I am having trouble sleeping tonight, so here I am....

As for clawing my way back.....

I got complacent, and the occasional cheat turned into a full slide back into some old bad habits. Namely, bread and dairy in various forms, and sugar, in most any form.

So last week I not only reined it in, I stopped all cheating cold turkey. I wish I could say it was because of some magical insight on my part, but mostly it was because I was frustrated with my scale, and I realized I had only nine weeks to our wedding. I'm now eating virtually zero sugar, zero grains, and zero (avoid) dairy). I will occasionally have a tiny bite of dark chocolate (it's for mental health purposes, I swear!) and last night I had a tiny bite of Gordon's dessert (wheat, cinnamon sugar, not very good at all). I keep telling myself that I am allowed to eat anything I want - it's denying myself that turns me into a raving lunatic who MUST eat vast quantities of chocolate croissants or Coke or Easter candy.

I got Dr. D'Adamo's Healthy Weight Loss Pack for Os, and have been having a protein shake for breakfast, and something lowish in carbs and O appropriate for lunch and dinner. I think the plan recommends a shake for breakfast and lunch, but I don't want to do that unless my weight loss stalls. The O protein powder is a little gritty, but is pretty tasty, and does mix well with soy milk or juice. I haven't tried it with water (and doubt I will).

I've also been walking quite a bit (3 miles to the dentist on Tuesday, 2 miles yesterday) and working out a fair amount. I smidge of yoga, a FULL round of weights. I also rediscovered my love for the rowing machine at the gym yesterday. I did 5:30 minutes on it and was complete jelly afterwards. It felt GREAT!

And in the week since I started this, I've dropped FIVE pounds. Seen the lowest weight so far this YEAR. Woo hoo! (I've already spoken with my physician here in LA, and she said losing that much weight in a week is fine if you're doing it right, and she approves of Dr. D's Healthy Weight Loss Plan and of the BTD in general. In fact, she lost about 100 pounds using the BTD, and it wasn't unusual for her to lose that much in a week, either.)

The only problems I've experienced are that I've been wiped out every day until yesterday, and I'm crabby. And I'm talking so tired I can't get off the couch, or so tired that I've taken naps a few days in a row. I think my body is reorganizing a few things right now! Yesterday I didn't get as tired, but I also had caffeine at lunch and then went to work out just before the time I've been getting so tired. It helped. Except now, I have been tossing and turning all night, and it was at least 12 hours from the last caffeine. Grr. And the crabbiness comes and goes, and hasn't lifted yet. My mood has been utterly BLACK some of the time, which tells me I'm addicted to sugar, and is all the more reason to stay away from it.

So I am clawing my way back to balance, trying to lose the rest of this weight, destress, and deal with all this wedding stuff.

It is now 4:23 am, and I'm hoping that the melatonin I took will help me fall asleep. Over and out.