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Hiking in the cañon earlier this autumn; it was late afternoon and the angle of the sunbeams sliced through the air in a way that illuminated everything in the space between the cañon walls. Suddenly, the air had volume and presence to it in a way I had never experienced except during snowfall. I was amazed to see the number of bugs and small insects drifting through the cañon. But what was most amazing were the spider webs. Thin tendrils floating everywhere like sea kelp in an ocean… drifting on the air currents. Many clung to branches and the tops of trees waving in the slight breeze. I felt like I was privy to a private world… which had been there all the while. Only this time, with help from the sun I paused long enough to experience it.
About one millionth of an inch thick… called a dragline… most spiders spin silk behind themselves wherever they go. Sometimes called the spider’s “lifeline” the dragline is often used to escape enemies. A spider can drop from its dragline and hang in mid air until danger passes. Or it can float on the breeze with the dragline as a kind of rudder/anchor as I saw in the cañon. “Now… this would be a handy tool to have at one’s disposal”, I thought to myself. Imagine having a built in life line to help you hang in the air or float on the breeze for awhile. As my marriage has ended and I am about to live on my own for the first time since my early 20’s, I am deep in the experience of groundlessness and at times feel adrift in a shapeless, nameless void. Since I don’t possess a set of spinnerets, I have to create my own lifeline from my own knowledge base and life experience. Not an easy task and sometimes I am envious of those spiders.
It got me thinking about what tools I do have at my disposal. Certainly following the B diet/lifestyle recommendations is at the core. And paying attention to how my mind and body react to… well… everything. Right now, my food choices are changing as I am changing. I do not tolerate much dairy nor dense meats right now. I need to eat lighter with more fruits and vegetables. I had to change my exercise patterns too, very light on the aerobic and more strength training. And much more time for centering exercises like deep relaxation, yoga, meditation, and breathing. I am forging new connections to myself and this takes time. And paying attention to minute details.
But then there are moments when quite unexpectedly, the void takes shape, just like the cañon did and I feel myself not drifting aimlessly but moving through, with intent and purpose, to the other side of this experience. I think about the spiders surrendering to the breeze with their draglines trailing… trusting that they will end up somewhere. And knowing that I will too.
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