Archives for: January 2008, 11
Happy New Year!
It’s hard to believe how sometimes, time can pass by as slow as molasses, and at other times, streak by like lightning. It’s been a little over two months since I last wrote, and yet it seems like it has been so much longer. Life, and the holidays have kept me busy, and maybe that’s been a good thing. With all of the losses that I endured in October, it was probably a good thing that I was kept busy.
Having known depression before ER4YT, I recognized the oncoming signs in early November. I wanted to just curl up on the couch, and block everything out, so that I could grieve. But I also knew that if I did, it would be a fast spiral down into depression. When I last had a bout of depression pre-ER4YT, I did curl up on the couch, and shut out the world. I didn’t care to answer the phone, I didn’t answer the door when friends came over to visit. I didn’t even care about getting up, and eating. Even taking a shower required a great deal of effort, just to get there. All I did was crash on the couch under a blanket, and either sleep, or mindlessly watch tv. It’s not a pretty place, and not one that I care to revisit again.
At one point in November, I did want to lay down on the couch, and immediately recognized my trigger point. I knew that if I did, it wasn’t going to go well. I turned away from the couch, and found a number of things to do. It didn’t matter what I did, as long as I was moving. In a short time, the feeling passed, and I was able to process my grief in a better way. Had I not had a good support system in place, consisting of my Better Half, and her kids, or had been in a mental fog due to the large consumption of avoids like in the past, it probably would have been a fast crash.
The house has been quite empty, without the pitter-patter of paws by Shorty and Nixie. Beser could sometimes be seen looking around the house for them, which brought memories of them to the forefront of my mind. In time, she has realized that she is at the top of the kitty hierarchy, and is sucking up attention for all it’s worth. She has now taken on some of their habits, such as demanding to be let in the bathroom after I’ve taken a shower, taking over my lap, and laying across the computer keyboard shelf. The cutest one that is all hers, is that she will lay on my chest and put a paw on each of my shoulders, and stay that way for awhile, kneading her paws, while looking at me. With such sharp claws, it becomes painful after awhile, but I let her be for as long as I can. Even though she is a constant reminder of Shorty, Nixie, and Miss Piggy, she’s also the one that has been a great help in getting me through the recent upheaval.
The last year was like a roller coaster. The months preceding October were like that long slow climb at the start of a roller coaster ride. Clickity-clack, clickity-clack, as you were pulled to the very top of the first hill. The month of October was that first steep drop. Short, sudden, and took your breath away. Now that the first drop is passed, life has leveled off, and things have been a bit better.
In the span of a week around Christmas, I saw three owls, including a gorgeous Snowy Owl that spent about 20 minutes outside my Better Half’s house on Christmas Day. Even with all of the hours I spend on the road during the night, I have never seen so many owls in such a short span of time. I recognized it as a sign of sorts, even if I wasn’t quite sure what it meant at the time. Life has started to return to a certain level of normalcy. My energy levels are back up, my twisted sense of humor has returned with a vengeance, my penchant for creating mischief is up, and my ability for quick, and witty comebacks has resurfaced. With those traits back in action, I know that life is on the upswing.
As Florence Scovel-Shinn put it, “It’s always darkest before the dawn. But the dawn always comes. Trust in the dawn”. October was that darkest moment. The sun is now rising, and I am going to bask in the warmth that the sun brings. It’s time to soak up its energy, and to spread and grow in every way during 2008. Well, except for a larger waistline. *chuckle* ER4YT helped me to lose that. We can skip working on that one this year. : )
May the new year be the beginning of a year filled with great health, happiness, and harmony.