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When I think of grief, I think of sorrow, sadness, and regret. I was not consciously grieving in a traditional way, so I was caught off guard by my mood and my physical symptoms.
I can see how someone who has no assurance of a better life after death could be overwhelmed with grief after a parent dies, but I can back up my assurance for my Mom and Dad with many scriptures. I have grieved with friends who have faced the deaths of children and spouses. There is great sorrow, even when there is knowledge that they will meet again in heaven.
However after watching my Mom cope bravely with life for four months paralyzed and unable to speak, there was a lot of relief and solace mixed with the sadness when she passed away. I moved toward settling legal issues and resuming my life. Yet something was missing. It was hard to define. There was a spark, an enthusiasm, that just wasn’t there. I found myself skipping exercise and snacking at night. Healthy snacks, of course, I was smarter than to sink to eating avoids.
Most upsetting, I began to have indigestion – for the first time since starting the BTD 7 years ago.
A series of e-mails with my sister, led us both to realize that we were grieving. I described my mood as mentally active but emotionally lethargic. She said that we had been so focused on Mom, that we had never grieved for Dad. I said that I wasn’t sad, but there was a hole in my life.
Once I realized that I was experiencing grief in an unexpected way, I began to take action. I’m doing a better job of planning my exercise. I’m getting more sleep. I’m listening to less news and more music.
Nutritionally I bought some fresh ginger and juiced it. I also increased my ghee intake. I’m encouraged, just two days on ghee and ginger has almost totally eliminated the feelings of indigestion.
Now that I know I’m grieving, I understand that it will be a process. There won’t be any shortcuts. I am confident that faith will lead me through. And in the meantime, I’m glad that beneficial food will relieve the physical symptoms.
Good to hear that you're giving yourself space to grieve, and taking care of yourself.
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