Today I lit a fire inside myself. It all started with reading a blog of a local health guru about BTD. It was all the usual criticisms about BTD. For some reason, this time those criticisms made me mad. For other reasons I was just plain fed up and mad at myself because sure I can defend it online, but currently I can't stand up in person and say "this diet works, just look at me". Sure I'm pretty healthy, way healthier than I was in my 20s when I found BTD and changed my life by following it... back when I left behind my healthy granola with a side of S.A.D. diet. But that is not what the first impression would be for somebody looking at me. I know how to lose weight with BTD, I know how to follow it, I have lost 40 pounds on two occasions with it (followed by two healthy pregnancies). But I haven't lost the weight from my second pregnancy, I've actually gained. So, I could stand up and say, "look at me, I haven't been following the BTD and look at the results of not following it"... for some reason that isn't too helpful. I've been gluten free, of course, but taking out gluten is not the only reason that BTD works.

That's the truth, the cold hard truth. My excuses have won: it's hard to cook and eat healthy meals when my children outnumber me, my body doesn't react negatively to the wrong foods like it did in the early days, we've had a period of a very very limited food budget and numerous financial stresses, (while I do think it is possible to eat healthy on a tiny budget, I do know it's not easy). I'm a stress eater who has been stressed to the max.

That's all over now though, the stresses that were out of my control are not gone. The children are older. We can afford to buy free range and organic whole foods. We had to move in with relatives, but will be moving back out on our own. In general, things are looking up in every way. While my kids are still higher maintenance than many kids, things are looking up. We all have appointments with occupational therapists for sensory integration problems that have plagued all of us for our whole lives (and play a big part in my stress eating), and I am hopeful it will make everything more manageable.

The best thing that happened to me today though was that I got miffed about that blog. Then I got fed up with my excuses and anxious to get to the point where I can convincingly help people who need the BTD to find and follow it . I weigh more than I ever have, but in one year I will have some awesome before and after pictures and an inspiring story to tell so that I can start helping others again.

I went through the fridge and threw out all the unhealthy foods that I was eating, and cordoned off the ones that other people in the house eat so that I won't even have to look at them. I put no feta cheese in my spinach and eggs this morning, I put no agave or anything in my green tea. No more sugar, very limited agave or honey, no more dairy of any kind, no refined carbs... more veggies, fruit, clean meats, and a few whole grains like quinoa and brown rice (about 1/2 cup per day). Snacks will include fresh veggies, nuts, cocoa beans, unsweetened dried fruit.

Time to get serious. In one year you can expect before and after pictures. June 13, 2013, it's in my calendar, come what may, the truth will continue to be told. I am stronger than my excuses.

Here's my new T-Shirt: Determination, the snack of champions.