Archives for: February 2008
I LOVE being pregnant. I love feeling the baby move and knowing that I'm doing everything I can to get this kid out into the world as healthily and happily as I can. I love that total strangers are excited to hear about the baby, are helpful and give me space, open doors for me, etc. I love my big pregnant belly and knowing that I am bringing our child into this loving and welcoming family.
And yet I hate my pregnant body right now. I feel fat, ungainly, ponderous, and like I'm a slave to my body's needs. When I need to eat, I need to eat NOW. When I need to use the restroom, I need it NOW, and usually every 45 minutes. I can't stand to be around strong smells, and the thought, let alone sight of lots of foods makes me nauseous one minute and ravenous the next. I hate it. I have sciatica, heartburn, nosebleeds, dry, itchy skin, my moods are all over the place, and my hair is so slippery now that it won't do a darn thing. And all of this is supposed to be normal.
Not to mention that while I definitely look pregnant now, in lots of clothes I don't look pregnant, I just look fat. I don't mind looking pregnant. I mind looking fat. I mind that when I got on the scale at the OB's office yesterday that the usually supportive and loving Gordon, who is losing weight, looked at the number and said, "We'll see who gets to 200 pounds first!" Thanks, babe, I already feel like a cow, and that isn't helping! I don't mind gaining the weight (it's for a good cause, after all). I do mind snide comments from my husband about it.
So I'm having this love/hate relationship these days. I want to look cute and pregnant, and yet most days I'm lucky if I have the energy to do more than brush my teeth and hair and throw on sweats. Looking cute and pregnant takes effort. Looking fat does not. Putting on makeup is a major achievement for the day.
I'm also not experiencing the typical energy surge and 'feeling great' second trimester. I still have morning sickness. Not nearly as bad as it was, but I still have it. I don't have a lot more energy than I did first trimester. I have some energy now, which is an improvement, but I don't feel GREAT like so many of my friends did when they were pregnant. Pfft.
The good news is that I'm healthy, the ultrasound and quad screen results indicate that the baby is healthy, and that is all that I ask.
Okay. I'm done being crabby. For now.