I realized as I was signing off my computer yesterday that I never made an entry last night! Was too busy with some other stuff I was working on, and just never got around to it. Not much to report anyway!

I've eaten a lamb chop and artichoke for lunch every day this week, and I'm not tired of them yet. They are SOOOO yummy. And had a lamb chop and scrambled eggs with feta cheese and spinach for breakfast (at 6pm tonight). My version of steak and eggs - and it was GOOD.

Went to acting class last night, and we did our scene from "The Big Sleep" again - it has definitely improved since last week, but can go so much farther, too. Doubt I'll get to do it again, though, since my scene partner said he probably won't continue in this class next month. I may get to do it with someone else, if my coach really wants me to do it again. I do have to find a comedic monologue, too, and put that up soon. First the dramatic one, which is very intense. I wrote it (and my friend SF helped me with it) and I've got to perform it before I move onto the comedic one. It's about a mother who knows that her baby is dying - very tearful, and even though I wrote it, it moves ME every time, so it will be good to perform it in front of an audience to see how they react to it.

But I have no clue what comedic monologue I'll do. It think a trip to the library and/or Samuel French (actor's bookstore) is in order for the weekend to see if I can find something. Or I'll write something. Maybe. Writing drama is easy for me, writing comedy is harder. Yet ACTING comedy is easier for me, and drama is harder. Weird, eh?

This weekend will be busy (aren't they all?) - Tomorrow morning I'll be meeting with a 'life coach'. I decided that I need to get focused on my goals and get cracking on them, and that I need someone to prod me along that path. Right around the time I was thinking about that, I heard about this life coach, and decided to take him up on the 30 minute free session he offered. I got some good stuff out of that (I think I detailed part of the conversation here last week sometime), and he and I will meet face to face for the first time in the morning. I'm looking forward to it. He had me fill out a sheet of paper with three columns on it: What I want to HAVE, what I want to DO, and what I want to BE. I filled out the whole page, and could have done more, but restrained myself, not knowing if he meant for me to continue or to merely complete the page. I'll report back on the session when I next check in.

I have to get a bit of a nap in after my session tomorrow, because I have an audition for a reality show tomorrow afternoon. Don't know much about it, except that I won't have to eat anything weird or date anyone weird. Good on both counts. So we'll see how that goes!

Then I'm supposed to go to dinner with Mike to some club by the woman who does "ForkPlay" - here's the website: http://forkplay.com/ Seems a bit cheesy and over the top, but that can be fun, too! She's singing at a club called "Residuals" with her band the "Studmuffins". I have low expectations, and will report back on this, too!

Saturday, Tempur-Pedic delivers my bed! Wahoo! I've got to change my singing lesson to later in the day to accomodate the delivery time, but that's okay! Of course, I may have to rethink the singing lesson altogether since I may not want to get OUT of bed once it has arrived!!

Not much else planned for the weekend. Rest. Sleep plenty, in fact, on my NEW BED!

Watched a movie this morning "Requiem for a Dream". NOT A HAPPY STORY! Ellen Burstyn was amazing, and the rest of the cast (one of the Wayans brothers, some guy whose name I've completely forgotten, and Jennifer Connelly) was very good, too. Gave the movie back to Mike, borrowed "Shadowlands" to watch tomorrow, and went to bed around 12:30 this afternoon.

Didn't sleep well - woke up a few times, and finally got up around 9pm. Did an hour of Pilates, which I should be doing nearly daily - I can really feel the difference in how flexible I am these days. Can't wait to get back to 'normal'!

Have more lamb chop and another artichoke for lunch today. Had a smoothie with pineapple juice and protein powder for breakfast, and some date/almond rolls and a slice of dried pineapple for a snack. I've got more of those and some trail mix for my next snack.

I'm finding that I'm not generally very hungry working this night shift, but that I do make myself eat a little something regularly anyway. And I crave more sugar at night. Not a good thing! Tonight is different, though. I'm actually gut hungry right now (have been for about 30 minutes already), and don't go to lunch for another 20 minutes. If I had to wait longer than the next 20 minutes, I'd probably eat my keyboard. Don't know what my being hungry means since I'm usually NOT hungry, but whatever. I'll feed my body some yummy and beneficial lamb and artichoke, and go from there.

Tomorrow is an improv class in the evening, so I have to get to bed by 10 am to get up by 6pm and get to class by 7. If I have time I'll watch "Shadowlands" after improv class, and return it to the video store before I come to work.

Went grocery shopping this morning - I am craving fruit, so I bought mangos, watermelon, strawberries, blueberries, pineapple, and some juices - pomegranate, pineapple, and my favorite - mango lemonade. Gotta love Trader Joe's! Could NOT get the mango lemonade open tonight twisted that cap until my wrist hurt, and then gave up and had pineapple juice instead. Opened THAT no problem! Will have to see if Mike can help me open the mango lemonade.

I was reading Rachel's blog recently about the horse Norman, and how after thinking about Norman and that now she calls that voice in her head Norman because it is so stubborn and unwilling to change. Well, after rolling that around in my brain for a few days, somehow I started calling that voice in MY head Norman, and I'm finding that it is making a difference for me. WHY, I don't know, but somehow calling that voice by NAME and *telling* it that I'm ignoring it has made a difference for me. It's only been a couple of days, but at least I am recognizing that stubborn, whining voice as the voice of Norman, and calling its bluff more often than not, and telling it that I'm NOT giving into it.

I met with my accountant again this morning to do amendments to my 2001 and 2002 tax returns. We met for a couple hours, finished my returns, and I left his office with some fat refunds heading my way. They will go a long way towards replenishing the savings that I depleted after I got laid off last year! So yay!

After I left there, I headed to the mall to return a couple things I'd bought over the weekend, returned them, and made the mistake of going to the Benefit cosmetics counter. Lovely, tantalizing products. I was in a festive mood, the make-up artist was also in a great mood, and so we played with makeup for a half hour or so, and I walked out with some fun stuff. I can't say it was NECESSARY, but given that I have a much harder time looking rested and awake these days than I did when I wasn't working nights, these products DO help counteract that, so there it is. I've been lusting after some of the Benefit products for a LONG time (a couple of years!), so I considered this my treat to myself for having finished up all the work I did on my taxes.

Of course, after the mall, I went home and washed off all the stuff we'd just put on, and slept for over nine hours. Woke up to find messages from both Mike and Anne on my machine, called them both back, and got ready for work. I didn't have time to eat breakfast before heading out to work, but I did boil two eggs while I was on the phone with Mike and getting ready for work, and I also threw together a smoothie, which ended up being my breakfast once I got settled in at my desk.

I've got a lamb chop and an artichoke for lunch later, and the eggs and my trail mix for a snack.

I've got to get back on track with my exercise program - I can really tell a difference in my waist these days, and it isn't good! It's very challenging to find the time to work out while working nights and trying to get auditions and have a social life, too, but I've GOT to do it. I think as soon as I get one of these tax refunds I'll join my favorite gym again and get back into some yoga classes and start taking some spinning classes there, too. I also miss my elliptical machines!

I was supposed to go to a happy hour for work Friday afternoon, but I ran errands Friday morning and by the afternoon had hit the wall. Slept for about 4 hours, and just could not get out of bed and head out to the happy hour when my alarm rang. It just wasn't happening. By the time Mike called a couple hours later and asked me if I wanted to join him and go see a theatre group perform their scenework, I was coherent enough to agree to go. It was mostly well done, but there were a couple of actors whose work I just didn't feel was as high quality as the others. Nonetheless, all the scenes were entertaining, and we both enjoyed the evening.

Saturday I went to the Post Office in the morning, ran a few other errands, and then headed over to a house about 20 minutes from me to film the infomercial for the fitness product. It was a fun afternoon! They did my makeup, and then I had to get into my swimsuit for my 'after' pictures. Nothing like getting into a swimsuit and then having your PICTURE taken by a total stranger. Other than that, the rest of it was fun. I had to workout on the machine while they filmed me, and then do an interview on my results using the machine. All in all pretty painless, and really fun. And the producer told me that in a couple weeks they'll be redoing the video for this product, and she'd be calling about 8-10 people who were involved in the infomercial to film the video AND there will be compensation involved in that. Of course I told her that I would like to take part in the video - the product does work, so I have no ethical issues with working with it on the video, too. And I learned a lot while on set yesterday, too, and would welcome the opportunity to learn more on another set!

After the shoot yesterday, I dashed to the mall to grab something to eat, but didn't find anything that appealed to me, ended up buying a pair of shoes instead, and then Mike called me to see if I wanted to watch a video with him. He'd rented three movies, and we watched "The Majestic" with Jim Carrey, Martin Landau, and others. I enjoyed it, but found it to be a bit predictable. I left his place and started puttering around my apartment. Now that I've got the shelving up I've been trying to organize and clean out and sort through stuff to put in storage. So now I've got 6 boxes of stuff to put in my storage unit downstairs, and things are really coming together. I did quite a bit of moving things around last night, and left a message for Anne to call me if she got home from work at a reasonable hour. She called me at 2am and said she was still at work. I was still up, so I told her to stop by when she got home. I try to stay up late Saturday night so I can sleep late Sunday and then function at work Sunday night. So she called me about 2:40 am and asked if I was still up. Yep, come on by. So she came by and we caught up on the events of the last few days, and ate trail mix and laughed until 4am, by which time we both were nearly out cold.

So she crawled downstairs to her bed, I crawled into my bed, and I slept until she called me about 10 this morning to tell me that she was heading to her mother's for some family function, and not to make any plans for the evening of my birthday. Uh, too late, I have acting class that night, and I'm not skipping it. Oh. Well, when can we celebrate your birthday? The night before works for me, so I told her, and she said she'd see what she could do. From the way it sounded, she'd already made plans for the night of my birthday without checking with me, and now they all had to be changed. I laughed, because that's the second time in two days that's happened. Mike called me the other day and said, "Don't make any plans for the night of May 7th." Too late, I've had plans for that night for about 6 weeks now.

"What?!?!?! Can they be changed, do you HAVE to do them!?!? This is non-refundable!"

I knew that I could change my plans, but I also knew I could have a little fun with this, so I decided to play with it. "Well, if you'd ASKED me if I already had plans that night I would have told you that I did, but given that you went ahead and made plans without informing me...."

"Are you sure they can't be changed?"

"Well, I've been trying to see my friend perform for a few months already now, but I SUPPOSE I can postpone it yet again...." I was chuckling to myself at this point, knowing full well that my colleague's band is playing again in June, and though I'd really rather NOT put it off AGAIN, I have no problem doing so considering that Mike already bought us tickets for .... something to celebrate my birthday. BIG sigh from Mike at that point, like I was doing him a favor. Too funny.

Back to Sunday. I got up and cleaned my apartment most of the day. Got out my little handheld vacuum and vacuumed all the cat hair off my La-Z Boy, got out the real vacuum and vacuumed the carpet, scrubbed walls, etc. It was a lot of work, and my place looks much better. Then I had to jump in the shower so I didn't scare my scene partner when he showed up to work on our scene for class this week. We're doing the same scene we did last week, from "The Big Sleep", a 1946 Bogey and Bacall film. It's a good scene, and we're making even more progress on it. There are always so many layers to a scene. I think you could work a good scene for a year or more and continue to discover new things. So we've taken it to the next level now, and should be in good shape for Thursday's class.

After he left, I ate some turkey and salad for dinner, and climbed in bed for a nap for about 3 hours. Probably only slept about half that, but it was better than nothing. Got up, made some artichokes and lamb chops for lunch at work tonight, and got myself ready for work.

Tomorrow morning will be busy - meet with my accountant again to do amendments for 2001 and 2002, and then head to the mall to return a couple of things. Then home to sleep by around noon or so.

I just saw this article on Yahoo! tonight, and had to post it here. My response follows.

Study Blames Corn Syrup for Rise of Diabetes in US Thu Apr 22, 3:21 PM ET

By Maggie Fox, Health and Science Correspondent

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Corn syrup and other refined foods may be much to blame for the huge increase in type-2 diabetes in the United States over the past few decades, U.S. researchers said on Thursday.

A study of nearly 100 years of data on what Americans eat show a huge increase in processed carbohydrates, especially corn syrup, and a large drop in the amount of fiber from whole grains, fruits and vegetables.

It parallels a spike in the number of cases of type-2 diabetes, caused by the body's increasing inability to properly metabolize sugars.

"We are seeing this big jump in the number of calories," that people are eating, Dr. Lee Gross, a family physician at the Inter-Medic Medical Group in North Port, Florida, who led the study, said in a telephone interview.

"We tried to break down where are these calories coming from? We have heard everyone debating is it because of fat, is it because of carbohydrate and it is not really clear," Gross added.

"This shows the increase in the past 20 years is almost exclusively carbohydrates and certainly corn syrup consumption has increased dramatically."

Gross said he was not "picking on the corn syrup industry," but added, "It is hard to ignore the fact that 20 percent of our carbohydrates are coming from corn syrup -- 10 percent of our total calories."

An estimated 16 million Americans have type-2 diabetes, the sixth leading cause of death overall. And many studies have linked a high intake of refined carbohydrates and other foods with a high "glycemic index" with the development of diabetes.

SPIKES IN INSULIN

Foods with a high glycemic index cause a spike in insulin production. Many experts agree that, over time, repeatedly eating foods in this pattern can cause insulin resistance, which in turn leads to diabetes.

Writing in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition (news - web sites), Gross and colleagues said they used data from the U.S. Department of Agriculture (news - web sites) and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (news - web sites) to show that people have eaten about the same amount of carbohydrates a day on average -- 500 grams -- since 1909.

But instead of whole grains and vegetables, people are getting more and more of those carbs in the form of processed grains and sugars -- most of all, in corn syrup, they said.

Gross, with colleagues at the Harvard School of Public Health and the CDC, found that starting in 1980, people started consuming steadily more calories, with an average increase in total calories of 500 calories a day.

"Specifically, 428 calories (nearly 80 percent of the increase in total energy) came from carbohydrates," they wrote.

Gross said people are probably not eating all those 500 calories. Some could be wasted. "It's an estimate. It's hard to interpret," he said.

But the trend was clear.

"During the same period, the prevalence of type-2 diabetes increased by 47 percent and the prevalence of obesity increased by 80 percent," they wrote.

Audrae Erickson, President of the Corn Refiners Association, called the report misleading.

"Diabetes rates are rising in many countries around the world that use little or no high fructose corn syrup in foods and beverages, which supports findings by the Centers for Disease Control and the American Diabetes Association that the primary causes of diabetes are obesity, advancing age and heredity," she said in a statement.

My initial reaction to this was "Well, duuuuhhhh!" Food manufacturers are feeding humans stuff we weren't meant to be eating, and we're all getting away from REAL food, eating processed JUNK, and performing TONS less physical activity than humans have ever done in the history of the world. No wonder two thirds of Americans are overweight! And the increase in diabetes rates is not surprising at all, either, considering the effect of that crap on the human body.

In other news, I just found out that I did not get the promotion I was up for. I was actually a bit relieved, which surprised me. It would have complicated my schedule to have taken that shift, and I don't know that they would have allowed me to take every Thursday evening off for acting class.... I do, though, still have my appointment tomorrow morning with the recruiter from the Dallas-based company, so we'll see what she has to say and if the position sounds interesting enough for me to consider switching jobs. If it helps me reach my acting goals more quiclkly, I'm THERE!

My scene partner and I did our scene tonight, and other than completely blowing one of my lines, we did a good job. I got some good notes, and it went much better than I expected considering that we hadn't rehearsed it together in about a week and a half, AND I was still learning my lines last night here at work! We have to bring it back again next week, and I want to know these lines inside and out so that no matter WHAT I'm doing I can pull them out of me. My scene partner and I will work on it this Sunday and make some adjustments.

After class I dashed home to grab some food, and didn't have time to prepare anything at all, so I grabbed a trukey breast from the refrigerator, gnawed a few bites off a turkey leg while standing at the sink, and headed to work. So much for Os sitting down whenever we eat something. Even if I'm sitting down when I eat these days, I'm usually wolfing it down. Not good.

As I walked into the office, I heard my name being called loudly and repeatedly. I knew I wasn't late, so I wondered what was going on. Apparently my team lead was doing a monthly drawing, and had just drawn my name out of the bag for a Full Paid Day Off. Cool! I thought the timing was interesting, though, considering that I'd been in the running for the Team Lead position and that I didn't get it. Hhhhmmmmm..... the same day I get a 'prize' of a full paid day off? Could be coincidence, but it sounds like a consolation prize to me! Apparently if we employees don't miss any days, are never late, and fill out all their time cards properly, we're entered into a monthly contest, and this is what I won.

I've got my turkey breast and some salad for lunch today, as well as my famous trail mix (chocolate chips, walnuts, dried cherries, dried cranberries and pumpkin seeds) for snacks. Tomorrow will be another busy day, too, with the phone call with the recruiter in the morning, a quick nap, and errands tomorrow afternoon, as well as a happy hour for work, then a workout with the trainer for the infomercial

Spoke with the recruiter briefly today - she wants to talk with me for 20-30 minutes on Friday to tell me about a position that her company has out here. I'll see what she has to say, and if it is truly a tempting position, I'll apply for it. Otherwise I'm staying put.

As for the potential promotion, I found out yesterday that they haven't made a decision yet, and hope to make one Friday, so I probably won't hear anything until at least Monday, and who knows, the decision could be further delayed.

I went home yesterday before going to the casting place I've been trying to get to, and I just should not have gone home at all, because I got tired and then was NOT moving from my La-Z Boy. Didn't make it out the door, so I'll go Friday, which is when I make myself stay awake most of the day anyway.

Vegetated on the chair for a couple hours, and made myself move to the soon-to-be-replaced bed around 11:30. Attempted to read for a few minutes, and then rolled over and was out cold. Only woke up when the recruiter called around 1pm, and after that conversation I turned off my cell phone and went right back to sleep. Woke up again around dusk, and considered getting up, but closed my eyes again and was out cold until my alarm rang at 11pm.

I went all out on sugar last night - I was really craving sugar and my colleague gave me some organic 'oreo' type cookies. I became the Cookie Monster and ate them all within moments. Yummy! Of course, they were wheat, and I couldn't resist them, but at least they were organic and not as bad or chemical filled as Oreos themselves. Might explain why I had no energy by the time I got home this morning AND why I slept 11 hours! Oh, and why my arthritic ankle is acting up, too.... Hhhhmmmmmm.... maybe there is something to this blood type thing after all! ; )

I brought turkey and salad for lunch tonight, a soy milk smoothie for breakfast, grapefruit and pumpkin seeds and a FEW chocolate chips for snacks. I'll easing off the sugar over the next couple days. And I promise, NO MORE WHEAT!

Today I had a fun morning. After work, I headed home and went to Starbucks on the way. I knew that I had to be up for several more hours, and wanted some caffeine to get me through the morning. When I got home, I called a 'life coach' who I've been considering working with. This was our inital (free) session, and I wanted to see if I thought I would get anything out of working with him, if he was reasonably priced, and if I liked him. The call was supposed to be 30 minutes, and we ended up talking for 50 minutes. I enjoyed talking with him, and the answer to all three of my questions was a resounding YES. So as of April 30th, I will be working with a life coach for at least the next three months. He was very funny, and I knew that we would work well together when I heard a click on the phone, asked if he was still there, and then this:

Life coach: "Yes, I'm here."

Me: "Oh, because I heard a funny click and I wasn't sure."

LC: "I heard it, too."

Me: "Oooh, somebody's listening....."

"LC: "Then we should start talking dirty now!"

I roared with laughter - here's this man with whom I've never had a conversation before in my life, and he's making comments like this scant minutes into our first conversation. He has no idea what I look like, how this type of comment will go over with me, anything. I laughed so hard I nearly hurt myself. There were a few other comments like that during the course of the conversation, all in fun. It was great, and I really look forward to working with him and making some progress in my life.

After that, I made some eggs with onions, soy cream cheese and herbes de provence, and then dashed downstairs to pick up Anne to head out the door to go see a taping of the Wayne Brady show. We were in my car when I realized that I'd forgotten the directions, so I RAN back upstairs to get them, ran back to the car, and we dashed down to the studio. Had no trouble finding it or finding where we were supposed to go, and settled into our seats.

This must have been the day for the HOT guys to be on the show. Wayne Brady is hot enough all by himself, but then there were the guests..... First was Jack Wagner of soap opera shows and the song "All I Need" fromt he 80s. I thought I was going to drool on the floor. Then was a guy from "Queer as Folk", which I have never watched, but he is a straight guy playing a gay guy on the show, and he was hot. Then there was Mark Curry, who Anne knows from the veterinarian's office she works in, and was hilarious and hot, and finally was Doolay Hill (whose name I'm sure I'm misspelling) from The West Wing, and he tap danced! The whole show was filled with incredibly good-looking well built men. Anne and I practically had to be restrained - more me than her, though. : ) It was FUN.

After the show, we were both starving, so we went to this little sushi place on the corner near our apartment building. I ordered the sushi combo #1, paid, and went to find a seat. Anne ordered and joined me. Then my food came, and it wasn't what I ordered, so I told the server that, and she said that they didn't have a Sushi #1. I pointed it out on the menu, where it clearly listed "Combo #1, California Roll, Unagi Sushi, and Shrimp Sushi." She realized she'd misunderstood me, and brought me the correct meal, but then also brought me a receipt and said that I owed her another $3.84. Uh, excuse me? If I had made a mistake in ordering, that would be one thing, but SHE had made a mistake in TAKING my order, and it was her fault if she'd undercharged me. I was hacked off that she had the gall to even ask me to pay the difference. I can go to frickin' McDonald's and if they make a mistake they won't ask me to pay the difference! In a business where repeat customers are the bread and butter of the place, good customer service goes a long way, and this woman clearly didn't understand that. I politely told her that if it had been my mistake that would have been one thing, and I would have been happy to pay, but that since it had been HER mistake, that I didn't think I should have to pay the difference. This clearly ticked her off, but she walked away nonetheless, and Anne and I enjoyed our lunch in spite of her continuing to give me the evil eye during the rest of our meal. Pfffft. It would have been one thing if I'd never been there before, but this place is literally on the corner of my block, and I have been there before and really enjoyed the food.

I have half a mind to go back in there in a few days just to see if she's still irritated by me! This is my mother coming out in me - deliberately going back to a business that treated her poorly and being as nice as pie to see what happens. There is some weird pleasure in doing that! tee hee.... There was a time when I would not have spoken up, but would have paid the difference and stewed about it for a long time, so I was proud of myself for having voiced my opinion AND for getting what I wanted.

My back is feeling better today - I've been stretching and doing most everything my chiropractor told me to do, and it is considerably improved. Will still skip spinning tomorrow night to keep it that way. May go for a walk though if I feel okay in the morning - I can't STAND not exercising anymore! And Friday and over the weekend will be doing more spinning. I think I'll be okay as long as I am in a bending forward position (like on the bike) and not bending backward arching my back (like in Cobra pose in yoga).

Slept from about 3:15 until 11pm today, and slept really WELL, though as always I would have liked to have slept MORE than I did. I really do need my 8 hours every night, and would like to get 9 or 10 hours during the day! Had a pineapple juice smoothie with Harmonia, protein powder, vitamin C and fiber, and forgot to take the rest of my supplements. Got ready for work and did my usual 'flight of the bumblebee, oh, crap, it's 11:50 pm and I should have left for work 5 minutes ago' 70+ mile an hour flight up the 405 Freeway to get to work on time craziness, and, as always, I made it to work perfectly on time. Another day, another small miracle.

I've got turkey breast and salad for lunch tonight, and pumpkin seeds, rye crackers, almond butter, and Ooooohhhh, chocolate chips for snacks. I'm struggling with getting sugar out of my diet altogether, and I NEED to do that, and ASAP.

Tomorrow will be another busy morning, as I FINALLY will go sign up for the casting service I've been trying to get to for about a month now. And a recruiter from a company in Dallas called me today, so I need to try to speak with her in the morning to see what supposedly oh-so-tantalizing job she wants me to apply for, and then I go to bed, probably by 1pm or so, and I plan to sleep until 11pm again if I can. Ten hours would do me good.

-----------------------------

Breaking news:

I just got my 3 month review at my job - got "GOOD" to "SUPERIOR" and "OUTSTANDING" reviews in every category, so I'm very pleased. This means that I will now be a 'real' employee and will get benefits shortly, which may or may not save me money on my health insurance. I'll get vacation days, too, which is ALWAYS a good thing.

Here's what my team lead commented about my performance: "Cassandra is a great team player! She is always punctual and has great communication skills. Her superior overall performance is definitely a reflection of her work ethic and professionalism."

Cool. At least I play the part of a team player well! lol Get me a good acting gig, though, and I'm GONE! ; )

No word on the promotion, though. They were supposed to have made a decision by Monday, so perhaps the decision has been delayed, or I just plain didn't get it. Dunno.

I went to the chiropractor Monday morning, and she said that I have seriously inflamed my lower back and I'm not allowed to do much of anything for a few days. Given that I was supposed to be in spinning class Tuesday and Wednesday nights, I'm not too happy about that, but I also know that my back can't take it right now. It's SORE. Getting out of bed hurts. Heck, lying IN bed hurts.

So I still haven't done much else to clean up my apartment, except that I did clean up the kitchen a little bit (as long as I don't have to bend I'm okay). I got home after the chiropractor's visit and went straight to bed, and slept from about 11am until 6:15 pm. Was supposed to go to a meeting, but my back hurt and I just couldn't do it. So I cancelled, and went back to bed for another hour and a half.

I cooked some turkey legs and breasts tonight, and ate some of that and some blueberries for breakfast over the course of a couple hours. Just not hungry tonight. I've got fish and salad for lunch at work, and will be up until about 2 pm tomorrow, so will probably have some turkey or something in the morning, too.

I'm SO looking forward to my new bed, especially with the latest round of low back problems....

And not necessarily in that order, either!

My weekend was so busy it was incredible. Friday I was running around like crazy - made a bunch of phone calls in the morning (more on this later!), had a spinning class at noon, then dashed home to grab a quick shower, then was out the door again to audition for two commercials (same company). Stopped at Target on my way home to pick up a couple things, napped for maybe an hour, and then Anne came over to hang out and watch tv for a little bit. She didn't stay long, though, because we were both exhausted. I got into bed and watched TV for a little while (perhaps 10 minutes!) and fell asleep. I think my favorite techo feature is the 'sleep' function on both my stereo and my TV. At night I set whichever one I might have on to turn itself of in however many minutes. And I'm almost always asleep before it turns off. Love that!

Saturday I was up by 7:30 and shoved two cats into one carrier to take them to the vet for a quick check-up. Two little black faces peering out of one carrier is hilarious. Normally I would have them each in a carrier, as 20 pounds of cat is not easy to carry in one hand, but the vet's office is so close and I knew that they wouldn't be in there for long, so one carrier was fine. It was easier to get up and down the stairs and in and out of the car, too. We got to and from the vet without incident, I dropped the cats back at home, and headed for the post office, and then to spinning class. After spinning, we worked out on the machine we're doing the infomercial for, and then we all did some abs work. All together, it was a killer workout.

Then I went home and finished my shelving. I had to borrow Anne's drill - mine won't charge up well or hold a charge anymore. So I borrowed hers, and finished assembling my shelves. The hardest part was lifting the damn thing into place around the air conditioner and then bolting it all into place. That sucker is heavy! The shelves are 12 feet long, 9 inches deep, and 16 inches tall, with a few dividers and shelves to section it off, too. And even though pine is not a very heavy wood, add up the shelves and it gets heavy quick! So I finished the whole project and started putting stuff on them. It looks REALLY cool, and I got major compliments from both Anne and Mike for having done what looks like a custom job (it IS a custom job!). I am still figuring out what will go where, and just how much stuff I can get off my desk. The cats love it, too, since they can now sit on it and look out the window, whereas before they could only sit on the windowsill and look out. This is much wider, and they can flop on it in the sun.

Saturday night Mike and I had talked about getting together, but I was exhausted after finishing my shelves and exercising so much, so I wasn't too upset when I hadn't heard from him by early evening. Then my neighbor called me and asked if I could babysit, and I agreed to. Their daughter is adorable, and she's very low maintenance even for a three year old. So I went downstairs and took care of her for a few hours. Mike had called by the time I got home, but he was working on an audition piece all evening anyway, and was heading to bed by the time I got back to him. I stayed up for a bit puttering around the apartment, trying to get through some paperwork, and actually filled my office trashcan with papers to toss. Yay! Still have a ways to go, though, and I still have to CLEAN my apartment, but it is coming along.

I definitely got my exercise in this weekend with the spinning classes. They are so awesome! As for eating, I have been totally compliant these last few days, but I have been eating too much sugar, too. Those wheat-free Pamela's cookies from Whole Foods just don't last around my place! I can't buy anymore!

Sunday morning I slept until 10am, when a friend of mine called to remind me of the cocktail party that he'd invited me to for later in the day. I had agreed to go, but then when I tried to get out of bed, I knew that I wouldn't be standing around at a cocktail party. My back was killing me. I overdid it with the exercise and the shelving on Saturday. I called my friend to let him know that I wouldn't make it to the cocktail party, and then called Anne to see if she could come and work on my back for a few minutes. She did, but it didn't help much. After she left, I slowly made some breakfast (eggs, spinach, goat cheese) and then I got down on the floor and put my feet on a chair, then slowly started to do a few yoga stretches. And I already had a chiropractic visit scheduled for tomorrow, so that will help. And my back did start to loosen up considerably with the stretching.

I did some more office-type stuff, balanced my checkbook and dealt with a few more papers, and then Anne called and asked how I was doing. I was still sore, but otherwise felt pretty close to normal, so when she said she was going to the mall, I asked her if she wanted company. She did, so I showered quickly (which also helped loosen things up) and went downstairs to meet her. We hit the mall, and we both bought some new bras (desperately needed) and I found a pretty pink cotton blouse. All in all, a good day, and I got a few things I needed. I am on the hunt for some nice cotton blouses, and even though I probably tried on at least 10 of them today, I only found one that fit right and looked nice.

Anne and I got home, and I headed upstairs to take a nap. Made some cod and spinach for dinner, and got into bed around 8pm. Woke up around 10 or so when Mike knocked on the door, and we had a nice visit and caught up on the latest news we both had. His audition today went well, and he suspects he'll get a part in this short film. I had to kick him out to get ready for work, and was flying out the door to get here on time.

Now. Back to the phone calls Friday morning. I've been researching Tempur-Pedic beds for a long time, with the thought that 'someday' I'd get one. First heard of them at least three years ago, and had been slowly saving money to get one.... eventually. Well, since my car repairs were so inexpensive last week, and I had the money, I thought I'd see if I could afford to get it now. I had planned on getting one in a few weeks after I get my next tax refund (from amending my 2000 return), but I wanted to take a few weeks to thoroughly research it and get the best price possible from a reputable dealer, etc. So Friday while I was at work, I googled 'Tempur-Pedic' and started going through tons of websites. I probably looked at a hundred different sites, and kept coming up with one place that was $100 cheaper than anywhere else, had free shipping, free bed frame, no sales tax, TWO free Tempur-Pedic pillows, AND threw in a $100 gift certificate to one of several different stores. By the end of the night, I'd made a list of about 25 different places to call for quotes and more information.

I started making phone calls as soon as I got home, calling the place with the best known quote first, and then told every other place I called that I had one quote that they had to beat. Nobody, including Tempur-Pedic themselves, could beat it. One competitor even told me that the company I was thinking of buying from (foambedsdirect.com) was being sued by Tempur-Pedic! (Which is apparently not the case, BTW - I asked both Tempur-Pedic AND the other company, and both denied that was the case). I thought much less of the competitor who told me this rumor - whether or not it is true it is not nice to badmouth the competition! I made a number of phone calls, but when the gentleman at Tempur-Pedic told me that it was a great deal and that even HE couldn't match it, I knew I'd found a winner. He confirmed for me that Foambedsdirect is a licensed Tempur-Pedic dealer, and that I wouldn't find a better price. So I called foambedsdirect.com back, and told Brent (who I'd spoken with earlier) that I'd like to buy a bed! Apparently my timing was perfect, too. The price was $100 cheaper by doing an on-line survey that took about 2 seconds to complete, and that offer was ONLY good through Sunday 4/18. And the deal with the supposed lawsuit is that Tempur-Pedic likes to maintain the product price, and has asked that Foambedsdirect.com restrict their sales to a certain georgraphic area, which they will start doing as of May 1st. So my timing was REALLY good, and even today I wouldn't have gotten as good of a deal.

And it is WAAAAAAAAYYYYY better than sleeping on a mattress on the floor!

So I will get my new bed in a couple of weeks (yay!) and now I am looking for an inexpensive headboard so that I really WILL have a totally new bed! I chose the Linens 'n' Things gift certificate, too, so I can get new sheets to go on my bed!

I got home this morning and got to bed by 9:45am. Delightful. Even though I slept until 6pm, I could have slept even more! I got up, though, and dragged my tired butt to acting class. For a minute I thought I was there the wrong night, though - didn't see anyone else! There was only one other person there for the first hour or so of class, so our acting coach gave us some monologues to perform on-camera (always weird to see yourself on film, btw). Three other people did trickle in over the first couple hours of class, so everyone got to do a monologue and there was lots of chatting and fun going on that normally doesn't happen during class. We ended up getting out of class ten minutes late!

My scene partner and I didn't do our scene, either. We'll solidify it this weekend and perform it next week. I'll be far more comfortable with the material by then anyway, so it wasn't a bad thing.

My car is driving like a dream! Such a pleasure to drive it now! I'm still so thrilled that the repairs were so much cheaper than anticipated. Already burned rubber on the new tires when I had to stop very unexpectedly on the highway tonight getting to work. Scared me half to death! I'm still a little wired because of it.

Made some scrambled eggs with turkey sausage, spinach, and feta cheese for dinner tonight, and then only ate about half of it before class. Then was feeling a little shaky during class, so drank the soy milk that I'd brought with me. Before work I ate the other half of the eggs I'd made, and brought sausage and feta cheese and rye crackers to work with me for lunch since I didn't have time to prepare anything. Thursdays are tough - I have no time to prepare anything, so I have to make sure I've got something made ahead of time, or something that I can grab as I head out the door. It ain't easy being an O!

Tomorrow is spin class and an audition. I've got no dates planned for this weekend, so I intend to finish the shelving I've been working on, clean up my apartment, and get organized a bit more in my place. I've been SO busy with work, acting stuff, and making sure that I get enough sleep that housekeeping has been, uh, LOW priority to say the least. But I can't live like this, so I've got to get cracking!

So my mechanic and I started talking, and he's Belgian, and speaks French. So we chatted for a few minutes. I love doing that because I always remember or learn vocabulary. Today it was a few car-related words that I couldn't have remembered yesterday if my life depended on it. I told him that I was having transmission issues with the car not wanting to go into gear sometimes, and that sometimes I feel a slight little 'pop' under the brake pedal, and also that I needed an oil change, new wiper blades, and that the trunk latch doesn't always release from inside the car. I fully expected the transmission and brake issues alone to take a couple days and plenty of money.

After I spoke with him, I made the phone calls I needed to make, printed off resumes to go with my headshots in preparation for tonight's meeting, and went to bed about 11:15 or so.

I got all of 4 hours sleep. The mechanic called me at 3:30 to let me know that my car was ready, and that the transmission issue was only that whoever worked on it last had put the wrong kind of oil in it and it was too thick for it to easily go into gear when it was cold. I'm not 100% sure that was the only problem with it, but it seems to be working fine so far. He replaced the wiper blades, fixed the trunk latch, and found nothing wrong with the brakes. Total cost: $124.61. I just about jumped for joy when he told me the price. He could have charged me well over $1,000 and I would have been content enough to have the car fixed. I'd EXPECTED a charge of well over $1,000. To have it be such a low charge was incredible to me, and I was thrilled. So what I had earmarked from my tax refund for car repairs will go into savings for future car repairs or other unexpected/unplanned expenditures.

Mike took me back to the mechanic's to pick up my car, then I ran a quick errand and met up with him again at the commercial agents discussion tonight. The man who spoke tonight is a real character, and tells it to ya straight. It was a pleasure to listen to him speak, and to hear more about the industry. He also looked at everyone's headshots and commented on what he thought of them. It was great information to hear and great to get the feedback about our shots.

Then I dashed home to meet with my scene partner and rehearse our scene for tomorrow night's class. I was nervous about it - have been having trouble with brain fog and memorization, which isn't helped by not getting enough sleep, so I'm not entirely off book yet. Rehearsal tonight made the lines make more sense to me, and they started coming more easily. Tonight at work I need to practice them until I've got them fairly solid, and then a few minutes when I get up tomorrow should be sufficient to get through it in class.

Food-wise, I had a bit of goat cheese and a small lamb chop as a little snack before coming into work, a glass of soy milk when I got up, and earlier tonight I had a lamb burger with grilled onions wrapped in lettuce for 'breakfast' before Mike took me to pick up my car. He was strapped for time, and since I was awake and he was doing me a favor, I told him I'd go pick up some dinner for him - didn't have my car, so that limited where I could go, but he was fine with a burger from the place on the corner. They also have lamb, buffalo, venison, turkey, and ostrich burgers, so if I want a burger, that's where I go! Good stuff.

I'm really sleepy tonight and have been fighting a headache for a few hours now - I have GOT to make sure I get enough sleep! Tomorrow I should be able to get my 8 hours in, and then I head to acting class.

Had a few errands to run this morning before heading home to sleep. I decided to take my car into the shop this week after all - why put it off any longer? There will never be a convenient time to take it in, so I'll just take it in now....

So I dropped a donation off at the Salvation Army (to empty out my trunk) ran to the grocery store to get some goat cheese, salad stuff and soy milk, and also went to pick up my new fitness machine that I'm doing the infomercial for. Yay! So that is currently in my trunk (and is the reason it needed to be emptied beforehand!). Then I headed home to sleep. Made a couple of phone calls, and was in bed by 11am. I left my phone on during the day in case my friend I was meeting for dinner called and needed directions or to confirm plans or anything, and I did get a couple of phone calls - one from my scene partner for acting class Thursday night, one from Blockbuster saying I hadn't returned the movies I rented (which I did last night) and another one, too, but I have completely forgotten who it was!

I got up at 6pm when my alarm went off, and was trying to get ready for dinner with SF (who I adore spending time with) and then my cell phone rang - it was my best friend from high school and college, Suzanne, who is a physician in NYC and who I'll be visiting later this year. So we chatted for about 30 minutes, settled on the dates for me to visit, and then I realized that I had less than 30 minutes to get ready for dinner with SF! Aack! So I threw some clothes on and was trying to clean up the place a little bit before she arrived. Not much cleaning was done, though, since she arrived 10 minutes early! She'd never seen my place before, and today it looks worse than I think it has EVER looked. I am in the middle of construction for these shelves that I'm making, and all the stuff that goes on that wall is everywhere ELSE in the apartment. And I haven't vacuumed, because I figure there isn't much point in that as long as I'm building stuff, so there was black cat hair all over the grey carpet. Oh, well. I did know that she would understand, but still, I really DO try to keep a relatively clean and neat place, and it just SOOOOOOO wasn't....

SF could see that I was a little frazzled, and told me to relax, which I started to do once we headed for the restaurant, which was all of a few blocks away from my place. We had a nice dinner, and as always, it was lovely catching up with her. She's delightful, intelligent, charming, and always says incredibly wonderful and flattering things about me on some message boards we both follow - I've even printed out some of her posts and taped them to my kitchen cabinets to give myself a little boost when I read them. Sometimes you just need to hear good things said about yourself, ya know? : ) For dinner I was good and ordered the herbed chicken with garlic spinach, rice, and salad. It was good, but the chicken was a bit dry. There was plenty of it, though, and I brought half of it in to work tonight for lunch.

Once I got home from dinner, I put a movie on that Mike had lent me - "Rounders" with Matt Damon, Ed Norton, John Malkovich, Gretchen Moll, and I don't remember who else. It was one of those movies that I kind of wanted to see, but didn't care if I missed bits of it, so I was putting together my shelving while it was on and puttering around getting ready for work and stuff while it was playing. I got the gist of it, and that was enough. Not a bad movie, just not my kind of story - it was about playing poker for high stakes.... At some point during the movie, Anne stopped by to say hello and to borrow my laundry card, and we chatted for about a half an hour while I screwed shelves together. She's going through some emotional stuff right now, and wanted to talk about it and get my opinion. I hadn't even had a chance to tell her about my interview for the team lead position the other day, so between her stuff and my stuff, we covered a lot of ground in a half an hour.

Mike called briefly to let me know that he could take me to an acting event tomorrow night and to work, so that was good. I get to walk home again in the morning, so I dressed appropriately for it. Casual pants and shirt, running shoes. Because of my ankle, I have a medical permission slip to wear athletic shoes to work even though it's against company policy, and I just was NOT going to wear dress pants with running shoes. Fortunately, this place is so casual it isn't an issue.

Tomorrow I need to make some phone calls in the morning to schedule rehearsal for acting class tomorrow night, to schedule auditions for Friday for two commercials (for the same company, so really one audition), to call a life coach regarding a free 30 minute consultation and see what he can do for me and how much it would cost me, and to call a vocal coach to work on using my voice correctly (I have trouble being heard sometimes and am prone to straining my throat because I use my voice improperly). So lots to do. And I have to get up by 6 or so again to make it to this meeting tomorrow night, and I have to print out some resumes and headshots to take with me - this guy is a commercial casting agent who I would LOVE to be signed with....

I walked home from work today during a gorgeous, sunny southern California morning. Lovely weather. It was a five mile walk, but flat the whole way, so it was easy. Even so, by the time I got to the service center, I was exhausted. The place I'd left my car doesn't do tires (who knew?), so they filled my tire with air and sent me up the street to a good tire shop.

They patched it, and as I was about to pay, the man at the counter said that I ought to get 2 new tires 'soon'. How soon? He said it would all depend, and he didn't feel comfortable saying 'a month' or 'two months' or whatever. I said that they could go ahead and change them out now. So I waited about 40 minutes for the new tires, paid, and went home to get ready for bed. I was so exhausted from my walk, the stress of the drive on Sunday, and the lack of sleep Sunday. Got home, showered, set my alarms for 10:30 pm, and climbed in bed at 1pm.

For the first time in days, I slept like a log - didn't wake up, wasn't restless, nothing. Even had a dream that I remembered, which is a first since I started working nights. When I set my alarm for 9.5 hours of sleep, I didn't think I'd really sleep that long - I figured I'd wake up around 9-9:30. Nope. Even with sleeping for as long as I did, I am still just wiped out, and I think I could have slept another three or four hours.

Anne asked me if I could help her with an errand tomorrow, and I told her that I couldn't because I have to sleep. I could tell she was disappointed, but I have to be very protective of my sleep hours, and I also don't think that she 'gets it' when it comes to working nights and getting enough sleep. I don't know who does get it, come to think of it.... I know that I have dinner plans for tomorrow evening, and that I need to be reasonably well-rested, which means that in order for me to get 8 hours of sleep, I have to be asleep by 10am.

At some point this week or next I need to put my car back into the shop and get some transmission and other work done - it'll be so nice to have it all fixed!

I read something last night that indicated that lack of sleep can mean a 40 % increase in cortisol levels, and that cortisol levels are associated with increased fat around the middle. Great. So now it's even HARDER for me to lose these last 10 pounds. I'm working on it, though, diligently. Easter weekend I may have eaten a few things I shouldn't've, but all in all, I did pretty well. And I'm down three pounds from where I was this time last week. And the study on cortisol reinforces everything else I've read about working nights and not getting enough sleep - basically, I need to take really good care of myself for as long as I'm doing this....

Tonight when I got up I made some eggs with chopped onion and soy cream cheese - yummy. I would have liked to have thrown some spinach in there, too, but I didn't have any. Realized I haven't been to the grocery store in a week and a half, so I'm out of several things. That will be remedied, but probably not until the weekend. I've got fish and salad and a few other things, so I'll make do. I still have a lamb chop for lunch tonight, and salad. Almonds and pumpkin seeds for snacks. Good stuff.

Nothing like a middle of the night, spur of the moment interview for a position three steps above one's current position to wake one up!

Yes, I got pulled into an interview at 3:45 am for the Team Lead position. I think it went pretty well, except that it was so cold in there that I was literally trying not to shake! I hope they don't think that I was shaking due to nerves - I didn't have time to be nervous!

They asked some tough questions, too. I hope I was coherent enough to have responded appropriately. I know I did okay, but I don't feel as good about it as I would have if I'd interviewed at midnight and been more awake....

I should know by next Monday or Tuesday. The nice thing about this is that I really don't care one way or the other if I get it. Yes, it would be terrific to have a bit of a challenge and certainly to have more income coming in, but it is all a means to another end anyway....

When I got home this morning, I saw that my mom had called - both at home and on my cell phone, so I called her back. She's visiting my brother and sister-in-law and my grandfather in Texas this week to celebrate both her birthday and my grandfather's birthday. Apparently it hasn't been the best week for her, and she needed to vent, so I let her. Did manage to get off the phone when I needed to get to bed, which considering my mother is not an easy task. She isn't very good at understanding or respecting people's boundaries, and one way in which she does this is that even if you say "I have to get off the phone now", she'll just ignore the comment and keep talking. I managed to get off the phone about 30 seconds after I said that, so I think she might be learning.... of course, having hung up on her in the past when she hassn't listened might have something to do with that!

Went to sleep after I talked with Mom, and slept really well, but only for about 5 hours. Woke up and tossed and turned for a while, then fell asleep again. When my alarm went off at 6pm, I did NOT want to get out of bed and go to acting class. But I heard a great phrase yesterday that I really like, and I put it on a post-it in my wallet: "The enemy of what we truly want is what we truly want NOW." I truly want to be a full-time working actor. What I wanted THEN was to sleep until I could sleep no more. I got up. Then I tripped over my blanket, scared two cats, cursed my alarm clock and incoherently did what I needed to do to get ready for class. Grabbed a protein powder smoothie with chocolate soymilk for breakfast, grabbed my acting notebook and purse, and headed out the door.

As much as I did NOT want to be in class, I ended up being glad that I went. I worked with my scene partner from last week again tonight, and tonight's scene went much more smoothly than last week's. I don't know if we felt more comfortable with each other, more comfortable with the material, or what, but last week's scene just didn't work very well for us. The pace was off, we didn't connect with each other, etc. This week we had a much better connection, and my coach even said that the relationship seemed intimate and real. We're supposed to memorize and bring back both scenes over the next couple of weeks to see how much more we can bring to them.

We did an improv exercise, too, and my improv skills seem to be increasing - I'm learning to get past the 'censor' in my brain that prevents me from saying things that might be too suggestive or out there - we're supposed to say whatever comes to mind FIRST, and usually I'm looking for a 'better' response. Didn't do that tonight, which was great! I said whatever came to mind, and my improv partner and I went with it. Then we did another improv exercise in which we all wrote down a character name, occupation, 'catch phrase', what the character is afraid of, what they lust after, and a couple other details. Then were each interviewed about the murder of an alien, and someone had to confess to the crime. It was hilarious, and I even managed to pull that one off pretty well, too, again, by saying whatever it was that came to mind first. I played a dentist named "Fred Croft" (Frederica) who was afraid of losing teeth, lusted after loud noises (like the dental drill!) and her catch phrase was "Pearly white teeth make the world go 'round". It was very fun, and some of my classmates are incredible in what they can come up with.

Class often runs late, which it did tonight, but I am making a point of leaving on time so that I can go home for a few minutes before I go to work. So I left right at 11pm, and went home and ate a lamb chop and some salad, prepared my lunch and snacks for work, and headed to the office.

I've got leftover shrimp and artichoke hearts for lunch today, and pumpkin seeds and almonds for snacks. Ginseng tea right now since I seem to have a little bit of a funny feeling in my throat.

Plans for Friday are the same - nap in the morning, babysit in the afternoon, date in the evening. Saturday is errand day and Mike and I will probably catch a movie or something. Easter Sunday Anne and I will go down to my old chapel in San Diego for services, have lunch down there somewhere, and head back home in the early afternoon. She actually kind of upset me earlier today because a few days ago I mentioned to her that I wanted to do something for Easter, but that all my friends are Jewish and I didn't have anyone to celebrate it with. She said that she was thinking about throwing me a small Easter egg hunt, but I nixed that and said that I'd rather she join me in going to my old chapel. She said "Okay, we'll go!" Then tonight she said that she 'accidentally' scheduled herself to do something for an elderly client's cat on Sunday, and what time would we be back? I told her that the earliest would probably be 3 pm, and it would likelly be at least 5pm if we did have lunch or anything after the service. She said she had to make another phone call and she'd call me back. I thought about how I would feel if she didn't go with me, and I felt sad, and realized that it was important to me for her to be with me on Easter. A few minutes later, she called back, and asked me how important it was to me for her to be with me. I'd already thought about the response, so I told her it was important. She said that she'd go, but I could also tell that she wasn't thrilled about going THIS Sunday. I felt kind of miffed since I have been there for her on EVERY holiday, special occasion, difficult moment, etc., and then the one time I ask her to join me for a holiday when I can't be with my family, she wants to back out. And she has done some things that have REALLY tested our friendship and my loyalty, and I've always been there for her.

Now, don't get me wrong - she's been there for me, too, including loaning me her car for 6 weeks when I broke my leg and couldn't drive my standard transmission car, helping me make it to the bathroom when I was violently ill once last year, let me vent about whatever or whoever I need to vent about, etc. But she has always been able to count on me if I say I'm going to do something for her, and although I know that when it REALLY counts I know I can count on her, she's let me down a couple times, and for her to even QUESTION whether or not Easter was important to me hurt. So I have to decide how to talk with her about that and what, specifically, I will say. And I have to be careful about this - Mike says that as alike as Anne and I are (and we are TWINS in many ways), I am the stronger one of us in many, many ways. I've always suspected that was the case, but he confirmed it for me. Anyway, a delicate issue to handle, and I will discuss it with her tomorrow if we can manage a few minutes together.

Not only is there an issue to discuss with Anne, there's also one to discuss with Mike. The other day at work we learned that the night shift Team Lead is moving to days, and so the night shift Team Lead position is available. I was surprised to learn that an employee only has to have been on the project for a month to apply, and since I've been here for just a hair over 2 months, I told Mike Wednesday evening that I was thinking about applying for the position. While it certainly isn't in my long-term career goals, it would be higher pay, more responsibility, and would help me save more money more quickly so that I can QUIT having a full-time job sooner than expected. The hours would be a slight improvement over the midnight to 8:30 am shift, too, and would be from 7:00pm to 4am. Not a huge imporovement, but at least I'd be able to get to sleep by 5am and sleep a little bit while it is still DARK out!

Anyway, I'd mentioned this opportunity to Mike, and his only response was that if I took the position it would preclude us from being able to get together at all in the evenings during the week. At the time, I was puzzled, but couldn't figure out why. But yesterday figured out why: I realized that I got a negative 'don't do it' response from the man who says he 'doesn't want to get emotionally involved with someone because it might interfere with his acting career goals'. And yet here he is telling me not to go for it because it would interfere with HIS social life with me, and yet we're 'just friends'. So we'll be having a little discussion about THAT when I next see HIM....

And I did turn in the application to my Team Lead tonight. : )

Signing off now - have a good weekend, everyone!

I finally got some sleep today - left work, stopped at the Post Office to mail my 2000 IRS return, went to Trader Joe's to get some Gerolsteiner and a few other things (soymilk, almonds, pecans), and was still home by 9:30 am. Showered quickly, and was under the covers with 2 cats on the bed by 10am. Slept straight through until about 20 minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off at 6pm. I always knew that I needed my sleep and enjoyed sleeping, but it never had the paramount importance that it has taken on since I started this night job. Now I know just how much I need every day to function, how little I can get away with if I need to, and how much I long to sleep when I don't sleep enough!

I got up and made myself a soymilk smoothie with protein powder, harmonia deluxe, grapefruit seed extract, and Vitamin C in it. It was really good, and just the right breakfast for me. It feels really good to be eating the right way again - though I am still dreaming of that marble chiffon cake from last night's seder dinner! Mike came by at 6:30pm so we could go to a film in a film festival in Burbank. He'd really enjoyed a movie he saw there the other day, and was hoping that this one would be just as good. We headed out to the theaters, and Mike grabbed something to eat from the Greek place at the fast food court. I was fine since I'd just had my smoothie, and I had some almonds and water in my bag for a snack if I wanted them. We headed into the movie theater, and found our seats. First they showed a film short called "Tea Time" about a soldier on a battlefield who spies a man sitting off to the side of the battlefield sitting next to a teaset and a plate with a pastry on it. He makes his way to the table, steals the pastry, runs back to his bunker, and stuffs the pastry into his mouth. The man to the side of the battlefield takes out a small detonator, pushes the button, and the soldier explodes. Then the man sets out another pastry to wait for his next victim. Okay, in print it SEEMS really stupid, but it was a smartly done little 5 minute film, and was a charming little piece, even if not very believable.

The feature film was called "The Tesseract", and was a film that followed all the individuals involved in a drug transaction from each of their points of view. It was a little confusing to follow since it jumped back and forth in time, and neither Mike nor I was impressed with it. I rated it a 2 on a scale of one to 5. We both thought that it was poorly named, and not tremendously well executed, either. Some of the dialogue was over-the-top emotional, and some of it was just poorly written. I couldn't wait for it to be over!

Got home just before 10pm, and spent some time in the kitchen preparing my lunch and dinner for tonight/tomorrow morning. Put some peeled shrimp and artichoke hearts in a skillet with some mushroom broth and olive oil, some herbes de provence, and salt, and let that simmer for a few minutes. By the time it was done, I was ready for a real meal, so I ate some of it, and put the rest in a container to bring to work. Then I decided that I might want some lamb instead, so I cooked two lamb chops with some curry and salt and put together a salad. Packaged all that up, too, and placed it all in my lunch bag. Did a little bit of work on the computer, watched a little bit of TV, listened to my collague's band's CD (not bad, but not great, either) and changed clothes for work. So I'm all set for food for the day, and tomorrow all I do is sleep before my acting class tomorrow night, which is a very good thing. Didn't make it to the gym tonight - had to make food! Will do some spinning on Friday, though, and will get to the gym on Saturday, definitely.

Friday will be a busy day - Nap in the morning, babysit from 12-7pm, and a date at 8pm with the cute guy from Starbucks from a couple weeks ago. He seems to be a well-raised man - called me today to confirm AND asked me if I was a vegetarian or had any special dietary requirements, AND didn't presume I'd meet him someplace, but asked me where he could pick me up. This is good.

Today was another day that included not nearly enough sleep. I went to my tax guy this morning to do an amendment of my 2000 taxes, and I will be getting a tidy little refund. Yay! We'll do amendments for 2001 and 2002 in a couple of weeks, and I expect nice refunds for both of those years, too! Then I went to the grocery store (two of them, actually) to see if I could find a wheat-free dessert for Passover. Such an animal does exist, but the flourless chocolate cakes I found either 1) didn't SAY they were kosher, or 2) were about 5 times the size I needed to feed seven people (and 5 times the price, too!) Finally went to a local Jewish deli and asked what they had that would be a good dessert for Passover. Got a gorgeous marble chiffon cake covered in chocolate for the bargain basement price of $8.25. SOLD!!! It was more important that it be kosher than it be wheat-free. It was delicious, too.

Got home with my goodies, climbed in bed and tossed and turned for a while, then woke up at 2:30 pm after only 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Worse, I could NOT get back to sleep. My adrenals are shot and every time the air conditioner went into a different cycle I would jump, which made both cats (also on the bed) jump. I gave up around 4pm and started dressing for the seder dinner. Mike arrived, and we headed out towards Anne's grandmother's place.

Dinner itself was comedic - Anne's parents always bicker and banter (they've been divorced for about 30 years) and it's hilarious to watch them in action - a sitcom based on these two would be great entertainment. There are always lots of zingers flying across the table, and tonight was no exception. The added influence of Mike there was interesting, too, and he even took his fair share of zingers from Anne's father. It was fun.

Food-wise, not so great, though. Matzo ball soup, the chiffon cake, macaroons, Passover cookies, matzos, etc. I've got heartburn and am sucking down seltzer water like crazy right now. I ate SO much food, too. Gefilte fish, charoses (not sure if I am spelling that right), chicken, carrots, asparagus, krugel (? totally not sure of the spelling of that - potato dish), wine, strawberries. It was all yummy, and I'm also glad I didn't take any leftovers home with me - although I know Anne did, and I'm sure she would share if I wanted her to. Instead, I brought leftover turkey, shrimp, and greens for lunch, and I have pumpkin seeds and walnuts for snacks. I've got to get rid of this heartburn as quickly as possible, so I've already taken my Deflect and other supplements, and will continue to take them.

I'm supposed to work out with the trainer for the infomercial tomorrow at 3pm - I'm so tired right now, though, that I think that I will cancel for tomorrow and then go to the gym tomorrow evening instead. I just can't go another day without enough sleep. I'm pushing the envelope enough as it is. I did sleep another hour or so after I got home from the seder dinner, but it just isn't enough.

Okay. I'm exhausted, and I don't know when I next won't feel this way. I had an acting related meeting at 1 today, which mean that I slept about 2 1/2 hours, went to the meeting, and then tried to sleep again afterwards. I couldn't sleep this afternoon, so finally got up, showered, did a few things around the apartment, and headed out to spin class.

The meeting today was very revealing - we talked about all the time we spend doing things that we need to do for our life outside of acting - 8 hours a day for sleep (I wish!), 45 hours a week for my job, time spent on household chores, personal care, cooking, errands, etc. By the time we were done, I completely understood WHY things don't get done around my apartment if I'm doing anything related to acting. I have only about FIVE hours a week available to devote to acting outside of class, and one audition in Orange County can take up most of that, various acting meetings and administrative things like record-keeping for tax purposes probably take up on average 3 hours a week, so I *might* really have ONE hour a week to pursue my goals. Something's gotta give! So over the next few days I will be re-examining how I am spending my time and coming up with a REGULAR SCHEDULE for pursuing acting. No one who is succeeding in this industry is spending only a few hours a week doing so, and I need to treat this like my REAL job. So I want to have at least 20 hours a week to devote to acting on a consistent basis. I'm serious about acting, but hadn't realized how little time I'd really been able to devote to it. This explains why my apartment is currently a disaster zone and why I haven't done laundry in nearly two weeks. I am considering not even babysitting anymore because even though it does bring in some extra money (always helpful), it takes up a fair amount of time. I haven't completely decided about babysitting, though, because I DO sit for some fairly major players in the industry, which can be helpful in the long-run, and it IS all about building relationships in this town.... Have to consider this one carefully.

What's more, I may (GASP!) actually take myself out of the dating scene for a while.... on the other hand, I do NEED downtime, too, so perhaps I can work something out to include it, too. Whatever I end up including in my schedule, I have GOT to get VERY focused and organized so that I can get done as much as possible in the least amount of time possible. The speaker even recommended focusing on ONE aspect of acting - instead of going after film, TV, commercials, and plays, just focus on ONE thing. That spoke volumes to me, and I think for now I will be focusing on commercials - I have an MBA in consumer products marketing - I LOVE commercials! - and I know my 'brand' very well and can sell it with no problems. So I'll be coming up with a marketing plan to get me out of this job and into commercials as soon as possible. Once I've got something coming in from commercials, THEN I can work on getting film and TV work. But I need to free up some time to pursue that, which commercial work will help me do.

The past few days I've felt kind of yucky, probably due to the wheat and dairy double whammy over the weekend. In spin class tonight I thought I was either going to pass out or throw up, but I couldn't decide which one it was going to be. It seemed to take a LOT more effort to get through class tonight than it did last week, but I kept pushing myself figuring that the more I sweated the more toxins I was getting out of my system. And I was sweating buckets! After class the trainer was going to lead the group in some ab work, and if I had been able to sleep, I would have stayed. Combine that with feeling like crap and there was no way I was staying. Fortunately, the trainer understood, and even complimented me on how hard I was working in spin class. I told him that it was sheer force of will that kept me going, and that I had only slept two and a half hours this morning. He told me to go get some rest, and I'll be back in class on Wednesday.

So I went home, showered again (mostly just a cool rinse-off) and climbed into my bed. Set the alarm for 11:30 pm, and was out almost instantly. Anne called me around 9:30 - I'd forgotten to unplug the phone again, but I went back to sleep instantly. And I did NOT want to get up when my alarm went off, but here I am at my desk, marginally functional. All I did when I got up was dress, grab my lunch, and head out the door. Didn't even bother with make-up - didn't want to spend the three minutes or so taking the time to put any on! Those few minutes of sleep can make a difference! When I got here my boss said I looked really tired - she's never seen me with NO make-up on, so I told her that's why I look tired - that and the split sleep situation.

In terms of my diet, I am doing well today - I had a pineapple juice smoothie during my acting meeting today, and then for breakfast tonight I had another smoothie. I've got diced turkey breast tossed with salad and a great garlic and herb dressing that I got at Trader Joe's. Pumpkin seeds and celery and almond butter for snacks. Lots of Gerolsteiner and water to try to calm down my heartburn (after-effects of wheat and dairy!) and to flush out toxins.

Tuesday will be another busy day. I go to my tax guy in the morning to do an amendment for my 2000 taxes, and I should be getting a fair amount of $$ back. Then I dash to the grocery store to pick up a kosher dessert that is also wheat-free (if such an animal exists). Go home, sleep until about 4:45 pm, and then Mike and I head over to Anne's grandmother's place for Passover dinner. Should be a fun evening, but I'll be lucky if I get 6 hours sleep. Ugh. Once I get home after dinner, I may try to do a Pilates or yoga video - I miss doing them - it's been about a week!

I had planned to get quite a bit of stuff done over the weekend, and while I did do several things on my list, I didn't get even half of what I'd planned accomplished. Friday I went and worked out for the infomercial thing, went grocery shopping, and made some of the phone calls that I needed to make. I crashed about 4pm, and then went down to Anne's for dinner and to watch "Joan of Arcadia". Exciting Friday night for two single women, eh? Did get a phone call from the new guy I met at Starbucks last week. We now have plans for dinner this coming Friday evening.

Was in bed again by 11pm, and woke up at 4am Saturday. Managed to sleep some more and finally got up around 8:30, which was pretty good. Then I ran some errands, went to get my hair cut, and went to Blockbuster and rented a few movies. I watched "The Big Blue", which I'd seen years ago when it first came out, but couldn't recall the details, and wanted to see again. It was weirder than I remembered, but still intriguing. After that, I took a nap, and then met up with Mike to watch SNL. We hadn't even talked much this week because we've both been so busy, so it was good to catch up a bit and spend some time together. Donald Trump hosted SNL, and it was pretty funny. I never used to like the show, but it appealled to me more this time, perhaps because now that I've done some improv I can appreciate how difficult it really is to perform live without a lot of rehearsal time!

Sunday was a really nice day. I slept late, and then Mike called and asked me to brunch. I was so hungry that I ate the entire omelette - it was a BIG omelette, too! We had a nice brunch, and then I headed home to clean my apartment. Except that Anne had called while I was out, and she wanted to go do something, so we went and ran some errands together, and grabbed some dinner while we were out. We shared some caesar salad, french fries, and tuna salad sandwich. Then we went to the music store because she wanted a Def Leppard CD from the 80s. I had no idea she even liked their music, and I can't really say that *I* like their music, but okay. I've been wanting to fill in some gaps in MY music collection, because as much as I like some performers, somehow I had never bought any of their CDs - how I managed to live this long without any Beatles or Elvis in my collection, I'll never know! (And I know at least one BTD follower who is appalled by what she just read!) I bought a Beatles CD a couple of weeks ago, so that had been taken care of, and today I found the Elvis CD I wanted, as well as a THREE CD set of Tom Jones for the bargain basement price of $14.99. So I have filled in a few gaps in my collection now, and now all I need to find is a good CD of Elton John's greatest hits. Again, how did I live this long without an Elton John CD? I dunno.....

I did absolutely no working out this weekend, and actually kind of ate like crap today. It always seems to happen right BEFORE I realize that I am PMSing, and sure enough, I ate that date nut bread with cream cheese on it, enjoyed every bite, and THEN came to my senses and realized that it was about THAT time. And THEN I realized that I blew my goal of not touching wheat until my birthday. Phooey. I'm back on track, though.

I do know that I will eat wheat Tuesday night. It's Passover, and I'm joining Anne's family for dinner that evening. Her 91 year old grandmother is cooking, and I will offend her if I don't eat everything that is served to me. Plus, she's a good cook, and it's a religious holiday, so I'm eating whatever we're served (except beef -- never touch the stuff). I will be moderate, though, and I will take Deflect (which I did today, too) and otherwise I will be a good little doobie until my birthday. I always feel like holidays should be holidays from the strictness of my diet, too. It's just no fun to work this hard at the BTD and not be able to have a little break from time to time.

The rest of this week it will be a challenge to get enough rest. I've got something going on every day except Wednesday, and I've already turned down other activities so that I can sleep. I have to - if I don't sleep enough, I'll get sick, and I can't afford to be sick!

For lunch today I've got turkey breast and salad, and pumpkin seeds for snacks. I'm easing my way into low carbing for a couple weeks - the carbs have gotten out of control again, and I am bound and determined to lose this weight before my birthday. It's time to stop messing around!

My life seems to revolve around getting enough sleep, and getting to work on time. I went to work last night after dinner with my uncle and the others, went home this morning, slept until right before my acting class, went to class (which was really good, BTW), and came straight to work. I haven't had time to prepare any food for lunch, so I grabbed some chicken and salad from the grocery store, as well as some already prepared smoothies to get me through the night.

Friday will be spent cleaning my apartment, preparing food for the weekend, and exercising like a madwoman since it didn't happen today. I've also got to make some phone calls tomorrow that I've been putting off all week! And submit to a few acting jobs that I would be great in, among other things. I don't get to do any 'administrative' stuff during the week because I end up sleeping and cooking or working out all week.

It's getting frustrating! I hope that as I continue to work out really hard that my energy level will increase and I won't need to sleep quite as much, either. I can dream, can't I?

I didn't have any avoids today, but I can't say it was the ideal BTD day, either. Woke up and had two pieces of Ezekial toast for breakfast, one with blueberry jam on it, the other with almond butter on it. Trail mix for a snack during class, and some of the chicken breast from the grocery store right before I started work tonight.

As promised, dinner tonight WAS utterly lavish and decadent, and I have a ton of sushi in the fridge here at work as a result. I even drank alcohol, which is rare for me! Had two cosmopolitans, and the first one was just the perfect combination of cranberry juice and alcohol. The second was also good, but not perfect like the first. There were five of us at the table: my uncle, his friend/broker (J.), another man who is both my uncle's friend and the broker's colleague (B.), and another woman who is friends with B. (C.). We had a marvelous time, and all of us ate WAAAAAAAY too much. And they had flourless chocolate cake on the menu, so we ordered it for dessert, and it was out of this world. I'm sure it had dairy in it, but with an evening like tonight, I wasn't going to worry about that!

I'm now back on track with the diet/fitness regime, and will probably work out every day for the next several days to get back on track AND be in good shape for the next splurge for Passover.

I slept from 10am to 5pm today, and then left my place by 6pm, drove an hour south to meet my uncle and the gang, brough him back this way after dinner, and then took him back to the hotel, which was 20 miles west of here, and then had to come back the same 20 miles and go 5 miles north to get to work. I covered over 100 miles getting to and from dinner, at least 40 of which was just running my uncle back to the hotel. Made it to work with 10 minutes to spare.

Between the sushi, the alcohol, and the dessert, I am incredibly thirsty tonight, and I'm sucking down the water like crazy to help flush this stuff out of my system. Will also be taking deflect and lots of other supplements to deal with what I put into my body tonight. It was worth it, though!

Besides, it could be worse - I could be eating Twinkies and Ding Dongs all the time, right? : )