Archives for: February 2004, 18
I slept for 9 and a half hours yesterday, from 10 am until the phone rang at 7:30 pm. Very nice. I'm definitely feeling the effects of my cycle, though, as I'm still really tired. Mike called to let me know what the plan was for me to take him to the airport in the morning and to nail down some other details regarding his trip. Then Anne called, upset about her mother. Mom's been really depressed lately and is making comments about possibly not being around when Anne has children, etc. This IS her fourth bout with cancer, and she's extremely tired from the radiation treatments, but that kind of thinking will not help her deal with the cancer. Anne is frazzled, doesn't have the time or energy to help her mom out much, and is struggling just to deal with this herself. And it doesn't help that their relationship is codependent enough that Anne's mom expects Anne to do way too much under the guise of "You would if you loved me", which then makes Anne feel guilty and give in, even if she sacrifices her own needs to do so. Anne's mom doesn't have a very good sense of self-esteem (it's lower than the carpet pad), so she feels the need to be validated by everyone in her life on a nearly constant basis.
So I told Anne that her mom's self-esteem is not her responsibility, and she doesn't HAVE to do anything for her mother, that she needs to take care of herself first, and THEN, if and only if she has the time, energy, and inclination, should she even consider helping her mom do anything. Anne has sacrificed her own health in the past to do stuff for her mom, and she's stretched thin enough right now as it is. She's working two jobs AND doing extra house and pet-sitting and the occasional babysitting job to make ends meet, and she's been getting sick quite a bit lately herself. She doesn't need to risk getting herself sick, nor does she need to spend time with her mom if she is ill and risk getting mom sick while her immune system is down.
I know Anne will do what she feels is right throughout this, and I'll be there to support her AND her mom throughout this as best I can.
I made some eggs and toast for breakfast (at 9pm) and dressed for work. Ran a quick errand at the drugstore - finally got some earplugs, and headed in to the office early so I can leave early to take Mike to the airport.