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July 4, 2004
I can’t believe that another week has passed by. We have been so busy here at my house, that I can’t tell if I am coming or going. My daughter’s swim season is coming to an end, and I can’t say that I am any too sad about that. I really love watching her swim, and she has racked up a pile of blue ribbons, but I’m very tired of her schedule. That’s the problem with having a child or children late in life – you just don’t have the energy that you do when you are younger.
I’ve been so busy that I really don’t have much important to write about the BTD. I am still sort of experimenting with foods. There is absolutely no question regarding the fact that I feel best without any starches at all. However, that just doesn’t work for me as a complete restriction. I’ve had a few people, including one of my fellow bloggers, state or imply that they are dismayed that some people feel that the BTD causes or triggers eating disorders. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. The truth is that I am closer to eating “normally” than I have ever been in my entire life. I no longer binge. I no longer take diet pills. I no longer obsess. I haven’t been on the scale in ages, and I, frankly, don’t care what I weigh. I care how I FEEL, and the BTD is the one thing that truly can help you to feel better all the way around.
I’ve also had a comment that it appears that I am somehow frustrated with the diet or ticked off at it. I’m not. I hope that people don’t get that impression. I have struggled with an eating disorder, warped body image and other food issues since I was a child. I have to be very careful how I approach ALL diets. The thing that I like most about where I am is that the number on the scale or any other such measure no longer rules me. I would like to wear a size 12, which is a very realistic goal (unlike I have been in the past where I was shooting for a size 8). I am currently a 14/16, and I am happy and satisfied right now. I don’t have to be go anywhere from here to feel good about myself. THAT is a major change in my life.
While I can give the BTD a lot of credit for me being in this place, it really comes from all of my experiences. I have to be very careful and protect my happiness. All diets can create obsession within me, and I am starting to really understand the mechanisms that work best for me. The most important for me is to follow all diets with a modicum of relaxation. If I do so, it becomes a non-issue. The more that I create restriction; the more I create conflict within myself. If I relax and eat what feels best, my life becomes more relaxed and I create more happiness within myself.
I have more to write, but that’s all that I can get down at this point. I hope that everyone has a wonderful holiday. I’ll write soon!