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Tonight in acting class we explored grief, and how to get it to come to the surface. It was a challenging night, and the exercise we did brought most everyone to tears. It certainly did for me! We talked about the concept of loss, and what in your life would you be grief-stricken about if you lost it today. It could be a person, an animal, a home, a project you've worked long and hard on, etc.
I was nearly in tears throughout the whole class just from thinking about losing my grandmother or losing Gordon. I know that I'm going to lose Gramma, and probably within the next few months. She's 91, and I don't know what my life will be like without her in it. I don't look forward to it, but I also know I'll get through it.
As for losing Gordon, one of the questions my acting coach asked me was, "Could you go back to being 'I' instead of 'we'? Could I? .... Yes, but it would be a very lonely 'I', that's for certain! I told him what I experienced in class, and he said that he's not going anywhere, and that we're going to get married and have children and spend the rest of our lives together. I cried again, but they were different tears!
I've been eating very well, and have lost all but about a pound and a half of what I gained in NYC. Nothing like thinking about fitting into a wedding dress for motivation to eat healthfully! I raced home after class tonight and threw together some scrambled eggs with onion and feta cheese for lunch tonight, even though it would have been so, so easy to get lunch from Taco Bell tonight since I didn't really have time to cook. Not gonna do it! I haven't even eaten chocolate most of this week, and tonight I ate a piece of it in class and didn't even want it! (It was not the best quality chocolate, though, either....)
Probably won't blog over the weekend - lots going on!
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