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1/23/04 9:06 PM
OK, OK, It’s not working. It’s just not working. I am not able to get through a day on a completely low GL diet with no sugar or starches. I am just not getting through it, and trying to do it is leading to eating binges and wrong choices. I know when it is time to stop fighting with myself.
There is an interesting poem by one of my favorites, William Butler Yeats. It is called,
”The Four Ages Of Man”:
He with body waged a fight
But body won: it walks upright.
Then he struggled with the heart;
Innocence and peace depart.
The he struggled with the mind;
His proud heart he left behind.
Now his wars on God begin;
At the stroke of midnight, God shall win.
I love the first line, “He with body waged a fight…” I understand the where that line goes, but it seems that I am still struggling with all of my parts, each and every day.
I realized that I have to find starches that I can add back in, or I will be at war with my body. I don’t do well when I am fighting with my body all of the time. I added a couple of pieced of Ezekiel bread in today and I feel much, much better. I will start experimenting with the allowed starches, and see which ones work and which ones don’t. I am going to limit it to what Dr. D’Adamo recommends. I need to refer back to the recommendations, and I will start there.
Anyway, I’m not going bore anyone, myself, with a laundry list of each day’s meals. I am more interested in the process of getting to the healthiest place possible.
I have noticed myself starting to fall back into my old patterns of “acceptance” in the past 24 hours. I can accept myself at this weight. I can be happy. I may never be the thin person that I dream for myself, but that is OK, after all, I am thinner now than I was going into the holidays, etc. These are my arsenals of cop-outs. This is how I justify sliding and how I justify not doing what is best for myself.
I’m not doing that again.
I will keep on figuring it all out. I turn 42 in August, and my goal is to be down to my desired weight by that time. That is 7 months from now, and that means 9 pounds off per month from today on. That is, basically, 2 pounds per week. I can do this, but I must find the focus and I must stop battling wits with my body.
I refuse to give up. Not now. No way.
PS - This is an added note (added after the above post):
One thing that I am realizing in my business life and (duh), in my personal life, is that I don’t have a plan. I am a person without a plan. This is causing my some difficulty in my business, and I now realize that I need a plan for my food, too.
I am going to spend the weekend, coordinating a plan and strategy for my eating and then I am going to stick to it. I am going to plan on 1800 calories each day, and I am going to plan the food that goes into my mouth. I am then going to stick to the plan.
I was watching Dr. Phil the other day, and something that he said stuck in my brain. He said something to the effect of: “…there have been many times in my life when I wasn’t the smartest guy in the room – not even close – but I was the only guy in the room with a plan – I was the “man with the plan” – and that gave me all of the advantage.
I am a giant fan of Stephen King’s, The Dark Tower series. I remember reading about the main character’s ability to “plan loose” because planning loose gives you the advantage of changing your plan mid-stream to accommodate things unforeseen. However, in this case, that is too much freedom. I know the places that I eat, at home and out, and I must, and will plan.
I’ll keep you updated!