Archives for: September 2004
Okay. So I am following this 1200 calorie a day program, and it is tailored to my preferences, so it is actually beautifully BTD friendly. However, 1200 calories doesn't seem to be enough food to feed my 13 pound CAT, let alone a 5'10" woman doing an hour of exercise every day. Am I hungry? No, I can't say that my stomach is growling or anything, and the meals are really yummy and healthy - lunch was a turkey burger with lettuce, tomato, and dijon mustard, and sautéed mushrooms on the side. And I had a chicken thingy stuffed with spinach and feta cheese for dinner, with some kind of sauce over it and a large side of steamed spinach. It's low-calorie, certainly, fairly low-carb and fairly low in fat, and tastes REALLY good, AND is BTD compliant, so what's my problem?
Part of me thinks it is just sugar withdrawal, and/or fat withdrawal since I probably overdo both of those (but still far less than the average American, and far less than I ever have). I dunno. It just seems so... unsatisfying somehow.
And today I ended up going to two grocery stores and buying not only stuff that we need, grocery-wise, but also about 10 times more chocolate snacky stuff than I EVER buy. And I'm not even supposed to have it this week! As I explained to Gordon, I feel the need to have it around. If I have it around, I feel like I can ignore it until I can have it, but if it isn't at least AVAILABLE, then I will end up at the 24-hour grocery store at 2am buying bags of acceptable chocolate chips (or something) and stuffing my face with them until I can eat no more. So now at least I won't go crazy because there isn't chocolate in the house.
I've never been one to count calories, especially since the BTD came along. I know that if I eat 100 calories of wheat (especially regularly) I will gain weight. If I eat 100 calories of lamb or spinach or artichoke (etc.) I will either maintain the right weight for my body, or I will lose weight and/or build muscle. All calories are not equal. And I know that if I go low-carb for a few days, I drop weight really easily. So this 'low-calorie' thing is new to me - and I'm used to eating however much I want, EVEN when I'm trying to lose weight.
We'll see how the rest of the week goes.
Monday was the first day, and I had a few roasted, salted pecans in addition to the regular meal plan. Yesterday I did fine until mid to late afternoon, then I got a bad headache and we went out to dinner. Even so, I had a few pecans, and then had roasted chicken with apricot sauce, salad, steamed vegetables AND a handful of french fries for dinner. All in all not too bad, and I think that the low calorie stuff combined with eliminating any and all sugar from my system cold turkey was just too much for my body and that's why I got a headache. I considered the fries therapeutic, but they didn't help get rid of the headache. I was in bed early last night, and slept 9 1/2 hours last night. Today, I also did fine until dinnertime, and then I waited too long to eat and ended up eating a handful of dark chocolate covered raisins as we were on our way home from Trader Joe's. Part of me thinks I needed the extra 150 calories, part of me thinks I shouldn't've eaten them.
As I said. We'll see how the rest of the week goes.
Had a busy weekend - was in my acting intensive all weekend, and had to leave early on Saturday because we had tickets to go to the opening night of "Peter Pan", which is playing at the La Mirada Center for the Performing Arts. It was really fun, and apparently it will be the last tour of the show that Cathy Rigby does. There was a reception afterwards, and I got to meet her! It was SO cool. I remember her from the Olympics from WAY back, and it was this eight year old's dream come true to meet her!
The acting intensive was great, but tiring, too, and something I ate yesterday did NOT agree with me, and during the rest of the intensive I was running to the restroom every 30-60 minutes. Not fun. I can't imagine WHAT it was, either, since I had salmon over spinach, mushrooms, and tomatoes, and some wild rice.
Started a 6 day 'fast start' weight loss program today - I'll be following this diet and exercise program for 6 days, and we'll film the testimonials on Sunday. I still have about 13 pounds to lose from having broken my leg last year, and this is a great way for me to get to work out for free for a few days. I was a little concerned about following the BTD during this, but they were very thorough and asked what foods we eat and don't eat from a fairly comprehensive list, so I just checked off what I could and couldn't eat. They are providing all our meals for us this week, and today I picked up my food - for lunch I had salmon with mango-ginger salsa and green beans, and dinner is chicken with apricot sauce and broccoli. Yum! The meals for the rest of the week will be similar - swordfish and a vegetable, turkey and a vegetable, etc. And we have to work out every day at the office in Beverly Hills. So we'll see how it goes! I figure that if nothing else it will get me 100% compliant again this week and get me exercising again, and I can keep that up once I get going! (It's the getting going that I have trouble with!)
So the workout today was 30 minutes of cardio, and then 30 minutes of upper body resistance and weight training. By the time I was done, I was exhausted. I came home and showered and laid on the bed and watched tv for an hour, and then HAD to get up because I have to get my resume printed up and ready for my appointment with the temp agency tomorrow, and then I have to go to a one-man show tonight. I'm still just wiped out, though.
I woke up this morning with a stiff neck, a sore throat, a stuffed up head, and have been lightheaded and dizzy everytime I get vertical. Not good.
So I got up for a little while, thinking that some food might make me feel better, and had a protein smoothie and attempted to do a little yoga, also thinking that might make me feel more grounded or centered. It didn't. I felt more lightheaded and dizzier and also felt like I was going to throw up.
Stayed up for about an hour, and went back to bed for about 2 1/2 hours. Just woke up again and decided to blog quickly while I have the energy. I'm still a little lightheaded and my neck hurts, but at least I'm not nauseous now. Gordon brought me some pineapple juice and Emergen-C and has gone off to run some errands.
I'm supposed to go to class tonight, and then spend the weekend in a Cold Reading Weekend Intensive. We'll see how I feel later, but I definitely don't want to drive in LA traffic right now!
Ugh. I'm going back to bed.
I keep learning the same things over and over - some things take a while to sink in with me! One thing that I'm relearning is that I don't do well without a list of things to do and goals for the day/week/month, etc. Dr. D talks about this some in "Live Right 4 Your Type", and I learned it then, but never felt like it applied to me. Of course, at the time, I had a job, lots going on, and HAD a list of goals and things to do each day, whether or not I realized it. When I got laid off last summer, I found myself at loose ends, and whiled away each day with not very much to do. I watched too much TV, stayed up too late, ate junkier food than normal, etc. The lack of routine, lack of structure, and lack of daily tasks or goals to achieve really threw me off-kilter. Even working a night job helped me get back on track a bit, though it didn't solve the problem entirely. I HAD to have a routine and list of things to do each day or I didn't get anything done at all, and slept all day. Even so, it wasn't good for my mental or physical health, and I'm SO glad I'm out of there!
So now that our trips are done and I've moved and am starting to get settled in my new home with Gordon, I'm reestablishing some old routines. Even washing my face and brushing my teeth before going to sleep was hard to remember some nights, and though it never completely went by the wayside, I woke up with mascara on my pillow and occasionally woke up with furry teeth because I crashed having forgotten to brush them the night before. I got that routine back on track quickly, but was still floundering in other ways. My sleeping patterns were erratic, and I still wasn't feeling great. The other day I went to Starbucks and sat for a couple hours writing, and figured out that I need daily goals and things to do, and I prefer a busy schedule that allows for flexibility and enough 'me' time, but that has me going 90 miles an hour with my hair on fire most of the time. So I set up a schedule that I implemented yesterday, and so far it is working well, with minor tweaks. This will be in effect until I start working again, and then we'll see what I can do from there to keep doing what I want to do every day.
So far, here's what I'm doing.
8:30 - get up, journal, eat something light
9:30 - go for a walk
10:30 - shower and dress for the day
11:30 - outline my jobhunting goals, check email, blog, etc.
12:00 - lunch
1:00 - 5:00 - jobhunting, resume stuff, meetings, etc.
5:00 - unpack, organize, get more settled in
6:00 - 10:00 - dinner, time w/Gordon
10:00 - midnight - read, get ready for bed
So far (and granted, it's only been a couple of days) it's been working well for me. I'm feeling better about myself, getting more done, exercising again, and eating pretty well. I'm sure it will need a little fine-tuning, but as a basic framework for my day, it's a great start.
I saw my friend and her children on Saturday afternoon, and had a great time with the baby - she is darling, and has this CLOUD of black curly hair. Her older brother adores her and he and I had fun putting a couple of Scooby Doo puzzles together once his sister went down for a nap. Their mom and I caught up a bit and it was great to see their new apartment and hang out with them at home for a while. Her family is from India, and her mom makes her all kinds of goodies, and one of the things she offered me was fresh-made mango juice. YUM! I'd had the store-bought version, which is pretty darn good, but this was so far beyond that! I was in heaven!
After that, I dashed home to grab my directions to my friend's apartment, and immediately headed out the door to her place. We went and had dinner at a place called "The Newsroom" and I got eggs with onions and chicken sausage. Of course, it came with potatoes and bread. I generally have little to no trouble ignoring potatoes, and had a couple of bites and didn't eat the rest. The bread, however, was a different story - it was homemade, inch thick, multi-grain, and incredible. I ate it all. (bad O!) I also had a hibiscus lavender limeade, and once I tasted it, I wanted to drink about a gallon of it! So delicious!
After dinner, we went to a late showing of "What the BLEEP Do We Know?" It's a REALLY cool movie, and is a documentary about how scientists are proving what metaphysics has talked about for centuries, and the documentary parts are interspersed with fictional sections that explain some of the concepts. It was fascinating, thought-provoking, and no matter what one's beliefs, it will challenge them! There's more information about the film at www.whatthebleep.com. I'd heard about it from one friend, then another, then another, and was finally compelled to go see it because I kept hearing about it from people!
Sunday I slept late and Gordon slept even later - he's been fighting a cold and had worked late all weekend and needed to rest. He woke up around 11 yesterday, stayed up for a little while, and then went back to sleep and I woke him up at two so he could get ready for Anne to come over for a while. We had a late lunch with her - rice pasta with tomato sauce, ground turkey, and artichoke hearts. It was great for me and Anne, and all okay for Gordon except for the tomato sauce (major avoid for him, but I don't know that he'll EVER give up tomatoes completely). It was the first time Anne had ever been over to our place, and she loves it. I gave her the grand tour, and then we sat around and chatted for a while. She left to go to dinner with her father and some old friends of his, and Gordon and I started to get going on our late afternoon/evening. A friend of Gordon's called and asked if we would be interested in going to see "Movin' Out" at the Pantages - he had two extra tickets because someone had cancelled. So we quickly hustled and got ready for the theater, and headed out. I saw it in NYC a few months ago, but was glad to see it again. We had GREAT seats! Center section, middle of the house.
After the show, we went to Jerry's Deli to grab a bite to eat. Gordon ordered chicken soup with a matzo ball in it, and liver and onions. I tried the liver and onions - it was okay. Not my favorite thing, but if there were nothing else around, I'd eat it. And the matzo ball in his soup was the size of a baseball! Huge! I got a Greek omellette with spinach, feta, tomato, and onion in it. Ignored the potatoes, and did eat the rye bread that came with it, even though I figure it had some wheat in it. I'm struggling lately to get the grains out of my diet again, and it's tough!
This morning my project is to get my resume in shape and start sending out some resumes. I also need to call the temp agencies today and see if I can't get some temp work for a while, as much as I would prefer to do something else.
I'm leaning towards a job that will allow me to use skills I already have, and that will also help me cultivate skills I want to excel at - a friend in my acting class is a corporate trainer, and I've done some of that, enjoyed it, and think I would be great at it. And I also think it is something I would enjoy doing long-term even if the acting never takes off. And it would pay a far sight better than temping! So I've got to revamp my resume towards a corporate training position.
I haven't eaten yet today, so I'm going to head downstairs and see what I can scrounge up.
Gordon is working sound at the theatre this weekend, so I've been left to my own devices yesterday and today. I unboxed (or at least got in the house) 12 boxes of stuff which I've needed to get to. Found my password for blogging, found sheet music for the "Singing for Actors" class I'll be taking in October, and a bunch of other items that I needed.
The only thing left to unpack is about 18 boxes of books, and I can't do that until we buy a bookcase to put in the bedroom.
This afternoon I'm going to head up to Valencia to see a friend of mine and her family. I worked with her at Disney for a while, and she was about ready to give birth when I got laid off. And I STILL haven't seen the baby, though she and I have gotten together a few times for lunch since then. So today I'll drive up there and see them, and then drive back into town and spend the evening with one of my friends from acting class and we'll go to dinner and a movie.
Should be a good day!
Finally, I am back online.
This past month has been wild beyond belief, and the only things that have kept me from going absolutely ballistic have been Gordon and the BTD (in no particular order).
The last time I blogged was my last day of work at the weird night job. Apparently it was also nearly the last day of work for everyone else there. Over that weekend, everyone on the team (with the exception of the leadership) got laid off. So if I'd hung in there a few more weeks, I would have gotten laid off and received unemployment. My timing sucked!
Gordon and I headed to Texas to meet my family, and to spend some time with my grandmother. The triip was fun and not fun, in so many ways. I fell off the BTD bandwagon for those two weeks, though I did make an effort to get decent food when I could. Let's just say that brownies and chocolate chip cookies are difficult to resist when I was faced with the stress of seeing my grandmother in her current mental state. It was wonderful to see her, but she is declining rapidly, has macular degeneration and can't see much anymore, and isn't eating properly or enough to keep her healthy, let alone alive. She is nearly 92, so the decline is inevitable, but I wonder just how healthy and independent she would still be if she had followed the BTD theese last few years. Her short term memory is pretty much shot, and the mental loop repeats quickly. I was as patient as I could be, but I had to leave the room a few times as I got frazzled. Gordon was amazing with her, and was even more patient than I was.
Gramma adores Gordon, and the rest of the family seems to like him and be impressed with him, too. Even my normally stoic father remarked on how impressed he was with Gordon and how he treated Gramma and me so well. Of course, it didn't hurt that Gordon drinks the occasional scotch and soda - which my dad drinks, too! So they bonded over a drink when we went to see my dad and step-mother at their house, and told my stepmother that we're getting married. We even went ring shopping while we were in Dallas!
We also saw my brother and sister-in-law in Texarkana, and my grandfather. That was just a one-night trip, and it was good to see everyone. We told everyone that we'll be getting married next spring, and they all said we seemed like a perfect match. (I agree!)
On the way back to California, we stopped at Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico. It was my third time there, but it is a special place for me, so I enjoy going. My great grandfather installed the original elevators there in 1931 or so, and my grandmother tells stories of the workers lowering her into the caverns in a big bucket. There is a picture of her standing in the desert near the opening of the caverns - she was about 20, and was wearing PANTS, and was clearly enjoying herself. It's a great carefree shot of Gramma in her youth, and it's one of my favorite pictures of her.
Once we got back to LA, the fun really started. Gordon and I decided to move in together so we can save money for the wedding, and I gave notice at my apartment building on August 25th. Gordon had also said to tell the manager that if she wanted me out of the apartment in less than 30 days, that we could do that. When I told this to the apartment manager, she said, "Great! Can you be out by the first?" Uh... yeah. So I moved out within 5 days of giving notice! I am still unpacking, and only just today found the piece of paper with my password on it for blogging!
So I still have about 30 boxes of books and other assorted office stuff to unpack, and it is going slowly. I've learned that moving is EASY compared to moving in WITH someone - we both have enough stuff to furnish a home, and we've both been going through our stuff and throwing things out and giving them to Goodwill and friends and figuring out what needs to go into storage. It's an experience!
I've gained a few pounds - haven't been as diligent as I would like, and haven't worked out at all other than moving lots of furniture and boxes around. Between the trip and moving, my routine disappeared, and is only just now getting back on track. I've lots about 4 pounds of the 9 I gained on vacation and during the move, and I'm reestablishing my routines in the new place.
Throughout all of this, Gordon has been amazing. He is everything I could have hoped for in a man, and I'm thrilled that we're planning a life and family together.