Archives for: May 2004, 17
You'd think that after more than six years on the BTD that I'd have this thing figured out. You'd think that after more than six years I would know that my brain wants to take time off the BTD and my body doesn't know how to do that. You would think that after more than six years of the BTD and knowing how my body reacts to avoids and whines and moans and hates my brain for allowing it to give into the physical cravings and mental desires that I would have, at some point, learned once and for all.
Sunday was our apartment complex barbeque - great fun with a bunch of neighbors down by the pool. I really was pretty good, considering the fare that was available. Lots of corn chips and ranch dips, lots of pasta salad, macaroni salad, potato salad, lasagna, brownies, cakes, etc. I loaded up my plate with a seafood salad, a green salad, strawberries, and Mike cooked my lambchopes for me.
At some point during the course of the event I had two very small pieces of baklava (two bites), one half of one brownie, one small bite of chocolate cake, and two bites of lasagna. All told, really not a LOT of avoids. Perhaps six or seven bites total, or not even equivalent to a bowl of wheat-based cereal. At least to my mind it didn't seem like much.
To my body, on the other hand, it was enough to cause a serious problem. By the time I attempted to nap about 6:30 pm, I had so much intestinal gas that I had to take some activated charcoal to get rid of the pain. The back of my scalp was itching so badly that I had to get up to take a shower to get it to stop. Even now, 10 or more hours after the last bite of offending food, I have heartburn, and am sucking down the room-temp Gerolsteiner like there is no tomorrow (and lamenting that this is my last bottle until I can get to the store again). I only slept about 30 minutes because I couldn't fall asleep because I was itching and in pain most of the evening.
I know that I have a problem with self-sabotage, but does it have to be so CLEARLY spelled out for me? I even made my own wheat-free brownies, and even though I did have one of them, I STILL just HAD to try the other person's brownies. They weren't as good as mine, either, and I knew this even before I tried them.
Okay. I'm done beating myself up about this. Now it's time to move on, and get back to eating well for myself.
The rest of the weekend was great. Friday's organizational meeting was well worth it, and I think I may have solved a couple issues with my apartment and my space constraints. This one closet is the main issue, and even though I didn't do a thing to clean out the closet, I did move a couple things around, and even that seems to be helping so far.
Friday night I stayed home and watched TV, and then slept horribly. Cats were making noises, and I just couln't seem to stay asleep. Woke up at 4:30 am starving. Finally got up about 9am, and had a bad headache that I just couldn't shake. Skipped my acting class, and was back in bed by 1pm, trying to nap and get rid of the headache. Couldn't sleep again, in spite of serious fatigue, and finally fell asleep about 4 or 5. Woke up at 7pm when the phone rang, and thank goodness it did, because I had to be ready to go out to dinner with a friend of mine by 7:30. Raced around for 30 minutes, but was ready on time. We went to Cafe Bizou, and I had the carrot rosemary soup and the rack of lamb again, but no flourless chocolate cake this time. It was delicious, as usual. Was home by 10:15 or so, and back in bed by 10:30. I was exhausted. Watched TV for a little while, and was asleep by 11.
Slept 9 and a half hours, and still felt like I could have slept more. Got up this morning and ran to the grocery store to get ingredients for brownies for the party today, and then baked them, and then was at the party and then was trying to sleep.
All in all, not a very productive weekend! But I did have fun at dinner last night and at the party Sunday - a little too much fun, though!