Archives for: February 2006, 25
I have a great marriage. That doesn't mean anybody under my roof is perfect, but we're happy and growing happier as we grow together. I don't write about personal stuff much, but right now I feel like I have to stand up for marriages and family now that I understand a few of the problem ones I know of a bit better. Tolstoy opened "Anna Karenina" with a quote much like this (I'm not sure I have it exact): Happy families are all alike, unhappy families are all unhappy in different ways.
I've always loved that quote, and the book, particularly the simple couple in the background of it who represents the happy family. However, modern times require a bit more understanding of the different ways a family can become unhappy.
I almost majored in Family Science at BYU, and it ended up being my minor. I figured once that this meant I knew a lot about marriage. I've been married for almost 12 years, that should impart some wisdom too. However, when my husband joked that I'd never read Dr. Laura's book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" I knew that maybe I needed to. I listen to her show and she's always right about what she tell her callers, so I finally took the plunge and got the book. I've never read her books before...I don't think I've done any of the 10 Stupid Things, I had a happy childhood, intact family, etc., so I just didn't feel the need. I'm glad I picked up this book though.
The thing is, I'm not a domestic goddess. I'm no fly lady, and I'm nowhere near as neat and organized as my husband's mother. I was starting to think I would have to be, that that was what my husband was hinting at. I thought reading the book would give me a hundred more things to worry about getting done. That wasn't the case at all. It's reminded me that the more important things are the things I can do in just a few minutes. Whether the files get organized this decade or the next means nothing if I'm too busy filing to welcome him home from work, or notice and thank him for something nice he's done.
Funny, even with a conservative background and making a point of being "traditional", simple and kind, the modern feminist philosophies were still soaking in. I'm glad to start getting them rinsed out sonner than later.
All married women should read this book, no matter what their situation. It makes everyone under your roof happier, not just your husband, but you and your children. Any man who is about to get married shouldn't marry a woman who won't read it or take it seriously.
Coming up: The proper care and feeding of Type A husbands