Archives for: February 2006, 28
One thing I learned in college with Family Science studies was just a passing factoid that I remembered just because it didn't quite feel right to me. That was that when a woman is depressed, the first thing to look at is her husband. This is quite a popular notion as part of pop psychology. It didn't feel right to me because I've had trouble with depression since youth, relating mostly to seasonal affective disorder. Yet, my husband is and always has been a great romantic guy who does all those things a husband is supposed to do to make his wife happy. He'd try harder when I felt worse, and we were both victim of my sun and moon. So, I knew that in my case, that pop psychology notion didn't hold water. It's still a popular, and I'd say harmful, notion. It's one of many ways that men get slighted in the modern world. They are held to their traditional role and responsibility of providing for the family, but also to be solely responsible for the wife's happiness, with nobody being responsible for any of the husband's needs. This whole idea doesn't make anybody happy, not even the woman.
Just doing a little bit extra to return to traditional roles and responsibilities in my own home has made 10 times the difference. Not only am I happier, with or without avoids or supplements, but we're all happier with no burdens on anybody's shoulders. We're all being taken care of better, bonding more, and having no more negative feelings. My son is more disciplined and happier, the house seems cleaner and clutter-free even though it's not quite, it's just nice. Our parents, with their funny little habits and daily priorities, (like grandma dressing up and fixing her hair even if she was staying home all day), were not as silly as I once thought.
Now to apply this to diet...
I've always made it a priority to avoid eating out or processed foods, but until my attitude shifted, it was hard. Now it is easy, even fun, to plan and prepare healthy meals. My husband doesn't feel like I cook just for my own diet, or my son's, because I cook with everyone's health and tastes in mind. Another stalk of celery will not make it's way into my house, because he hates celery. Hey, if I can cut out gluten, I can certainly cut out celery.
For a family event we have coming up, I'm in the position to help plan the food, which is unusual and I thought it would be a good opportunity to take control. I started out wanting everything to be gluten-free, without even my MIL's famous rolls. Then I thought about it, and my husband never gets fresh-baked bread, and he'd be disappointed to miss that opporunity, as would most everyone else. It poses no threat to my son because he's never tried to eat one or cared one way or the other, and I'm beyond temptation. So I decided it's not about me being in control, it's about everyone having a joyful gathering. Besides, if I'm not a tyrant about it then maybe people will be more likely to consult me on the menus in the future, so it could pay off. Funny that it was such an issue for me, and my one desire was that, for once, I could go to a family event and be able to eat everything there. Nah, that's what home is for, as it is gluten-free for the most part. Now, I'd never mix and roll them out in my home, or even allow them in my home with such a large crowd, but this event won't be at my home. I don't feel like I'm giving in, I'm just being reasonable, and I feel more at peace about deciding it this way. I am not A Celiac, by identity, I am a person with celiac disease. It is not an insult to me that others eat gluten. As long as I don't get it in my system, and my son doesn't, then I'm ok with it.
Ahhh, it feels good to let myself and others breath.