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I love the New Year. It is a potent moment in time… ripe with possibilities, new discoveries… a melting away of the old and embracing the yet-to-be. Every New Year’s Eve, it has become my tradition to set goals and affirmations for myself and my life… to look at what I desire to create in my life in the upcoming year. What path’s do I trundle down? What rocks are left uncovered? Can I see the horizon? …
But, not this year… not yet…
In keeping with “the season that wasn’t” theme, the New Year came and went with hardly a notice from my inner self. Strange. I wondered why for quite some time. And made no movement toward any new goals. I didn’t even know where the ground was, let alone the horizon.
Today, I had a realization about this unusual lack of inner guided focus. Last year was a whirlwind year for me… so many changes, transitions, joys, sorrows and such an expansion in how I view myself and my place in the world that I somehow forgot to integrate all the newness. So much has happened but it still is not yet a part of me. And until it is, I can’t possibly make room for anything more… no matter how wonderful. And out of all this comes my first goal for the New Year…. To fully integrate the changes, lessons, and experiences of the previous year to make room for new growth and awareness that will bring the rich fullness of living to each and every moment.
I have also been sick. For quite some time. A long time, actually. I had a bout of flu at the end of November, which transpired into a sinus/ bronchial infection that is just now beginning to clear. It has been ages since I have been sick for this long… certainly long before I started the BTD. And it has been a difficult journey for me through this illness. I was in denial about it for a long time. It wasn’t until I slowed down… and I mean
r e a l l y * s l o w e d * d o w n, that I began to recover. Now I tend to feel that I live my life at a snail’s pace as it is, albeit somewhat reluctantly… so going slower still was challenging. But it was what I needed.
However… this morning I felt back in the shroud of illness again. How could it be? And then, I remembered. Yesterday, I had a late evening meeting to attend. I didn’t have time for dinner so at the meeting, I ate some wheat crackers with brie, plus some fruit and veggies thinking the wheat wouldn’t bother me as I hadn’t had any wheat for quite some time. Wrong Sherlock! I woke up this morning in a complete mental fog that I just couldn’t shake, had a runny nose, a congested and stuffy head. Through my cloud of forgetfulness, I suddenly realized about mid afternoon it had to be the wheat. Wow. I had never had a reaction to wheat like that before. Probably because I am still not completely well yet. But it was a good reminder that I do need to be especially careful about what I eat now as I continue to recover.
And also a good reminder that taking the time… yes, the time… to integrate my experiences of the last year is so very important. I did feel like I was in a dense fog through some parts of it. I am ready to feel the sun now. And with time… I know that horizon will soon be in view.
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