Archives for: June 2004, 29
Just a quick blog tonight.
I'm leaving for New York City in the morning for a week of vacation AND an appointment with Dr. D'Adamo. I hope to get some insight on what else I can do to calm my immune system and get rid of some of these food allergies. Probably won't be blogging until I get back.
Right now, I'm exhausted. I slept about three and a half hours today. Tried to sleep more, but couldn't get back to sleep, and then Mike wanted to talk some more about our conversation yesterday. He was not as gracious today, and was more upset. He seemed.... crushed, for lack of a better word.
I'm befuddled by all this - we'd flirted with the idea of a relationship months ago, and I nipped that in the bud because I knew it would never work - he drives me nuts sometimes! I thought we were doing great just as friends, but he did not take the news of my having a BF well at all. Apparently all this time he'd been hiding how he really felt about me. I also think it took having 'lost' me to another (not that I was his to lose) for him to realize how he really felt. He said he thought we had more time together to see what would develop.
He also asked if there was anything he could do to change this. I started tearing up at that, because I know that there isn't a thing he could ever do. I care about him as a friend, but not romantically. I knew that my response would hurt him, and I apologized before saying that there was nothing he could do to change it. It could never work, and BF or no BF, I know that with every fiber of my being.
I did the right thing for both of us in the long run, and I did it with as much integrity and grace as I could muster, but I may have lost a friend in the process, too, and that hurts. The weird thing is, he knew I was dating all along - I told him months ago that I was looking for a long-term relationship, and he made it crystal clear that he DIDN'T want one. So he got what he asked for, as did I.
Doesn't make it hurt less. I miss my friend.