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A couple of administrative notes first: I had said one more day on the events of last week, but I'm going to make it two. If you missed my last two blogs, then today's won't make any sense; first scroll down and read "Terrible Four Days" and "Doctor's orders and hospital food". Finally, I have read my mail from last week, but haven't answered any of it. I will respond soon, but in the meantime, thank you for your encouragement.
I have been open on this website about the fact that I am a Christian. Someone out there is bound to be thinking, "If God is so good and so powerful, why didn't he protect Suzanne from the pain and misery?" I did not ask that question. The Bible is very clear that God is not some cosmic sugar daddy who we can cajole into giving us what we want. God is the creator of the universe, who in spite of the rebelliousness and selfishness of mankind, loved us enough to provide a way for salvation.
I was surprised however to suddenly realize on Saturday that I hadn't prayed the whole time I was in the hospital.
I prayed the day I got the initial bad test result. The answer I got was a strong sense inside that I had to proceed with the colonoscopy, that it might not be easy, but that there was a purpose for it. The morning of my appointment with the specialist, I was reviewing scripture verses I had memorized. Each one seemed to speak a word of comfort (Bless the Lordâ€¦who heals all your diseases; All things work together for good to those who love God; Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows).
But aside from breathing an exhausted "Thank you, Jesus" when the tortuous diagnostic test was over, I don't remember praying in the hospital. I asked my husband to bring me my Bible Study book and a novel. (I wish I had also asked for a toothbrush!). As I read, certain scriptures took on new life (The Word of God is living and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword), but I didn't pray.
Sunday we sang a song in church that made me cry. You can read all the lyrics on this website:
but here are a few of them.
You don't have to worry
And don't you be afraid
Joy comes in the morning
Troubles they don't last always
For there's a friend in Jesus
Who will wipe your tears away
And if your heart is broken
Just lift your hands and say
I know that I can make it
I know that I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in your hands
Suddenly I knew why I hadn't prayed. Long ago I gave my life to Christ. My life was in his hands. I trusted him completely.
I remembered another thing about the hospital. I never felt alone. When my husband left to go home, when my roommate's IV beeped all night, when the doctor seemed to have forgotten me, I knew I was not alone. I didn't need to pray. Jesus was with me.
I don't know why I went through this. I'm not asking that question either. Perhaps I will find out that my experience helped someone else. Perhaps I will never know. But I know now more than ever, that I wouldn't want to be in any one else's hands.
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