Archives for: March 2004, 08
There's nothing like dating a couple of B's to highlight the BTD and what it can do, not to mention the inherent personality differences that are bound to come up with seeing two different men regardless of the BTD. More on that later.
I did make it home in one piece on Friday morning, and within ten minutes of opening my door, I was face down and out cold on my warm little bed. I did manage to set my alarm before I crashed so that I would be able to sleep Friday night, and that worked beautifully. I slept until 3pm, got up and watched Oprah and Dr. Phil (we all have out guilty pleasures!), ate something, and just tried to relax. About 7:30 I went over to Mike's to watch the Oscars - I'd fallen asleep during it last week, but had already figured that would be the case and had the presence of mind to tape it, which worked out well since Mike hadn't seen it either because he had company in town and was busy entertaining. So he ordered Chinese for us and we watched the Oscars. About midnight I went home and crashed so that I could get up and get ready for my date with Brad Saturday morning.
7:15 am Saturday, my phone rang, and it was my best friend Anne calling to wish me a happy birthday. Only one problem with that.... my birthday isn't for another two months. Apparently she'd entered it into her Palm Pilot incorrectly and didn't think about the time of year. So here she is singing me happy birthday and I told her she must be calling the wrong person bc it wasn't my birthday. She actually contradicted me and told me that it WAS my birthday, and I said no, it's MAY, not MARCH! We laughed hysterically, and I'm still laughing about it. Tonight we had dinner and watched TV and she gave me my 'un-birthday' present, a lovely lavender candle from France that smells divine. Too funny!
After my 'birthday' phone call I snoozed for a little bit longer, and finally got up about 8:20 to get ready for my date. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck from having eaten the Chinese food Friday night (why do I do this to myself?) and was very bloated and tired. I had to feed Anne's cats because she was housesitting all weekend, so I needed a little extra time to take care of that in addition to the usual dressing and getting out the door.
I hit the road to meet Brad and realized that with the traffic I would be a little late, so I called him to let him know that, and made my way there. We then took his vehicle to a hiking trail nearby and hiked in a beautiful, beautiful area for THREE hours. (I am SO sore today!) We had a wonderful time, and I was pleasantly exhausted by the end of the hike. He'd told me he'd make me lunch after our hike (he is a chef, after all!), so we went back to his condo and he started chopping and searing and sautéeing and all kinds of wonderful stuff. As interested as I was in watching the entire process and learning as much as I could, as well as enjoying the lovely conversation and great company, I was just plum tuckered out. Brad encouraged me to sit in his massage chair, and at first I resisted a bit because I knew that if I sat down in it I would fall asleep, and I didn't want to offend him by falling asleep on our date! He ended up walking me to the chair and guiding me to sit, and turned it on for me. Bliss. Sheer bliss. By the time the chair timed out its cycle, I was plenty relaxed, and I moved to the couch to wait for lunch. Next thing I knew, Brad was gently pulling on my toe to wake me up. I guess I was tired! And my falling asleep around him on only the second date does tell me that I'm quite comfortable around him, which is really cool - and he seemed to completely understand my fatigue, for which I was grateful. Combine working nights with a three hour hike and Chinese food the night before and I can fall asleep in a heartbeat.
I dragged my sleepy self to the table for what smelled and looked like an incredible lunch. Curried lamb with carrots, celery, eggplant, mushrooms, onions, garlic, etc. It was an *explosion* of flavor - not spicy hot, but packed with flavor. Incredible stuff AND it was BTD compliant, and very different from anything I've ever made. I had two big servings, and enjoyed every bite of it. As he was putting the leftovers away he told me I would have to come over again if I wanted more of it! No problem! I'd be happy to! I told him he could cook for me any time!
We had an eight hour date, which included probably 30 minutes of me sleeping on the couch, and by 6pm I had to leave. Hated to go since we were having such a great time, but I had plans to go to a really cool restaurant/club with Mike for the evening, and I didn't want to cancel. Besides, Brad and I will be spending more time together next weekend.
I practically flew home, and was running late, so I was glad to hear that Mike had left me a message telling me that he was running late. We met up about 7:20 and headed to Burbank to a restaurant that I know of called Mo's. I had eaten only 3 hours before, so I got a gorgonzola/pecan salad (cheese, I know, but it was about the best option available!) and Mike got a burger of some sort. Then we headed to the club and joined his friends for dessert and to hear this singer friend of theirs (who was excellent, BTW). Spent about 3 hours with them, and the group of people was awesome! I made some new contacts and hope that a couple of them will turn into friends. It was a cool group of people!
Mike and I were both exhausted, though, and we left about midnight. I was in my bed by 12:30, and watched "What Not to Wear", which I had taped from Friday night. I knew that I needed to stay up as long as possible so I can be awake tonight. I only lasted until about 1:30am, but then I did sleep until 11:30 this morning, which was good.
Today was a lazy day - I didn't have anything scheduled until dinner with Anne, so I puttered around, went grocery shopping, and tried to get a handle on the disaster zone also known as my apartment. I did make some progress on the apartment, but I have a ways to go, too. I made dinner for Anne and me - a vegetable mix that she bought at the local farmer's market, artichokes, and a couple of lamb chops with garlic salt on them. Yummy stuff, and she loved it. We had a good time watching TV and catching up.
Now. The study in contrasts. Wow, these men are different!
Mike is very intense and definitely has a type A personality, is extremely detail-oriented. He is very focused on whatever he is doing at that moment, which can be wonderful IF he's focused on me, and difficult in terms of communication if he's focused on something else. And if he is focused on something, he can be easily distracted. I think he's an 'out of balance' B. He needs a TON of information before he is willing to make a simple decision. He also is VERY safety conscious (which can be good, but can be annoying when he's telling me to be careful for the 100th time - have a little faith, man, that I've made it to nearly 36 without getting myself killed yet, even if there have been some close calls). He's very skeptical and doesn't trust much of anything - people, information, himself. I'm learning that he is a perfectionist in all things - he parked his car no less than three times Saturday night trying to get it 'right'. As if it really matters! He also seems to have a lot of drama in his life, which is weird to me. Everything he does has some kind of problems associated with it - he ordered a desk and it had some damage on the top, so he ordered a replacement piece, which arrived damaged, and required even more follow-up. Someone Saturday night asked me what book would most describe Mike, and I thought it telling that the book that came to mind was "War and Peace" - both because he seems to have a great deal of inner conflict, and because he is complicated and can be long-winded. Interesting reasons, eh? He is also a gentleman, utterly charming, smart as a whip, has a great sense of humor, and we have a lot in common in terms of pre-acting lives and current career goals.
I will admit up front that I don't know Brad nearly as well yet, but so far his life seems to have much more 'flow' to it. Our time together passes very easily, and the only drama has been me falling on the hiking trail (fortunately no biggie). He's had the odd comment about an issue at work, but has always commented on it with a sense of amusement, too. He seems much more balanced, and much more relaxed about things. When I thought about what book might describe him, I thought of "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance", which I haven't ever read, but have heard a lot about over the years. Brad seems to be more in the moment and more able to enjoy the moment for whatever it may be.
I get much more of a sense of calm from Brad. He's fully present, and not easily distracted. He is also charming and bright and funny and we seem to have a lot in common....
As for me, I am like both of these guys in ways. I don't have much drama in my life, though it does rear its ugly head from time to time. I am very focused and driven regarding my acting career, and intend to continue to spend lots of time making that happen. But outside of the career goals, I tend to be pretty laid-back and flexible. I do yoga, I try to meditate regularly, I read books about spirituality, and try to learn and grow constantly. All in all, I think I'm pretty balanced and have a good perspective on what should be the priorities in my life.
Assuming that we each create our own reality, Mike has created some interesting things lately, and has yet to accept responsibilty for one thing that happened - he's playing the shame, guilt, and blame game, and I find it very interesting. He has made his current reality a bit difficult for himself in numerous ways, and I'm even taking into account that he did just move to LA to become a full-time actor, which was a huge adjustment for me, too, so I know what he's going through with THAT. Brad's life is certainly more settled, but even taking Mike's recent move out of the picture, Brad's reality is much more .... alive, for lack of a better word....
So. I don't know what the future may hold, but I am enjoying getting to know both of these men, and I am looking forward to spending more time with each of them.