Archives for: June 2008, 11
After reading Dr. D's blogs, it becomes difficult for me to attempt to blog. He is such an accomplished writer, and my own ramblings seem immature at best.
Despite these feelings, I think 'something' is always better than nothing. Perhaps today I will simply blog about what's been happening in my life lately.
One month ago, I made the biggest decision of my life. I decided it was time to take control of my life. You see, I have been married for over 14 years, have two beautiful children, and have been miserable for about the last 6 years.
My dissatisfaction truly reaches back beyond the previous 6 years, but it has peaked as the responsibilities of the family have grown. Two children with 'sensitivities' forced Mom to grow up and become less self centered. Unfortunately, I grew in one direction, while my husband has grown in another.
I was raised Catholic, and I was raised to believe that divorce is a sin. No matter how bad things seemed to be, one must hang in there and go see a "christian" counselor. After all, I had made a promise to God. Who in their right mind would break a promise to someone like him?
I did what most people do. I settled. I tried to improve things. I encouraged my husband and I to seek counseling, and in some ways, it truly helped. Small crises would come and go, children would distract us, and we struggled along. When things started to escalate, I promised myself that I would stick around until the children were 18, and then I would leave.
One day it finally hit me. None of my minimum expectations had been met by my partner, and while he tried to change, it wasn't enough. Then the big tidal wave hit. My sacrifice wasn't helping my children. All I was doing was teaching my children to settle for an unhealthy and dysfunctional marriage. I was teaching them to expect this lopsided, unbalance, selfish way of doing things. More later...