Hi everyone. Just wanted to check in and let you know I'm doing fine. I didn't have much appetite for a couple days but I made up for it today...for sure! Huge breakfast of breakfast burritos made with amaranth pancakes, eggs, nutritional yeast and salsa...oops, forgot the avocado! Anyway, I ate aplenty today.

I'm finally off the milk kick, as of a couple days before the fridge finally ran out of the good tasting stuff. To add to the list of what milk does to me, it also gives me acne and a bit of joint pain. The good news is, I _will_ make it through this pregnancy without one milkshake. Not that I haven't done the equivalent, but I drank way too many milkshakes my first pregnancy, now I've learned a good share of my pregnancy symptoms were actually caused by the milk.

I can now feel the baby move, and be sure of it. I've felt movements for a few weeks but was never completely sure. The baby is squirming around as I type, so far not the champion kickboxer my first was, I'm sure I'll be glad of that in a few months.

A couple nights ago my son gave me a real catecholamine spike when he defiantly stuffed some pennies in his mouth. I reached him in a split second but they had already slid to the back of his throat and he was starting to cough when I reached in and pulled them out. I was calm about it, until afterward, and I had a really hard time getting over it. No harm done, and he didn't complain about the ordeal, but it was too close for comfort. He can't see or touch another coin until he's five years old!!

I can now say I've lost my youthful "nothing bad ever happens to me" attitude. Over the last year I've seen too many examples of how quickly people can be taken away from you. I think I'm making peace with it, as best anyone can. I don't like the vulnerability, but I think it does help me better enjoy and appreciate what I have in this moment.

Thanks everyone who has expressed concern about my brother. So far there's been no diagnosis or improvement in his total retrograde amnesia. He still has his genius IQ and quick wit, but everyone is a complete stranger to him. Nobody knows what we can do, all I could think of was to bring him some gluten-free brownies yesterday, since the hospital selection of gluten-free food is atrocious. He liked the brownies.

Then we went to Biaggi's with my parents, and they got some take out dinner for him and his wife. That's a great Italian restaurant with a Gluten Free menu. It was a nice break in the day, and so refreshing to be able to order pasta and other food without worrying about getting sick from it.

Today is hard because I've gotten past my wonder and curiousity about it...it's not something you'd expect to happen to anybody you know. Now I'm just very sad and worried about it. It's been 4 days now with no real progress.

He and I weren't really close, for no real reason, there just was a lot of space there, a big difference in age and chaos tolerance, I guess you could say. He's more outgoing and has more chaos tolerance than I do, my life is pretty calm and boring compared to his. He has more pets, more kids, more work, more hobbies, more stuff, etc. Now he doesn't remember any of it, and I'm afraid it may all be quite overwhelming for him for a while.

On the other hand, I've always felt a kinship and familiarity with him. Of all my 5 siblings, he's the one I look most like (other than hair color and the usual gender differences). He and I both look a lot like my maternal grandmother, who I never knew but have always missed. He and I are so far the only gluten-free siblings, and he's a great cook, so I've been looking forward to the next family holiday with him. He's been a great and fun big brother, when we were young he was always the one to try to get his little sisters to eat bugs, and take pictures of them when their diapers sag or they have runny noses.

He has always been a very integral part of every aspect of his family life, involved in everyone and everything, so this is one of the hardest things that could ever happen to them as a family.

So, we're just hoping for a diagnosis and praying for a breakthrough. Hopefully I'll have some good news to report soon.

Oops, I did it again. I've got to just get rid of the milk from the fridge. My husband has agreed to go back to soymilk, so maybe I'll give the rest of the milk away. I was practically sweating bullets each time I walked by the fridge today, then eventually I gave in. It doesn't taste that good, but I would conclude that it is technically addictive to me. More lessons learned though...my ears hurt and my eyes feel dry and gummy, as used to be their tendency.

It's been a stressful day as my brother is very ill with mysterious retrograde amnesia. It's a cruel irony that the times when I'm stressed I handle avoids the poorest, but those are the days I crave them. I just hope the doctors can give him an accurate and helpful diagnosis.

Time to regain my monk-like attitude about food. If I don't expect anything more from food than health, fuel and nourishment, then I make good choices. When I want food to give me comfort or some sort of entitlement reward then I make choices that take all those things away from me.

I'm still appalled at how much milk I drank a few days ago, but I've kicked the habit, and feel much better. My rings slide on and off again, I'm breathing better though still getting rid of some phlegm (one Neti coming up), and my heartburn and leg cramps are gone again. Wow, to think how many of the symptoms I had during my first pregnancy were due to my past milk habit.

That's it for now...naptime!

First off, the good news. My heart palpitations are now pretty much gone. I can even handle a little maple syrup now without setting them off. I'm starting to wonder if cutting out the corn derivatives was the real key.

Then there's a new question...am I allergic to corn or am I allergic to sulfites? All corn derivatives, from corn starch on down, start with corn in a sulfite hot water bath. As I'm more sensitive to the derivatives than the whole corn (If I'm sensitive to that or not, I don't know)...perhaps it's really a sulfite allergy. All I dare do now during pregnancy is avoid both. I'll have to watch the grapes, I'm not a wine drinker so I don't really get a lot of exposure to sulfites except in processed foods.

So, what do I do to celebrate my lack of palpitations? I totally cheat. Not good, but I had a couple glasses of yummy organic milk yesterday. Of course, I paid the price with an intense but fleeting itch in the back of my throat, then the interesting reactions began. I suddenly started to feel totally pregnant, from stuffy constricted nose (almost had to use a breath-right last night), to heartburn, to leg cramps, to swollen fingers this morning. I hope that's all from the milk, not some coincidental turning point in my pregnancy, because I can avoid the milk...I hope! I had forgotten before I tried a small cup of it that milk can be somewhat addictive, like gluten, casein, if not digested properly, can cause opiates in the blood...according to a study on children with ADD I think it was. Mostly though, it just tasted good. Ah, no more.

Now is when I complain...I've been looking for a cheat I can get away with. I have to be so strict about so many parts of my diet that sometimes I need to let loose. Well, I'm not sure I've found such a cheat yet. So far, there are always consequences. I'll just continue my search for really tasty beneficials and neutrals.