I wanted a divorce, stayed in the house, and dealt with the emotional backlash. Not so easy when you have felt cornerd for a long time.

Well, I have decided that I will attempt to deal with my pain through giving. Altruistic giving, mind you. Meaning that if someone needs support, I will offer it. I will not be upset if they do not need anything. I will contact church and find out what project needs a volunteer. There are many races too this season- all for good causes- and many of them need volunteers. I will try to maintain open communication with my kids, although it is very hard. It hurts the kids to share my hurt, so I try very hard not to say anything negative. I know that this just puts them in the middle, and I don't want to do that. They don't understand that Mom is now leaving way before bedtime, because a judge ordered it so at my husband's request.

They just see me leaving.

Ok, so on to the next question. Have any of you been through 'mediation'? When the kids are not with me, it's time to research this next step. I just know it won't be pretty.

Here is some good news. Now that I have a weekly stipend, I can get back to my favorite grocery store and buy my diamonds once again. It's time to make a game out of it, I think. How can I consume the largest amount of diamonds on the least amount of money?

Could be fun.