Archives for: May 2004
My weekend zipped by so fast I scarcely registered that it happened, though I know that it was the weekend!
Friday I napped extensively, and only got up so that I would be able to sleep Friday night. Mike and I went out to dinner at a local Indian restaurant, after he protested Indian food, saying that he often gets heartburn or reflux or something after eating it. I suggested other restaurants, and he said that he loves Indian food and said he'd try it. I told him it probably was something in specific Indian dishes that was giving him trouble, not Indian food in general. He is a B, and is a complete skeptic of the BTD. Won't listen to me about not eating chicken, tomatoes, or corn. Thinks he's studied enough about nutrition to know what he's talking about. Right.
So we went to this place, had a lovely meal. I had the lamb saag and saffron rice, and Mike had a sampler platter with chicken (B avoid), shrimp (B avoid) and lamb (B neutral or bennie, I forget which). He also got some onion nan, and I did try a bite of it (yummy!). The service was tremendously slow, and I must admit that I was not at my cheeriest most of the evening. In fact, I was feeling a bit crabby. The more I hang out with Mike, the less tolerant I am getting of his quirks, and Friday night was no exception. For some reason he feels the need to nitpick every little thing. No comment, no matter how off-the-cuff, goes unremarked upon, and he must kvetch about everything. And he splits hairs and gets stuck on semantics rather than discussing the actual issue. Grr! Definitely someone who views the glass as half empty, and I prefer to see it as half full. Everything gets criticized, no matter how lovely or well-executed it might be. A few months ago when I read him a monologue I'd written (he is also an actor), he said it was too depressing and would pull too much at people's heartstrings. Well, duh, that's what good acting DOES, and it is a monologue about a woman whose child is dying. Of COURSE it's going to tug at the heartstrings.
After reading my paragraph above, I think I'm still crabby! I'm working on getting a day job again, and that will help my crabbiness. In the meantime, I will try to minimize it!
After dinner, we went back to Mike's apartment and watched an old Martin Landau/Sidney Poitier film from circa 1970 - "They Call Me Mr. Tibbs". A murder mystery that looks very dated and stagey now (which Mike completely picked apart, of course, not even given it credit for being done 34 years ago), but had some really solid acting and fun chase scenes. It was very dated now, and it was fascinating to see the difference between a police movie/murder mystery done then versus now. The sets are much more realistic now, as is the acting. I like Martin Landau, but Sidney Poitier was the actor who made the movie for me. He was very impressive, and I liked a lot of what he did in the role of the homocide detective. Classy, classy man.
I was back home moments after the movie ended, and was out cold shortly after that.
Saturday was a busy day. I got my hair cut in the morning, and then went to the Beverly Center, which is a big mall in Beverly Hills. I've been in LA three years this week, and had never been there. Tells you how much of a shopper I am! One of my friends keeps bugging me about finding hipper clothes there than in the San Fernando Valley (which has clothes that are fine as far as I'm concerned!), so I decided I'd go over there and check it out. I didn't have much time after my hair appointment, but I did wander through, and did see a lot of cool stuff, so I'll go back there if I decide that the malls in the Valley just won't cut it for me.
I then went to Target and ran a few other errands, and went home and tried to nap for a couple hours before my date. I couldn't sleep, though, and forgot to turn off my phone, so when Anne called, I picked it up. She told me to come downstairs and talk with her while she got ready for her date, and we joked about this being the first time that either of us could remember both of us having a date the same night. We chatted for a while, then I looked at the clock and realized I was still in my running around clothes, had no makeup on, my apartment still needed to be straightened up a bit, and my date was to arrive in 30 minutes. Gotta go!
I dressed, did my makeup, and put a couple things away and was ready by 10 to 6. This is an eharmongy match, and it was our third date. He's a really nice guy, and we seem to be getting along well so far. However, I can't help but feeling like something's missing with him, and I can't put my finger on what it is. I like him, and he seems to like me, but.....
We went to a steakhouse at Universal Citywalk, and I had salmon, greenbeans, and french fries - a rare and delicious treat. We were both tired, and the Lakers game was on every TV screen in the place, and from my seat alone I could see 8 screens, and my date could see approximately the same number from his seat. Apparently there are about 100 TVs in the place. And the noise of the TVs and the patrons was quite effective at hampering any potential conversation. The highlight of the evening was the two strolling musicians who my date talked into singing an Elvis version of a Snoop Dogg song. I was laughing so hard my sides hurt.
My date dropped me off, and within 10 minutes I was asleep. At some point in the middle of the night my phone rang, and I vaguely heard my mother leaving a message about some bad news, but her voice was still cheery enough that I knew it wasn't terrible, and could wait until morning, so I did not reach for the phone. I slept soundly until my phone rang at 8:45 Sunday morning, and I picked it up on the third ring, only to hear nothing on the other end. I knew it was my mother again, so I called her back. She'd called me, but then remembered it was 2 hours earlier and hung up. Just long enough to wake me up AGAIN, though. She sounded fine, so I asked her what the bad news was, and apparently Mr. Gray (a cat) had been hit by a car Saturday and she had to dig a hole Sunday to bury him.
Now, as tragic as losing a cat to an accident is, mom wasn't terribly upset. This cat was foisted upon her by some neighbors who were moving and didn't want to take him with them, and he was an older, crotchety cat who didn't care much for being in a house with other cats, or for human attention. So Mom didn't exactly 'bond' with him. Plus, at one point she had about 11 cats and two dogs, so it isn't as though one fewer animal around the old homestead will be sorely missed. So now she's down to 9 cats and the two dogs.
My mother's computer died the other night, and the same night so did some programs in my laptop. So I can only use the internet at home, but not MS Office or MS Money (and reinstalling them didn't work!), and Mom is getting a new hard drive. She and I usually email multiple times in a night when I'm working, and that is our primary form of communication. This is perfect for me, since I can answer when I want to, and don't have her wondering where I am at every moment if she can't reach me on the phone. I can also choose not to answer at all, and sometimes it goes unnoticed. Well, since Mom's computer died the other day, she's calling me ALL THE TIME! Now, granted, I'm crabby this weekend, but I think Mom called me about 5 times today, total, and probably a dozen times over the course of the weekend. Today she called me to tell me that she was digging a hole to bury Mr. Gray, and then again about the cut she got on her leg, and once to ask me why she couldn't reach me for a while before (when I was in Target, where cell phones get no reception) and then again because she'd forgotten to ask me how my date was. Grr. I didn't pick up every time, but it gets annoying! I love her, but I don't need or want to talk with her to recount every moment of my day!
Anyway, after Target this morning I went to FOUR grocery stores to stock up on food for the week (or several weeks, considering how much I bought) and to find spelt flour for my brownies for the potluck at work tonight. Got home and talked with Mike and Anne about getting together later in the evening about seeing "Shrek 2", and dinner. Then I took a much-needed nap.
Anne didn't make it back in time to go see "Shrek 2" with us, so Mike and I headed off to the movies. I laughed so hard! I loved it. Antonio Banderas as "Puss in Boots" was hilarious, and IMO made the whole movie. Anne had warned me that the first scene between Shrek, Donkey, and Puss in Boots would have me in stitches, and she was right.
As I walked in the door after the movie, my phone was ringing, and Anne had also just walked in the door, so I told her to come down for dinner, and she and Mike and I ate lamb chops and artichokes and talked for an hour or more. Mike had NEVER eaten an artichoke (just as well, since I think they are bad for Bs), and Anne and I were cracking up at his attempts to eat it. In spite of our demonstrations and explanations of what to eat and how to eat it, he was hopeless, and we were in stitches.
After dinner, Anne and I hung out a while longer, and Mike went home. We talked and watched Pierce Brosnan in one of the James Bond movies for a while, and then Anne went home and I started cleaning up and getting ready for work.
Looking at all this, I really was on the go all weekend, and did a lot! And it went by in the blink of an eye.
I'm staying in town this weekend, and Mike has assumed that we're still going to do lots of things together this weekend. I'm perfectly fine with doing *something* with him Friday night and maybe catching a movie together later in the weekend, but I have errands to run, curtains to hang, friends to spend time with other than him, and a date Saturday night, so he's *not* going to have my full attention!
His assumptions are a large part of why I don't want to spend time with him, but his negativity about everything is the larger reason. Not to mention his neuroses!
I'm generally pretty upbeat about things, and I try to see the positive in things. Mike instantly critiques everything, and nitpicks everything. Of course, he was an attorny for the FTC for years, and that was a large part of his job, so it's understandable that he does that. But it drives me nuts.
Okay. The new man. I met him through eharmony, and he is so cool! Handsome, tall, smart, funny, charming, etc. We've had two dates so far, have talked a few times, and will be going out again Saturday evening. I'm already twitterpated! I've mentioned my food allergies to him, and he seems unfazed by it so far. He had to change his diet a few months ago because his cholesterol was through the roof - he'd spent many years grabbing fast food for most of his meals while he built up his business, and went in for a physical a few months ago. Discovered his cholesterol was high, and met with a nutritionist to clean up his diet. He's lost about 15 pounds so far (doesn't seem to need to lose any more, either!). I haven't mentioned the BTD yet, but will see if I can find out his blood type if this continues to go well!
When I got home yesterday morning, I made a couple of lamb chops, and then fried an egg and ate it and the two little bitty lamb chops. Puttered around longer than I should have, and went to bed. I didn't sleep well, though, and woke up with a sore throat about 4:30 pm. Couldn't sleep anymore, and still felt yucky. I think the wheat from earlier this week is catching up with me. I skipped acting class, and finally fell asleep again for about 45 minutes until Mike called me about 10:30 pm. We talked for a while, and then I got ready for work.
Brought my other lamb chop, spinach, and spelt bread to work. Cherries and almonds for snacks. I bought some mango lemonade at Trader Joe's yesterday, and brought a cup of that to work tonight. I've been good about walking during my breaks, and last night walked about a mile. Tonight I've only walked a quarter mile so far, so I either have to walk during my entire break, or walk after work in order to get my mile in. Or maybe I'll just get in 3/4 of a mile tonight. : )
Have a great Memorial Day Weekend!
The ankle that I broke last year is aching again these days, and I can't explain why. It seems to ache more the more I walk, so I hope that it isn't another stress fracture. If this continues, I'll be back at my podiatrist's office within the next few weeks to see what is going on. It could also be that my arthritis is just flaring up and letting me know that it is still around.
I'm also still having issues with my head and neck - tender spots on my head where the bones come together, and the muscles in my neck are still like concrete. I need an adjustment and a massage.
This morning my team lead came to me and said that the big boss needs a note from the doctor for me to be granted my vacation time to go to NY only because they've been lied to before. I said that I have no problem with getting a note, but that I've never had to prove this before, and that the big boss should know me better than to think that I'm lying about this. My team lead understood, and said he would pass that along. I'm still not pleased about it, but whatever.
Diet-wise, things could be better. I've been sleeping so much and running out the door that I've been eating very little in general, and eating less protein that usual. Cherries for lunch, SBUX for breakfast, etc. Not good. I think this weekend I'll cook up a slew of veggies and make a bunch of salads, then I can grab stuff all week. I could even cook a bunch of lamb to get it all done at once.
Still haven't hung the curtain rods up, or gotten anything done around the apartment the last couple of days. More to do this weekend!
Tonight is acting class, which I'm not prepared for - I was supposed to have memorized my monologue this week. That hasn't happened, either. I'm too tired of being tired to do much else this week. I'll get it done for next week, though.
I got the blackout curtains this morning, and then went to IKEA to find a long enough curtain rod for my 10' window. The only one at Linens 'n Things that was long enough for my window was far more than I wanted to pay. The one at IKEA, which was much more my style anyway, was $12. Perfect. Also found some curtains to go over the vinyl blackout curtains and make it look nicer.
I was starving by the time I got to IKEA, so I went to the restaurant and ate some eggs and then did my shopping. The eggs were plain, but good.
When I got home, I hung the blackout curtains up over the blinds, and went to bed about 2pm, which was late for me. It was heaven - soooo dark in my room! Can't wait until I have time to get the rod attached to the wall and get them hung up properly!
Woke up about 10pm, and about 10:30 Mike knocked on the door. He'd been on a shoot today as an extra, and he was wired and wanted to tell me about his day. We talked while I got my lunch together, and then I headed off to work.
Yesterday I put in for some time off to go to NYC in a month or so to see Dr. D'Adamo about my food alleriges and other issues and to play in the city with my best friend from high school and college (who is now an MD) and my Team Lead just came over to me and told me they need a note from the doctor explaining why I'll be gone for a week! As if it is any of their business! That ticks me off - and now they won't approve it without said letter. I know that I'm leaving this job anyway. Do I NEED to be gone for a week to see Dr. D? Of course not. But I'm travelling two full days, one full day to get from the city to his office and back, and a few days to play with my friend. I've never had to justify time off for medical reasons to any employer ever, and I resent the implication that my Team Lead made that I'm not actually going to see a doctor at all. Grr.
Forgot to eat breakfast because I wasn't hungry and Mike and I were talking, and then got to work and was starving. Did have a cup of soy milk, and ate some leftover chicken lettuce wraps from PF Changes from my date the other night. Wasn't much left, though, so I'm still a bit hungry, with an hour and a half until lunch.
Did remember to bring my leftovers, though, so at least I won't end up with a tasteless turkey sandwich like I did last night. I'm drinking lots of water to try to flush out the wheat, and will be eating lots of veggies in the next few days to try to clear out my system a bit. Other than forgetting lunch, I've been doing well at avoiding the avoids the last several days.
Grr! I went out on a date tonight (second date, more details when I feel like I can talk about it without jinxing it!) and then I had to dash to get ready for work, and forgot my lunch. So it will be either Taco Bell for a chicken taco salad, or a sandwich from another 24 hour place nearby. I'm not pleased that I forgot my lunch, but not much I can do about it now!
Slept pretty well today, but did wake up a couple of times - I need to go back to Linens 'N' Things in the morning and get more blackout curtains. Even though there is much less light in my place than there was before I hung up the blanket and put these curtains over the blinds, the light still wakes me up. That SoCal sun is STRONG!
Dinner with my date was at PF Chang's, and I was thrilled to see that there was lamb on the menu! Wok-seared lamb served with scallions on lettuce, with brown rice. YUM!
I spent a little more time this morning organizing my apartment - it is looking better and better, and I look forward to getting the rest of it under control.
I have very little food in the apartment other than my leftovers from PF Chang's, and I meant to bring those for lunch! I'll be heading to Linens 'N' Things and Trader Joe's in the morning.
I think my mother is working on improving her diet. She keeps emailing me asking me questions about what to eat, what to drink (other than water). For my birthday she sent me a two-tiered stainless steel fruit and vegetable basket to store stuff on because she knows I eat lots of fruits and veggies. I couldn't use it because I just don't have the counter space, but I was pleased, too, because she used to give me a hard time about this 'fad' diet I follow. But over the years, she has seen how I eat and how much healthier I'm getting, and she seems to be coming around! I love it!
I didn't make it out the door Friday evening to karaoke. Was just too tired even after a four hour nap to go anywhere or do anything other than watch TV. Did watch the season finale of "Joan of Arcadia" and taped it for Anne to watch when she has a chance. I ended up staying up until midnight, puttering around and trying to get things done in the apartment. I've been on a major organizational and decluttering spree recently, and every now and then I'll attack another area of the apartment and try to make some progress. One thing I've learned from living in a studio apartment is how little stuff we really need to survive. The last place of my own was a two bedroom, 2.5 bath townhouse in San Antonio, TX (for $250 a month LESS than I pay for my studio!) and I had more than enough stuff in every room. I've been cleaning out ever since I moved to California over five years ago, and have gotten rid of probably more than half of the possessions I used to have. I've DEFINITELY gotten rid of more than half the clothing I used to have!
This past couple of weeks I've been itching to clean out even more stuff. I have an antique vanity table, and I have one small drawer that holds all my lipsticks, another for all other makeup and skin care stuff, another drawer for hair stuff, and another one that holds pretty much anything else that I might use there. I pulled out the lipstick drawer and tossed every tube that had a texture that I didn't like, wasn't QUITE the right color, was too dry, old, broken, whatever. Anything that didn't belong in the drawer went into a box to find a home for it, or went into the trash. It felt good. I cleaned out from under the bathroom sink, pulled several things out of the kitchen that I never use, and even went through some of my books and pulled out about 20 of them that I don't think I'll ever read again. I got rid of baking pans, a chip/dip tray, a coat, a robe, etc. Put it all in the trunk of my car to schlep to the Salvation Army or Goodwill in the next few days. And I'm not done yet!
Saturday I woke up at 7am and went to the Post Office. Received a package from my mother that contained my birthday presents, a glass jar with a stainless steel top, and a two-tiered stainless steel basket for fruits and veggies. Both were nice, but I didn't need either one, or have room on my counters for the basket, so I took them back to Target to exchange them for something I could use. I ran some other errands, too, and got back to my apartment around noon, and called my friend Pele (who I haven't seen in months because of my crazy schedule) and we went for a walk around the park. When we got back to the apartment, we were both tired and a little cranky, so I fixed us some eggs, and then we went to the mall so she could run a couple of errands, and then to Trader Joe's for groceries. I was completely wiped out by the time we were done, and it was only 5pm. I dropped her back at her car, and went upstairs and planned to take a nap, but that never happened.
Mike had asked me if I wanted to join him for the movies, but after all the walking and errands, I was just not up for it. I still felt like I was fighting something (still do, in fact) and just didn't want to stress myself out by hanging out with him. And I'm not going anywhere with him for Memorial Day. I don't want to deal with his neuroses in anything more than small doses! It would be one thing if we were dating, but were not, and won't because he's so neurotic!
My acting coach was having a party, though, and I had to make an appearance for at least an hour. So I went, and ended up staying for FIVE hours, and did two shots of tequila - I haven't done a shot of anything since college! This party was infinitely more fun than college, though, and I can honestly say that it was the first time I enjoyed playing a drinking game. I so rarely drink alcohol at all, and rarely really enjoy it, but the stars were aligned or something, because I had a blast. And I didn't even drink a lot - the two shots, and then one pseudo-Cosmopolitan, and these were over the course of five hours. There was nothing decent there to eat, though, and I was starving (before the drinks) and ate cheese and crackers and corn chips and 7 layer bean dip. There was not a vegetable in sight, or I would have eaten them! We all sat around in the back yard talking and drinking and laughing uproariously, and at 1am I decided it was time to head home.
Puttered around a little bit once I got home, and got to sleep about 2:30, and STILL woke up at 7am Sunday morning. I stayed in bed until almost 9 trying to sleep some more. It's easy to stay in bed when two kitties want attention! I pulled stuff out of my closet today, and added to the pile of stuff that is going to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. Made some lamb chops and eggs (my version of steak and eggs - yummy!). Anne called me to run errands with her, and I ended up at the mall again. I was good both days, though, and didn't spend a penny on either excursion, in spite of the new Ann Taylor Loft that opened up! Lots of cute, cute stuff there!
Anne and I got back to the apartments about 5:30, and I started cleaning stuff up from my organizational spree this weekend so I could get to bed by 6:30pm. Loaded stuff into my trunk, put three bags of trash in the dumpster, was in bed by 6:35, and asleep moments after that. I got up at 10:45 to get ready for work, and would have much preferred to stay home and organize than come in here. I got too busy putting things away, and then had to rush to get out the door on time!
I've got a lamb chop and cherries for lunch and snacks tonight - didn't have time to put together a salad.
Found some reasonably priced blackout curtains at Linens 'n' Things yesterday morning, and though they are plain white, I don't much care at this point. I bought one set to see how I felt about them when they were up. Draped them over the blinds, and even though they won't be the most beautiful curtains in the world since they are plain white vinyl, I can live with that as long as I can sleep through the day. Also found a lovely bedskirt that matches my duvet cover. Funny, none of this was important to me until I got the new bed! I'll go back when I have a chance to get more blackout curtains to cover the rest of the window - it is 10' wide, and one set of the blackout curtains covers 54", so I need two more sets to adequately cover the window. And when I can afford it, they can be used as curtain liners and I can buy something more 'curtainy' and decorative to go over them.
Anne came over for dinner tonight, and I told her all about psycho-boy. She read the messages and said that by even attempting to discuss it with him that I egged him on. I certainly hadn't seen it that way, but it did give me food for thought. I don't know what I could have done differently, and she had no recommendations. We had a great time over dinner (ground lamb, artichoke hearts and asparagus), and laughed ourselves silly. Since I live in a studio apartment, we often end up sitting on my bed gabbing, just like I used to do with my best friend in high school. That's what happened tonight, and Anne fell asleep on my bed. Snored and everything, and about an hour later, I was in the kitchen and she woke up and said, "Wow! That really IS a comfortable bed!" I laughed. I told her there is something very comforting about having a guest come over and having them fall asleep at your place. Anne is more like my sister than my best friend, but she understood what I was saying, and said that she'd loved it when I fell asleep on her couch once last fall because she knew then that I was totally comfortable in her place and with her. We wondered why we like it so much - one theory that we came up with is that we are in a very vulnerable state when we're sleeping, and that it shows trust to be able to sleep in someone's presence. I do know that when I was first dating my (now ex-) fiancé, we'd known each other for nearly two years before he asked me out, and then I fell asleep on a cushy chair in his apartment before our first date. He was a little hacked off until he realized that it was GOOD that I could relax in his presence....
Got an email from the coffee turned to dinner date man from the other night - we're going out Monday or Tuesday evening, and he 'can't wait' to see me again. I feel the same way. : )
Tomorrow is another meeting with my life coach, a nap, and I'm supposed to go out to karaoke with some neighbors. I still feel like I'm fighting something, though, so it will depend on how I feel as to whether or not I go....
Saturday will be errands day and possibly the movies with Mike, and Sunday will be laundry and clean the apartment day, in case coffee/dinner date man comes to pick me up!
Well, I hope the dating drama is over here - I blocked psycho boy's email, closed him out on eharmony, and am logging into Yahoo messenger as invisible. He doesn't know my phone number or my last name, so theoretically, I should be safe from ever hearing from him again.
I went to Linens 'N' Things this morning to try to find curtains for my apartment. Found some nice, heavy, light-blocking velvet ones that I thought would be good, but none of the colors matched my bedspread, so I went home curtainless and will go back tomorrow with my bedspread. I can't say I ever thought I'd want the *look* of velvet curtains, but they do look nice, and it seems they'll block the light better than about anything else. Went home and hung a blanket over the blinds, and wondered why I didn't do that months ago. It must have helped, because I slept for 10 hours straight today.
I don't think it was enough, though. When I woke up I didn't feel too great, and I still don't. I seem to be fighting some kind of crud, and I'm not happy about it. But considering my little accident a couple weeks ago, the constant changing of my schedule, the stress of dealing with psycho boy (short-lived though that was), and not always eating perfectly according to the BTD, I think I've been due to come down with something.
Mike stopped by tonight to exchange video tapes with me, and we chatted for a few minutes. He knows nothing about the events with psycho boy, and neither does Anne. I'm not avoiding telling either of them, but hadn't seen them in a couple of days, and Mike was too wired to be calm about it had I told him tonight. My computer was on, though, and he did see that I was on the eharmony home page, though he didn't comment on it. It will be interesting to see what happens with our friendship once I do get involved with someone, and I hope he is man enough to be able to handle it.
As for Memorial Day weekend, I've voiced my opinions about going someplace with Mike for the weekend, told him that IF we go anywhere it will be platonically. He says he's fine with that, but he's so indecisive about things that he's made no reservations, plans etc. At this point I doubt it will happen at all. I'm to the point that I'm completely comfortable with going away with him just as friends, so we'll see how things turn out. And I may just go down to San Diego to visit my uncle or my dear friend Brian.
This morning before I went to sleep I ate some turkey soup (it's almost gone now, and has lasted me several days - starting to get sick of it, though!). Tonight I ate two scrambled eggs with herbs from provence, and somehow I managed to get them beautifully fluffy. I impressed myself. I often do that when I prepare Anne's eggs, but somehow when I make them for myself, they don't come out the same. I can't explain it! But they were perfect this time, and I made some spelt toast with almond butter and the fruit conserve that I got last year in Hot Springs, Arkansas (homemade, no avoids, totally yummy!). Brought more turkey soup for lunch tonight, and cherries for snacks, as well as some chocolate chips and pecans.
Got an email from 'Stan' earlier this morning in response to my message from last night. I really feel like I dodged a bullet by not getting involved with this one!
Here's what he had to say:
I agree.... Keeping your options open is a sad excuse
for playing the field! I thought you were genuine but
now I see your just having one way and not even
understanding where I am coming from.. It was not a
race, nor do I appreciate your using I was the front
runner, how silly! This is OUR hearts were talking
about and I am and was so very disappointed in
you....We matched VERY well till you said you were
talking with a couple of other guys too...
You made NO effort in setting up a date or making a
notion of meeting, again all about you! It really says
alot when someone whom you connect with makes you out
too be the bad one.. I AM NOT THE ONE WHO KEPT THEIR
OPTIONS OPEN, REMEMBER????? I gave you 100 percent
from the very start.. You cannot say the same thing!
So, do not judge me... And remember..what comes around
will come back and get you as well Casssandra!
I will not entertain anyone who is NOT willing to
search out the absolute truth by really putting ALL
their effort into seeing where it might go... It is a
rare thing when two people connect like we did and you
will see as life passes that YOU were wrong, that I
Your gest is hollow and I feel your a selfish person
definitely.... And that saddens me Cassandra. I guess
my mistake was that I believed in you! I hope you step
back and work on yourself and NOT find anyone right
now.. You need to emotionally and spiritually grow to
understand that people have feelings too and never
make it out to be a race, or contest ; what a horrible
thing too say!!!!
By the way, I never, ever, said excluse anytime,
anywhere! I just said that look into one person at a
time so you could give them 100 percent of your
effort, and time. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO REALLY KNOW
SOMEONE! Your excuse for this letter is so you feel
like your doing something right. Well, I donnot except
it or you! You lied, and let me down..Actions speak
louder then words always!
Anyhow, I am signing off........
Wow. He has contradicted what he said before, accused me of being selfish, a liar and told me that I need to work on my emotional and spiritual side before I get involved with anyone - all before I've ever MET him.
Makes me grateful I have good instincts and avoided this one!
I have to get out of this night job, and the sooner the better. I was talking with Anne tonight, and told her that I'd noticed that even if I get 10-11 hours of sleep during the day that my mood seems to have declined recently. I'm not depressed per se, but I'm also not my usual perky self. The only thing that has changed is that I'm exercising less (definite mood enhancer) and my schedule is whacked. Now, I've certainly gone through phases of not exercising much (if at all) before, and while it does help with my mood, it doesn't seem to be the issue here. I think that my circadian rhythms are so out of whack that it is bringing me down emotionally, too.
For a couple months on this job, I remembered none of my dreams. The parasite one last week was weird, and I've been having vivid, weird dreams almost daily since then. And none of them have been dreams that were terribly pleasant (though the parasite one was the worst of them). Another indication of my mood? I don't know, but generally my dreams are not THAT far out there....
My diet is pretty much the same, my weight is stable, and I'm basically taking care of myself, and even still getting some exercise (though not as much as before). So the only thing that's left is the hours of the job.
Anne commented that I didn't seem like my usual self lately, and I asked her why she hadn't said anything - she said that it didn't seem pertinent. Great. My best friend, who knows that I have a history of depression, doesn't think my mood changes are pertinent enough to mention until I bring it up. At least I am aware enough of my moods to mention it to HER and tell her that something needs to change!
I'm giving myself until the beginning of July. I need to find something to do that will get me back on the day shift and allow me to support myself. Time for auditions isn't even important at this point - I'll take a 'real' job at this point, then work on the audition thing.
I slept more than 9 hours today, and could not get out of bed to get to an acting meeting tonight that I really needed to go to. I can't miss meetings like this and continue to call myself an actor. I'll never make any progress like this! At least a day job would enable me to get back to a regular schedule and I will be awake for these evening meetings!
When I finally did get out of bed, I ate a lamb chop and two scrambled eggs and spelt toast with almond butter and fruit conserve. Yum.
Then Anne and I ran an errand, and I came into work.
I keep telling myself that this is short-term. I won't be living like this much longer. I can't.
You'd think that after more than six years on the BTD that I'd have this thing figured out. You'd think that after more than six years I would know that my brain wants to take time off the BTD and my body doesn't know how to do that. You would think that after more than six years of the BTD and knowing how my body reacts to avoids and whines and moans and hates my brain for allowing it to give into the physical cravings and mental desires that I would have, at some point, learned once and for all.
Sunday was our apartment complex barbeque - great fun with a bunch of neighbors down by the pool. I really was pretty good, considering the fare that was available. Lots of corn chips and ranch dips, lots of pasta salad, macaroni salad, potato salad, lasagna, brownies, cakes, etc. I loaded up my plate with a seafood salad, a green salad, strawberries, and Mike cooked my lambchopes for me.
At some point during the course of the event I had two very small pieces of baklava (two bites), one half of one brownie, one small bite of chocolate cake, and two bites of lasagna. All told, really not a LOT of avoids. Perhaps six or seven bites total, or not even equivalent to a bowl of wheat-based cereal. At least to my mind it didn't seem like much.
To my body, on the other hand, it was enough to cause a serious problem. By the time I attempted to nap about 6:30 pm, I had so much intestinal gas that I had to take some activated charcoal to get rid of the pain. The back of my scalp was itching so badly that I had to get up to take a shower to get it to stop. Even now, 10 or more hours after the last bite of offending food, I have heartburn, and am sucking down the room-temp Gerolsteiner like there is no tomorrow (and lamenting that this is my last bottle until I can get to the store again). I only slept about 30 minutes because I couldn't fall asleep because I was itching and in pain most of the evening.
I know that I have a problem with self-sabotage, but does it have to be so CLEARLY spelled out for me? I even made my own wheat-free brownies, and even though I did have one of them, I STILL just HAD to try the other person's brownies. They weren't as good as mine, either, and I knew this even before I tried them.
Okay. I'm done beating myself up about this. Now it's time to move on, and get back to eating well for myself.
The rest of the weekend was great. Friday's organizational meeting was well worth it, and I think I may have solved a couple issues with my apartment and my space constraints. This one closet is the main issue, and even though I didn't do a thing to clean out the closet, I did move a couple things around, and even that seems to be helping so far.
Friday night I stayed home and watched TV, and then slept horribly. Cats were making noises, and I just couln't seem to stay asleep. Woke up at 4:30 am starving. Finally got up about 9am, and had a bad headache that I just couldn't shake. Skipped my acting class, and was back in bed by 1pm, trying to nap and get rid of the headache. Couldn't sleep again, in spite of serious fatigue, and finally fell asleep about 4 or 5. Woke up at 7pm when the phone rang, and thank goodness it did, because I had to be ready to go out to dinner with a friend of mine by 7:30. Raced around for 30 minutes, but was ready on time. We went to Cafe Bizou, and I had the carrot rosemary soup and the rack of lamb again, but no flourless chocolate cake this time. It was delicious, as usual. Was home by 10:15 or so, and back in bed by 10:30. I was exhausted. Watched TV for a little while, and was asleep by 11.
Slept 9 and a half hours, and still felt like I could have slept more. Got up this morning and ran to the grocery store to get ingredients for brownies for the party today, and then baked them, and then was at the party and then was trying to sleep.
All in all, not a very productive weekend! But I did have fun at dinner last night and at the party Sunday - a little too much fun, though!
Thursdays are the worst days of my week in terms of time - I never have any time for myself on Thursdays. I get home from work around 9am, have to hurry to make sure I'm in bed by 10am, and can only get a maximum of 8 hours of sleep to get up by 6pm so I can get to acting class by 7. And then after class, I have to dash home, change clothes to get to work, grab something for lunch, and get out the door again for work. No rest for the weary!
Today was no different than most Thursdays, except that I slept like crap. Had bizarre, scary dreams involving weird parasites on my body (and worse, in my hair!), the cats were chasing each other around and making a ruckus half the afternoon, and by the time 6pm rolled around I felt as though I'd been in bed no time at all. Somehow managed to drag myself out the door anyway. The apartment manager had a package for me, and I ran into Mike down by the pool, and ended up chatting with the two of them for a few minutes, and then I HAD to leave for class. My package was my two Tempur-Pedic pillows that I got free with my bed (YAY! I look forward to using them in the morning!).
Class ended up being really good - there were only five of us there, so it was a very small class, and there were two new people there, so we all got to know each other a little bit. We did a couple of exercises, and then we each did a scene or an audition piece. I did an audition piece, a scene from "NYPD Blue", and I felt like I was struggling with it until my coach asked what my objective was, and then it became crystal-clear. The character is digging for the truth. Her objective changes during the scene, but the initial launching pad was all I needed to go on, and it got me there for the rest of the scene. My coach said I had done really good work, and that all she could suggest for next time would be to take my time with the transition, and make the stakes higher (which is always the case with acting - the stakes are ALWAYS higher than they might seem to be in life - that's what makes drama!). So I was pleased with my performance.
Foodwise, all I had time for before class was a piece of toast with almond butter. After class, I dashed home, fed Anne's cats, grabbed my stuff, and hit the door. Went to SBUX for a soy chai latte, then realized that I'd forgotten my lunch. And no time to stop at Ralph's and get a roasted chicken or some sushi or anything, either. So I'm probably stuck eating the 'best of the worst' tonight - either a chicken and bean burrito from the vending machine, or going to Taco Bell (open all night!) for a Chicken Taco Salad or something. Yuck. I hate not at least having the option to eat something healthy. It's one thing when I CHOOSE not to eat my lunch or snack and then I get something out of the vending machine (only ever happens for snacks, and rarely!), but to have forgotten to bring my lunch and literally NOT have a decent option ticks me off. Either the chicken burrito or the taco salad will have some avoids, and as much as I'll try to eat healthy tonight, I know I'll be eating some kind of crap. What's worse, I'm so hungry right now I could eat my keyboard. I already ate my 2am snack, a banana, and I do have chocolate chips for later, but I don't want to eat too many of THEM, either, even though they are not avoids, per se, they aren't the greatest thing for me.... So yuck, I'll eat as little junk as possible tonight, but I will eat junk.
Tomorrow will be another busy Friday - nap (with my new pillows on my new bed!) for about 3 hours, go talk with a personal organizer for about 2 hours (I have a couple, uh, challenges to deal with in my studio apartment!), run a couple errands, and hang out at home for the evening. Saturday, I have an acting class from 10-2, dinner with a friend during the evening, and will probably spend the afternoon pulling clothes out of my closet and deciding what stays and goes. Sunday, I have an apartment bldg. 'get to know your neighbors' party. I don't plan to stay long, but it should be fun!
I had an audition today for a voice over project that looks really cool. Won't hear back if I got it or not for at least a month, so who knows. It was at one of the worst possible times for me, though. 4pm, and 10 miles away, which means about 30 minutes driving time if I take the surface streets to get there. 4pm is bad because it means that I can't just sleep either before OR after my appointment. I have to sleep before AND after my appointment. I can get to bed as late as 3pm and still get up at 11pm to get to work, or I can crash as soon as I get home around 9am and sleep until 5pm and then have my evening. So either way, I'm generally asleep from 3-5 pm most every day.
So today, knowing that I had an appointment at 4, I went to bed as soon as I could, which today was by 10am. Got up at 2pm, wondering if I really want to be an actor at all, cursing my alarm clock and feeling like death on a cracker. Four hours is NOT enough. By the time I was out of my shower I felt human again, and I got ready for my audition, ate a piece of toast with almond butter on it to tide me over, and headed out about 3:20 to make sure I could get there on time.
The audition itself went really well. The project is fascinating to me, and I would be doing the voice over for the French portion of the service. Very cool. They want someone who sounds like a native speaker, and I know I pass for one most of the time since all the native speakers I talk with at work and elsewhere are generally (and genuinely) surprised when they find out that I'm not French. I certainly don't have the vocabulary of a native speaker, and I'm sure that I mispronounce words sometimes, but I know that my pronunciation is excellent. So I went into the audition having warmed up, loosened up, and was ready to go. Did my thing, heard more about the project (lemme at it!) and came home. Felt good about what I did, and came home to go back to bed and sleep some more.
Ran into Mike as I was coming in, and he asked me about Memorial Day Weekend again. Last thing in the world I want to talk about right now, so I said something about not having time to talk about it right now - gotta get back to sleep! Fine, no problem, see ya later. Got upstairs and back in bed by 5:10 pm. Tossed. Turned. Phone rang. Anne was calling, we chatted for a minute, I unplugged the phone that had rung, she told me I was rambling and to go to sleep. We hung up, and it was probably 6:30 by the time I fell back to sleep, with one cat on me and the other cat on the foot of the bed.
My alarm went off again at 10:30, and there I was again, cursing the alarm clock again, and not wanting to get out of bed, let alone go to WORK. Snoozed until 11:15, and forced myself to get up. Threw on my clothes, makeup, grabbed lunch, and didn't have time for eggs or anything more than almond butter on two slices of toast this time. (I've got to cut down on the grains!) Got out the door on time, and to work with plenty of time to spare.
I'm awake, but I'm not happy about it. 8 hours straight versus four hours and then four hours? World of difference.
Slept nearly 9 hours today - got to bed around noon after running to the grocery store, puttering around, balancing my checkbook and printing out a bunch of stuff on my computer at home. We can't print anything at work, so I email myself stuff to print out at home. Finished a book I was reading - not worthwhile, or I'd talk more about it.
Woke up around 9pm, made a couple of phone calls, and made turkey soup. Had a red onion, some carrots, rice, and ground turkey in the fridge. Would have preferred to use a white onion, but I'll take the red! Sautéed the onion, cut up and threw in the carrots, then cooked the ground turkey separately and threw it in with more than a liter of water and then added a liter of chicken broth. Cooked the rice, and threw that in, added some herbs from provence somewhere in the mix, added salt, and let it simmer for a while. Meanwhile, I cooked an egg and made a piece of toast, and enjoyed that for breakfast - it seems to be my new favorite quick and easy meal.
While the soup was simmering and the rice was cooking, I did some yoga - took care not to do anything that would stress my neck since it is still tense - my neck feels fine, but all the muscles are still sore and dropping my head towards my chest really pulls all the muscles. Wowza. Really tense still. But definitely much improved from before my chiro visit. It felt SOOOO good to get back to doing SOMETHING exercise-wise. Last night at work I was going stark raving mad - I HAD to MOVE. So on one of my breaks and during my lunch period, after I ate I went outside and walked around the parking lot. One lap around is about five minutes, and as fast as I walk, that's got to be at least a quarter mile. So I probably walked about a mile last night over my breaks. Tonight during my first break I went out there again and walked around the building, which also takes about five minutes. I'll probably do 2-3 laps during my lunch (if I have time after eating my soup!) and I'll probably do 1-2 laps during my next break. I went 9 days without exercising because of my neck, and I can really tell the difference in how my body feels. Even a short walk a few times a day will help.
Back to the soup. After my yoga, I dished up soup for lunch, made a quick salad with flaxseed oil and lemon juice, threw a smoothie together for a snack, jumped into the shower and got ready for work.
I realized in the last couple of days that I have GOT to get off the night shift. It's great for allowing me the time to audition and get other things done during the day, but I can't live like this. I have a history of depression, and now I have a 'self-check' that I check myself on periodically. Though I DON'T feel depressed, and I think my mood is pretty good, my body doesn't feel like it usually does (accidents notwithstanding) and I'm not singing in the car or at home like I usually do. Me NOT singing is not a good thing at any time, and is a wake-up call for me. So I will be 'making' myself sing daily, and that alone may help in the short-term. Long-term, I need to get my body back to a regular schedule. I'm tired of being tired all the time....
Memorial Day Weekend. Ugh. Mike asked me to go away with him for Memorial Day Weekend. Now, he is a TERRIFIC friend, and back a couple months ago I might have jumped at the chance to get to know him better, but now.... well, I know that I don't want to be INVOLVED with him because he doesn't want an 'emotional relationship', and he also KNOWS he doesn't want kids. Plus, he's so neurotic, it could drive me nuts over the course of a weekend. In other words, he wants a 'friends with benefits' relationship, and that just doesn't work for me
I DO want an emotional relationship, and while I haven't decided about the kids part, I know that I don't want that decision made FOR me. I asked one friend about this, and he said that my not wanting to get involved on 'that' level sounds like a decision to him, but it just doesn't feel like the right decision yet. Not going doesn't feel right, but going doesn't feel right, either. Whatever I decide, I'm going to have to talk with him and reconfirm to him that we are *just* friends AND that I am dating, and let him know about my misgivings about going away with him. Assuming that talk goes well, then I'll *consider* going away with him.
When Mike knew I was dating last, he got a little jealous, and was glad when Brad dumped me and I ended up not going skiing for the weekend. He doesn't know that I'm dating again, nor does he know that I joined eharmony.com. Currently I have FOUR matches that I'm planning to meet in the next week or so, and I have had two dates with one other match. I suspect that in spite of our 'just being friends' he'll still be jealous.
I think I just need to sit down with all these feelings I'm having about Memorial Day Weekend and Mike and sort through them, and then talk with him about it all. Blah.
Left work this morning and went straight to the chiropractor's office. I hurt more for a couple hours, but have felt much improved since then. Stayed up for a while today doing a couple things around the apartment, ate some oatmeal, and then went to bed around noon. Slept until 10:15 when the phone rang. It was Mike, catching me up on the latest. He's going to a free acting class by my acting coach, and wanted to know if I'd be there to help out that evening. I can't go, because I've got an audition and I'll need to sleep both before and after it. Plus I need to prepare my monologue for my class Thursday night.
Made myself an egg on buttered toast, threw together some groung turkey for lunch. Just realized I forgot to make myself a salad - rats! Have a slice of bread and some almond butter for a snack, and some trail mix, too.
Still tired tonight, but no headache, so that's an improvement! My chiropractor said that my muscles and ligaments are still crabby from the bar hitting me last week. No surprise there!
I don't feel so good right now. I'm headachy, crabby, slightly nauseated, and I want to be tucked in my little bed with a cat or two and some seltzer water. Instead, I'm sitting under bright flourescent lights with no cats and no seltzer. Blah.
Worked 6 hours today, went home, and ran into Mike, who was sitting by the pool. Chatted with him for a few minutes, and went upstairs to nap before coming back into the office tonight. Went to bed immediately after getting upstairs, and then couldn't sleep for at least an hour. So it was around 6 or later when I fell asleep. Didn't help that I forgot to turn off the phone and Anne called me around 7 and woke me up. I went right back to sleep, and then Mike called me at 9:45 to see how I was doing and also woke me up. Then I stayed in bed until my alarm went off at 10:30, but didn't sleep anymore.
Got up and fried an egg and made a piece of spelt toast. Buttered the toast, put the egg on it, and that was breakfast. Threw together a salad, some trail mix, dressed, and headed for work. I've got leftover lamb from the Greek place that is very tender and yummy, so that and a salad and I'm set.
Looking forward to seeing my bed again in the morning, but if this headache hasn't lifted by then I may head to the chiropractor's instead of going straight home.
Got a note from fellow blogger Rachel - her computer died and she's having trouble with her new system, so she asked me to let people know that she'll be back soon!
I've had a headache for the last couple of days - I'm not sure if it is due to my head and neck issues from this week, too much sugar the last few days, or PMS-related. Whatever the case, I WANT IT TO GO AWAY!
Friday was a crazy day. Had SBUX (caffeine-free tea) with my friend SF and her BF, and then went home to nap for a few hours so that I would be reasonably fresh for my dinner/theater evening with Mike. I tossed and turned for three hours, and never did get a wink of sleep. So much for being fresh.
Had a phone meeting with my new life coach, and we talked about a bunch of stuff, including how life sometimes intervenes and can derail the best-laid plans, which my little accident last week did a little bit. I certainly wasn't my usual perky self all week to celebrate my birthday, though I think I did pretty well considering.
Friday evening with Mike was really fun. We had a lovely dinner at Café Bizou, one of my favorite restaurants, and I had the carrot rosemary soup, rack of lamb with mint sauce, and flourless chocolate cake. Fabulous birthday dinner. Mike had the carrot rosemary soup, sesame encrusted salmon, and crème brulée. I had a bite of the crème brulée, and it was delicious, but I was very happy with my cake, and enjoyed every bite.
As we were leaving the restaurant he pulled out his directions and said "Temple Street". Now, I don't know very many theaters in LA, but I do know the three that are in one complex off of Temple Street. So I said we were either going to the Taper or the Ahmanson.... Anne used to stage manage at The Mark Taper Forum, and then there is the Ahmanson Theatre, and the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion (I think it's called the pavilion....). The Dorothy Chandler only has musical stuff - opera, ballet, etc., so I knew it wasn't that. And I couldn't remember what was playing at either the Taper or the Ahmanson, but I'd been to the Ahmanson for La Bohème so I was racking my brain. Mike said that we were going to the Ahmanson, but wouldn't tell me anything else. I came up with "Thoroughly Modern Millie" as one thing that I knew would be playing there, and some title that had something to do with a family, but that was as far as I got....
So we arrived at the Ahmanson, and the title was on the side of the building "The Royal Family". Cool! Don't know a thing about it, but cool! So we parked the car, walked around a bit in the gorgeous evening air, and went inside just before the show started.
The set was elaborate - a living room with a grand, curving staircase going upstairs to three different bedrooms. Beautifully decorated in turn of the 20th century style.... The audience applauded for the set ALONE, even before the actors came onstage.
The play was delightful - a comedy, and a 'satirical valentine to the theater'. All through the first and second acts I marvelled at the woman who played the grandmother, and the woman who played her daughter. They were both phenomenal, and the grandmother in particular had an amazing presence about her. The second she walked onstage, she commanded attention. Wow. And the woman who played the daughter had THE most AMAZING VOICE. I knew I'd heard it before, but just could NOT place it for the life of me. During the intermission I looked at the biographies to find her, and realized EXACTLY why I knew her voice. She's Kate Mulgrew, who played Captain Janeway on Star Trek Voyager. I hadn't recognized her at all in this role, nor had I ever seen her play anything other than Captain Janeway, but I knew her VOICE. So I marvelled at her the rest of the evening, and I'm in love with her VOICE! Gives me more inspiration to develop my own voice more than I have.
Anyway, the entire evening was wonderful, in spite of my fatigue, and Mike and I had a really good time. The only thing that might have made the evening better were if I had spent it with someone I was romantically involved with. In due time, I suppose.
We got back to the apartment building and said good night right around 11:30, and I was in my new bed with the lights off by 11:34, and I think I was asleep by 11:35. Slept like a log until 8:30 Saturday morning, snoozed until 9:30, and then went to ActorFest for a couple hours. Mike was there, so I dragged him over to my acting coach to introduce them to each other, and then I headed home to take a nap before my date. I didn't feel too great, and wanted to rest before I went out last night. Got home around 2pm, and attempted to nap from 2:30 to 6pm. I think I fell asleep around 4. So I got up, showered, and dressed for my date. Still didn't feel great, but didn't feel bad, either.
This is a new guy, who I had brunch with last Sunday. I met him through eharmony.com, which I signed up for about a month ago. He seems VERY nice, but I can't tell yet if there is anything there - but I've been in some form of pain both times I've seen him, so we'll see. Anyway, I met him over at a Greek restaurant nearby for dinner at 7:30, and we had a nice dinner, but that restaurant is SO noisy! This is the same place that Mike took me for Valentine's Day, and it was noisy then, but I had chalked it up to it being so packed that night - nope, it's just a noisy restaurant! It was also FREEZING where we were sitting, so we ate and left and went to another place for dessert, called Café Cordiale, which is across the street from Café Bizou! Had chocolate mousse for dessert, and then we went to the movies to see "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". I'd seen it before, but really wanted to see it again, so that was fine. It was extremely loud in the theater, though, and I don't know if it was the noise, my injury, the dessert, PMS, or what, but somewhere in the middle of the movie I got a bad headache. My date dropped me at my car around 12:30, and I was snug in my bed asleep by 1am.
This morning I got up around 9, made some eggs with spinach, soy cream cheese, and herbs from provence, and then headed in to the office. I've got to make up some time from being out earlier this week with my injury. It's deathly boring in here on the weekends, though. I hope I don't have to make up time often! I haven't had a single call yet!
Anyway, I'm here until 4:30 today, then I'll go home and see Anne for a few minutes, call my mother and grandmother, and nap as long as I can before getting up and coming back in here for my usual midnight to 8:30 shift and the start of another week.
I had a completely uneventful birthday - I slept 11 hours, and missed my acting class because when I got up at 6:15pm, I felt so wiped out. I looked in the mirror and knew it would take more than the 30 minutes that I had available before needing to leave for acting class to get that face looking even REMOTELY awake and alert, so I went back to bed. Slept for another three hours, until the phone rang and woke me. I did stay awake that time, even though all I did was turn on the TV to watch the final episode of "Friends". Didn't MOVE from the bed until somewhere in the middle of "ER". Both were really good shows tonight - if you didn't watch them, find someone who taped 'em!
Got ready for work and put laundry away - finally felt up to lifting the laundry basket that has been on my La-Z Boy since Saturday. Didn't get to it Saturday, and wasn't feeling like lifting much of anything once I hurt myself. Neck still hurts today, but is still feeling better - mostly just a little bruising now and very tense muscles in my neck and shoulders. Neck bones are still tender and don't feel like moving much yet. I probably need another chiropractic adjustment - will have to get there early next week. So I put away the laundry, got my stuff together for work, and headed out the door with enough time to stop at SBUX on the way in to the office. On my door I found a birthday card from Mike, which was very sweet, and was the only card I got to open ON my birthday.
Still eating leftover lamb and sweet potato and onion stuff - tonight is the last of it. Also had some rye crackers with almond butter for a snack a little while ago. My SBUX chai was pretty much my breakfast today. I don't make a habit of that since I sometimes get jittery if I don't eat some serious protein either before or after it!
BTW, my friend from WAY back, when I was working at the American Embassy in France is now reading my blog - she emailed me yesterday to wish me a happy birthday, and I told her she can always find out how I'm doing here..... Salut, petit chat! Je t'embrasse!
This weekend will be busy - most of them are, so I don't know why I always say that. Friday is SBUX with my dear friend SF and her boyfriend, who I knew before they connected. No more chai for me, though! I'll stick with something sugar and caffeine free since I've got to nap later. After my nap, I'll meet with my life coach to discuss the goals for this week and what else I need to do this month/year. Then I go out with Mike to celebrate my birthday. Dinner at my favorite French restaurant, and then a show, but I have no idea what! All I know is that it isn't "Mamma Mia" because Anne and Mike coordinated the shows! It's convenient having friends who live in the same building! Sometimes TOO convenient!
Saturday morning through afternoon is ActorFest, so I'll spend a couple hours there talking to people about classes and actor services that are available in this town. It is remarkable what industries are out there that I never knew existed until I became an actor. I supposed that could be said for any number of professions, but it seems remarkable what gets marketed to actors.... I'm sure I'll come up with some examples by the end of Saturday..... Saturday night, I have a movie date with a new guy. I like him all right so far, but the jury is still out.... I'll have more to say later, I'm sure!
Sunday I'll work during the day, go home, nap, and come back to work at midnight. We have the option of making up hours that we miss for being ill or whatever, as long as they are made up during the same week. Since I'm planning a vacation in July to NYC, I don't want to use my vacation/sick leave until then if I can help it, so I'm making up the time on Sunday. Not very exciting, but it pays the bills!
I'm recovering, though my head and shoulders are still aching. Both are feeling better - I'll be glad when they no longer hurt at all!
Last night, Anne took me out to celebrate my birthday - which is today. : ) She took me to see "Mamma Mia" at the Pantages Theater. We both LOVED the show - it was wonderful, beautifully done, and a great, fun story! We had great seats, and before the show, I told her that she should not have spent so much money on me for my birthday - things have been tight for her lately, and I want her to be able to make ends meet! She told me that she decided that it was worth it to do up my birthday right because she felt she'd never been able to show me how much our friendship has meant to her, how I've always been there for her when she needed me, and this was a small way for her to show her gratitude. I told her to shut up because I was starting to cry! lol - now if that isn't like sisters, what is? Our friendship means the world to both of us, and neither of us have ever had other girlfriends who meant *quite* the same thing to each other. We both knew the minute we met that our friendship was something special, and we suspect that when we're little old ladies we'll live next door to each other and keep each other company. And we know that no matter what men may come (and go!) out of our lives, we're there for each other through thick and thin and all the soy ice cream we need to get through it!
So now I'm back at work, working the first 8 1/2 hours of my birthday, then heading home to go to sleep. Then I'll get up and go to acting class. I made some stew day before yesterday with ground lamb, onion, and sweet potato, and had some of that before coming to work tonight, and I've got some for lunch, too. And since it's my birthday, I bought some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies on the way to work, and I'm snacking on those tonight, too. And I plan on having Starbucks today, too, probably before or after acting class. And FWIW, I'm 36 now.
And hey! Just read Jennifer's blog, and today is HER birthday, too! Two of us bloggers with the same birthday! (She's 29 today, though!) Happy Birthday, Jennifer!
Left work at 2am last night - just couldn't handle sitting there all night in that much pain. If I'd had the aspirin I probably would have toughed it out, but without it I just couldn't deal.... So at 2:20 this morning I was back at the grocery store exhanging the aspirin. Ended up with some Ecotrin-type generic aspirin and some Tylenol PM
Went home and ate some oatmeal, took some Tylenol PM, and went to bed. I LOVE my new Tempur-Pedic bed, and my low back was fine, but I tossed and turned until the Tylenol kicked in because my neck was so uncomfortable.
Slept about 6 hours until Anne called me this morning to check up on me. Given that I slept 9 hours yesterday, and was only up about 4 hours last night, I thought that getting another 5 hours was pretty remarkable.
Anne came over for a little while to see how I was doing and to check out the new bed, and she looked at where the bar hit me and she felt around in my shoulder (it's like concrete) and said, "Ew!" That pretty much summed it up for me.
After she left I puttered around for a little while and then went back to bed. Slept another 5 hours or so, until Anne called me about 6pm to see how I was doing. I got up for a little while, puttered a little more, and went back to bed. Slept another 2 hours and got up around 9:30. Made some dinner, ground lamb, onion, and sweet potato with herbes de provence, watched "Frasier" and "Law and Order: SVU", showered and came into work. I took some aspirin once I got here, but my left shoulder is still smokin' and I have a slight headache. I'm trying to keep moving so my shoulders don't get all locked up again.
I keep finding other bruises - I don't know if they are from Sunday or from other bumps, but they all seem pretty fresh still, so I think they must have been from when I fell. Little bruises on my right forearm, a bruise about the diameter of a small mango on my left thigh, and one about the diameter of a golf ball on my right thigh. Oddly enough, the bump on my neck hasn't discolored at all from what I can see, but is still very tender, as is the bump on the back of my head.
7:30 am - my back has been killing me since about 5:30 and I am toughing it out because I don't want to miss any more work. Took a double dose of aspirin, but it hasn't helped. My left shoulder in particular is burning like crazy, and even getting up, moving around, and stretching (lightly) hasn't helped. I think I need to get home and sleep some more.
Thanks, too, to Pam for suggesting the Icy/Hot stuff - haven't tried that, but I do have some Biofreeze at home that I can use. Can't WAIT to get out of here and rest!
Well, I'm surviving. In pain tonight, but surviving. I went to the chiropractor yesterday morning, and she said that I didn't break anything, but did bruise my vertebra and strained a few muscles in my neck and shoulders. And she said my ligaments are crabby. I liked how she put that - 'crabby'! Worked for me.
So I'm to continue icing, not move my head to any of the 'extremes' in any direction, and no shoulderstands in yoga, or anything else that would strain my neck. Like I want to do any of that right now, anyway! She did say that I can get on the treadmill and do cardio, though, as long as I take it easy.
I am SO glad I have the Tempur-Pedic bed now, too! I wasn't very comfortable sleeping because of my neck, but my low back felt fabulous when I got up! If it weren't for the neck, I would have bounced out of bed!
I rarely take any kind of painkillers, but tonight I stopped by the grocery store on the way to work to pick up some aspirin. Got to work, and was going to take some, and I realized that the box had been taped shut. Decided that was okay as long as the bottle was unopened. Of course, it HAD been opened, so I'm not taking any of them and I'll be exchanging the bottle as soon as I get out of here.
Thought I would make it through the night here at work, but I don't think that's going to happen. First, no aspirin. Second, my shoulders are REALLY stiff and sore. So I'm going to wait until my colleague comes in - right now I'm the only person taking French calls, so I'll wait until he gets in and can take over. And I can muddle through another hour and twenty minutes. I may only get one or two calls until then, anyway.
In other news, I FINALLY went to the casting place this morning and signed up - I think I forgot to mention that I met with my life coach on Friday morning and we set up some pretty ambitious goals for me to hit in the next few months. One of the things I told him I would do was to go down to this place today and sign up. I had a great excuse NOT to go with the injury, but since I have NO other time to go this week, and I talk with him again on Friday, I went anyway. And it was really easy, and now I'm signed up and it's done. And I should have done it months ago.
After I signed up there, I went to Quizno's for lunch and tried one of their new lower carb flatbread sandwiches. Okay, not the best option for an O, especially considering it had bacon and guacamole on it, but I gotta tell ya - it was SOOOOO GOOOOD! And I had a coupon that expired today, so I even saved a buck on it. I know that part of it was that I wanted to try these lower carb sandwiches and see if I reacted to the flatbreads like I do to other breads, and part of it was I was feeling sorry for myself because of my neck. And I had a coupon and didn't think it was a good idea for me to be lifting my cast iron pots to be cooking lunch, either. So Quizno's it was. Won't be doing that again for some time, though - I did, of course, react to the bread, but it didn't bother my tummy at all, which most bread tends to....
On the way home, my AC stopped working. You know it's bad when you get OUT of the car into the 90+ degree heat of the San Fernando Valley and it feels like a cool breeze compared to what it was like INSIDE the car. I was DRIPPING sweat. So the car will go into the shop in the next week or so to get that fixed. Blah.
I'm looking forward to going home shortly.
Friday I spent most of the day running around doing errands, and I got a LOT done, then I napped for a few hours before going out with Mike to hear some blues for a couple hours. Had a cosmopolitan and some thai food (shrimp wraps, since it was about the best option on the menu), and a few bites of some chickeny dish with cilantro that Mike let me try. We had a good time, but I was glad to get home and go to sleep, too. Got to bed just after 1am.
Woke up about 8:45 Saturday morning, and made three eggs with spinach, feta cheese, and herbes de provence, heated up a nice big lamb chop, and made two pieces of spelt toast. It was *really* yummy! My Tempur-Pedic bed got delivered around 11, and the delivery guys terrified the cats by making so much noise when they were putting it together, but not much to be done about that! I did my laundry, ran some errands, put my clean sheets on the bed, put my bedspread on it, and climbed in. I watched a movie from my new bed Saturday evening, and went to sleep about 1am again.
I came up with a spreadsheet to track my food servings. I have pretty much eliminated refined sugar from my diet, and I want to track how many servings of meat, vegetables, fruit, etc. that I eat. So I came up with a little spreadsheet to track my weekly servings. So far it is easy to jot down everything, and I hope to have a better handle on just what I'm eating as time goes on. Already I can tell that I don't have any trouble eating enough protein or fruit in a day, but vegetables are another story!
Sunday was a red-letter day. For the first time in years, I woke up pain-free. The only problem with that was that I woke up at 6:30 in the morning. I stayed in bed for a couple more hours and slept a little more, but finally got up about 9am because two cats were vying for my attention so that I would feed them.
I did my morning yoga routine, and then decided to do a little cardio. It was already blazing hot out, so I worked out in the gym in my apartment building. Did about a mile on the treadmill, used the universal machine a bit, and did some triceps pull-downs on another machine in there. When I was done, I reached down and was changing the weights so I could work my biceps.
As I was bending over to reach for the bar to work my biceps, the ~3 foot long metal bar from above fell and hit me in the back of the head and neck, knocking me down. I was in so much pain I was crying/screaming. I stayed on the floor for a minute assessing the damage and trying to breathe. Then I got up and went upstairs to my apartment to find as many icepacks as I could, and see if I was seriously injured. The bar hit my head on the occipital bone, just above and to the right of my spine, and hit my neck right ON one of the cervical vertebrae. Ow.
Still crying, I called my neighbor and asked him to come over for a minute and see if he could SEE anything, and get his opinion on whether or not I should go to the emergency room. He brought painkillers over and talked with me for a few minutes until I calmed down, and by then we realized that I would live, and didn't need to go to the emergency room. He had me laughing by the time he left, which was good.
I'm okay, but have a big bump on my head and on the back of my neck, and it hurts a bit to move my head up and down, though moving it left and right is okay. I'm going to go to the chiropractor first thing in the morning to have her check me out.
The rest of the day was pretty quiet - I did have a brunch to go to in the early afternoon, and I did go, but definitely was not at my best. Had a smoked salmon and scallions egg scramble, and it was delicious, but huge - must have been about 6 eggs, so I brought it for lunch tonight. Also had a few bites of my friend's granola pancakes - very nutty and yummy. It was wheat, I know, but well worth the few bites of indulgence. After brunch, I went back home and grabbed the ice packs again, and watched "The Usual Suspects" and napped (about 4 1/2 hours!) before coming to work.